Alvi Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 4 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Yes but he took me on a 4 day getaway, bought me expensive gifts, took me to the best restaurants, kept saying how amazing I am, how happy I make him, sent me flowers home, threw me a bday party. All this for sex?? I down believe it. Sounds like a love bombing. He is probably the type of guy who loves the chase. He chases hard and goes all the way for the chasee. But once the chasse is over he loses the interest pretty quickly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 1 minute ago, Alvi said: Sounds like a love bombing. He is probably the type of guy who loves the chase. He chases hard and goes all the way for the chasee. But once the chasse is over he loses the interest pretty quickly. Yep I got love bombed. Damn and I thought I finally met a sincere Man that is ready for marriage and kids. Oh yes he kept talking about having babies with me as well. He would randomly say our children would look so beautiful. He would tell me I will support you, he had a plan on when we would have kids. What the hell happened ?? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 Spending money on a woman isn't indicative his feelings are genuine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Yep I got love bombed. Damn and I thought I finally met a sincere Man that is ready for marriage and kids. Oh yes he kept talking about having babies with me as well. He would randomly say our children would look so beautiful. He would tell me I will support you, he had a plan on when we would have kids. What the hell happened ?? You didn't think it was weird to say these things to you under 12 weeks dating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You didn't think it was weird to say these things to you under 12 weeks dating? I did but didn't think anything of it. I thought he was just infatuated with me tbh. He would ask for my opinion on how to dress, he would take me to the store to help him pick out outfits. We really did couply things together first 3 months. So I'm wondering what changed for him. Another woman most likely. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) Has he had a family before? My thought is that, he is a solicitor (I.e. got a good job) and hasn't settled down until he is 40. He is either desperately unlucky in love or he doesn't want to settle down at all. Edited July 10, 2021 by Tinyjaguar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: Has he had a family before? My thought is that, he is a solicitor (I.e. got a good job) and hasn't settled down until he is 40. He is either desperately unlucky in love or he doesn't want to settle down at all. He told me he is divorced with no children, on the 2nd date said he is looking to settled down and is it what I want as well in the future. So he couldn't have been lieing? Edited July 10, 2021 by Britney25 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 It did not mean he wants to settle with you. At 4 months relationships escalate, they don't regress. It's also when we decide to take it to next level or not pursue further. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 There’s no magic time, 4 months into a relationship isn’t a time when things fail or go all out. That can happen at any time although things naturally tend to stabilize over many months and years. But even then you never know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: . So he couldn't have been lieing? I don't think he's lying. It seems the relationship was fine up to about a month ago. Then for reasons you may never know, he started fading little by little tiptoeing out His trip was when things really faded, even if there was still some dates and texts. Try to ignore other people's dating "rules" about days of the week or where everything "should be" at any given time. The important thing is that you spoke this week, nothing improved, it simply was greeted with passive-aggressive BS. All you can do is not respond to nonsense texts. Sorry this is happening. Maybe you're seeing the real him. Edited July 10, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 56 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: I don't think he's lying. It seems the relationship was fine up to about a month ago. Then for reasons you may never know, he started fading little by little tiptoeing out His trip was when things really faded, even if there was still some dates and texts. Try to ignore other people's dating "rules" about days of the week or where everything "should be" at any given time. The important thing is that you spoke this week, nothing improved, it simply was greeted with passive-aggressive BS. All you can do is not respond to nonsense texts. Sorry this is happening. Maybe you're seeing the real him. I agree, although my tactical approach would be different (I guess it's the extrovert in me). I'd call him out on his behaviour and tell him straight to sort it out or f*** off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 30 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: I agree, although my tactical approach would be different (I guess it's the extrovert in me). I'd call him out on his behaviour and tell him straight to sort it out or f*** off. That's quite confrontational and aggressive. Often times, one's silence speaks much louder than any actual words spoken (verbally or text) ever could. Brit, my advice is say nothing. Let him fade and consider it over, unless and until he texts you with something substantive versus nonsense "check in" texts. Allow him the opportunity to wonder about you, miss you, and long for you a bit. You might be surprised what a difference that can make, in both short and long term relationships. Create a life filled with abundance. Friends, hobbies, an exercise routine (for me it's yoga and pilates), take a class in something that interests you, and strive to attain peace and happiness within. Enjoy every day as if it's your last, cherish every moment, and try and remain outcome independent of everything you experience in life including relationships. Ciao, and wish you the best! Take care... Edited July 10, 2021 by poppyfields 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 15 hours ago, Britney25 said: Yes now I see that WAS my problem. I was available to him too much. I'm ignoring him this weekend. I never did before so now it's time for me to start . Britney, you missed the point that I was trying to make. This is not about you being available or not. It's not about ignoring or not ignoring him. Do whatever feels is best for you. This is not about him at all. Your main focus needs to be on Britney, and not him. I told you that you need to keep yourself busy. You cannot sit by the phone wondering whether or not he is going to text you or to ask you out again. Even if you never hear from this guy ever again, so what? Your life doesn't end there. There will be other men who would love to date you. I suggested that you involve yourself in some activities. Do things, do something, anything just to stop thinking about this guy. You really need to stop obsessing over this guy. Even go for a long walk to clear your head. You know what, make a profile on a dating site and talk to other guys. Go on the dates with other guy. So, what? You are single and are allowed to do what you want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 49 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: I'd call him out on his behaviour and tell him straight to sort it out or f*** off. And you’d accomplish nothing. Other than perhaps a temporary superficial fleeting moment of better behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 How about a fresh approach, Britney? Try writing out what you want from a relationship and assess if this guy can give it to you. Then make a decision to stick with it or not. I you want out, tell him it's not working. If you want in, be direct and demanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 5 minutes ago, Alfano said: And you’d accomplish nothing. Other than perhaps a temporary superficial fleeting moment of better behavior. Well, she needs to put a timescale on his improvements and if it does drop off, out he goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 She seems to be the type that would settle for the occasional scraps he’d toss her way, the bare minimum that would keep her on his hook. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 8 minutes ago, Alfano said: She seems to be the type that would settle for the occasional scraps he’d toss her way, the bare minimum that would keep her on his hook. Nope...I just didn't know any better. I really thought he was serious about his feelings for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 13 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: Well, she needs to put a timescale on his improvements and if it does drop off, out he goes. Well he's not really texting me today. I bet he is expecting me to get emotional on him but I am mia. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 25 minutes ago, Alvi said: Britney, you missed the point that I was trying to make. This is not about you being available or not. It's not about ignoring or not ignoring him. Do whatever feels is best for you. This is not about him at all. Your main focus needs to be on Britney, and not him. I told you that you need to keep yourself busy. You cannot sit by the phone wondering whether or not he is going to text you or to ask you out again. Even if you never hear from this guy ever again, so what? Your life doesn't end there. There will be other men who would love to date you. I suggested that you involve yourself in some activities. Do things, do something, anything just to stop thinking about this guy. You really need to stop obsessing over this guy. Even go for a long walk to clear your head. You know what, make a profile on a dating site and talk to other guys. Go on the dates with other guy. So, what? You are single and are allowed to do what you want. Which dating apps do you recommend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 44 minutes ago, poppyfields said: That's quite confrontational and aggressive. Often times, one's silence speaks much louder than any actual words spoken (verbally or text) ever could. Brit, my advice is say nothing. Let him fade and consider it over, unless and until he texts you with something substantive versus nonsense "check in" texts. Allow him the opportunity to wonder about you, miss you, and long for you a bit. You might be surprised what a difference that can make, in both short and long term relationships. Create a life filled with abundance. Friends, hobbies, an exercise routine (for me it's yoga and pilates), take a class in something that interests you, and strive to attain peace and happiness within. Enjoy every day as if it's your last, cherish every moment, and try and remain outcome independent of everything you experience in life including relationships. Ciao, and wish you the best! Take care... Yes Poppy I'm taking your advice. So far he didn't check in. I know he's wondering why I'm not getting emotional and texting him to meet, etc.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 10, 2021 Author Share Posted July 10, 2021 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: I don't think he's lying. It seems the relationship was fine up to about a month ago. Then for reasons you may never know, he started fading little by little tiptoeing out His trip was when things really faded, even if there was still some dates and texts. Try to ignore other people's dating "rules" about days of the week or where everything "should be" at any given time. The important thing is that you spoke this week, nothing improved, it simply was greeted with passive-aggressive BS. All you can do is not respond to nonsense texts. Sorry this is happening. Maybe you're seeing the real him. Why the check in texts?? keep me around In case he will want sex? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 16 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: Well, she needs to put a timescale on his improvements and if it does drop off, out he goes. That is so contrived and calculated. If this were me (which it never would cause I'd never allow myself to get into such situation in the first place), I would consider it over, let him fade and go NC. Silence is best here imo, speaks much louder. He's not stupid, he knows what's going on, no need to spell it out like he's a child. Just be gone... the end. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Well he's not really texting me today. I bet he is expecting me to get emotional on him but I am mia. No Britney, he's not waiting for you to text, he's not expecting anything. Right now you are out of his mind. That's why you don't hear from him. He's giving his Saturday to someone else, whether it's a friend or another woman and his thoughts are with them. Edited July 10, 2021 by Gaeta 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2021 Share Posted July 10, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Why the check in texts? He's not checking in. They are not even personalized or conversations. For all you know he forgot to delete you from a group text. He's a jerk, that's why. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts