Am I crazy to think this?

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I am only guessing but perhaps he is re-assessing.  Again, not uncommon.

Just because you aren't experiencing it, that does not mean he isn't.

Remember, your partner is not you, he is a completely different person with his own anxieties, fears and insecurities about whatever.

My last piece of advice for the day.  Do some reading on interpersonal relationships, human behavior, and watch some Esther Perel videos re how to maintain desire in a LTR.

She talks about how distance can be beneficial in maintaining desire and keeping that desire alive in long term relationships.

I realize this may sound a bit c0cky, but if you play this right, you could possibly have this man eating out of the palm of your hand...

It's up to you.

He texted hope you had a great day.

I'm so confused. What do I respond? 

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He texted hope you had a great day. I'm so confused.

This is what I just said above. You are never going to make it a full week. You are posting literally every single thing he says in frustration and you're not even through the first day!

OMG, just ask him!

 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

This is what I just said above. You are never going to make it a full week. You are posting literally every single thing he says in frustration and you're not even through the first day!

OMG, just ask him!

 

What do you mean just ask him? Ask why no plans??? I can't do that yet 

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He texted hope you had a great day.

I'm so confused. What do I respond? 

Why are you asking a stranger what to respond? Please just put yourself out of your misery and ask him what's going on. You're not built for all the game playing. And you'll never last out the week this way.

You're a grownup. He's a grownup. He is acting weird compared to the usual and won't tell you he wants to see you. OMG just ask already.

[Gaeta]

When you say he did not ask you to meet do you mean you don't visit each others place?

He goes to yours usually? Do you go to his?

 

[MsJayne]

8 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He texted hope you had a great day.

I'm so confused. What do I respond? 

DON'T respond.  If you lived an hour from him maybe it would be understandable, but you live 10 minutes from him. If he wants to know how your day was he could drop by after work, or go for a quick dinner together. He IS being a dick. And "needy " is when you expect someone to be in constant contact and want to know where they are every minute. Wanting to see your boyfriend and expecting to know when you'll see him is not needy, it's just an expectation of a bit of respect. 

Either call him and sort it out, or ignore him until he calls you. 

Edited June 28, 2021 by MsJayne

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, Britney25 said:

What do you mean just ask him? Ask why no plans??? I can't do that yet

Ask him why he seems off and distant. What do you mean you "can't" do that? There's a rule about it? 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Why are you asking a stranger what to respond? Please just put yourself out of your misery and ask him what's going on. You're not built for all the game playing. And you'll never last out the week this way.

You're a grownup. He's a grownup. He is acting weird compared to the usual and won't tell you he wants to see you. OMG just ask already.

But I'm not sure how to inniatie that convo to be honest.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

When you say he did not ask you to meet do you mean you don't visit each others place?

He goes to yours usually? Do you go to his?

 

I do go to his place. We go out as well. I mean hes not asking me out yet and I don't understand why if he supposedly misses me.

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

DON'T respond.  If you lived an hour from him maybe it would be understandable, but you live 10 minutes from him. If he wants to know how your day was he could drop by after work, or go for a quick dinner together. He IS being a dick. And "needy " is when you expect someone to be in constant contact and want to know where they are every minute. Wanting to see your boyfriend and expecting to know when you'll see him is not needy, it's just an expectation of a bit of respect. 

Ok but what will not responding do?? I like him...

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Ok but what will not responding do?? I like him...

I'm confused. You keep asking for advice, people keep giving it, you keep telling us why it's bad advice.

This is up to you. It is your relationship. Do what you want.

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Why are you asking a stranger what to respond? Please just put yourself out of your misery and ask him what's going on. You're not built for all the game playing. And you'll never last out the week this way.

You're a grownup. He's a grownup. He is acting weird compared to the usual and won't tell you he wants to see you. OMG just ask already.

I get that but what if I just respond and ignore the fact he's not asking me out just yet...what if he's going to do that tomorrow?? I think I should wait.

[Britney25]

Just now, CaliforniaGirl said:

I'm confused. You keep asking for advice, people keep giving it, you keep telling us why it's bad advice.

This is up to you. It is your relationship. Do what you want.

Well I don't want to blow it...you know what I mean. I could be wrong, because why is he texting me if he wants to break it off. Just doesnt make sense. Or I dont understand Men.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

I get that but what if I just respond and ignore the fact he's not asking me out just yet...what if he's going to do that tomorrow?? I think I should wait.

Do what you want, Britney. You're an adult. 

[Britney25]

Just now, CaliforniaGirl said:

Do what you want, Britney. You're an adult. 

I understand but I'm open to anyone's advice.  I have no one to talk to about this...that's all.......

[Britney25]

13 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Why are you asking a stranger what to respond? Please just put yourself out of your misery and ask him what's going on. You're not built for all the game playing. And you'll never last out the week this way.

You're a grownup. He's a grownup. He is acting weird compared to the usual and won't tell you he wants to see you. OMG just ask already.

So you're saying he's playing a game with me?

[MsJayne]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Ok but what will not responding do?? I like him...

But you're not liking what he's doing. So let him know it. He obviously thinks that his life and his time are more important than yours, he's assuming you will be there whenever he's ready to turn up, he is being very rude and quite dismissive towards you. If it was me I'd just stop replying to his texts, and that's because I've always found actions speak louder than words. He's being a dick, so treat him like one.  When he finally called me I'd just calmly explain that I find his inability to let me know when we'll be seeing each other really rude, and bad manners are a massive turn off.  If you're so insignificant in his life then why stick around to be insulted? 

[Gaeta]

Just now, Britney25 said:

I do go to his place. We go out as well. I mean hes not asking me out yet and I don't understand why if he supposedly misses me.

Go knock at his door.

[MsJayne]

6 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Well I don't want to blow it.

And he knows that, and that's exactly why he's doing it. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Go knock at his door.

Oh come onI'm not going to do that

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

But you're not liking what he's doing. So let him know it. He obviously thinks that his life and his time are more important than yours, he's assuming you will be there whenever he's ready to turn up, he is being very rude and quite dismissive towards you. If it was me I'd just stop replying to his texts, and that's because I've always found actions speak louder than words. He's being a dick, so treat him like one.  When he finally called me I'd just calmly explain that I find his inability to let me know when we'll be seeing each other really rude, and bad manners are a massive turn off.  If you're so insignificant in his life then why stick around to be insulted? 

Yeah that's true....I think it is rude that he's not asking me out. Only sending me lots of these texts and he obviously thinks that enough for me I'm guessing.  I'm going to ignore this text and see what happens.

[Britney25]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I understand it would be hard for you, because you need that reassurance, and that's okay.  In fact, I know it's difficult for some people to take my advice, because most women (and some men) are the same as you.  Needing reassurance when things feel "off" or don't go according to "plan."

Me?  I am perfectly fine with the distance, and also with uncertainty, I actually embrace those things.  I understand nuance and that relationships are not always linear.

Shakespeare himself wrote it  - "the course of true love never did run smooth."  Which I have found to be true.

I also understand ambivalence and if things were good with us before all this happened, I'd sit with it, and play it out, do my own thing....

This has always worked out in my favor and my boyfriends always "came back" stronger than before and we went on to have a LTR.

That said, if you really feel you need to ask, seeking reassurance, then by all means do so!

I hope it works out for you the way you hope!

Poppy would you respond to his: hope you had a great day text? Or should I ignore?

[MsJayne]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

Oh come onI'm not going to do that

Why not? You're his girlfriend, he keeps saying he wants to see you. If you don't feel comfortable going around to see what's up that's a sign that he's in control of your relationship, and you need to think hard about that because that's actually an early warning for an abusive relationship. 

[Britney25]

5 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

And he knows that, and that's exactly why he's doing it. 

He's just leading me on at this point?

[Britney25]

Just now, MsJayne said:

Why not? You're his girlfriend, he keeps saying he wants to see you. If you don't feel comfortable going around to see what's up that's a sign that he's in control of your relationship, and you need to think hard about that because that's actually an early warning for an abusive relationship. 

No he doesn't control me...he doesnt stalk me. I never said that.