Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: It means 'back off, you're suffocating me'. Just chill, he'll contact you when he contacts you. Don't spill over into the bunny boiler territory. He contacted me today but said thinking of you. I'm confused as hell. How am I suffocating him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: But acting like what? Hes my boyfriend. Plans are up in the air to meet. I dont want a pen pal! Hes behaviour changed. Acting like he's the only thing in your life that you have going. Get out and do something besides thinking about him. Edited June 28, 2021 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: Because "he's thinking of you" but busy. Don't you have other things to do to keep yourself busy or 6 days? Don't let him know this or you'll start to seem boring by making him your life. It will turn him off. Busy? Suddenly?! He wasnt like this 2 weeks ago. We saw each other 2-3 times a week at least. If hes busy where is the open communication? He should tell me this. You are never too busy to see your partner sorry. It's not like I'm asking to see him every damn day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Acting like he's the only thing in your life that you have going. Get out and do something besides thinking about I dont do distant relationships. I have needs to feel wanted. I feel like suddenly he doesnt care. Texting is not enough for me. I think that's normal and not being needy. In order to progress forward you need to see each other. How is being distant normal???? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 So 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: You are never too busy to see your partner sorry. It's not like I'm asking to see him every damn day. Sometimes I'm too busy to talk to my husband. Britney, seriously honey if you don't start controlling your neediness you will be lucky if he sticks around to make the 6 month mark. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: Acting like he's the only thing in your life that you have going. Get out and do something besides thinking about him. P.S that's called desiring someone. I am keeping myself busy with my life but I still keep thinking why he doesnt plan to meet. Its bothering me that's all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: So Sometimes I'm too busy to talk to my husband. Britney, seriously honey if you don't start controlling your neediness you will be lucky if he sticks around to make the 6 month mark. What's wrong with being needy????? Its normal. We need normalize having needs . Even a robot has needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 I'm thinking this guy has no idea what he's gotten himself into but will quickly find out. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: I'm thinking this guy has no idea what he's gotten himself into but will quickly find Are you closed emotionally?! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Britney25 said: But acting like what? Hes my boyfriend. Plans are up in the air to meet. I dont want a pen pal! Hes behaviour changed. Britney, never underestimate the power of your intuition. If more people paid attention to it, the less BS there would be imo. With the added information, something sounds off to me too. I do however believe you need to chill and say nothing. Simply continue observing his actions. Stay busy, so you're not so overly-focused on it, he may be feeling ambivalent after 4 months (see my previous post). I know some people don't believe in that (feeling ambivalence), but from what I have read and in my experience, again 3-4 months is when some people begin feeling some ambivalence about what they want to happen (long term relationship? OR break up). It's all very normal to me, two independent people moving closer to each other and towards a long term RL is not always an easy transition. And the more independent such person is, the more difficult and anxiety-provoking that transition can be. The reason why 3-4 months is so significant is because that is when the reality of the situation begins to set it. Before that, it was the "honeymoon period" where you were both wearing rose-colored glasses and HIGH on each other, the novelty, etc. Anyway, if you start drilling him with questions, seeking reassurance and behaving "needy," that may push him right over the edge to realizing he does NOT want to continue moving forward with you. And he will want to break up. I've seen this happen so many times, and it leaves the woman (mostly women but it can happen to men too) feeling confused and bewildered. So no matter how you feel right now, the best course of action is nothing! Remain chill, and play this out!! In response to his email, respond with "miss you too" with a kiss emoji. And that's it!!! I hate to say it, but he may subconsciously be "testing" you to see how well you're able to handle the distance. If you begin pressuring him (in his mind "freaking out"), you can kiss your RL goodbye. P.S. I could be overthinking this, but my spiny senses say something does sound a bit off, I hope I'm wrong! Edited June 28, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Britney, never underestimate the power of your intuition. If more people paid attention to it, the less BS there would be imo. With the added information, something sounds off to me too. I do however believe you need to chill and say nothing. Simply continue observing his actions. Stay busy, so you're not so overly-focused on it, he may be feeling ambivalent after 4 months (see my previous post). I know some people don't believe in that (feeling ambivalence), but from what I have read and in my experience, again 3-4 months is when some people begin feeling some ambivalence about what they want to happen (long term relationship? OR break up). It's all very normal to me, two independent people moving closer to each other and towards a long term RL is not always an easy transition. And the more independent such person is, the more difficult and anxiety-provoking that transition can be. The reason why 3-4 months is so significant is because that is when the reality of the situation begins to set it. Before that, it was the "honeymoon period" where you were both wearing rose-colored glasses and HIGH on each other, the novelty, etc. Anyway, if you start drilling him with questions, seeking reassurance that may push him right over the edge to realizing he does NOT want to continue moving forward with you. And he will want to break up. I've seen this happen so many times, and it leaves the woman (mostly women but it can happen to men too) feeling confused and bewildered. So not matter how you feel right now, the best course of action is nothing! Remain chill, and play this out!! I hate to say it, but he may subconsciously be "testing" you to see how well you're able to handle the distance. If you begin pressuring him (in his mind "freaking out"), you can kiss your RL goodbye. P.S. I could be overthinking this, but my spiny senses say something does sound a bit off, I hope I'm wrong! Thank you. Yeah I hope I'm wrong as well but it feels so off. Not like him. I am doing what you say. Today I havent initiated a text and he texted me "thinking of you baby". I did respond. That's what I'm planning on doing this whole week. Just responding not initiating but if he doesn't make a plan to meet this week I should start this convo shouldnt I? I mean that is not normal. Maybe he is testing me...maybe he is analyzing. Who knows. I'm staying low and distant. Nothing more I can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 11 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Britney, never underestimate the power of your intuition. If more people paid attention to it, the less BS there would be imo. With the added information, something sounds off to me too. I do however believe you need to chill and say nothing. Simply continue observing his actions. Stay busy, so you're not so overly-focused on it, he may be feeling ambivalent after 4 months (see my previous post). I know some people don't believe in that (feeling ambivalence), but from what I have read and in my experience, again 3-4 months is when some people begin feeling some ambivalence about what they want to happen (long term relationship? OR break up). It's all very normal to me, two independent people moving closer to each other and towards a long term RL is not always an easy transition. And the more independent such person is, the more difficult and anxiety-provoking that transition can be. The reason why 3-4 months is so significant is because that is when the reality of the situation begins to set it. Before that, it was the "honeymoon period" where you were both wearing rose-colored glasses and HIGH on each other, the novelty, etc. Anyway, if you start drilling him with questions, seeking reassurance that may push him right over the edge to realizing he does NOT want to continue moving forward with you. And he will want to break up. I've seen this happen so many times, and it leaves the woman (mostly women but it can happen to men too) feeling confused and bewildered. So not matter how you feel right now, the best course of action is nothing! Remain chill, and play this out!! I hate to say it, but he may subconsciously be "testing" you to see how well you're able to handle the distance. If you begin pressuring him (in his mind "freaking out"), you can kiss your RL goodbye. P.S. I could be overthinking this, but my spiny senses say something does sound a bit off, I hope I'm wrong! I forgot to add...what if he asks me out last minute? Should I say yes. He has done that before. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Thank you. Yeah I hope I'm wrong as well but it feels so off. Not like him. I am doing what you say. Today I havent initiated a text and he texted me "thinking of you baby". I did respond. That's what I'm planning on doing this whole week. Just responding not initiating but if he doesn't make a plan to meet this week I should start this convo shouldnt I? I mean that is not normal. Maybe he is testing me...maybe he is analyzing. Who knows. I'm staying low and distant. Nothing more I can do. No I do not advise starting any "convo," about this. Let him know through your actions that you are OKAY with the distance. I cannot stress this enough Britney. If it's something other than a bit of ambivalence on his part, if he begins flaking and/or acting hot and cold and doesn't make a plan to meet for an extended period of time, then simply end the relationship. I know many people are big on "talks," to me they serve no purpose. Very rarely will you get an honest answer anyway, so why bother? Let their actions speak for them and in your case, if he doesn't make a plan to meet within the next week or two (yes that long), then break up with him. These early stages (first six months) are for observing. Observing and determining whether or not someone is the right fit for you long term. If they can't provide what you need and you're unhappy, wish them well and walk away. Edited June 28, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: No I do not advise starting any "convo," about this. Let him know through your actions that you are OKAY with the distance. I cannot stress this enough Britney. If it's something other than a bit of ambivalence on his part, if he begins flaking and/or acting hot and cold and doesn't make a plan to meet for an extended period of time, then simply end the relationship. I know many people are big on "talks," to me they serve no purpose. Very rarely will you get an honest answer anyway, so why bother? Let their actions speak for them and in your case, if he doesn't make a plan to meet within the next week or two (yes that long), then break up with him. These early stages (first six months) are for observing. Observing and determining whether or not someone is the right fit for you long term. If they can't provide what you need and you're unhappy, wish them well and walk away. But what if he asks me out last minute? Should I say yes? Should I allow that? Sometimes he does do that and sometimes I say yes depending on my day. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I forgot to add...what if he asks me out last minute? Should I say yes. He has done that before. I am not sure why some people are so uptight about last minute dates. Ugh! Anyway, yes if you're free, then why the hell not? 😄 I don't advise playing silly little games, like you need to ask me out 3 days in advance (or the like) they're "shyt tests" and wrong imo. If you want to see him and you're free, then yes, see him! I met a guy a week ago last Saturday, and he asked me to a party THAT SAME NIGHT. I was free so I accepted and we had a great time, we went out again last Friday and again last night. I know many women who would have said no to that same day invite, or put up a zillion defenses, again I have never understood this. If you want to see him, then yes see him, even if it's last minute!! Some of my BEST dates have been spontaneous/last minute!! Edited June 28, 2021 by poppyfields 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 Just a though, what happens if he is secretly a member of this forum and has read the entire above exchange? 😮 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 Impossible he is Jewish doesn't read forums like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 28 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: Just a though, what happens if he is secretly a member of this forum and has read the entire above exchange? 😮 He is Jewish against forums like this. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: I forgot to add...what if he asks me out last minute? Should I say yes. He has done that before. Okay, here's where I personally am seeing a problem... You can't ask strangers every single step of the way about every single interaction with an SO in order to attempt to manipulate things in your favor. Do you plan on leading the entire rest of your relationship this way? Think about it. If you even feel you have to say exactly the right thing, word for word, or else it's all going to blow up, do you really have any sort of a good relationship? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Okay, here's where I personally am seeing a problem... You can't ask strangers every single step of the way about every single interaction with an SO in order to attempt to manipulate things in your favor. Do you plan on leading the entire rest of your relationship this way? Think about it. If you even feel you have to say exactly the right thing, word for word, or else it's all going to blow up, do you really have any sort of a good relationship? I understand. What are your thoughts? You dont find it odd he's not planning anything with me? How can this be normal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: No I do not advise starting any "convo," about this. Let him know through your actions that you are OKAY with the distance. I cannot stress this enough Britney. If it's something other than a bit of ambivalence on his part, if he begins flaking and/or acting hot and cold and doesn't make a plan to meet for an extended period of time, then simply end the relationship. I know many people are big on "talks," to me they serve no purpose. Very rarely will you get an honest answer anyway, so why bother? Let their actions speak for them and in your case, if he doesn't make a plan to meet within the next week or two (yes that long), then break up with him. These early stages (first six months) are for observing. Observing and determining whether or not someone is the right fit for you long term. If they can't provide what you need and you're unhappy, wish them well and walk away. You know it's kinda hard to stay silent on this and not bring it up of a week goes by and we will just text and not see each other. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I understand. What are your thoughts? You dont find it odd he's not planning anything with me? How can this be normal? We can't tell you. You need to ask him. I mean have you had other relationships? Do you think it's normal? This is about you and him. Edited June 28, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: But what if he asks me out last minute? Should I say yes? Should I allow that? Sometimes he does do that and sometimes I say yes depending on my day. Then say yes or no depending on your day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 11 hours ago, Tinyjaguar said: Wow, I think you need to calm down a bit. SMS, although convenient, is a really crap way to communicate. It is always emotive and the onus is on the reader to set the tones of the text. Sometimes the same message can mean completely different things depending on the reader's mood. Your boyfriend probably doesn't have a clue right now how worked up you have become over this. Thing is I feel like he changed that's all. His texting doesnt scream he is eager to see me that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: We can't tell you. You need to ask him. I mean have you had other relationships? Do you think it's normal? This is about you and him. No I dont think it's normal based on how he acted before. Link to post Share on other sites
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