Should I inititate the 2nd date?

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

And end up cut up in a garbage bag? nah 😉

He's a stranger. I've seen him a total of 4 hours, I don't want to see his morning routine yet. Too much familiarity.Then hotel, meals, gas, entrances fees for a guy that might not call me back? double nah. 

Agree, nevermind the safety factor, spending two days 24/7 with a man you've only had two dates with is too much/too soon, suffocating and stifling.

Happened to me several years back and I felt so suffocated after ONE day, I asked if we could cut it short and head back home.  And we had been seeing each other for a month!

I actually broke up with him shortly thereafter....

 

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

And end up cut up in a garbage bag? nah 😉

He's a stranger. I've seen him a total of 4 hours, I don't want to see his morning routine yet. Too much familiarity.Then hotel, meals, gas, entrances fees for a guy that might not call me back? double nah. 

Perfect attitude. 

[Allupinnit]

Why the hell do these men move so effing FAST?! 😠

[poppyfields]

39 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Why the hell do these men move so effing FAST?! 😠

They want to "close the deal" asap, after which they can relax, sit back and decide what they want to happen, where they want "things" to go.

It's not uncommon.

JMO.  😂

Edited July 26, 2021 by poppyfields

[clia]

I have to admit that I think him even asking you to go away for a weekend is a pink flag.  It’s just not appropriate after two dates and makes me wonder what’s next. 

Edited July 26, 2021 by clia

[Fletch Lives]

Um, no, just no..........you don't do an overnight with a man you just met once! Are you guys crazy?! I go away for a week and you guys just go out of control! Stop it!!

 

From a dating site, wait two months to do a weekend getaway. Please. you guys are scaring me!

[Weezy1973]

56 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

They want to "close the deal" asap, after which they can relax, sit back and decide what they want to happen, where they want "things" to go.

It's not uncommon.

JMO.  😂

There is some inherent anxiety in early stage dating that the person you’re interested will lose interest or fall for someone else etc. and many people try to alleviate this anxiety by moving to exclusivity way too fast.

[Gaeta]

Ya, just him asking makes me wonder. He's reasonable with his communication, l think he gave me 1 compliment since we met so no love-bombing here,  he's not cligny, l was really surprised he offered. And he didn't phrase it as spending time together but as him needing to get away from routine and if l'd go. 

We text and called since his offer but not a word about it. 

Edited July 27, 2021 by Gaeta

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

There is some inherent anxiety in early stage dating that the person you’re interested will lose interest or fall for someone else etc. and many people try to alleviate this anxiety by moving to exclusivity way too fast.

Not sure if their goal is exclusivity, I was leaning more towards he's looking to have sex asap. 

I mean isn't that a man's driving force initially?  To have sex?  A man is attracted, he wants to have sex.  ASAP.

This is perfectly "normal" in my opinion and experience.  I don't even fault him for it, and it's up to ME to decide whether or not I am cool with that (so soon).

Once sex is out the way and his hormones have calmed down, he gets to relax, think rationally about what, if anything, he wants to happen (if he wishes to continue dating her or not).

That's my understanding of it anyway, but hey, we are all different, so it's hard to know for certain what Romeo's goal/motivation is.

Err on the side of caution is my advice Gaeta, opt for a day trip.

 

Edited July 27, 2021 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 

I mean isn't that a man's driving force initially?  To have sex?  A man is attracted, he wants to have sex.  ASAP.

 

Men are all different (just like women). For me, if my driving force was sex, it generally meant I wasn’t all that interested in a relationship with the woman. And there wasn’t nearly as much anxiety. That only came with the women I saw long term potential with, and for those women, sex wasn’t the driving force, I just wanted to spend as much time with them as possible because I enjoyed their company.

Edited July 27, 2021 by Weezy1973

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

Men are all different (just like women). For me, if my driving force was sex, it generally meant I wasn’t all that interested in a relationship with the woman. And there wasn’t nearly as much anxiety. That only came with the women I saw long term potential with, and for those women, sex wasn’t the driving force, I just wanted to spend as much time with them as possible because I enjoyed their company.

Fair enough, but like you said, men are all different, as are women, and I know couples (including myself and one of my ex's) who had sex on the first meet, and it turned into a LTR or marriage.

So again hard to say here, but like I said, err on the side of caution, and don't do anything you're uncomfortable with Gaeta.

If he is sincere in wanting to get to know you and wants what you want ultimately which is a RL, he will understand and not pressure you.

[Gaeta]

Just a thought, If he was motivated by sex l think he would invite me over his place for a home date. Not offer to spend 2 days with each other.

 

[Fletch Lives]

Well, a home date might suggest sex. A weekend getaway might suggest romantic sex / sex in a romantic setting. Take your pick 😛

[Happy Lemming]

@Gaeta At what point does it get cold in your part of Canada??  It is possible he could be trying to get some vacationing done before the cold weather sets in.

First a two day trip... see how you guys do, then something longer??

[Fletch Lives]

Just now, Happy Lemming said:

@Gaeta At what point does it get cold in your part of Canada??  It is possible he could be trying to get some vacationing done before the cold weather sets in.

First a two day trip... see how you guys do, then something longer??

This thing is not cold. Yeah, baby! Where is my Austin Power's meme?! 

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Just a thought, If he was motivated by sex l think he would invite me over his place for a home date. Not offer to spend 2 days with each other.

 

True, but the weekend trip is more romantic and special.  To me, it reflects high interest, in addition to wanting to have sex with you.

He likes you, he's attracted!!  It may be all he's thinking about right now, which is OK.  

If you're not comfortable with the fast pace, you can slow him down, that is perfectly fine.

Just my take, I could be wrong!

Edited July 27, 2021 by poppyfields

[Fletch Lives]

22 hours ago, Gaeta said:

He offered to go away 2 days. I would never go away 2 days with a man that isn't my official bf. I'm thinking of offering him to go on a 1 day trip/outing instead.

Gaeta, this is exactly what you are supposed to do, counteroffer a more sensible date based on the status of the relationship (it's just a second date). This is perfect.

You have excellent intuition/gut feelings. Have confidence in that.

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

@Gaeta At what point does it get cold in your part of Canada??  It is possible he could be trying to get some vacationing done before the cold weather sets in.

First a two day trip... see how you guys do, then something longer??

First long weekend of September is the end of summer. Then indian summer starts till Halloween.

He told me he takes his vacations in winter. He's not a fan of summer heat.

I think he's like the rest of us, covid is almost done and he wants to go away and feel free again. He just spent an entire week reading about how amazing my vacations were.

That being said l do not know him enough to go away 2 days with him.

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Gaeta said:

That being said l do not know him enough to go away 2 days with him.

So communicate your standard.

That's it.

Done.

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

So communicate your standard.

That's it.

Done.

Of course l will.

I work 9-17h and he starts 19h-5. We have a 2 hour window to communicate. We will get to it eventually.

[Allupinnit]

Good for you @Gaeta - also keep in mind that a lot of people really just want someone do things with, and he *also* wants to have sex with you but two days away together is too much, you are right.

I would find it kind of awkward to have first time sex on a mini vacation.  What if it sucks?  Then you're stuck with him for another 48 hours and he will probably want to do it again.  

[Gaeta]

So yesterday Romeo asked me if I thought we were going too fast. I said no, we're going nowhere for now we only met twice (my humor). He said he likes talking/texting with me and if it's too much to let him know he doesn't want to overwhelm me & he can't wait for the weekend to see me again. I said it was fine, I enjoy our little talk as well it's not too much THEN I said 'but going away 2 days would be too much for now ;-))'. He said he realized that at the moment he said it. (Probably why he never spoke about it again).

So, I offered we could still get out of town for a day trip. So much to discover in any direction outside of our city. This is when I learn he's a home buddy and he doesn't like going away, visiting new places, he likes restaurants but doesn't like hotels or B&B, being out downtown, festivals, concerts, etc. On a scale of 1 to 10, he's a 6 on being out and about, and told me he'll do it but he'll need a lot of convincing first. 

That's a big disappointment. 

Meanwhile, I still talk to Teacher. I didn't feel that instant attraction with him when we met but through our talk I can feel we're more compatible, he's outgoing, and willing to try anything. I feel I would have a lot of fun with him. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

So yesterday Romeo asked me if I thought we were going too fast. I said no, we're going nowhere for now we only met twice (my humor). He said he likes talking/texting with me and if it's too much to let him know he doesn't want to overwhelm me & he can't wait for the weekend to see me again. I said it was fine, I enjoy our little talk as well it's not too much THEN I said 'but going away 2 days would be too much for now ;-))'. He said he realized that at the moment he said it. (Probably why he never spoke about it again).

So, I offered we could still get out of town for a day trip. So much to discover in any direction outside of our city. This is when I learn he's a home buddy and he doesn't like going away, visiting new places, he likes restaurants but doesn't like hotels or B&B, being out downtown, festivals, concerts, etc. On a scale of 1 to 10, he's a 6 on being out and about, and told me he'll do it but he'll need a lot of convincing first. 

That's a big disappointment. 

Meanwhile, I still talk to Teacher. I didn't feel that instant attraction with him when we met but through our talk I can feel we're more compatible, he's outgoing, and willing to try anything. I feel I would have a lot of fun with him. 

He is a homebody and doesn't like to go places but wanted you to go away with him to something overnight? (Then walked it back...once "overnight" wasn't in the picture anymore, now he's a homebody who doesn't like to travel.) Romeo is trying hard to get laid. Don't be surprised of suddenly he isn't so eager to "talk" anymore. Or to hear from him to "have dinner at his place" so he can "cook for you..." Sorry to sound cynical but could this be any more transparent?

Not that I'm against people looking to just get laid but it's slimy when they aren't upfront about it.

The other guy sounds like fun.

Edited July 28, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[Gaeta]

On our second date he mentionned he is a homebody but wanting to change it. I did not asked for details until a couple of days ago. 

[Gaeta]

A few minutes ago I asked him if he likes shopping. He said he does, even if he doesn't need anything, he likes looking around for what's on sales. I said then he's not such a desperate case! and he asked what he said yesterday that lead me to think he's a desperate case, etc etc. He said he really wants to change this and being wih an outgoing woman will help him break out of his shell. He explained to me what was the dynamic in his last relationship of 12 years. I don't want to expose his private life on here but it makes sense to me. Actually I've been there myself and it's hard to break a life style after a decade +.

That being said I still have reservations. I've been lied too many times to not be on my guards.