CaliforniaGirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Never. Maybe that's why he got bored lol Stop trying to figure out what you think you did wrong. Want the full truth? I think he’s cheating on you. And you can not control that. By this point of dozens of posts here and these couple of weeks, you’ve now seriously built up some anger. It didn’t have to get to this point. It did because you were afraid to calmly say what was bothering you, and say it at the time, not a week or two later. Let this be a heads up for the future: if you are this utterly terrified to say two honest (fully honest) sentences to the person who supposedly loves you and wants to give you children, something is already wrong with the relationship. Terror of his reactions has you paralyzed. Edited July 12, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 32 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Why would he be mad when he stopped communicating not me. I was referring to when Poppy said "when we don't care, we let it fade" which is kind what this guy has done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Stop trying to figure out what you think you did wrong. Want the full truth? I think he’s cheating on you. And you can not control that. Yeah but why is he cheating on her, or did he find another woman? HE GOT BORED. There were never any arguments, Brit squelched negative feelings, afraid to speak up and "rock the boat," guy was bored to death. Not defending him, just explaining one possibility for his behavior now. Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Boredom is the KISS OF DEATH in relationships. I think this goes for both men and women, but for me would much rather have a man get angry with me than bored. Anger means something is happening. There's fire, passion. It stirs emotions! And creates sexual tension. For both men and women. Once boredom sets it, it's over, imo. I'm being sarcastic because I dont know why he is mia. He changed after our conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Stop trying to figure out what you think you did wrong. Want the full truth? I think he’s cheating on you. And you can not control that. By this point of dozens of posts here and these couple of weeks, you’ve now seriously built up some anger. It didn’t have to get to this point. It did because you were afraid to calmly say what was bothering you, and say it at the time, not a week or two later. Let this be a heads up for the future: if you are this utterly terrified to say two honest (fully honest) sentences to the person who supposedly loves you and wants to give you children, something is already wrong with the relationship. Terror of his reactions has you paralyzed. It's not too late to call him out! It's not too late for me to be angry. Last time he got in touch was Friday. Today its Monday. If hes cheating fine but at least I can tell him f*** you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just freakin' call the guy already. You're going to give yourself an aneurysm if you don't do something. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 If you want a result either way, you need to show your true emotions. Being nice and polite doesn't work. You are pissed off and you need to tell him like you mean it. I mean, don't go psycho and scream at him, that will look like a tantrum but you need him to understand that the current state of the relationship is not good enough. There is nothing wrong with being angry and expressing it. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Alpaca said: I was referring to when Poppy said "when we don't care, we let it fade" which is kind what this guy has done. Yeah I agree, I think he stopped caring too... but that still shouldn't prevent her from expressing her feelings, even if again it means a bit of anger. Who knows, maybe it will light a fire under his butt; DON'T get angry for that reason, as a strategy, but damn if you're pissed off, nothing wrong with expressing that, hell it's human. Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Yeah but why is he cheating on her, or did he find another woman? HE GOT BORED. There were never any arguments, Brit squelched negative feelings, guy was bored to death. Not defending him, just explaining one possibility for his behavior now. So we are supposed to argue? 4 months in and we are supposed to argue. Ok so I will go crazy ass on him . He wants fire . I will tell him off how dare he disrespect me like that. f*** him!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: Just freakin' call the guy already. You're going to give yourself an aneurysm if you don't do something. Hes working I have to wait till evening Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, Tinyjaguar said: If you want a result either way, you need to show your true emotions. Being nice and polite doesn't work. You are pissed off and you need to tell him like you mean it. I mean, don't go psycho and scream at him, that will look like a tantrum but you need him to understand that the current state of the relationship is not good enough. There is nothing wrong with being angry and expressing it. That is EXACTLY what I have trying to explain.... Note Brit, Tinyjaguar is a man! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Yeah but why is he cheating on her, or did he find another woman? HE GOT BORED. There were never any arguments, Brit squelched negative feelings, afraid to speak up and "rock the boat," guy was bored to death. Not defending him, just explaining one possibility for his behavior now. I doubt this, Poppy. I know nobody except a couple of divorced drama kings and one serial cheater (female) who think no arguing is cause for boredom cheating. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Britney25 said: So why cant I call him out?? Because he is silent. Boyfriend of 4 months and I cant even call him out not in a crazy way of course. It's like we are supposed to always be passive women. If your husband did that would you be passive as well?? Do you think he doesn't know what he's doing? I just don't really understand what you hope to achieve by "calling him out." His lack of communication is communication. He knows exactly what he's doing. And I disagree that taking the hint and treating him exactly the way he's treating you -- i.e., no further contact -- is being passive. But if you truly think it will give you closure to "call him out," then go for it. But what will likely happen is you will come across a little nuts and he will think "Wow, glad I dodged that bullet." And he likely won't even respond to you and you will end up feeling worse. (Ask me how I know!) Oh, and this situation is not even comparable to a husband. You dated this guy for four months and never even met each other's families. Don't make it more serious than it really was. Edited July 12, 2021 by clia 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Britney25 said: So we are supposed to argue? 4 months in and we are supposed to argue. Ok so I will go crazy ass on him . He wants fire . I will tell him off how dare he disrespect me like that. f*** him!!!!!!!! If that is truly how you feel, then I say go for it and let chips fall where they may..... Do NOT be afraid to rock the boat, every good relationship needs a little boat rocking from time to time imo. Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: If that is truly how you feel, then I say go for it and let chips fall where they may..... Do NOT be afraid to rock the boat, every good relationships needs a little boat rocking from time to time imo. To add, IF he starts calling you psycho, so be guy's an a-hole. Try to not have any expectations about it, just speak from your heart and gut, you are PISSED OFF as well you should be, it's okay to express that in a healthy way. NO name calling or personal attacks. You will feel better for standing up for yourself, I always do. Doesn't happen too often but when it does, it always makes me feel better and I typically don't give a rat's ass what he thinks about it either. Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: To add, IF he starts calling you psycho, so be. Try to not have any expectations about it, just speak from your heart and guy, you are PISSED OFF as well you should be, it's okay to express that in a healthy way. NO name calling or personal attacks. What if he doesnt pick up. Then I will be forced to text . Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: What if he doesnt pick up. Then I will be forced to text . Then say what you want to say in text message, I have done that! Felt great! After which I blocked him!! lol IF he wants to talk further about it, he knows where to find you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 7 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I will do that poppy. Tonight when hes off work. I am tired AF holding this anger in. f*** him. Who the f*** does he think he is. Mr lawyer. And this right here…is what’s wrong with holding things in so long because people tell you you’re supposed to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: No. You’re not. Britney. Stop going down every possible rabbit hole. This is NOW, you can’t go back in time and act differently. For the next time, expressing feelings should come naturally. You should never, ever, ever be this terrified of even sending a single text as you were even way back at the beginning of this thread. It was already a red flag. Before any of us here ever said a single word. It was not the great relationship you wanted to believe it was. Heed that next time. But now is now. You can only move forward. Bolded, absolutely 100%. If this does not come naturally to you Brit, do not do it. A woman should not express anger as some sort of strategy or to render the response you want. It's an important distinction. Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) Dang, Brit. You went from 0-60 in about 2 seconds. You are letting the war eagles on here get you riled up Let me pull you out of the weeds for a minute so you can look at the big picture. He's supposed to be your BF, but he hasn't communicated since a lame text on Friday. And now on Monday (3 days later!), you've worked yourself into a frenzy and are going to "call him out" and call him a d-bag. Slow down! Call him up and calmly tell him that you're disappointed in him. That after your talk last week, you expected more contact & time together, not less. ASK him why he's gone silent. There is no reason to go in with guns blazing. If he gives you a BS answer, call him on that and break up with him. This is being assertive and standing up for your needs. You don't have to go aggressive right off the bat. Don't act like a pissed off teenager Edited July 12, 2021 by Crazelnut 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 5 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Ok so I will go crazy ass on him . He wants fire . I will tell him off how dare he disrespect me like that. f*** him!!!!!!!! this relates to Poppy's post above. It's not about what he wants. It isn't about trying to turn him back on by changing your behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: this relates to Poppy's post above. It's not about what he wants. It isn't about trying to turn him back on by changing your behavior. For the record, that wasn’t my quote. 😂 Okay, carry on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: Call him up and calmly tell him that you're disappointed in him. That after your talk last week, you expected more contact & time together, not less. ASK him why he's gone silent. There is no reason to go in with guns blazing. If he gives you a BS answer, call jim on that and break up with him. This is being assertive and standing up for your needs. You don't have to go aggressive right off the bat. Don't act like a pissed off teenager This is true too, it all depends on what your nature is, there is no right or wrong; the point is you speak from your heart and do what feels right for YOU in any particular situation. Sometimes I have done the above and sometimes I have gotten angry, NOT guns blazing or super aggressive, not my style but I did get angry versus approaching it with calmness. It depended on the situation BUT whatever approach I took it was my truth and spoken from my heart. I was never concerned with how HE felt about it, it was MY truth, MY feelings. And I always felt better after speaking up and expressing. I wasn't always like this, I used to suppress my emotions, specifically anger and it really screwed me up. Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 IMO the time for calling him out was a month ago when he stopped initiating. At that point he stopped being your boyfriend as boyfriend's don't act like that., Yes you can go nuclear on him now but if he has checked out already he won't care and may indeed immediately stonewall you and block you. Some have no tolerance for angry exes. Be prepared to not get your say.. When people are done they are done, they tend not want to get involved in fights, they may even find it hilarious that you are so angry... Do what you feel is right but personally I think you are 4 weeks too late.... Of course he may go down the oh so sorry and the apologetic route., but that doesn't mean you won't be back here in another month telling us he is back to his old distant ways.... I think he is likely cheating or perhaps after his divorce he can't be bothered with a relationship. Latterly you were like a fwb, which may have actually suited him very well. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Sorry CG. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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