Should I inititate the 2nd date?

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

Having a “masters degree in men” implies you learn from the past, but you seem to be continuing a pattern.

There’s a big difference between a charming man and a unique connection between two people where each person is “charmed” by the other.

Kind of like the difference between a flirty woman and a woman who is flirting specifically with you because she’s interested in 

What pattern am l continuing?

Why not considering l charmed him? He's the one calling me the Venus of sunset or something like that lol

Ok so the consensus is he's a big player?

[Weezy1973]

Just now, Gaeta said:

Ok so the consensus is he's a big player?

The consensus is you can’t possibly know this yet. But writing romantic poems to someone you’re in love with and have known for quite some time is one thing. Writing romantic poems to someone you just met seems like it’s something else. 
 

Again just wait and see. Don’t get invested. Date some more men.

[CaliforniaGirl]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What pattern am l continuing?

Why not considering l charmed him? He's the one calling me the Venus of sunset or something like that lol

Ok so the consensus is he's a big player?

Gaeta, we don't know. We can give you our experiences. And yes, there's such a thing as love-bombing. On the other hand, some people are more verbal than others, some people are more literary than others, and so on and on...

We can't know what he is yet...neither can you...if you guys go out maybe you can get a better feel. Just don't fall head over heels based on some poems and gentlemanly behavior. You haven't even seen that behavior repeated one single time yet. Let him SHOW you who he is. Anyone can "say" anything.

KWIM?

[CaliforniaGirl]

35 minutes ago, Marka said:

It sounds like he likes not you as a person but how he feels around you. I suspect he is kinda personality who needs drama in relationship, pull and push and all of these stuff. To have inspiration for writing his poems. Treat with caution

I mean yeah...that's what I was thinking too...somebody who's more in love with falling in love...

Someone else said (I'm sorry, I can't remember who and I'm too lazy to go looking that he's talking AT her, not TO her. Or something like that. And yes. I agree.

BUT...do we really know whether maybe this is just this guy not being sure what to do, so he's falling back on "what women like"? If so, that could mean he's a player, he's insecure and just trying what might work but he's basically a good guy, it could mean a lot of things. 

We are all only guessing, really...but I still say...guard your heart, Gaeta...or anyone in this situation. Falling head over heels in one night isn't without its warning bells.

Gaeta. You need to spend time with him to find out. You need to go out on another actual date.

 

 

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

KWIM?

I'm not falling for him. I enjoy it yes but he's probably all talk like majority of people online.

I always have new prospects as backup.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

I'm not falling for him. I enjoy it yes but he's probably all talk like majority of people online.

I always have new prospects as backup.

I know you do. ❤️ You're going to find that one for sure.

You guys need to go out again. You can't just rely on words.

"When someone shows you who s/he is, believe him/her." Awkwardly put, LOL, sorry.

Go out again...Can you just ask him out at this point? "That poem was so beautiful, it deserves an ice cream! Ever been to Handel's?"

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

 "what women like"? If so, that could mean he's a player.

But you can agree most women would cringe at this? I'm the only woman on this thread who's getting a kick out of it, l doubt that's his big plan to accumulate women. 

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Go out again...Can you just ask him out at this point? "That poem was so beautiful, it deserves an ice cream! Ever been to Handel's?"

My eldest daughter says l should ask him on the 2nd date. That he showed me a good time, paid for everything, it's my turn....she reminded me l'm a modern woman lol

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

But you can agree most women would cringe at this? I'm the only woman on this thread who's getting a kick out of it, l doubt that's his big plan to accumulate women. 

Cringe at...what? At the idea that he might just be putting on a show? I don't know...I know some men (and women, for that matter) are SO shy...it's so hard to start a conversation, it's hard to keep one going, or it's nerve-wracking to try to know they're doing the right thing on a date. So maybe this guy has his schtick. It doesn't mean he's "a player" per se but someone can love bomb or just be enamored at the drama aspects without being a successful player. You know?

I don't know if that's what you meant by that. But...I'm also not sure you should think it's a funny idea...why isn't it possible? Is there a reason you don't think he could, or at least could want to, "accumulate" women? 

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

My eldest daughter says l should ask him on the 2nd date. That he showed me a good time, paid for everything, it's my turn....she reminded me l'm a modern woman lol

So is that the plan then?

[Alpacalia]

You don't have to "ask" him out on a date, but since he's been contacting you frequently, why not casually mention that you're looking forward to seeing him again? It will make him happy if he is really interested in you.

However, if you get a feeling that something is odd with the love poems, this is something to be mindful of.

 

[Gaeta]

10 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Cringe at...what? 

Cringe at the poetry. 

Isn't love bombing about telling someone their amazing, special, covering them with compliment, talking about being attracted? There is nothing of that. 

Edited June 29, 2021 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

So is that the plan then?

No, something is holding me back.

I'm afraid l'm being played.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Cringe at the poetry. 

Isn't love bombing about telling someone their amazing, special, covering them with compliment, talking about beung attracted? There is nothing of that. 

Love bombing is excessive romantic attention and excessively singling the person out as if s/he is the most incredible, most special person in the world, way way too soon to really know any of that. Or...well, that's my definition. But you get the idea.

And yes, that's what he's doing. He's not accidentally sending you poetry that accidentally calls you Venus because he's NOT calling you amazing or special or complimenting you.

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

No, something is holding me back.

I'm afraid l'm being played.

Well, don't let us and our opinions be that thing that's holding you back. WTF do we know? 😄

We can give ten zillion opinions but only you are there (and him) and only you and he were on the date. I think you should go out one more time...what are you risking? If you're not letting yourself just get swept away, then the most you've lost is an evening, maybe a dinner or coffee or ice cream or whatever, and more practice dating.

[Gaeta]

I had this gut feeling when l started this thread. I don't know if it's because l've lost trust in men, or it's a true gut feeling. 

About an hour ago l replied to him with a message containing a question. He read it but did not reply, that's ok it's not the issue.  He will text again tomorrow but l've noticed when he gets back to me he doesn't address what l said in my text. He gets back to me with another long poem. 

I think he likes the sound of his own voice, know what l mean? He's probably impressed at his own poems and wants a spectator.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

46 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I had this gut feeling when l started this thread. I don't know if it's because l've lost trust in men, or it's a true gut feeling. 

About an hour ago l replied to him with a message containing a question. He read it but did not reply, that's ok it's not the issue.  He will text again tomorrow but l've noticed when he gets back to me he doesn't address what l said in my text. He gets back to me with another long poem. 

I think he likes the sound of his own voice, know what l mean? He's probably impressed at his own poems and wants a spectator.

 

You know...yikes...this IS kind of odd. It does seem as if he's almost like...a human bot. 😂 

He doesn't address what you say at all?

Not to add fuel to the fire but now that makes me think he's contacting as many women as possible, throwing copied and pasted poems at all of them without bothering to read what they say, and waiting for one of them to beg him to go out with her. 😂

Just eew...how utterly annoying. You feel love bombed but what you want to say is actually being ignored...

He sounds like a twit.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

I had this gut feeling when l started this thread. I don't know if it's because l've lost trust in men, or it's a true gut feeling. 

If that's the case, a slower pace could be desirable.

Take your time with it.

You don't suddenly decide to trust someone completely one day. Have a date purely for enjoyment for a time. Gradually build your trust little-by-little. Once you've concluded that you've met someone who appears trustworthy, take little measures to learn more about them.

[spiderowl]

13 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Yes l am. I admit.

If you look at who l'm usually dealing with ex: last night guy trying to reach under my dress, when l come across a man with conversation, charm, acts interested in me...it does the trick for me.

Gaeta, did you not get any red flag warning signs that this guy was like this beforehand, like in messages or anything?  I find guys usually let slip their attitudes to sex and boundaries in messages, usually by 'flirting' all along rather than having a rational conversation.  Too much 'flirting' in messages or any hint that they will overstep boundaries means they are filtered out before we even meet.

[Allupinnit]

26 minutes ago, spiderowl said:

Gaeta, did you not get any red flag warning signs that this guy was like this beforehand, like in messages or anything?  I find guys usually let slip their attitudes to sex and boundaries in messages, usually by 'flirting' all along rather than having a rational conversation.  Too much 'flirting' in messages or any hint that they will overstep boundaries means they are filtered out before we even meet.

ugh and pet names, and "you're so beautiful" 

[Gaeta]

18 minutes ago, spiderowl said:

Gaeta, did you not get any red flag warning signs that this guy was like this beforehand, like in messages or anything?  I find guys usually let slip their attitudes to sex and boundaries in messages, usually by 'flirting' all along rather than having a rational conversation.  Too much 'flirting' in messages or any hint that they will overstep boundaries means they are filtered out before we even meet.

The guy that tried to feel under my dress? Nothing at all. We had met once in a park and he did not try to touch or kiss me. Then he sent me texts here and there but only how's your day type of text. No innuendoes, no flirting. 

He said he thought we were having 'a moment' so that's why he did it. I asked if I had given him any hint that this was ok? and he said 'no'. I said something like 'can we go on a few dates before getting in my panties? and he replied he didn't want to talk about sex because we were strangers and it made him uncomfortable (haha). So I pointed to him he's uncomfortable talking about sex but reaching under my dress is not sex. I left and blocked him. 

[SumGuy]

16 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Because l want him to confirm his interest by initiating that 2nd date. You find that silly?

It's not silly to want that, not at all...heck I believe we all want that.   

More the situation, he may be thinking the same thing as well.   I just personally find it silly it is such a thing, if he is not interested and you ask him he will say no.  No big deal.   I think he is being "silly" too as he goes on about how great the date was...OK why not ask for another?

My other comments are more trying to give reasons why he may think the date was amazing yet still not ask for another...as in he may want you to confirm your interest in him by initiating.

Either way it can seem like game playing, or insecurity, and personally find that "silly" after a certain age.

Now it is perfectly legitimate if you want a man who asks and do not want to do the asking because that is what you are after. 

However, if you have no qualms about asking men out then to use him asking you in this situation as a filter just doesn't seem like the wise move to get what your heart is after.

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Because l want him to confirm his interest by initiating that 2nd date. 

Has that happened? If not, move on or act interested yourself. But coy nonsense texting never endears anyone.

Keep in mind he is talking to and meeting more modern women who show interest, so you may be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy with this.

[Gaeta]

13 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

My other comments are more trying to give reasons why he may think the date was amazing yet still not ask for another...as in he may want you to confirm your interest in him by initiating.

I have a 4 day weekend coming up. Would letting him know my free time considered showing my interest enough?

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Would letting him know my free time considered showing my interest enough?

No. Sending a schedule is nonsense. Invite him (and pay) for the next date.