Should I inititate the 2nd date?

[Happy Lemming]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

@Happy Lemming I'm not into asking relationship history. I am not interested in the details but  I like to know the person has been single since when and how long was their longest relationship. I come across men in their 50s with their longest relationship being 2 years. I don't touch those profiles!

If I was asked, I would lie... I'd tell the woman what she wanted to hear. 

How is she going to know if my last relationship was 5 years long or 5 weeks long??  I can say anything and there is no way for her to verify it.

I've never put anything on social media, so there really isn't any way to check.

[Miss Spider]

10 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

If I was asked, I would lie... I'd tell the woman what she wanted to hear. 

How is she going to know if my last relationship was 5 years long or 5 weeks long??  I can say anything and there is no way for her to verify it.

I've never put anything on social media, so there really isn't any way to check.

Yea who is going to fact check/cross reference that at least at the point where it’s going to matter. Also nothing stopping someone from saying their relationship ended 2 years ago when it really ended 2 days ago if that’s what they want to do. You guys are complete strangers lol 

Edited July 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

26 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

If I was asked, I would lie... I'd tell the woman what she wanted to hear. 

How did you know it's what SHE wanted to hear though?  

Not all women think alike, for example currently I am only wanting casual, so if a man told me all he ever had were serious long term relationships and that he doesn't do casual, I would be hesitant to date him.

Like you he could have been lying mistakenly believing that is what I wanted to hear.

Little did he know, it's exactly what I did NOT want to hear!

Just one example.  

Anyway, it's why or one reason why I don't ask such qualifying questions and don't want them asked of me.

People LIE.

Let's just see how we vibe together, naturally and organically, and take it from there. 

Edited July 16, 2021 by poppyfields

[Alvi]

6 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

@Alvi That is horrific... Do you think any of them were looking for pity??

I've been dating my girlfriend for 9.5 years and we never talk about our ex's.

We never did and to tell you the truth, I can't remember most of them.

About a year after dating my girlfriend, I did find out that her ex-husband was killed in an industrial accident (many years after the divorce).  But other than that, I know very few details of her previous marriage and really don't want to know them.

It's past history, and I prefer to make new memories with her...

I don't know if they are looking for the pity necessarily. More likely some men, and probably women too, can never get over their exes unless they seek some professional help. And even with that it would probably take years till they are fully emotionally ready to date. They are not ready emotionally to date others. I mean, they are so emotionally constipated, that they would never give another woman a chance. Maybe they were so deeply madly in love with their wives that they cannot get over that.  Sure, they talk to other women, go on dates, probably sleep around. But there is probably doesn't feel the same for them. 

It's very unusual that you've guys never discussed your exes, at least I think so.  But I am really glad it's working out  just fine for both of you.

[Happy Lemming]

53 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

How did you know it's what SHE wanted to hear though?  

 

Well, I'm pretty sure the woman I picked up at the bar didn't want to hear I broke up with my girlfriend six hours prior.

Yes, you are correct... but odds are in my favor that most women would want a guy that has been in a stable long term relationship and not some nomad that hopped around "sowing a bunch of wild oats".

And even if she wasn't looking for a guy that hadn't been in a stable relationship, I doubt she is going hold it against me... so I would go with that if asked.

[Gaeta]

If your intentions are to date someone long term I don't think lying is a good idea. The truth will always come out. Some day her sibbling or a friend or colleague will say something in her presence and it will create drama for nothing. 

[Miss Spider]

49 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I don't know if they are looking for the pity necessarily. More likely some men, and probably women too, can never get over their exes unless they seek some professional help. And even with that it would probably take years till they are fully emotionally ready to date. They are not ready emotionally to date others. I mean, they are so emotionally constipated, that they would never give another woman a chance. Maybe they were so deeply madly in love with their wives that they cannot get over that.  Sure, they talk to other women, go on dates, probably sleep around. But there is probably doesn't feel the same for them. 

It's very unusual that you've guys never discussed your exes, at least I think so.  But I am really glad it's working out  just fine for both of you.

I think it can differ for people. For me when I talked about my ex with him I was over him…in fact had broken up with him,  but not over what he did which was stole my dog, tear my reputation to shreds after we broke up etc  ( oh look at me, talking about him again.) But most often it was way I could segue into “I’m not looking for anything too deep at the moment” and a totally acceptable topic of conversation surprisingly.  The dated also used in a way . I think it was a little for pity but also when he talked about his ex and how she “emotionally abused” him. I found out later that he was actually just warning me of his codependency and anyone that leaves him is awful and emotionally abusive lol 

Edited July 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

The ex I dated also used in a way. He talked about his ex and how she “emotionally abused” him. I found out later that he was actually just warning me of his codependency and anyone that leaves him is awful and emotionally abusive lol 

I dated very briefly a man who said same thing about his ex.  I discovered later through some mutual friends that HE was the one who emotionally abused her.

So anytime I hear that from a man, I immediately think he is projecting and that HE is actually the abuser.

It's a huge red flag for me, for different reasons.

 

[poppyfields]

Maybe I should start a separate thread, but I often wonder where the line is drawn between a new person you're dating who wants to be open and share their history about past relationships as a way to grow closer, and an emotional leech whose constant need to bring up ex's is just their way of pulling you in and sucking you dry.

 

[Gaeta]

Back from the date with teacher 🙂

He is a nice man, he looked nice in his pictures but better in person. He's a gym teacher, active, great personality, conversation was flowing naturally, and we talked about all types of things but never about our exs, our previous relationships, dating, nothing of that! He didn't try to touch me, didn't try to kiss me on the lips at the end, we kissed on both cheeks like tradition goes here. He said to text him when I get home. When I got home he had already text me. He's on the younger side though  he's 46. 

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Olivia24 said:

 but was the text something that  made you  feel good? Was this the  best date  in awhile? I think of you as a friend already.

When I left the date I had to go in the next city to pick up my teen and her friends and drive everybody back to their home. When we said our good byes he asked that I text him when I get home. It took a while for me to do all that driving around and I guess he got curious why I was not texting him so he text first asking if I had made it back. We both said we had a great time..we have not said good night yet. 

He's not my best date. Poet man will be hard to beat in terms of a man giving me a best date. But this teacher has the type of personality I like 

You're sweet 🙂

 

[Happy Lemming]

34 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

If your intentions are to date someone long term I don't think lying is a good idea. The truth will always come out. Some day her sibbling or a friend or colleague will say something in her presence and it will create drama for nothing. 

I never really cared if I dated someone long term or not.  If it ended, just go out and find the next one.

If the woman I was dating caught me in a lie and wanted to dump me for it, so be it...   Plenty of fish in the sea.

[Miss Spider]

26 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I dated very briefly a man who said same thing about his ex.  I discovered later through some mutual friends that HE was the one who emotionally abused her.

So anytime I hear that from a man, I immediately think he is projecting and that HE is actually the abuser.

It's a huge red flag for me, for different reasons.

 

Yea there are people that do that but not much the case with this guy. He was too passive, weak, and lazy to emotionally abuse anyone from what I saw of him. He just thought her telling him to grow up, put down the playstation and clean up after himself constitutes as “emotional abuse” . Also when I broke up with him I was manipulative and emotionally abusive hahahah 

[Miss Spider]

10 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I never really cared if I dated someone long term or not.  If it ended, just go out and find the next one.

If the woman I was dating caught me in a lie and wanted to dump me for it, so be it...   Plenty of fish in the sea.

Xxxxx

Edited July 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Gaeta]

@Happy Lemming: I can't think like that. I am not alone. When I bring a man into my life he's embraced by my daughters, family & friends. I want someone to grow old with. I don't want to start over every 5 years. 

[princessaurora]

8 hours ago, Gaeta said:

That's scary to me lol. 

I have a serious fear of someone using me to fill a void. 

Occasionally it works out though, Gaeta. 

My husband had just broke up with his almost 3 yr girlfriend when we met. She decided to end it because she was moving away and didn't trust that he would remain faithful.  They had spent one last night together the night before. I knew this because it was the talk of her going away party the next night.. I was there with another guy I was dating but when we spotted each other, the sparks just flew and my gut told me he was the one. I followed my instincts and heart which were apparently right because we've been married for over 20 years now. 

So sometimes, what looks like a rebound or a void filler turns out to be the real deal. 🙂

 

[Gaeta]

Oh oh! Teacher just asked if he could see me again before I leave for my trip. I'm leaving Sunday around 6 am. That means I'd have to see him Saturday. It's kind of quick right? 

 

[Happy Lemming]

20 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Xxxxx

Why did you delete your post??  I was reading the beginning of it on the header page, then clicked to read the rest and it was gone.

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Oh oh! Teacher just asked if he could see me again before I leave for my trip. I'm leaving Sunday around 6 am. That means I'd have to see him Saturday. It's kind of quick right? 

 

I don't think it's too quick if you guys really like each other.

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Oh oh! Teacher just asked if he could see me again before I leave for my trip. I'm leaving Sunday around 6 am. That means I'd have to see him Saturday. It's kind of quick right? 

 

He wants to set up a second date, that is a good thing.

Tell him to plan something and let you know, give him your schedule and if Saturday works for him... go for it.

Oh and don't worry about the age difference... its less than ten years difference.  All good.

[Gaeta]

16 minutes ago, Olivia24 said:

I saw some things about Poet  man. Have you  or will you see  him again? 

I blocked him because he was very intense and he asked me if I loved him after our 2nd date. 

Now, I liked him A LOT, I got scared, I am afraid to fall for the wrong man and be played so I blocked him. 

[Gaeta]

14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

He wants to set up a second date, that is a good thing.

Tell him to plan something and let you know, give him your schedule and if Saturday works for him... go for it.

Oh and don't worry about the age difference... its less than ten years difference.  All good.

Thanks! I told him I might have time Saturday and I will give him my free time tomorrow. It's 23h30 here and I got to go to bed I'm working in the morning AND I got a date tomorrow night with someone different. I should not book so many first date in a week. It confuses me!

Edited July 16, 2021 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Olivia24 said:

WOW!! You are a dating  machine!!

I burn a lot of oil ! I just hope l won't have to meet 200 men to find a boyfriend like last time l was single.

[introverted1]

8 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Oh oh! Teacher just asked if he could see me again before I leave for my trip. I'm leaving Sunday around 6 am. That means I'd have to see him Saturday. It's kind of quick right? 

 

He's smart - making sure he sees you before you go away so you won't forget him or lose interest.  If you like him, go for it.

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 hours ago, introverted1 said:

He's smart - making sure he sees you before you go away so you won't forget him or lose interest.  If you like him, go for it.

This was my experience with dating - when a guy wanted me to keep him at the forefront of his mind, dude, he made it happen!  Two or three days between dates would seem fast if you weren't going away, Gaeta. (Not a red flag but that's fairly quick!) BUT...the circumstances are that you're going away, and he wants to see you again before that. This seems very normal to me! OMG! Gaeta, I can't believe that you may have met someone who is sane! I am tuning in daily to see the progress of this thread, LOL.