Am I crazy to think this?

[smackie9]

Yup there's a possible dumping coming your way. Seeing someone else? Yup that's possible too. Gotta be straight with him. ask him if he wants out, because his behavior is say that.

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Britney25 said:

 My friend told me if he's serious about me he should at least ask if I want to move in. 

Your friend is teasing you or giving horrid advice. Is there are reason she wants to undermine you?

Stop texting her and talk to trusted friends and family.

[norealusername]

Maybe he's cooling off on your relationship. Or maybe he's just tired lately. You should just lay off for a little while and see what happens. Pestering him won't help anything.

4 months is way too soon to move in.

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Yup there's a possible dumping coming your way. Seeing someone else? Yup that's possible too. Gotta be straight with him. ask him if he wants out, because his behavior is say y

Yeah I'm not even sure if he did fly to Chicago. Omg. Maybe that is a lie too...I will be straight with him. Right now I will observe how hes gonna act this week. I'm not texting him at all unless he does first. 

[smackie9]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

 Right now I will observe how hes gonna act this week. I'm not texting him at all unless he does first. 

Britney.....that's not being straight with him.

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, norealusername said:

Maybe he's cooling off on your relationship. Or maybe he's just tired lately. You should just lay off for a little while and see what happens. Pestering him won't help anything.

4 months is way too soon to move in.

Yep...that's what I feel. I think hes cooling off. I decided I'm not going to text him at all this week unless he initiates.  I'm not even sure if he went to Chicago now.  Not sure if I can trust that. 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

My friend told me if he's serious about me he should at least ask if I want to move in. 

Your friend is either trying to sabotage your relationship, or does not understand how healthy relationships work. 

Stop listening to this person. They don't know what they're talking about. 

[Britney25]

Just now, smackie9 said:

Britney.....that's not being straight with him.

Maybe not but I dont want to jinx it just in case I'm wrong and he's tired. 

[Britney25]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Your friend is teasing you or giving horrid advice. Is there are reason she wants to undermine you?

Stop texting her and talk to trusted friends and family.

Maybe shes jealous? Not sure. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Your friend is either trying to sabotage your relationship, or does not understand how healthy relationships work. 

Stop listening to this person. They don't know what they're talking about. 

Well she has had 3 relationships and with all of them moved in pretty fast. Maybe it works for her. Lol

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

Well she has had 3 relationships and with all of them moved in pretty fast. Maybe it works for her. Lol

Clearly not if she's done it 3 times and it hasn't worked out any of those times. 

She is giving you terrible advice that will scare off most decent men. 

Edited June 27, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Britney25]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

Clearly not if she's done it 3 times and it hasn't worked out any of those times. 

So should I just stop texting him and only reply when/if he does text? I mean I'm not satisfied with that vague answer he gave me.

[Britney25]

28 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

What else is off?  

What do you think Poppy? Does that answer deserve a text back? I think no because it's very vague. 

[poppyfields]

Something I have learned is that relationships are not always linear.

They can take different paths with lots of twists and turns along the way; this is not necessarily a bad thing. 

To me it's 'normal' and to be expected as two separate individuals strive to move closer to one another.

It's important to remain open and flexible to changing nuances during this time (and all the time actually) let go of rigid expectations.

Otherwise you risk turning your partner off... and the whole thing blowing up and ending in an ugly way.

3-4 months is often when couples (or one partner) step back to reassess the potential of long term, it's happened in literally all my long term relationships.

Do NOT take personally.  

My advice is take a step back this week, do your own thing. 

When you hear from him, be happy, upbeat.  Squelch any pissed off feelings or resentment you have toward him for not living up to your self-imposed expectations.

Continue observing and play it out. Try to remain positive.

Good luck! 

Edited June 27, 2021 by poppyfields

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Something I have learned is that relationships are not always linear.

They can take different paths with lots of twists and turns along the way; this is not necessarily a bad thing. 

To me it's 'normal' and to be expected as two separate individuals strive to move closer to each other.

It's important to remain open and flexible to changing nuances Britney, let go of rigid expectations.

Otherwise you risk turning your partner off... and the whole thing blowing up and ending in an ugly way.

3-4 months is often when couples (or one partner) step back to reassess the potential of long term, it's happened in literally all my long term relationships.

Do NOT take personally.  

My advice is take a step back this week, do your own thing. 

When you hear from him, be happy, upbeat.  Squelch any pissed off feelings or resentment you have toward him for not living up to your self-imposed expectations.

Continue observing and play it out. Try to remain positive.

Good luck! 

Thank you!!!!

Will do!!!

[MsJayne]

He's backing off because he's feeling smothered. Around the 3 month mark is when you'd be seeing each other several times a week just as a natural course if there was serious interest on both sides, but you're at the 4 month mark and you're upset over a lack of communication and lack of certainty.  You say you've done most of the initiating for catch-ups and dates, and that's a bad sign, and also sounds like you work around his availability.  He knew what time his flight landed, he knew what time he'd be home, and if he was really missing you and looking forward to seeing you it wouldn't matter how tired he was. I agree with @smackie9 that there could well be a dumping coming, so I would read the room and respond accordingly by getting on with other things and not over-valuing a short relationship. 

[Britney25]

28 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

He's backing off because he's feeling smothered. Around the 3 month mark is when you'd be seeing each other several times a week just as a natural course if there was serious interest on both sides, but you're at the 4 month mark and you're upset over a lack of communication and lack of certainty.  You say you've done most of the initiating for catch-ups and dates, and that's a bad sign, and also sounds like you work around his availability.  He knew what time his flight landed, he knew what time he'd be home, and if he was really missing you and looking forward to seeing you it wouldn't matter how tired he was. I agree with @smackie9 that there could well be a dumping coming, so I would read the room and respond accordingly by getting on with other things and not over-valuing a short relationship. 

Omg. So why doesn't he just tell me it's over. Why text me miss you. He even told me I love you in person.  Was that fake too? So I should just respond to him and not initiate or should I bring up the subject of him being distant? And no he works on my avialabilty most of the time but today it was around his.

Edited June 27, 2021 by Britney25

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Yup there's a possible dumping coming your way. Seeing someone else? Yup that's possible too. Gotta be straight with him. ask him if he wants out, because his behavior is say that.

Is that why he gave me that vague answer? Why would he initiate I miss you texts? I'm so confused.

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, MsJayne said:

He's backing off because he's feeling smothered. Around the 3 month mark is when you'd be seeing each other several times a week just as a natural course if there was serious interest on both sides, but you're at the 4 month mark and you're upset over a lack of communication and lack of certainty.  You say you've done most of the initiating for catch-ups and dates, and that's a bad sign, and also sounds like you work around his availability.  He knew what time his flight landed, he knew what time he'd be home, and if he was really missing you and looking forward to seeing you it wouldn't matter how tired he was. I agree with @smackie9 that there could well be a dumping coming, so I would read the room and respond accordingly by getting on with other things and not over-valuing a short relationship. 

Btw I have a right to be upset for not seeing him right? I mean how the hell is he feeling smothered? You said so yourself that if he was really missing me he would see me especially since we live so close to each other. Why would he even tell me that hes coming back sunday??? Makes no sense.

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, Britney25 said:

So I shouldn't be upset that he wrote "but for sure soon?" We havent even seen each other before he left. The maybe tomorrow is ok but why would he add but for sure soon..to me it's like there is no plan. So he isnt really missing me. Ugh... I mean I miss him very much ..

We dont live together,  that's another thing. Why isnt he asking me to move in yet? Is it still too early? 4 months? 

Don't push him...yes, for most people that would be too soon.

Edited June 28, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Britney25 said:

Well she has had 3 relationships and with all of them moved in pretty fast. Maybe it works for her. Lol

But were they successful? If they're over, I'm guessing not?

Just step back, make plans for a few days, maybe arrange a girl's night out and have some laughs. You need some perspective and maybe a little distance. 

[MsJayne]

3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Btw I have a right to be upset for not seeing him right? I mean how the hell is he feeling smothered? You said so yourself that if he was really missing me he would see me especially since we live so close to each other. Why would he even tell me that hes coming back sunday??? Makes no sense.

Of course you do if he's done the "I love you" thing and you've agreed to be exclusive, etc. Wanting to know when you're next going to see your boyfriend isn't a crime, and sketchy communication and vagueness about when you'll next see him aren't acceptable....but, there is this, sometimes when we move from dating to relationship our behaviour changes, we can become a little more possessive, maybe a little more demanding, and sometimes to the other person those behaviours come across as controlling, when in fact we're just looking for reassurance. The other persons behaviour changes in response, they back off a little. What to you is your normal communication pattern, to him may suddenly seem a little smothering. Maybe you should just ask him if everything's OK? If he's in love and wants the relationship to grow you would expect him to be letting you know when you'll be seeing him, not being vague about it. If he's tired from travelling and working you would expect him to say so, but even if that were the case, you're his girlfriend so you would think he'd be super keen to see you, you're not just some friend who wants to come over and hang out and keep him up all night. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Britney25 said:

My friend told me if he's serious about me he should at least ask if I want to move in.

Don't listen to your friends.  Keep them out of it if you want to be happy.

[Britney25]

6 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Of course you do if he's done the "I love you" thing and you've agreed to be exclusive, etc. Wanting to know when you're next going to see your boyfriend isn't a crime, and sketchy communication and vagueness about when you'll next see him aren't acceptable....but, there is this, sometimes when we move from dating to relationship our behaviour changes, we can become a little more possessive, maybe a little more demanding, and sometimes to the other person those behaviours come across as controlling, when in fact we're just looking for reassurance. The other persons behaviour changes in response, they back off a little. What to you is your normal communication pattern, to him may suddenly seem a little smothering. Maybe you should just ask him if everything's OK? If he's in love and wants the relationship to grow you would expect him to be letting you know when you'll be seeing him, not being vague about it. If he's tired from travelling and working you would expect him to say so, but even if that were the case, you're his girlfriend so you would think he'd be super keen to see you, you're not just some friend who wants to come over and hang out and keep him up all night. 

He just texted me. I'm home now and tired. Have a good evening with a kiss.

Thoughts?

[stillafool]

Reply "Oh great, get your rest.  I'll talk to you soon".  No expectations and a little mystery will do him good.