Acacia98 Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 (edited) @Britney25, I do have to point out that I didnt allow my guy to end things by just ghosting me. I needed an official endpoint for that relationship. I didn't just want to leave things hanging because I wouldn't have been able to move on. So I understand your discomfort with the idea of just going silent too. It sounds like you need to do something that symbolizes closing the chapter to you. It could be a message or an email or something else. Then you can block him everywhere and truly start to move on. Edited July 11, 2021 by Acacia98 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 57 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Shouldn't it be perfectly fine to call him out? You can, if that is what you feel is better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: Shouldn't it be perfectly fine to call him out? It's pointless to call him out. It sounds like what you are hoping for is that he will declare his love and make a complete turn-around in how he feels about and treats you. Not likely. If you feel you have to say something, send him a text saying this isn't working for you, and then close the door for good. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 I see no point in dragging out the inevitable. This was not just a few days of pulling back, this was 4 whole weeks of it. This guy was hoping to get rid of you without having to actually pull the plug himself. He is a conflict avoidant coward. Like Acacia's bloke he will give you the run around, rather than have to actually tell you it's over. He will get your hopes up with excuses and apologies, for him to dash them eventually anyway. Don't play this game, cut him off dead and walk away with some of your dignity intact. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 11, 2021 Author Share Posted July 11, 2021 32 minutes ago, poppyfields said: LOL, yeah, I can see how the above advice might work; who knows, some men need that fire lit under their butts, they actually like it. It riles them up! If it's genuinely a women's nature, do it, I don't think it's Brit's nature though. Is it Brit? You want to call him out? What would you say? No I'm not going to do it... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Britney25 said: No I'm not going to do it... Agree. Just keep doing what you are doing which is not contacting him unless he sends meaningful conversation. Breakup talks are usually excuses to rehash and renegotiate breakups under the guise of "closure", so it invariably looks desperate. Stay no contact. Best message there is. Edited July 11, 2021 by Wiseman2 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 3 hours ago, Britney25 said: Did you contact him? Asking what happened? I texted, called, wrote emails, even contacted his adult daughter. She had no clue why her father acted like this. He sent me an email 2 months later saying thank you for teaching him love and l deserved better. He was right on that point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 11, 2021 Author Share Posted July 11, 2021 4 hours ago, Acacia98 said: @Britney25, I do have to point out that I didnt allow my guy to end things by just ghosting me. I needed an official endpoint for that relationship. I didn't just want to leave things hanging because I wouldn't have been able to move on. So I understand your discomfort with the idea of just going silent too. It sounds like you need to do something that symbolizes closing the chapter to you. It could be a message or an email or something else. Then you can block him everywhere and truly start to move on. Yeah he made me feel so sad. I am very sad, disappointed. It makes me question did I even mean anything to him. Did he ven have feelings for me. I dont understand..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 11, 2021 Author Share Posted July 11, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: I texted, called, wrote emails, even contacted his adult daughter. She had no clue why her father acted like this. He sent me an email 2 months later saying thank you for teaching him love and l deserved better. He was right on that point. Sad Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 11, 2021 Author Share Posted July 11, 2021 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree. Just keep doing what you are doing which is not contacting him unless he sends meaningful conversation. Breakup talks are usually excuses to rehash and renegotiate breakups under the guise of "closure", so it invariably looks desperate. Stay no contact. Best message there is. Yeah he is still quiet. I am just so sad. Did he even mean all the sweet things he said to me. Did it really mean anything? Was he acting? Ughhh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 11 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Yeah he is still quiet. I am just so sad. Did he even mean all the sweet things he said to me. Did it really mean anything? Was he acting? Ughhh He meant them in the moment Dis. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 11, 2021 Author Share Posted July 11, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: He meant them in the moment Dis. 😞 I just need a hug. My heart and soul is so broken. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 ((((HUGS)))) Britney, it will be alright. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 But actually I don't know... Maybe it would be better to send him break up message and blocking him? Because now Britney will wait when he will text her and still have some hope that he will be back... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 11, 2021 Share Posted July 11, 2021 10 minutes ago, Britney25 said: 😞 I just need a hug. My heart and soul is so broken. ((((((((Huge hug!)))))))) Don't try to keep the sadness in. Let it all out!! I would be sad too, 4 months is plenty to get attached to someone and building dreams in our head. Before l would play tough and would drag the pain too long. My last breakup l cried everytime l was sad and it helped a lot. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Britney, I'm so sorry this happened! Hugs to you and sending you healing energies I've read the majority of this thread and I think the main take away, the primary issue that will give you the closure you need, is he was love bombing A bf of 4 months should not be saying your babies with him would be cute, he wouldn't mind if you got pregnant, he shouldn't be showering you with affection and compliments in an over the top way. It's all scary and too much. It's too much because it can't be sustained. That's why love bombers drop off like that. I think they do feel it at the time but once they get what they were chasing after, they lose the desire to keep things going. You will find your own closure. Don't go to him for it. You don't need to know the ins and outs of what happened but if I had to guess the above is probably the jist of it. I hope you heal quickly and completely from this. And yes anorexia does not define you, I have bipolar II and it does not define me. You overcame your own obstacles, you will overcome this! xoxo 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Dis said: Britney, I'm so sorry this happened! Hugs to you and sending you healing energies I've read the majority of this thread and I think the main take away, the primary issue that will give you the closure you need, is he was love bombing A bf of 4 months should not be saying your babies with him would be cute, he wouldn't mind if you got pregnant, he shouldn't be showering you with affection and compliments in an over the top way. It's all scary and too much. It's too much because it can't be sustained. That's why love bombers drop off like that. I think they do feel it at the time but once they get what they were chasing after, they lose the desire to keep things going. You will find your own closure. Don't go to him for it. You don't need to know the ins and outs of what happened but if I had to guess the above is probably the jist of it. I hope you heal quickly and completely from this. And yes anorexia does not define you, I have bipolar II and it does not define me. You overcame your own obstacles, you will overcome this! xoxo Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words. 🙂 Yeah I believe you are right. I didn't catch on that all it was is love bombing because we lasted 4 months. That's a pretty long time for him to keep on love bombing me daily. He spoke with my mom, told her what an amazing woman I am. Was ready to meet her! Told me on the second date he wants children and marriage and do I see myself in the future having the same goals. I don't understand. I really dont. Thank you again. Thank you for sharing your health struggles. You are amazing! Xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 15 minutes ago, Amanda92 said: But actually I don't know... Maybe it would be better to send him break up message and blocking him? Because now Britney will wait when he will text her and still have some hope that he will be back... Low key I am kinda hoping he will text me something...even just to say we are done. I promise I'm not going to send the first text. Just sharing my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 25 minutes ago, Dis said: Britney, I'm so sorry this happened! Hugs to you and sending you healing energies I've read the majority of this thread and I think the main take away, the primary issue that will give you the closure you need, is he was love bombing A bf of 4 months should not be saying your babies with him would be cute, he wouldn't mind if you got pregnant, he shouldn't be showering you with affection and compliments in an over the top way. It's all scary and too much. It's too much because it can't be sustained. That's why love bombers drop off like that. I think they do feel it at the time but once they get what they were chasing after, they lose the desire to keep things going. You will find your own closure. Don't go to him for it. You don't need to know the ins and outs of what happened but if I had to guess the above is probably the jist of it. I hope you heal quickly and completely from this. And yes anorexia does not define you, I have bipolar II and it does not define me. You overcame your own obstacles, you will overcome this! xoxo 24 minutes ago, Dis said: Britney, I'm so sorry this happened! Hugs to you and sending you healing energies I've read the majority of this thread and I think the main take away, the primary issue that will give you the closure you need, is he was love bombing A bf of 4 months should not be saying your babies with him would be cute, he wouldn't mind if you got pregnant, he shouldn't be showering you with affection and compliments in an over the top way. It's all scary and too much. It's too much because it can't be sustained. That's why love bombers drop off like that. I think they do feel it at the time but once they get what they were chasing after, they lose the desire to keep things going. You will find your own closure. Don't go to him for it. You don't need to know the ins and outs of what happened but if I had to guess the above is probably x P.S Isn't a love bomber trying to control the person they are love bombing? He never controlled me. I always did my own thing. I didn't feel manipulated by him at the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 I mean doesnt a love bomber manipulate their victim that it's hard to leave? He's not doing that. I dont think it was love bombing. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Britney, you said that you are from Russia. I was wondering if that guy is also Russian or was born in the Russia? See, I am from the Russia too originally. Not going to stereotype people but that might explain some of his behavior. I've been living here in Canada for many years but dated quite a few guys from my home country. I've noticed that they all have this pattern in common. Probably not a good idea to write on here on this forum what that is, if you will say that he is from the Russia originally, that would explain some things. I've dated lots of Canadian men as well and let's just say they have a different mentality when it comes to dating. Or I could be completely wrong in your case. Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 25 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I mean doesnt a love bomber manipulate their victim that it's hard to leave? He's not doing that. I dont think it was love bombing. He is doing that. He is manipulating you. He manipulated you to fall for him and pine for him, sleep with him; you wrote a thirty page thread on him on here. I say you are plenty manipulated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Maybe... but when you wait for him, you are passive. And you don't like this relationship, so you should just break up. I don't know. I am just wondering... maybe someone could say what things. It's like you let him lead. And you don't like his behavior and you are just waiting... What do you think guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Alvi said: Britney, you said that you are from Russia. I was wondering if that guy is also Russian or was born in the Russia? See, I am from the Russia too originally. Not going to stereotype people but that might explain some of his behavior. I've been living here in Canada for many years but dated quite a few guys from my home country. I've noticed that they all have this pattern in common. Probably not a good idea to write on here on this forum what that is, if you will say that he is from the Russia originally, that would explain some things. I've dated lots of Canadian men as well and let's just say they have a different mentality when it comes to dating. Or I could be completely wrong in your case. He is American as far as I remember. And Americans behave like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 hour ago, AnnieB said: He is doing that. He is manipulating you. He manipulated you to fall for him and pine for him, sleep with him; you wrote a thirty page thread on him on here. I say you are plenty manipulated. Yes but love bombers I read dont just leave you. Hes supposed to make me not let him go, manipulate me to control me. I read that they love bomb in order for you to be dependent on them. He didnt even rush me to move in with you. I read once that happens they control your life and abuse you. So that didnt happen. He never forced me to have sex with him either. I dont know. Link to post Share on other sites
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