Should I inititate the 2nd date?

[glows]

22 minutes ago, FMW said:

My impression is that @Gaeta is just getting back into dating after the breakup of a longer term relationship and is just sharing her experiences and thoughts.  I don't think she's seriously conflicted,  just finding the process interesting.

I wasn't sure about the guy I've been with for a year and a half when we first started hanging out, but something made me give it a chance.  I'm very happy I did.

Something is keeping her interest right now, and as long as she takes it slow, I see no harm in spending a little more time with him.  She's not singularly focused on him, so it's not like he's keeping her from meeting someone else.  Her expectations seem to be in check.

My sentiments as well. Have fun, Gaeta.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

At least reading down her posts. If you read especially through the beginning pages you'll see this. Lots of back-and-forth and "no, I can't do that" but no real answer as to what TO do...just indecision...discomfort. That's how that reads.

This is totally me. I'm a true Libra. I suffer from indecision in almost all facets of my life. Shopping with me is a nightmare because it's a constant back and forth. That being said when my mind is made up, it truly is made up.

[Gaeta]

2ND Date update

I had a great time. 🙂

He really openned up on who he is and he didn't hesitate to tell me things the way they are for him. He told me he couldn't wait to spend time with me again and my invitation made him the happiest man. He said all week he waited for my invitation and his friend called him crazy to not make the 2nd date invitation himself but he explained he wanted/needed me to show my interest equally. He said he knew what I was trying to tell him with my youtube songs & by the beginning of the weekend he got really scared I wouldn't take that leap of faith. We had a good laugh about it. He already asked me on a 3rd date for next weekend 🙂

Like @SumGuy mentionned, poet man is exuberant and different but I find it endearing. I'm confortable with him like we knew each other already. He remembered eveything I said during the past week and enquired about them. 

[norealusername]

Good!

I'm a little surprised though he was sitting there a week waiting for you to ask him out. He must be bashful or not very experienced.

[Miss Spider]

Glad to hear your date went well, Gaeta 🙌🙌🙌🥰

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, norealusername said:

Good!

I'm a little surprised though he was sitting there a week waiting for you to ask him out. He must be bashful or not very experienced.

I'm thinking he probably played the pursuing & waiting game often and got tired. 

[poppyfields]

58 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I'm thinking he probably played the pursuing & waiting game often and got tired. 

This update is very interesting!! 

So for some men it truly IS like tennis - he hit the ball to you (first date) then you hit the ball back to him (second date).

He needed that, required that - equal effort.

So much for my thread "Men Pursue, Women Respond" 😳 thinking of tossing that one in the garbage.  Lol

Cause if you had aspired to that, you might have lost a great man, for you! 

Good for you for not following social constructs.  I'm happy it worked out.

I'm glad I checked in, keep us posted! 

 

Edited July 6, 2021 by poppyfields

[elaine567]

3 hours ago, norealusername said:

Good!

I'm a little surprised though he was sitting there a week waiting for you to ask him out. He must be bashful or not very experienced.

I don't think that is likely true, he played an experienced game IMO.
Softly softly catchee monkey..
He set his bait and waited till Gaeta grabbed it.

Gaeta would be ill advised to think this guy is bashful or inexperienced... he is a smooth operator.

[Miss Spider]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

I don't think that is likely true, he played an experienced game IMO.
Softly softly catchee monkey..
He set his bait and waited till Gaeta grabbed it.

Gaeta would be ill advised to think this guy is bashful or inexperienced... he is a smooth operator.

Kind of stuns me that this kind of game can be considered  “smooth” ..i dunno how’d anyone believe that .. I’ve told my dates much better lies but yea I’ve seen worse be bought… I guess  he’s also got enough of whatever else going for him that he can get away with it 

 

even still, here’s hoping for the best and this continues on a positive trajectory 

Edited July 6, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Gaeta]

Smooth operator? On what secret mission would he be? 

[elaine567]

24 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I guess  he’s also got enough of whatever else going for him that he can get away with it 

That's the bait, the poetry sparks interest, IRL he comes across as a "catch", he is intriguing, so he just needs to sit and wait till someone takes the bait.
Yes it seems like equality, she had to ask him for a second date,  but he held the strings and as he expected Gaeta did the dance for him..
Now she will feel she needs to work hard to hold his interest...

it is just a more sophisticated version of the treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen...
The fact she apparently couldn't get him, and he was somewhat elusive  made him more attractive to her.
Oldest trick in the book.

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Yes it seems like equality, she had to ask him for a second date,  but he held the strings and as he expected Gaeta did the dance for him..
Now she will feel she needs to work hard to hold his interest...

What dance l did? He's the one who contacted me each day, he sent the poems,  l only responded. Not once in the past 7 days l initiated a communication except for Saturday.

How am l going to work hard? I have nothing to do he already said he's planning the next date for next weekend.

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

That's the bait, the poetry sparks interest, IRL he comes across as a "catch",

The fact she apparently couldn't get him, and he was somewhat elusive  made him more attractive to her.
Oldest trick in the book.

The only thing intriging is your post. Can you back this up with concrete examples? I'm not confronting you, l'm looking to understand you.

Where did l express l considered him a catch?

How l could not get him? That would require him to cancel, reschedule, he accepted right away, anytime anywhere, did not make it difficult.

How was he elusive? He made his interest pretty clear from beginning and through the week.

[Miss Spider]

50 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

That's the bait, the poetry sparks interest, IRL he comes across as a "catch", he is intriguing, so he just needs to sit and wait till someone takes the bait.
Yes it seems like equality, she had to ask him for a second date,  but he held the strings and as he expected Gaeta did the dance for him..
Now she will feel she needs to work hard to hold his interest...

it is just a more sophisticated version of the treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen...
The fact she apparently couldn't get him, and he was somewhat elusive  made him more attractive to her.
Oldest trick in the book.

You lost me at his “poetry sparks interest” Hahaha. I mean, I love poetry, but this what this guy did sounds so corny.  

But yep. He’s oh so charming and when he sends long paragraphs of bs it can charm the pants off some women. He sets the trap, goes   off to set more the rest of the week and comes back to look later to find a super interested woman.  Easy peasy. “I’ve been all week for you to ask me out because I needed you to show equal interest! ”  wait, what 🤨

 

 Same thing happened to my friend so this sht grinds my gears 

 

 

 

Edited July 6, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

But yep. He’s oh so charming and when he sends long paragraphs of bs it can charm the pants off some women. He sets the trap, goes   off to set more the rest of the week and comes back to look later to find a super interested woman.  Easy peasy. “I’ve been all week for you to ask me out because I needed you to show equal interest! ”  wait, what 🤨

You have not read the poems, you cannot judge them as anything. They are not written in English so the cheesiness you've detected could come from my translation of 2 words out if it.

How do you know my level of interest? Why not ask me?

[poppyfields]

It would be nice to hear some male perspectives about this, men who are aware of  (and perhaps used to play) the "game."  As elaine alluded to.

My thought now is because this man comes from a place of abundance versus desperation, he appeared attractive to Gaeta.   And that abundance mentality also affords him the luxury of sitting back and allowing Gaeta to step up...

If she never did, he has options so no skin off his nose, right?

I'm not suggesting this is a bad thing, it IS an attractive quality and can understand why Gaeta would be drawn to him.

And he did schedule that third date after all, he's not attempting to keep Gaeta off balance or anxious. To the contrary, he has been quite responsive to her, 

I dont know, I could be wrong, but he sounds legit to me.

Not some 'seasoned player' or 'smooth operator' as if to suggest he is someone to fear or run from.

 

Edited July 6, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

Of course it's attractive to me, look at my track record:  Men trying to reach under my dress on 2nd meet or trying to leave hicky on me on 1st date.

I also come from a place of abundance. Poet man and & l both have other options. 

If his plan is to get laid then he's taking the long road. He could easily get it without giving himself all this trouble. At 6'3'', handsome, drives a new suv,  he would have an even easier time getting sex online than my ex did, and if you remember my ex had sex with a new woman each week. Women that accepted to meet him at his place for a 1st or 2nd meeting, and all had sex on that 1st or 2nd meeting. They don't call my city the Capital of Sex for nothing. 

Him and I met 2 weeks ago now, daily contact, 2 dates and 0 sexual innuendoes.

Edited July 6, 2021 by Gaeta

[chillii]

Who knows hope l'm wrong but he sounds like a very odd duck to me. Who sends bloody poems to a total stranger for a wk or two or whatever it was and this wanted you to show equal interest bs, l'd actually call that very try hard myself. You don't need to play all that bs and games and testing just to find that out.If a woman is really interested along the way in person and growing is usually very very obvious and so is respect. His description, l dunno the whole box , might take a few mths or God forbid a yr or two for the bs to wear off but somethings very not right with this one.

Mind you , could be wrong not trying to be a kill joy, no harm in spending some time with him l suppose but sorry l'd be really expecting some issues with him as time goes on.Buttttt, maybe not , who knows.

 

 

 

 

[Gaeta]

Men complain all the time on here how they take the ladies out on dates, invest time and money and then on 3rd date the lady says: meh, not feeling it. The guy goes back online, catch another one, rince repeat. This odd duck simply wanted his interest to be reciprocated. An equal, I treat you, you treat me. I have no problem with that. If I had not been confused by the poems I would have asked him on that second date much earlier. 

I'm not defending everything about this guy but I'm not ready to throw rocks at him for being 'different'. There were little things here and there that made me wonder if this is the man for me. I don't get swept away that easily. After what happened with my ex, my guards are way up. 

Meanwhile I am setting up a first meeting with number 10, I am still online, still getting messages, still taking interest in other men. 

[Alpacalia]

Just take your time with it Gaeta.

It's your second date.

You seem to enjoy him so see how it goes.

Maybe bring him a fortune cookie with a little poem in it.

[Happy Lemming]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

It would be nice to hear some male perspectives about this...

 

Ask and you shall receive... Male here.

I've never used this type of "Game"/approach with a woman. 

I'm probably about the same age as "poet guy" and I've never heard of waiting for the woman to ask me out for the second date.  If I had a nice time on the first date, I would tell the woman "I'll call you next week", which I did (with date #2 plans/activity).

I would call on Wednesday for a Friday night date and Thursday for a Saturday night date.  If the woman called be before I called her, I would tell her I'm working on planning our next date, and which evening works better for her (Friday or Saturday), then craft a date around her response.

If she mentioned something that she was quite interested in... (Example... if she said "Hey... one of my favorite Garage bands is playing at this "hole in the wall" bar, downtown.) I'd craft a date around that suggestion.

None of my male friends ever waited for the woman to call and set up a second date.

Personally (my opinion, here) I don't think much of this wait for her to plan date #2 plan.  It's almost like he is scared to date, and he needs to be 100% sure that the woman is interested before going out with her again.  If I planned date #2, asked the woman out and she said "no", where is the harm.  Other than a little bit of planning, I've lost nothing.  There is still time for me to reset my plans for the weekend to do something else.

[lana-banana]

This is a long thread so I may be confusing men, but is this the same guy who sent you 13 lines of poetry to ask how your evening was and whose poetry your daughter described as "cringe"? 

[Gaeta]

16 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

This is a long thread so I may be confusing men, but is this the same guy who sent you 13 lines of poetry to ask how your evening was and whose poetry your daughter described as "cringe"? 

Yes, but any teen would cringe at poetry lol

[Miss Spider]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

You have not read the poems, you cannot judge them as anything. They are not written in English so the cheesiness you've detected could come from my translation of 2 words out if it.

How do you know my level of interest? Why not ask me?

Wasn’t trying to offend. I am just reacting with my opinion on a guy who behaves as you’ve described he has and sends ANY kind of “love poetry” after 1 date 

 

& also just add ( not related to this ) my friend is still with that guy lol…. After she found out he was playing her, he managed to convince her that his gf was crazy and sent her more stuff.  

 

So I’m well aware of how other’s neg input about someone we like mean jack

[norealusername]

Honestly, it seems like the opposite of a smooth operator to me. He sent poems instead of trying to have a conversation and he sat there waiting for the woman to make a move. This sounds like very timid behavior. 

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, just being honest. It doesn't really matter, everybody's behavior is different. I always thought you should keep talking to the guy and not cross him off.