Am I crazy to think this?

[Alpacalia]

Wow.

If someone can't even be bothered to tell you they wish to reject you, whatever reason they give for their passive rejection will never help you move on.

[Britney25]

16 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Fair point.  Another woman in same sitch might reach out and say "What's up with you?  You don't respond to my last message, you disappear all weekend, what the fukk is going on with you, it's totally disrespectful!!"

Like I said earlier, some men dig strong women with a backbone, who don't tolerate BS, and who speak up, even get angry when warranted.

He MAY be one of those guys, I don't know, but I DO know men (including two of my brothers) who are like this.

One of my brother's girlfriend is so feisty, she doesn't let him get away with a damn thing, she calls him on his BS each and every time, if he doesn't shape up SHE ships out, and he told me he really likes her feistiness, it keeps him in check....

I dunno, just sayin, it's another option EXCEPT for the fact it's not you Brit, it's not who you are... you're more soft and passive...

So it may be an incompatibility thing too, but at this point I am just speculating, I actually have NO idea. 

 

 

 

Poppy if that was OK to do...to call him out why was everyone advising me NOT to contact him. Because I dont have a backbone? 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Alpaca said:

Wow.

If someone can't even be bothered to tell you they wish to reject you, whatever reason they give for their passive rejection will never help you move on.

That's why he should be called out. Dont you think? 

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Ok I will call him out . If he blocks me so be it. Do I have your support?

Okay but don't ask "are you okay?" you shouldn't give a rat's arse if he's okay, at this point you should be ANGRY!  He is acting like a total d-bag putz!!

There are all sorts of articles about this on the internet, about how men KNOW when they're behaving badly, and they actually need to be called out on their shyt, and they respect women who DO call them out, A LOT!!

Now with my brothers I know why they are like this, it's because when we were growing up and they misbehaved, acted badly getting in all sorts of mischief, my MOM would literally put the fear of god in them, my mom was super strong and never let them get away with any crap, and my brothers associated her getting pissed off and angry with her CARING, which it was.

So as adults, when they're behaving badly, and a woman gets ANGRY, they associate that with her caring too.

When a girlfriend sits back and says nothing and tolerates it, acts passively, they assume she doesn't give a shyt because if she did, his behavior would hurt and make her angry!!

It makes sense to me.

When we care, we get ANGRY, when we don't care, we let it fade... block/delete.

 

 

 

Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So you want him to text hey Britney...have a great day Britney...he usually says babe

"Babe" or "Baby" is the way my playboy brother always addressed his numerous gfs so he never mixed up their names.  Very common for men who are dating multiple women.

[Alpacalia]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

When we care, we get ANGRY, when we don't care, we let it fade...

Exactly. Just what this guy has done.

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

"Babe" or "Baby" is the way my playboy brother always addressed his numerous gfs so he never mixed up their names.  Very common for men who are dating multiple women.

He did text my name once in a while. I dont believe he was seeing multiple women no.

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So I should be passive? Omg you guys have me all wrong.  I wanted to text him over the weekend but everyone was advising me not to, not because I'm not feisty .

Listen, not texting him taught you a lot about him, right? You could continue being silent just to see how he's going to handle the situation. You had a conversation with him already about not spending more time together, he's aware of that. I don't think it's your turn AGAIN to chase him down and ask why you have not heard from him. 

If you text him, call him, you will never know how long it would have taken for him to get back to you. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Alpaca said:

Exactly. Just what this guy has done.

Why would he be mad when he stopped communicating not me.

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Okay but don't ask "are you okay?," you shouldn't give a rat's arse if he's okay, at this point you should be ANGRY!  He is acting like a total d-bag putz!!

There are all sorts of articles about this on the internet, about how men KNOW when they're behaving badly, and they actually need to be called out on their shyt, and they respect women who DO call them out, A LOT!!

Now with my brothers I know why they are like this, it's because when we were growing up and they misbehaved, acted badly getting in all sorts of mischief, my MOM would literally put the fear of god in them, my mom was super strong and never let them get away with any crap, and my brothers associated her getting pissed off and angry with her CARING, which it was.

So as adults, when they're behaving badly, and a woman gets ANGRY, they associate that with her caring too.

When a girlfriend sits back and says nothing and tolerates it, acts passively, they assume she doesn't give a shyt because if she did, his behavior would hurt and make her angry!!

It makes sense to me.

When we care, we get ANGRY, when we don't care, we let it fade...

 

 

 

How should I word it? 

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Why would he be mad when he stopped communicating not me.

If you do send a bday text, what would you say?.

Don't "call him out" you did that already a week ago, it looks desperate and a little crazy.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Listen, not texting him taught you a lot about him, right? You could continue being silent just to see how he's going to handle the situation. You had a conversation with him already about not spending more time together, he's aware of that. I don't think it's your turn AGAIN to chase him down and ask why you have not heard from him. 

If you text him, call him, you will never know how long it would have taken for him to get back to you. 

Aha so that's why it's important not to call him out yet. I'm not sure I agree with that tactic because he might never text me again and I wont get that chance to call him out.

[Gaeta]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Don't "call him out" you did that already a week ago, it looks desperate and a little crazy.

2 seperate issues here.

Last time she called him out on not spending time together. Now it's about him going MIA since last Friday. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you do send a bday text, what would you say?.

Don't "call him out" you did that already a week ago, it looks desperate and a little crazy.

How is calling him out desperate? I left him alone for the weekend. He is still silent. How do men get away with this BS? He is my boyfriend. He probably thinks I'm too scared to call him out. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

How should I word it? 

Brit, I am not going to tell you how to be angry, come on, that's on you.

Do you feel angry?  I ask because you wanted to send him a damn bday message and/or ask him "are you okay"?

This does not sound like a woman who is angry.

If you feel angry, then get angry!!  You don't have to go full blown psycho on him but DO express your feelings!

It's okay to get angry, as women we have been taught angry is bad, it's not "feminine" the hell with that, if you feel angry at his behavior then call him out, IN YOUR OWN WORDS.  Speak from your gut, your heart.

STOP being so damn nice.

There is book for men "No More Mr. Nice Guy," for women there is "Why Men Love Bytches."

Same thing.  SPEAK YOUR MIND, and do not tolerate BS and certainly don't reward BS with bday greeting or asking "are you okay"?  UGH!

Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Aha so that's why it's important not to call him out yet. I'm not sure I agree with that tactic because he might never text me again and I wont get that chance to call him out.

What does it say about him if he never gets back to you?

When people treat you bad THEY KNOW they are treating you bad. What you will tell him won't make a difference. He's not even going to listen. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

2 seperate issues here.

Last time she called him out on not spending time together. Now it's about him going MIA since last Friday. 

Honestly how should I word it if I do decide to call him out? 

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Aha so that's why it's important not to call him out yet. I'm not sure I agree with that tactic because he might never text me again and I wont get that chance to call him out.

Nvm

Edited July 12, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Brit, I am not going to tell you how to be angry, come on, that's on you.

Do you feel angry?  I ask because you wanted to send him a damn bday message and/or ask him "are you okay"?

This does not sound like a woman who is angry.

If you feel angry, then get angry!!  You don't have to go full blown psycho on him and express your feelings!

It's okay to get angry, as women we have been taught angry is bad, it's not "feminine" the hell with that, if you feel angry at his behavior then call him out, IN YOUR OWN WORDS.  Speak from your gut, your heart.

I feel angry and hurt but not psycho angry.  I just want to tell him what's up? Why is he quiet something along does lines

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

2 seperate issues here.

Last time she called him out on not spending time together. Now it's about him going MIA since last Friday. 

But it's basically the same thing.  He said he would do better but then he didn't make any plans, just acted worse.

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Tactics. Games. Should you text, when should you text, what should you text. For heaven’s sake, you’re even asking instructions on how you should feel. Casual? Caring? Feisty?

You’re looking to manipulate the situation and somehow do the perfect things to get him back.

And you’re pinning it on us…saying anything you already agreed with was all our idea.

Britney, do you hear yourself?

How is any of this okay?

I am not trying to get him back!! I want to tell him it's not right what he did!!!!!!! Why should we be passive???!!!!! 

[poppyfields]

12 minutes ago, stillafool said:

"Babe" or "Baby" is the way my playboy brother always addressed his numerous gfs so he never mixed up their names.  Very common for men who are dating multiple women.

LOL, that's funny, and yeah I have encountered that a couple of times.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

I am not trying to get him back!! I want to tell him it's not right what he did!!!!!!! Why should we be passive???!!!!! 

Then you decide what you want to do. It is your relationship. Full stop.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

But it's basically the same thing.  He said he would do better but then he didn't make any plans, just acted worse.

Be honest pls. In my shoes wouldnt you text him to say what he did is wrong? Or would you not give a f***?

You see I do give a f*** otherwise I wouldnt care anymore. 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

I feel angry and hurt but not psycho angry.  I just want to tell him what's up? Why is he quiet something along does lines

Just speak from your heart using your own words.  When you confronted him the last time did you do it in a feisty way?  Did you show him that you were angry and hurt?