elaine567 Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 15 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: That is why I am suggesting that she challenges him. Ask for a date and put the onus on him to sort it out. She would still be the one doing the initial asking, which is exactly where she doesn't want to be. She wants to see if HE will initiate like he used to do. She is fed up being the one to make something happen whilst he sits back or shows her how busy he is,. it is not about where or when, it is about whether he actually WANTS to go on a date with her enough to actually ask her. As he stopped asking about a month ago, I guess he doesn't actually want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 2 minutes ago, elaine567 said: She would still be the one doing the initial asking, which is exactly where she doesn't want to be. She wants to see if HE will initiate like he used to do. She is fed up being the one to make something happen whilst he sits back or shows her how busy he is,. it is not about where or when, it is about whether he actually WANTS to go on a date with her enough to actually ask her. As he stopped asking about a month ago, I guess he doesn't actually want to. Yes and, by being assertive now, she can put him on notice to shape up or ship out. If he fails to deliver, she can say "that wasn't good enough. How are you going to make it up to me?" and "if that's the best you can do, I'll be looking else where." She needs to give him the message loud and clear that he isn't up to scratch. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 2 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: She needs to give him the message loud and clear that he isn't up to scratch. I think she already gave him that message during the "talk" but he replied with a week's schedule that showed he had absolutely no time available to see her. I think this was a big hint he gave out here, a big hint that Britney chose to ignore. A guy that lives 10 minutes away that has literally NO time to see his gf even for a 5-10 minutes catch up during the week, is NOT interested. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 32 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I think she already gave him that message during the "talk" but he replied with a week's schedule that showed he had absolutely no time available to see her. I think this was a big hint he gave out here, a big hint that Britney chose to ignore. A guy that lives 10 minutes away that has literally NO time to see his gf even for a 5-10 minutes catch up during the week, is NOT interested. Agreed, and now she need to follow up to find out if the relationship is salvageable. She needs to up the ante and push for action. Of course, the other option is to walk away now and move on, but that could leave her feeling that he was "the one that got away", whether he is or not. See, relationships sometimes need a driver to stop them stagnating, and appears in this case that he isn't particularly assertive, so she needs to be to provoke him in to action. Edited July 10, 2021 by Tinyjaguar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 10 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: appears in this case that he isn't particularly assertive... He was plenty assertive for the first 3 months... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 55 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: She needs to up the ante and push for action. Sadly she already demanded a meeting to 'talk' a few days ago about "shaping up ", and the response from him was : "These are the days I can't see you" and a few 'have a nice day' texts. The more jumping up and down there is the more he sidesteps it with saccharine passive-aggressive tactics. Edited July 10, 2021 by Wiseman2 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 1 hour ago, Tinyjaguar said: Agreed, and now she need to follow up to find out if the relationship is salvageable But wouldn't that be silly at this point? They went from spending time together to random texts here and there. No calls even. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 4 hours ago, Tinyjaguar said: That is why I am suggesting that she challenges him. Ask for a date and put the onus on him to sort it out. Then, if he fails to deliver, she knows that he is not up to much and she can take appropriate action. Initiating a meeting isn't a challenge. It's a bad idea. When someone don't want to meet you, just let them go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Amanda92 said: Initiating a meeting isn't a challenge. It's a bad idea. When someone don't want to meet you, just let them go. Well, yeah. She needs to bring it to a head and if that doesn't get anywhere she know that she can kick him in to touch with no regrets. Or may be my ideas are a little too confrontational, but that is just my personality. Edited July 10, 2021 by Tinyjaguar Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 7 minutes ago, Amanda92 said: Initiating a meeting isn't a challenge. It's a bad idea. When someone don't want to meet you, just let them go. I agree especially when she initiated a meeting last Sunday to discuss all of this and supposedly laided down the law to him about her expectations. That ended in sex with no improvement in him making plans to see her through the week or setting up dates for the weekend. At this point it's just a repeat of what happened last week. I'm hoping Brit gets out with her friends and do something else besides think about this guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: "Hope you had a nice day" doesn't require a response. I get spam like that from my insurance company, and various other things. It's sad to watch someone fade out like this. He seems to be avoiding confrontation, even though you already had a defining the relationship talk this week. The writing on the wall was when he sent you a schedule about how busy he'll be but has not asked to see you and now just texts nonsense. Why does he text this nonsense? In your opinion should I break it off or ignore all his texts if they do happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 5 hours ago, Tinyjaguar said: OK, so he texted. Why don't you text him back and say, "do you want to go out. Pick me up at 1pm, and make it good." or something like that. Then the onus is on him to find something to do for the afternoon. You need to challenge him. Be more assertive. He might respond to that and surprise you. If he doesn't, then you will know a lot more about where you stand. Oh no at this point that is opposite of what I want to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: I agree especially when she initiated a meeting last Sunday to discuss all of this and supposedly laided down the law to him about her expectations. That ended in sex with no improvement in him making plans to see her through the week or setting up dates for the weekend. At this point it's just a repeat of what happened last week. I'm hoping Brit gets out with her friends and do something else besides think about this guy. I am definitely not texting him for a meet up or anything. Yesterday was a mistake on my part that I replied to his text and I even asked how are you while he ignored and didnt text back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sadly she already demanded a meeting to 'talk' a few days ago about "shaping up ", and the response from him was : "These are the days I can't see you" and a few 'have a nice day' texts. The more jumping up and down there is the more he sidesteps it with saccharine passive-aggressive tactics. Yep he is acting passive aggressive. I just dont get his nonsense texts. What is the point? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 3 hours ago, elaine567 said: I think she already gave him that message during the "talk" but he replied with a week's schedule that showed he had absolutely no time available to see her. I think this was a big hint he gave out here, a big hint that Britney chose to ignore. A guy that lives 10 minutes away that has literally NO time to see his gf even for a 5-10 minutes catch up during the week, is NOT interested. Yes. I am not texting a meet up. If he does text I will ignore him from this point on. I just dont get why he keeps texting nonsense to me while probably meeting with another woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I am definitely not texting him for a meet up or anything. Yesterday was a mistake on my part that I replied to his text and I even asked how are you while he ignored and didnt text back. Why do you think it was a mistake? You think if you hadn’t replied then things would be just fine? He’s clearly done. Playing hard to get won’t change a thing. You need to focus on things other than him and work on your severe insecurities that could have more than a little to do with the changes you are seeing in him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 So it's either I was too available for him and he got bored or he lost interest. If hes trying to slowly fade he should just stop texting all together. At 4 months we are supposedly boyfriend girlfriend and this is the respect I get from him? I totally understand he lost interest but have the decency to say so and not text me have a nice day BS because I dont even believe he cares anymore. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 Just now, Alfano said: Why do you think it was a mistake? You think if you hadn’t replied then things would be just fine? He’s clearly done. Playing hard to get won’t change a thing. You need to focus on things other than him and work on your severe insecurities that could have more than a little to do with the changes you are seeing in him. He didn't see my insecurities. I dont bombard him with texts.i never ask where he is. I dont stalk him. Yes ignoring that text would have been way better because it didnt deserve a reply. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: So it's either I was too available for him and he got bored or he lost interest. I'm sorry to say but at 4 Saturdays out of 16, he was never really serious about this relationship. You perceived it as him being interested but he barely gave you his prime-time and picking you up after work to go have sex at his place is not dating. It's kind of the equivalant of picking up milk on our way home. Don't try to figure it out, and most importantly don't think it's because you did or did not do something. Your heart was in the right place and he played on that. It's 100% on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 Stick to your decision to not respond to his texts unless they include a time and date to get together. It will be hard, but stay the course. At this point I would suggest beginning to get yourself used to the idea of your relationship being over. Maybe he'll redeem himself later, but for now he doesn't deserve your attention or your attachment to him. Make plans to go out with friends and focus on having fun. Maybe go somewhere with them where you might meet new people just to remind yourself there are other men out there and you don't need to hang onto someone not putting in the proper effort. Work on redirecting your thoughts and attention to other things. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I'm sorry to say but at 4 Saturdays out of 16, he was never really serious about this relationship. You perceived it as him being interested but he barely gave you his prime-time and picking you up after work to go have sex at his place is not dating. It's kind of the equivalant of picking up milk on our way home. Don't try to figure it out, and most importantly don't think it's because you did or did not do something. Your heart was in the right place and he played on that. It's 100% on him. Yes but he took me on a 4 day getaway, bought me expensive gifts, took me to the best restaurants, kept saying how amazing I am, how happy I make him, sent me flowers home, threw me a bday party. All this for sex?? I dont believe it. Edited July 10, 2021 by Britney25 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: Yes but he took me on a 4 day getaway, bought me expensive gifts, took me to the best restaurants, kept saying how amazing I am, how happy I make him, sent me flowers home, three me a bday party. All this for sex?? I down believe it. That was at the beginning? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: That was at the beginning? First 3 months Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 No one but him knows exactly why he's acting this way. Don't waste energy trying to figure it out. All that matters is what he's doing (or not doing) and how it makes you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) Britney, OK then, dump him. Plain and simple. If you believe he won't give you what you want and you don't want to provoke him in to action, then it's not worth the stress of carrying on. See, I believe talk is cheap and, if it is not followed up by action from either you or him, then it wasn't worth the talk in the first place. Edited July 10, 2021 by Tinyjaguar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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