Angelle Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 I have dealt with this, and actually had a guy surface in his usual way, almost *two months* after he disappeared. This was a month ago. He also included something that inferred we were in a long-distance relationship (which was news to me). You do not get to disappear, if you think something like that, unless you've been kidnapped, or in a coma. I still haven't spoken to him. I have no problem with you telling him that he's an ass. In my personal experience, when I do email, or text, I'm looking for a reason for him to say something that might make things better, when I've already told him what I think of him. When I'm feeling really lonely, depressed, etc. He knows he's an ass, he doesn't need continual reminders as he keeps letting you down (and neither do you). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 1 hour ago, glows said: Britney, I did not criticize you but I'm sorry if that's how it was read or came across. You wanted to text him and I said that it doesn't matter whether you do or you don't. It's what you do after the fact that counts. Some have pointed out that the waiting period and his answers that come afterwards will just throw you in for a loop all over again. The exercise of texting him initially was to wish him a happy birthday. Instead it's become a question of 'what's going on' and you said he is not a real man. Yes, this is emasculating someone and insulting him. A person is either going to be 1) kind of ticked off or 2) put off that you're needing so much reassurance. In his mind he's coming off as if everything is all right (and paying you lip service with the breadcrumbs). To you, things are falling apart. I suggest you stop looking for answers from this person. If you wanted to call him out on lacking character that is fine but looking to him for answers is completely futile. Yes I called him out for lack of character. At this point I dont care that you say I emasculated him. Hell no I did not. So I'm not allowed to feel insulted??? He threw me away like a piece of garbage. Lieing to me that he loved me. That is NOT OK. I did ask a question why hes mia but I knew when I sent that message he might not reply. I still wanted to ask. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Angelle said: I have dealt with this, and actually had a guy surface in his usual way, almost *two months* after he disappeared. This was a month ago. He also included something that inferred we were in a long-distance relationship (which was news to me). You do not get to disappear, if you think something like that, unless you've been kidnapped, or in a coma. I still haven't spoken to him. I have no problem with you telling him that he's an ass. In my personal experience, when I do email, or text, I'm looking for a reason for him to say something that might make things better, when I've already told him what I think of him. When I'm feeling really lonely, depressed, etc. He knows he's an ass, he doesn't need continual reminders as he keeps letting you down (and neither do you). BUT what if he doesn't? I needed to tell him that. I needed to. Because you font go telling me : I love you, I love everything about you, you make me happy, I want you to be happier, I want to support you, you're amazing, we are partners and so much more. And he kept telling me this each week, almost every day. How would you feel??? Its disgusting if none of it was true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Amanda92 said: Block him now to stop waiting for the answer. Start deciding. Do you want people like this in your life? No? So just walk away and don't ask him why he doesn't care. I'm not blocking him. I'm just going to delete. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 30 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I'm not blocking him. I'm just going to delete. He never answered? Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 (edited) Must admit, haven't known too many women that suppress anger , and l have six sisters too and they def' weren't taught that. l actually feel guys are suppose to suppress every damn thing these days doesn't matter what we do we're an abuser or we need this or we're that, well if you take any notice of the bs out there anyway, which l don't haha. But of course l do try to be careful about any anger with my woman. But never the less , l'm not around women with women so to speak at least not since l was a kid so maybe they are taught that don't know, maybe mine missed out haha. At any rate yeah l do agree , of course she;'s gonna get angry sometime, called being human in my book. That's a funny theory about men associating her anger with her caring though, rarely have l ever done that but eh. maybe l just learned something then haha. Anyway , l still say talk to him op but up to you. BC yeah l agree how do two people just stop dead like this after 4mths , with nothing. We can be idiots about it or we can face it and get closure. But l agree with Gaeta though, call him at a good time. Edited July 13, 2021 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, chillii said: , l agree though how do two people just stop dead like this after 4mths , with nothing He didn't stop dead, he was pulling away for a whole month. He stopped making plans to see her. Britney then started making all the plans, he went on a business trip and made little effort to see her when he returned, he arranged to see a friend on the 4th July. After the ""talk" he gave her a schedule which showed he was busy 24/7.... She held back and waited to see if he would make any plans to see her, but he then just disappeared. He pulled back, did the slow fade then ghosted. Britney being inexperienced did not recognise the signs of a guy who lost interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 Ahh , right . Sorry Britney but yeah , it's all right there then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 9 hours ago, Britney25 said: I asked him why is he silent. That he is not who I thought he was. That I'm disappointed he cant even tell me what's going on and that he is being disrespectful to me. Ok. You got it off your chest. I don't think a happy birthday text is a good idea at this point. Do you think he's spending his birthday with family or someone he connected with/reconnected with around the time of his trip? Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok. You got it off your chest. I don't think a happy birthday text is a good idea at this point. Do you think he's spending his birthday with family or someone he connected with/reconnected with around the time of his trip? Definitely advisable. If he doesn't receive a bday text and it doesn't bother him, then that tells you a lot. Either, he doesn't care or he is too scared to tell you he's upset. Or that he doesn't believe in bdays Edited July 13, 2021 by Tinyjaguar Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 Read the thread, we have moved on from the birthday text... Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 How are you Britney? You must have had an awful night. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 18 hours ago, Britney25 said: His bday is this week. I think I should text him a simple happy birthday since he did make my birthday special. Anything you say or do to engage him will prolong this relationship. The relationship you have now, not the pretend relationship he gave you in April. Forget the pretend relationship and the lovebomb and focus on the relationship you have now, which is complete and utter waste of time and totally unfulfilling. You will not get the man back that he was because he never was that man. You are chasing a high with him, that he may or may not intermittently provide depending on how damaged he himself is. And if he faded and ghosted, without communication, that does not speak of maturity. So we have an immature man on our hands, who pretends to be someone else for a month or two to get you to validate him. I don't know what you want in life, but this isn't such a great prize. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 17 hours ago, Britney25 said: I care. I still care for him. He threw me a special party. It was so sweet. Presents galore. He went over the top. We had a really great time in the 3 months. Last month he started acting distant. Now after our chat he ghosted me. He didnt block me on WhatsApp yet or on Facebook. He left me confused. Honestly if he would've just told me I dont see this going forward I would be OK. I really would. Not this silence. I believe you and hear you. It would have saved me years of wondering if a man ever came out and broke it off respectfully. I would be over it in a few days. Instead they have always faded out and had to be called out and the relationship had to be ended by me. Ive also had an experience, where me finally establishing boundaries prompted engagement ring, which I promptly refused, because I had truly moved on. If they come back after you've moved on, and trust me they will, they don't actually want you, but they are feeling your absence and need to soothe themselves. Every single man has returned to me 100% of the time. Going forward in relationships, give yourself a full year to decide whether the man is worth investing the way you invested in this man. Spend a year observing him before you become attached. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 @AnnieB Read the whole thread. She's way past that now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 16 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: @AnnieB Read the whole thread. She's way past that now. I can’t follow, I need footnotes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 Let's put it this way, there is 53 pages of anguish and there must be something seriously wrong with the relationship for this much traffic to be generated. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, AnnieB said: I can’t follow, I need footnotes. ETA: Kudos to @elaine567 for being able to so succinctly summarize 53 pages! Edited July 13, 2021 by introverted1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 He said I never wanted to disrespect you. I have a lot on my mind let's talk today. He just replied now. Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 9 hours ago, Britney25 said: I'm not blocking him. I'm just going to delete. Because you still hope he will text you, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 Just now, Amanda92 said: Because you still hope he will text you, right? He did...read above Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 And you want to talk with someone who treat you like this and answer after 12 hours? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 Just now, Amanda92 said: And you want to talk with someone who treat you like this and answer after 12 hours? He was sleeping last night. So why not. I'm not taking him back or the bs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: How are you Britney? You must have had an awful night. He texted me back today. Said he was sleeping yesterday . He said I never wanted or meant to disrespect you. I have a lot on my mind and would like to talk with you. What is a lot on my mind mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: What is a lot on my mind mean? It means he has a lot on his mind. When are you going to talk together? Link to post Share on other sites
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