Am I crazy to think this?

[Britney25]

8 minutes ago, Crazelnut said:

Dang, Brit. You went from 0-60 in about 2 seconds. You are letting the war eagles on here get you riled up  Let me pull you out of the weeds for a minute so you can look at the big picture. He's supposed to be your BF, but he hasn't communicated since a lame text on Friday. And now on Monday (3 days later!), you've worked yourself into a frenzy and are going to "call him out" and call him a d-bag. Slow down!

Call him up and calmly tell him that you're disappointed in him. That after your talk last week, you expected more contact & time together, not less. ASK him why he's gone silent. There is no reason to go in with guns blazing. If he gives you a BS answer, call him on that and break up with him. This is being assertive and standing up for your needs. You don't have to go aggressive right off the bat. Don't act like a pissed off teenager 

Thank you. That's what I will do. I want to do this. Even if he doesn't respond.

[Britney25]

5 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

IMO the time for calling him out was a month ago when he stopped initiating.
At that point he stopped being your boyfriend as boyfriend's don't act like that.,
Yes you can go nuclear on him now but if he has checked out already he won't care and may indeed immediately stonewall you and  block you.
Some have no tolerance for angry exes.
Be prepared to not get your say..
When people are done they are done, they tend not want to get involved in fights, they may even find it hilarious that you are so angry...

Do what you feel is right but personally I think you are 4 weeks too late....

Of course he may go down the oh so sorry and the apologetic route., but that doesn't mean you won't be back here in another month telling us he is back to his old distant ways....
I think he is likely cheating or perhaps after his divorce he can't be bothered with a relationship. Latterly you were like a fwb, which may have actually suited him very well.

How can you say we were FWB?!!! There was romance!!!!!!!!! He pursued me hard!! He texted me non stop. He took care of me. I never felt it a fwb. I didnt sleep with whom right away either.

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Yes you can go nuclear on him now but if he has checked out already he won't care...

No one said anything about going "nuclear," but expressing one's feelings is healthy... 

Not doing so, suppressing emotions, can cause issues, depression and the like....

Emotions need an outlet, it's not healthy to keep them all bottled up due to ego or pride which is typically the reason why some folks refuse to speak up.

They say things like "I didn't want him to know how much he hurt me," or "I didn't want him to think I was psycho."

Who cares what HE thinks, do it for you! 

Again, speak from your heart.  FOR YOU.

Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

This is true too, it all depends on what your nature is, there is no right or wrong; the point is you speak from your heart and do what feels right for YOU in any particular situation.

Sometimes I have done the above and sometimes I have gotten angry, NOT guns blazing or super aggressive, not my style but I did get angry versus approaching it with calmness.

It depended on the situation BUT whatever approach I took it was my truth and spoken from my heart.

I was never concerned with how HE felt about it, it was MY truth, MY feelings.

And I always felt better after speaking up and expressing.

I wasn't always like this, I used to suppress my emotions, specifically anger and it really screwed me up.

 

 

 

I am furious poppy. I was sad but not I'm angry. I'm not going to go guns blazing at him either but I want to tell him that's it's not cool.

 

[elaine567]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

How can you say we were FWB?!!! There was romance!!!!!!!!! He pursued me hard!! He texted me non stop. He took care of me. I never felt it a fwb. I didnt sleep with whom right away either.

I said latterly, ie in the last 4 weeks when you were the one calling him up making plans to meet which ended up at his place and sex...

[Gaeta]

@Britney25: I have a song on my playlist that made me think of your thread. 

It's a song my Lizzo

And it says: 

If he don't love you anymore
Just walk your fine ass out the door

This is 4 months, not 4 years. 

Leave with Grace.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

@Britney25: I have a song on my playlist that made me think of your thread. 

It's a song my Lizzo

And it says: 

If he don't love you anymore
Just walk your fine ass out the door

This is 4 months, not 4 years. 

Leave with Grace.

Hell no!! I'm done being passive. I dont want him back I dont want to stay silent. 

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I said latterly, ie in the last 4 weeks when you were the one calling him up making plans to meet which ended up at his place and sex...

Yet he still texted me sweet messages and check in on me last Friday.  He deserves to be called out. 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Britney25

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

It's not too late to call him out! It's not too late for me to be angry.

Agree. You have every right to feel hurt and angry at this cowardly fading.

However he did start to act weird around the time of his trip, no?

That's when you decided to have this talk?  Sadly rather than have an honest conversation he chose to communicate nonsense. 

What you can be assured of is that this isn't about you. 

[Gaeta]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Hell no!! I'm done being passive. I dont want him back I dont want to stay silent. 

It's not being passive, it's knowing your worth. It takes much more strenght to walk away then to act impulsively. 

[elaine567]

Just now, Gaeta said:

@Britney25: I have a song on my playlist that made me think of your thread. 

It's a song my Lizzo

And it says: 

If he don't love you anymore
Just walk your fine ass out the door

This is 4 months, not 4 years. 

Leave with Grace.

I agree a bit of dignity is needed here. In the past 4 weeks he made it pretty plain he was not interested in the slightest apart from the sex...

[Britney25]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

It's not being passive, it's knowing your worth. It takes much more strenght to walk away then to act impulsively. 

I know my worth but this isnt me begging for him to come back. It's me telling him hey it's not cool. That's the problem in todays society. We allow being ghosted.  At this point if hes not interested doesnt matter what I say.

Edited July 12, 2021 by Britney25

[poppyfields]

Since when is expressing anger not showing dignity?  And since when is staying silent strong?

It doesn't have to be either/or, we can express anger while maintaining dignity.  It's also considered a strength to get angry, when warranted.

MEN are encouraged to get angry (again when warranted), but women are taught to suppress it, maintain your "dignity."

Calling BS on that, 100%.

Not talking about a rage war or going psycho, mud slinging, name calling, or anything like that.  

But if you feel angry, it's okay even good to express that in a healthy way.

 

 

 

Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[elaine567]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yet he still texted me sweet messages 

Which were in fact nonsense when not backed up with action.

Anybody can send you sweet texts, does it mean they love and respect you?
Um... no.

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. You have every right to feel hurt and angry at this cowardly fading.

However he did start to act weird around the time of his trip, no?

That's when you decided to have this talk?  Sadly rather than have an honest conversation he chose to communicate nonsense. 

What you can be assured of is that this isn't about you. 

It's about him? So he was a player then? Maybe that's what I should tell him. He is not the Man who I thought he was and that hes a player, or tell him you're not better then all the people you say and complain about in NYC. That everyone is either a a**h*** or the women are dumb airheads. 

[Gaeta]

Just now, poppyfields said:

Since when is expressing anger not showing dignity?  And since when is staying silent strong?

Sure there are issues you speak up. He puts his feet on your coffee table you speak up. He's always late for dinner you speak up. He ghost you? not sure it's a time to speak up. 

[Britney25]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I agree a bit of dignity is needed here. In the past 4 weeks he made it pretty plain he was not interested in the slightest apart from the sex...

Dignity? Ha!

That's why Men do these things

 Women dont say anything because they are scared to be labelled crazy. 

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Sure there are issues you speak up. He puts his feet on your coffee table you speak up. He's always late for dinner you speak up. He ghost you? not sure it's a time to speak up. 

And when a man you've been seriously dating for 4 months tosses you away like a piece of garbage, that doesn't warrant getting angry?

What's interesting is the things you speak of above, putting his feet on the coffee table, being a bit late for dinner, I actually don't give a rat's ass about those things, life is TOO short to get rattled about such mundane things.

But yeah when I am tossed out like yesterday's news, yeah I might be angry about THAT.

 

Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Sure there are issues you speak up. He puts his feet on your coffee table you speak up. He's always late for dinner you speak up. He ghost you? not sure it's a time to speak up. 

Online there are articles if someone you dated a short time then you stay silent BUT if it's your Boyfriend then you have a right to text. At least once after they ghost. 

[elaine567]

So what do you hope to achieve by this "speaking up"?

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

And when a man you've been seriously dating for 4 months tosses you away like a piece of garbage, that doesn't warrant getting angry?

 

Thank you!!! Thats the big difference.  It WAS a serious relationship. In this case I have the right to tell him how I feel .

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yet he still texted me sweet messages and check in on me last Friday.  He deserves to be called out. 

Because it's saccharine BS and making himself look good in anything traceable.

(He's an attorney, right?) so just a habit of his. Maybe he's had his tires slashed before, who knows?

Let's face it, he's a dipstick, but a clever dipstick.

The type who knows how to infuriate someone with sugar coated crap, once they realize it's sugar coated crap..

 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Wiseman2

[Britney25]

Just now, elaine567 said:

So what do you hope to achieve by this "speaking up"?

He will know what an ass he is. He will hear it from me because for all I know he thinks I'm this sweet girl who wouldn't dare to speak up.

[Gaeta]

Just now, poppyfields said:

And when a man you've been seriously dating for 4 months tosses you away like a piece of garbage, that doesn't warrant getting angry?

 

I was tossed away after 6 months, without a word. I sent angry emails that were left unanswered. All it did was delay my moving on. I didn't want to accept it was over untill he told me it was over. That's what brought me to LS in 2014. I was filled with anger for a full year, I wish I had handled it differently. 

[Crazelnut]

Brit, don't call him a player. Don't accuse. Just tell him that how he treated YOU was wrong. People here have got your head filled up with accusations and such. Focus on his behavior to YOU and how it made you feel and why it was wrong and disrespectful. Focus on the real problem, not speculation about him. What he DID to you was wrong. THAT is what you are calling him out on.