glows Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I care. I still care for him. He threw me a special party. It was so sweet. Presents galore. He went over the top. We had a really great time in the 3 months. Last month he started acting distant. Now after our chat he ghosted me. He didnt block me on WhatsApp yet or on Facebook. He left me confused. Honestly if he would've just told me I dont see this going forward I would be OK. I really would. Not this silence. That's where your filters automatically kick in and interest levels drop. Silence is an answer, I'm afraid. I'm sorry all this is happening because you're very hurt in your posts. If you want to text him, why not? But be prepared that you're taking yourself for the painful rollercoaster once again if he doesn't respond or takes too long to respond or doesn't make plans with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: April Okay, see, that was then, this is now. HE is the one who decided to change everything, you do not owe him a thing. You know what will happen if you wish him a happy birthday. He won’t say anything or else he’ll just say thanks babe and you’ll be agonizing all over again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, glows said: But be prepared that you're taking yourself for the painful rollercoaster once again if he doesn't respond or takes too long to respond or doesn't make plans with you. Or worse, does make plans with her, has sex, issues some insincere sweet talk, then fades out again. Lather, rinse... 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, introverted1 said: I don't think it's so easy to turn off parts of your personality this way. The anxiety you are feeling over this situation is very apparent. It's hard to believe that it hasn't bled into your interactions with your bf. Regardless, the best thing for you to do now is to move forward. Sending him a birthday message just sets back your healing process. If it helps, block him, so you'll stop expecting him to text you. Get busy with your girlfriends/hobbies/interests. When the time is right, date others. I promise you I dont have any anxiety when I'm around him, otherwise he would've dumped me the first month. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, introverted1 said: Or worse, does make plans with her, has sex, issues some insincere sweet talk, then fades out again. Lather, rinse... Yes.. agree. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: I promise you I dont have any anxiety when I'm around him, otherwise he would've dumped me the first month. No way. In fact, he may have used that knowing you’d stick around no matter what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said: No way. In fact, he may have used that knowing you’d stick around no matter what. And yet I'm NOT texting him. I'm silent. If he thought I was that insecure or and needy then he is shocked that I'm silent. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 @Britney25, someone here has a signature that reads something like "If they love you, you'll know; and if they don't, you'll always wonder." This guy does nothing but leave you wondering, which should tell you all you need to know. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Okay, see, that was then, this is now. HE is the one who decided to change everything, you do not owe him a thing. You know what will happen if you wish him a happy birthday. He won’t say anything or else he’ll just say thanks babe and you’ll be agonizing all over again. I'm not expecting anything actually. I just thought it is nice to at least acknowledge his bday. I'm just not a b**** like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, introverted1 said: @Britney25, someone here has a signature that reads something like "If they love you, you'll know; and if they don't, you'll always wonder." This guy does nothing but leave you wondering, which should tell you all you need to know. I know...I know.... I'm just sad, confused and disappointed in the situation. He threw me out like I'm garbage. It's hard to to feel connected to someone 4 months especially spending a lot of time together. I just cant believe he lost feelings that fast. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: And yet I'm NOT texting him. I'm silent. If he thought I was that insecure or and needy then he is shocked that I'm silent. He knows you’re insecure and needy with him. You keep doing this if-then thing. I doubt he’s shocked. He’s just waiting knowing you’ll be back and he can snap his fingers for sex, or else just ignore you because his “friend from out of town” was just there, and STILL you’ll be waiting. There really is no way he doesn’t sense your utter agony over this. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I'm not expecting anything actually. I just thought it is nice to at least acknowledge his bday. I'm just not a b**** like that. Come on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: He knows you’re insecure and needy with him. You keep doing this if-then thing. I doubt he’s shocked. He’s just waiting knowing you’ll be back and he can snap his fingers for sex, or else just ignore you because his “friend from out of town” was just there, and STILL you’ll be waiting. There really is no way he doesn’t sense your utter agony over this. How are you so sure? You dont know him. How is me staying silent sending him the wrong signals? How was I insecure and needy with him? I just dont see what I've done wrong. Edited July 12, 2021 by Britney25 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I'm not expecting anything actually. I just thought it is nice to at least acknowledge his bday. I'm just not a b**** like that. Again the premise is because you find him unattractive, sincerely a total non-option any longer and total disinterest. That's the reason for not texting anything. It's not about being rude or spiteful. I don't think this is a big issue whether you send a birthday text or not. It's how you feel and what you do afterwards that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 23 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I just want to do it because I still have feelings for him. Those feelings are not going to disappear overnight. It's going to take time. You can send a B-day text but if you don't get a reply or the reply you expect the pain will be worse than you're feeling now. If he does reply and ask to get together, you have sex and he still disappears or doesn't contact you afterwards again, you'll feel even worse and the pain will still linger. As you can see talking this out with him means nothing either because he says okay to everything you ask but doesn't do it. What is there to gain at this point? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, glows said: Again the premise is because you find him unattractive, sincerely a total non-option any longer and total disinterest. That's the reason for not texting anything. It's not about being rude or spiteful. I don't think this is a big issue whether you send a birthday text or not. It's how you feel and what you do afterwards that matters. Ugh I just don't understand any of this. I know there's a risk he wont even day thank you back. Or will just say thanks. I dont know anymore. How is it ok to just ghost a realtionship like that. I really though he was different that's why I fell for him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: How is it ok to just ghost a realtionship like that. I really though he was different that's why I fell for him. I really don't feel he was trying to hurt you. It's just the easiest way to let someone go. Especially after all the love bombing you said he did he'd sound pretty silly at this point saying "I don't think we should continue seeing each other anymore." Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 10 minutes ago, Britney25 said: He threw me out like I'm garbage... Yes he did, so why again would you want to send him 'happy birthday' greetings? I'm not understanding this Brit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Yes he did, so why again would you want to send him 'happy birthday' greetings? I'm not understanding this Brit. Because I'm a very caring person. He made me feel great. I guess I should be cold hearted but I am not . Did you think he will text me again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: I really don't feel he was trying to hurt you. It's just the easiest way to let someone go. Especially after all the love bombing you said he did he'd sound pretty silly at this point saying "I don't think we should continue seeing each other anymore." That's not silly if it's the truth. He lied to me when we had that conversation face to face. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Honestly, I am a big believer in bandaid theory, just rip it off quick and be done. It'll hurt a lot at the time but it is better than prolonging the pain Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 Omg yes if he really did love me or had strong feelings for me , he wouldn't be silent like this. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Because I'm a very caring person. He made me feel great. I guess I should be cold hearted but I am not . Did you think he will text me again? I am a very caring person too (too much sometimes), but I have learned in recent years to direct that caring to people who deserve it, NOT men who discard me after 4 months dating with no explanation like I am "a piece of garbage." It's called loving yourself and having self-respect, and Brit this has been said a zillion times, but no man, no person, will ever truly love you OR respect you if you first don't love and respect yourself. And sending the birthday greeting after how he so coldly discarded you reflects those things (lack of self love and self respect). I mean I am actually flabbergasted that he ghosted after the type of RL you described having, that's got to be the coldest most heartless thing one could ever do to another person. I mean this wasn't some 'on line interaction,' you were in what you thought to be, what HE led you to believe was, a serious relationship! I truly wonder how these people sleep at night. Anyway, I vote for no sending the birthday greetings, and I have no idea if he will ever reach out to you, but I hope he does, that would at least show some semblancy of being somewhat of a decent human... I wouldn't count on it though. Brit, I am REALLY sorry this happened, gotta say I never expected this, again I am absolutely flabbergasted, in shock. BIG HUGS.... Time heals... Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Omg yes if he really did love me or had strong feelings for me , he wouldn't be silent like this. No! Stop! You are just torturing yourself. If you genuinely believe there is no future with this guy, just get out of there pronto, one way or another. It's not worth the pain of hanging on. When I split up with my ex, I held out hope and played nice, and it was all futile. Edited July 12, 2021 by Tinyjaguar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 20 minutes ago, Britney25 said: How are you so sure? You dont know him. How is me staying silent sending him the wrong signals? How was I insecure and needy with him? I just dont see what I've done wrong. You haven’t done anything wrong! That’s the whole point. HE is the one who changed his mind and Britney…you can’t control that. You just can’t. Text, don’t text, wait X amount of days before answering, it wouldn’t have mattered. I am saying that nobody can twist so desperately as you have for 40+ pages of this thread and not have it show. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to save you from more hurt. You’re not in love with this guy, you’re in love with who you thought he was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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