Am I crazy to think this?

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Exactly. Fading, not "ghosting". 

For every day????? Texting every single day is fading???? What am I not understanding. 

[Britney25]

Why the hell is he offering me the talk??? I am so hurt. I dont know if he will follow through but he insisted so let's see.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

But that's not calling him out. He offered the talk. Why dont you get that? Why did he say that then? 

Oh I get it, and I'm trying to help you get it. 

I'm trying to help you flip the script. When will you care more about what YOU think than what HE thinks? Rounding out 60 pages here all about wondering what HE thinks, what HE wants, what did/will HE do.

Who cares about him any more? When are you going to drop this albatross and start focusing on YOU? As in, you don't need him to tell you anything because you are as good or better without him. As in, BYE BOY!  Why are you continuing to hand over your energy to him?

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Why the hell is he offering me the talk? I dont know if he will follow through but he insisted so let's see.

You contacted him about it. He knows what's up, but will address it after he has a nice birthday out with his friends.

Interesting that he didn't even care that you didn't wish him a happy birthday, no?

He has completely checked out so you can tell him off, but it won't matter to him.

[CaliforniaGirl]

16 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Another woman? Why is she better than me???? 😞

No. If there is someone else she isn't "better than" you. She might be a better match for him. Or he might be more of a short-term guy. Who knows?

You're sweet. You have a good heart. You're bright. You're interesting. Nobody is "better." The better person for you, won't make you jump through hoops or be afraid of saying how you feel.

[Britney25]

8 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

Oh I get it, and I'm trying to help you get it. 

I'm trying to help you flip the script. When will you care more about what YOU think than what HE thinks? Rounding out 60 pages here all about wondering what HE thinks, what HE wants, what did/will HE do.

Who cares about him any more? When are you going to drop this albatross and start focusing on YOU? As in, you don't need him to tell you anything because you are as good or better without him. As in, BYE BOY!  Why are you continuing to hand over your energy to him?

Because I'm pissed off as hell that why. 

[Acacia98]

21 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Awww, you've never followed my threads 😉 I don't have luck with men either. You're not alone. 

I'm very much single too, and it's precisely because I've not been having the best dating experiences. Like Gaeta says, you're not alone, Britney. It's okay to face challenges in life and to try to figure stuff out. Like I said before, it doesnt make you a lesser person.

21 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

For every day????? Texting every single day is fading???? What am I not understanding. 

Yep. It's fading if he's consistently doing less and less than he was previously doing. 

16 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Why the hell is he offering me the talk??? I am so hurt. I dont know if he will follow through but he insisted so let's see.

There are all sorts of reasons why he may be doing so. For example, 1) he may be feeling guilty. 2) He may not want your last memory of him to be that he was an inaccessible jerk. 3) He may want to toy with you some more. 4) He may want to keep things vague and undefined so that if things dont work out with the new woman (if one exists), he can come back to you. We really don't know for sure. We can only speculate and try to make educated guesses.

Edited July 13, 2021 by Acacia98

[Britney25]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You contacted him about it. He knows what's up, but will address it after he has a nice birthday out with his friends.

Interesting that he didn't even care that you didn't wish him a happy birthday, no?

He has completely checked out so you can tell him off, but it won't matter to him.

I COULD'VE OF DEMANDED HIM TO TALK TODAY

 

[stillafool]

10 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Why the hell is he offering me the talk??? I am so hurt. I dont know if he will follow through but he insisted so let's see.

He offered to talk to you because you called, then texted him to talk.  He wasn't ready to go into it at that time so he put you off until later and then until tomorrow.  He did that because he doesn't want to interrupt his B-day plans or get into a difficult conversation on his B-day.  I think he will follow through tomorrow for the talk.  I think he is a good attorney who knows just what to say to get you back on the hook and he will go for the sex if he isn't too worn out from tonight.  He knows he isn't going to act the way you want him to but doesn't want to hurt your feelings with harsh words because he knows you are a sweet girl.

[AnnieB]

23 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

For every day????? Texting every single day is fading???? What am I not understanding. 

No, that’s e-tethering 

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

I COULD'VE OF DEMANDED HIM TO TALK TODAY

 

Demand? How can you force someone to talk to you? Britney, you cannot force people s$it ! 

I understand you are mad and you want to shed your anger at him but it's not going to make you feel better. Actually it will make you feel worse, you know why? Because when you tell him what a sorry arse he is 'he's not going to care' and that will make you hurt and feel mad even more! 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

That's all I hear . YOURE SWEET YOURE CUTE 

Don't ever change that.  There are too many b's in this world right now.  The right man will adore you for it.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Because I'm pissed off as hell that why. 

Pissed = anger.

Anger is a cover for hurt.

You're feeling hurt because you were rejected.

If you dare consider this (I'm in a deep mood from my own therapy session today), feelings of rejection trigger primal feelings of abandonment, fear, and shame (of not feeling good enough).

These trigger the limbic in the brain, responsible for fight or flight reactions. This explains your fight response/your anger.

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, AnnieB said:

No, that’s e-tethering 

But we saw each other every week..even the weeks he was pulling away

[Britney25]

6 minutes ago, AnnieB said:

Don’t worry, she will find out in four months and if she is smart, she will cut it off after the first red flag. If anything you should block him, and see if you can remember all the red flags, and take a note for them for yourself going forward. 

So now you're saying I wasn't smart? 

[HadMeOverABarrel]

5 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

Pissed = anger.

Anger is a cover for hurt.

You're feeling hurt because you were rejected.

If you dare consider this (I'm in a deep mood from my own therapy session today), feelings of rejection trigger primal feelings of abandonment, fear, and shame (of not feeling good enough).

These trigger the limbic in the brain, responsible for fight or flight reactions. This explains your fight response/your anger.

But it's ok, Britney, because we ALL have these fears and responses. It's part of what makes us all human, including you of course!

I'm just hoping you can see this actually has little to do with him and everything to do with you... and YOU are all that matters here. 

You really don't need this guy, or anyone, to tell you that you are ok and worthy of respect. You just are worthy simply because you are you. 

[AnnieB]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

But we saw each other every week..even the weeks he was pulling away

I think you need to experience a normal relationship, a secure connection. This man is not it. In a secure connection there is consistency over time, there are no lavish professions of love, bet there are subtle bids for getting to know you more.

With your history you are both predisposed to addiction/ insecure attachment and you are susceptible to love bombing. See if you can work through these issues and start seeing other men. Pay attention to men who may seem “boring”, but who are consistent day to day and week to week. Notice the differences and how they make you feel. A relationship is not two months of great time and two months of pulling away. And no, you didn’t cause this with your “anxiety”. You only stayed in something longer than you should have. 

[HadMeOverABarrel]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY

Never say never...😉💜

[AnnieB]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So now you're saying I wasn't smart? 

No, I am not saying that. I’m saying it’s not the new woman that’s the issue, it’s him. But if she is astute to his ways she may bounce quickly. He will show her his true colors in a couple months, four months tops. He will crack sooner, he probably cracked with you even sooner, but you chose to ignore it. Rest assured at 40 and divorced this is not the first time he has done this. I guarantee you. 

[Lisa]

Dear LS Members, this thread has just had a substantial clean up.   We recognise that many posters have put time and effort into responding thoughtfully.  Unfortunately, many of these posts quoted posts which were in breach of our TOS and regretfully had to be removed as part of the clean up.   

If you see a post which is in breach of TOS but you'd like to respond anyway, please report the problematic post to us, but don't quote it in your reply.  

Thank you for your assistance and understanding.  

[Britney25]

34 minutes ago, Lisa said:

Dear LS Members, this thread has just had a substantial clean up.   We recognise that many posters have put time and effort into responding thoughtfully.  Unfortunately, many of these posts quoted posts which were in breach of our TOS and regretfully had to be removed as part of the clean up.   

If you see a post which is in breach of TOS but you'd like to respond anyway, please report the problematic post to us, but don't quote it in your reply.  

Thank you for your assistance and understanding.  

I'm sorry... I am just angry. I promise to respond differently.  

[Britney25]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You contacted him about it. He knows what's up, but will address it after he has a nice birthday out with his friends.

Interesting that he didn't even care that you didn't wish him a happy birthday, no?

He has completely checked out so you can tell him off, but it won't matter to him.

So you're saying he must've not care for me for 2 months now? 

[Britney25]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

Don't ever change that.  There are too many b's in this world right now.  The right man will adore you for it.

But that's all I ever hear: You're sweet, you're cute, you're this and that but no one wants to have a life with me 😞

[CaliforniaGirl]

12 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

But that's all I ever hear: You're sweet, you're cute, you're this and that but no one wants to have a life with me 😞

What do you mean, no one? How many men have you had relationships with?

Do you ever wonder whether you're subconsciously choosing distant guys out of fear? Even with the love-bombing, your internal radar probably picked up that he couldn't be for real. (Just my guess. I don't know for sure.) You are extremely private about your/your parents' home, and that almost seems symbolic for keeping walls up...again...JMO.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

What do you mean, no one? How many men have you had relationships with?

Do you ever wonder whether you're subconsciously choosing distant guys out of fear? Even with the love-bombing, your internal radar probably picked up that he couldn't be for real. (Just my guess. I don't know for sure.) You are extremely private about your/your parents' home, and that almost seems symbolic for keeping walls up...again...JMO.

No he was my first serious relationship.  Before him any Man I was interested in only wanted a fling and nothing more. He actually courted me properly. 

What do you mean distant? I don't think he was emotionally closed off. He was envisioning future plans, not me. Maybe he was just so infatuated but why then ask me to be his girlfriend? I'm seriously confused and I have a big headache over this. Everything he said at the beginning he made happen so I didnt think he is BSing me. I didn't catch anything. 

Maybe he did lose interest in me the last month. If so it kills me why, how? I know he has the right to loose interest but it kills me why. I feel like I'm never going to be good enough. 

My Mom she keeps wanting me to suppress my emotions.  She thinks they are irrelevant.  All my life I have been told to be quiet, dont cry, like my feelings aren't valid. And now this happens and I dont know if this is a sign I'm not supposed to be with anyone ? I keep getting hurt. I know hes not crying at all. I know. So when he kept telling me miss you, thinking about you that was also a lie? I should ask him tomorrow.  Was all your feelings for me a lie? Did you use me suppress your feelings for your ex? I dont know.