introverted1 Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 Count me in camp "do not ask him out." This guy is presumably in his 50s and knew how to arrange a great first date. This tells me how knows how to ask for a second date. @Gaeta I don't know why he isn't asking but I don't believe it's because he is unsure of your interest. I think you can ask him to dinner or for an ice cream, but I am not sure you should. I think this risks one of two things: 1) you convey that your interest is greater than his and/or 2) you've encouraged his passivity in setting up dates. Not relevant to this scenario but what I do when I am having a good first date and the guy pays is to tell him that the next one is on me. That sends a clear message of interest and lets him know that I'm not expecting him to act as an ATM for our outings. I still let him do the asking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 32 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Oh of course bringing in personal stuff, just because it is direct expereince that applies. . As do other people's experiences even if they're not yours; I'm not sure what the misunderstanding is here. Love bombing is a thing, we see it here frequently, and it is one consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 22 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: Don't start trying to make a square peg fit into a round hole. How he's acting is setting off your gut reaction for a reason (snip) This is my feeling too. Gaeta, if you weren't getting weird vibes, you wouldn't be here asking. Now, personally, I'd probably give it a second date - but I can't be 100% sure of that, because I'm not IN the situation. But since you're so on the fence, I thought it couldn't hurt. Either way, this much agonizing over one simple date is just a bridge too far...at this point you probably just want to scrap the idea of asking him out, and just let him keep sending you random poetry until and if he finally asks you out, or not. I think if I were this conflicted - pages of a thread worth of conflicted, that is to say - I'd probably just put him on the back burner and think of him as a nice old guy who likes to occasionally send poetry he's written in the past, and I'd be moving along to someone I felt way more comfortable with. Remember that this is just me...but think about it...this much agonizing and wondering and so on? Is any of this worth it? You and this guy are still nowhere. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 (edited) Gaeta, serious question. What is it your find so appealing about this man and this situationship? I mean you ask him a question in an attempt to get to know him, the man, and he ignores and responds back with another poem? I’m sorry I find that condescending and offensive. Not to mention utterly contrived and disingenuous. I love poetry, I write poetry myself (not as much as I used to) and love receiving! But NOT from a man I’ve men ONCE. Again, phony, contrived, disingenuous, you could be an alien from another planet for all he knows, lol, and he’s sending you that *? And I say * because it’s a Disney fantasy, straight from Cinderella, in fact I think there is something called the “Cinderella Complex” wherein women believe themselves to be princesses waiting for their prince to arrive to rescue them. Rescue them from their loneliness, or from whatever they feel is lacking in their lives. An emptiness. Gaeta, my advice to you is become WHOLE. I have worked hard to achieve that wholeness, and at this point in my life, I don’t feel I even need a man in my life to complete me. I am complete AS IS. I am happy and complete BY MYSELF. What I need now is a man who is also complete in HIMSELF, and as two complete human beings, we connect. And as such, my choices will be much more healthy and genuine than they have been in the past. I do not need, nor am I attracted to, a Prince Charming fairly tale. I mean no offense and I could be wrong, but you sound almost desperate to fill some sort of void in your life after your ex and you split. Which is understandable, I have been there too!! And as such you are clinging to this contrived notion that a man should mirror or act like some romantic HERO from your favorite fairly tale. Your attraction to this man is not healthy imo. It’s not based on anything tangible that will help you grow and evolve as a woman and human being. It’s all contrived, flowery poetic nonsense imo, I am sorry to say that. I am not quite sure why you are allowing yourself to be taken in by that. What happened? Were you always like this? I would have nexted him probably before the first meet when he first began sending me the contrived poetic missives that he's most likely sending to other women as well. I am looking for someone REAL, someone genuine. Someone who wants to get to know ME, the unique woman that I am, not sweep me off my feet by trying to be a romantic hero or prince charming. But too lazy (or disinterested) to even ask for a second date. Don't you want that for yourself too? Edited June 29, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Our first date was dinner on him and l offer ice cream? Well yeah, it's a low-key way of asking him out. "Hey, wanna go for ice-cream tomorrow?" (rather than planning and paying for a dinner; which you shouldn't do anyways) He seems aloof with his poems and stuff, but I mean.....you'll never know what's going on if you don't see him ever again, might as well..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: you'll never know what's going on if you don't see him ever again, might as well..... Oh I think she knows right now what's going on, which is that he's phony and essentially has nothing to say or offer. These "poems" sound like boilerplates he may have written himself or not, that's he's collected over the years and sends to various women for the purpose of posing as some romantic HERO, but has zero intention of following through on. It's an ego trip for him when women respond or even chase, it validates him as a man. That's his only purpose imo. I hope I am wrong but that's how I see this whole thing. Gaeta, not only do I not think you should ask him out (and pay) but I would like to see you NEXT this bozo and begin searching for men who are REAL, who are genuine, who make an effort to get to know you, the unique and beautiful (inside and out) woman that you are. Edited June 29, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted June 29, 2021 Author Share Posted June 29, 2021 (edited) To answer the question what l find appealing in this, it has nothing to do with the poems. I like him because of the way he treated me on our date, and l found him attractive, interesting, good conversationalist, good sense of humour. Often on my dates it's just me feeding the conversations. Edited June 29, 2021 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 (edited) @Gaeta Right, and it hasn’t been THAT long since your first date, either. He still has time to ask for a 2nd one. I wouldn’t yet jump to any conclusions in terms of he needs an ego boost, women’s attention validates his ego, his poems are boilerplate, he's a bozo etc. I mean, we don’t even know his poems, or him as a person. He might be multi-dating, just like you, and therefore might be busy. Nothing wrong with that. He could also be a total a**h***, too, sure - but right now nobody knows that. 🤷🏼♀️ Edited June 29, 2021 by Pumpernickel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: I refer to my recent thread "Men Lead, Women Respond." Has this one been re-opened? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted June 29, 2021 Share Posted June 29, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: @Gaeta Right, and it hasn’t been THAT long since your first date, either. He still has time to ask for a 2nd one. I wouldn’t yet jump to any conclusions in terms of he needs an ego boost, women’s attention validates his ego, his poems are boilerplate, he's a bozo etc. I mean, we don’t even know his poems, or him as a person. He might be multi-dating, just like you, and therefore might be busy. Nothing wrong with that. He could also be a total a**h***, too, sure - but right now nobody knows that. 🤷🏼♀️ You know what? You are right, my post was my own assessment of him based on what's been posted thus far. My assessment of him might be wrong, or it might be right. Time will tell. I just think any man who is asked a direct question about himself and responds back with another poem, totally unrelated to the question asked, is a turkey. JMO! 😆 Edited June 29, 2021 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 (edited) This guy sounds like all words (and lots of poems too) but no action. Time will tell, but I dunno, with every day passing and him not asking you out is not a good sign. Having said that, do ask him out and see what he says to that. If would be a shame to let him go completely if you feel that there might be some sort of connection. Invite him for a walk or a mini-golf or something. Edited June 30, 2021 by Alvi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted June 30, 2021 Author Share Posted June 30, 2021 (edited) So..... 21h30 tonight he sent me another 10 lines poem with at the end 'how was your day'. I read it at 23h only because l was too busy setting up dates with other men! I did not reply.....yet. It's a lot of poems since last Thursday. He should start running out them soon. Edited June 30, 2021 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: So..... 21h30 tonight he sent me another 10 lines poem with at the end 'how was your day'. I read it at 23h only because l was too busy setting up dates with other men! I did not reply.....yet. It's a lot of poems since last Thursday. He should start running out them soon. You're kidding. Don't answer. You know he's not going to bother actually answering what you say and you'll just be more frustrated. When this dude has something to say TO you that has any substance at all, sure, answer him then. He's spamming you and wasting your time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: So..... 21h30 tonight he sent me another 10 lines poem with at the end 'how was your day'. I read it at 23h only because l was too busy setting up dates with other men! I did not reply.....yet. It's a lot of poems since last Thursday. He should start running out them soon. Ha ha ha ha ha. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: 21h30 tonight he sent me another 10 lines poem with at the end 'how was your day'. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I've never been to restaurant X, have you"? 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 1 minute ago, S2B said: That’s still not asking someone out for a date! I meant for OP to respond back with that. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: You're kidding. Don't answer. You know he's not going to bother actually answering what you say and you'll just be more frustrated. When this dude has something to say TO you that has any substance at all, sure, answer him then. He's spamming you and wasting your time. God yeah , what a moron, sorry Gaeta . All way too rehearsed this one , most likely from being single 30yrs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 Too much work already. Complete waste of your time. You may have been impressed with him, but he is not really interested in dating you IMO. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 (edited) 19 hours ago, poppyfields said: When a man sits on his ass, sending poems but taking no initiative or action to meet, it's passive and "feminine," which for many women is a huge YAWN. Next. When women say they like a man that leads, what they mean is they like a man who leads them where they already want to go. This man is leading. He’s setting the pace. He’s in charge of whether or not they go out again. He’s deciding which questions of Gaeta’s he answers and which ones he ignores. And Gaeta is being passive…so all seems to be in tact… Edited June 30, 2021 by Weezy1973 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted June 30, 2021 Author Share Posted June 30, 2021 6 hours ago, Alpaca said: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I've never been to restaurant X, have you"? Thank you so much for the laugh! Lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 8 hours ago, Gaeta said: 21h30 tonight he sent me another 10 lines poem with at the end 'how was your day'. Sounds like spam he sends to a bunch of women. He wants an audience, not a date. Just don't respond to nonsense like that. Since he's not asking you out delete and block him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted June 30, 2021 Author Share Posted June 30, 2021 8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: When women say they like a man that leads, what they mean is they like a man who leads them where they already want to go. This man is leading. He’s setting the pace. He’s in charge of whether or not they go out again. He’s deciding which questions of Gaeta’s he answers and which ones he ignores. And Gaeta is being passive…so all seems to be in tact… Yes, you got a pretty good handle on this situation. I will concentrate on my other prospects. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted June 30, 2021 Author Share Posted June 30, 2021 Oh my! I did not reply to his poem last night so this morning he sent me a youtube of an old French song that says *let me love you* At this point it's funny. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted June 30, 2021 Author Share Posted June 30, 2021 I sent him back a youtube of an old song called 'your absence' and it talks about how his face is fading away, he's just a far away memory lol 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 30, 2021 Share Posted June 30, 2021 "Far Away" by Nickelback would have worked too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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