Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Britney25 said: So he did call. He said he has feelings for his ex again. He said he was still processing everything. Sounds true. But who knows, could be another excuse. It explains fading until he could work things out with her (or someone new) after his trip. It explains why he didn't want to spend holidays, time or his birthday with you. And why he slithered out rather than saying anything. Now you're free to move forward. Edited July 14, 2021 by Wiseman2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: ((((HUGS))) How are you after the talk Britney? I'm deeply hurt. I even told him to stop lieing and saying it's an ex. Just tell me you're interested in moving forward and that it's another Woman. He said no. There was no other woman. Of course we had a calm conversation. He kept apologizing to me I said stop it. Stop apologizing. I told him why did you tell me all these things, I felt used by you. He said he didnt use me. That his feelings were genuine. I said how am I to believe this?! When you knew all this time in the last month how you felt. We still had sex. I was falling deeper and you knew. How am I not to think you used me. He kept denying that fact. I even said you had your chance Monday to tell me this, not text me the next day a stupid passive aggressive schedule. Did you think I was that dumb and naive!!!!!!!!!!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 6 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Oh ((((Britney))) I feel you. I do. You need to cry. Cry hard. Give yourself time to process this, too. I am crying hard. I dont believe that he cared for me. I really dont. I told him you used me to numb the pain of your ex...he said no. Of course hes going to deny this . 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sounds true. But who knows, could be another excuse. It explains fading until he could work things out with her (or someone new) after his trip. It explains why he didn't want to spend holidays, time or his birthday with you. And why he slithered out rather than saying anything. Now you're free to move forward. I told him did you think I was going to just fade away and not acknowledge your silence. I thought you are a Man of character. He said he is. Kept saying that yes he handled it wrongly. Ughh blah blah Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 (edited) Sounds like you were the rebound. Very common. Not over his ex, he enters the dating world. He finds you and slots you straight into the place she vacated. For you It feels great, feels like he really loves you, but you are just the substitute, and when he wakes up and realises you are NOT the ex, maybe even nothing like the ex, he pulls way back and dumps you. He was not leading you on, he probably did care a lot for you but it became increasingly obvious to him, he was still grieving for his ex. A marriage can be a very hard thing for some people to get over. How long was his marriage and how long has he been divorced? Edited July 14, 2021 by elaine567 typo 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: Sounds like you were the rebound. Very common. Not over his ex, he enters the dating world. He finds you and slots you straight into the place she vacated. For you It feels great, feels like he really loves you, but you are just the substitute, and when he wakes up and realises you are NOT the ex, maybe even nothing like the ex, he pulls way back and dumps you. His was not leading you on, he probably did care a lot for you but it became increasingly obvious to him, he was still grieving for his ex. A marriage can be a very hard thing for some people to get over. How long was his marriage and how long has he been divorced? I'm not sure. He never told me. How is it possible he is not looking for marriage now? How did he change his mind ? At the beginning he told me he wants marriage and children and not he told me he doesnt want marriage just a long term relationship. I told him I felt used. I felt like he wanted to numb the pain of his ex. He promised there was no other woman. I told him did you fake it when you said you loved me. Of course he said no, what was I to expect. Point is if it is his ex he has stronger feelings for her than me. That hurts as well. How long could he be processing this??? Whole month he didnt say anything . If he really wanted me he would've told me today to give him time. He didnt. Plus I said I'm not waiting for you to figure out what you want. I wait for no Man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 Brit, I know you don't feel like it but you have to eat something. Even if it's just a cup of broth and maybe some crackers. I know this hurts like a mofo but you will get through it and to the other side. God never closes one door without opening another. I've been hurt badly by men and I bet most women on this board has as well. Your future is in front of you and there is a man out there who will love you and cherish you just the way you are. You just have to stay healthy, pray and move forward. We are here for you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 How long has it been since he split from his wife? I'm sure he did love you but wasn't in love with you. He probably meant or wanted to mean the things he said to you at the time, and thought it would be easier to get over her than it was. She may have called for divorce because of his actions which you know nothing about. He may have been cheating on her that caused the demise of their marriage. Now that she's gone he realizes what he loss. This is common with cheating men. If this is the case he was not the man you need in your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Brit, I know you don't feel like it but you have to eat something. Even if it's just a cup of broth and maybe some crackers. I know this hurts like a mofo but you will get through it and to the other side. God never closes one door without opening another. I've been hurt badly by men and I bet most women on this board has as well. Your future is in front of you and there is a man out there who will love you and cherish you just the way you are. You just have to stay healthy, pray and move forward. We are here for you. Thank you... I just don't care to eat. I can't believe he didn't know how to tell me earlier. I told him in the last month you kept kept I love you and everything about you even during sex. I told him I feel like all of was fake. You used me for sex. I seriously somehow dont believe he cared for me. He said it hurts that I think that. Well I told him we wouldnt be here would we then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: How long has it been since he split from his wife? I'm sure he did love you but wasn't in love with you. He probably meant or wanted to mean the things he said to you at the time, and thought it would be easier to get over her than it was. She may have called for divorce because of his actions which you know nothing about. He may have been cheating on her that caused the demise of their marriage. Now that she's gone he realizes what he loss. This is common with cheating men. If this is the case he was not the man you need in your life. I'm not sure how long they were married for. He told me she was crazy. Fast forward today he said even though my ex was crazy I still have feelings for her. I was processing everything and didn't know how to tell you. Makes me feel that maybe our sex was bad. That she is much better than me. I wanted to say f*** you to that text he sent after our conversation but I just deleted the message. Deleted him everywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 (((((((((HUGS)))))))))) and all my heart goes to you ❤️ Cry it out, just let it all out. It's ok to be sad, and it's ok to let other people know you have a broken heart. Accept their kindness. Those first days are excruciating but you'll be ok. Like @stillafool said you need to put some food in you. We are here for you! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Makes me feel that maybe our sex was bad. Absolutely not. If it was good for you it blew his mind. It seems that men who have "crazy" exes have the hardest time getting over these women. I've notice that before even on this board. Well what he didn't tell you is she probably had a lying, cheating husband that made her crazy. Frankly Brit, you dodged a bullet. Edited July 14, 2021 by stillafool 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 4 minutes ago, Britney25 said: he said even though my ex was crazy I still have feelings for her. Men that love 'crazy women' are highly dysfunctional. They're not the type of men you want in your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: Absolutely not. If it was good for you it blew his mind. It seems that men who have "crazy" exes have the hardest time getting over these women. I've notice that before even on this board. Well what he didn't tell you is she probably had a lying, cheating husband that made her crazy. Why do they prefer crazy Women? Why? Why am I not having any luck in the love department. It seems unavailable men always find me. He didnt show the signs he was unavailable emotionally. Was that why he was love bombing me hard? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 7 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Thank you... I just don't care to eat. I can't believe he didn't know how to tell me earlier. I told him in the last month you kept kept I love you and everything about you even during sex. I told him I feel like all of was fake. You used me for sex. I seriously somehow dont believe he cared for me. He said it hurts that I think that. Well I told him we wouldnt be here would we then? This just shows his character. He was wrong on all levels. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Why do they prefer crazy Women? Why? Why am I not having any luck in the love department. It seems unavailable men always find me. He didnt show the signs he was unavailable emotionally. Was that why he was love bombing me hard? He sounds more and more like an experienced cheater who will tell women anything he thinks they want to hear to get what he wants and damn the trail of broken hearts he leaves behind. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: He sounds more and more like an experienced cheater who will tell women anything he thinks they want to hear to get what he wants and damn the trail of broken hearts he leaves behind. I think so too..I mean I told him how do you changed your mind about marriage all of a sudden. I dont know anymore...I'm angry and hurt. He kept on apologizing that he never meant to hurt me. I said stop apologizing...just stop. AND then he asks me how did I want him to act or something like that. I said why are you asking me now? It's too late. It's over. He kept calling me babe which really pissed me off. I said stop calling me babe, do you even know my name?!! What an ass 3 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 9 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I'm not sure how long they were married for. This is something to ask about in the future. It's possible you were a rebound for this guy, which would explain why he was over the top with emotions early on and now realises that he has healing left to do. It sucks, but it happens. It's not a reflection of you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 1 minute ago, introverted1 said: This is something to ask about in the future. It's possible you were a rebound for this guy, which would explain why he was over the top with emotions early on and now realises that he has healing left to do. It sucks, but it happens. It's not a reflection of you. Yeah... I never asked stupid me. I just let it slide. He told me he wants to get back with his ex. I'm glad he never met my parents. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: AND then he asks me how did I want him to act or something like that. Did he ask to see you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 Just now, stillafool said: Did he ask to see you? No he meant how should of he handled the situation. I said it's too late for that. If I was the rebound girl then why didn't he mention her at all during the 4 months. He only did once at the beginning. If he wasnt over her he would've talk more about her. I dont know I dont believe it's his ex. I think it's another woman. I told him that you're just using the ex excuse. Of course he denied it. I ended that call because the conversation was getting really dumb. And then he texts me I cherished our time together, you are amazing you have a friend in me if you ever need anything I'm here. Yeah a big middle finger to that. Sorry 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 15 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Why do they prefer crazy Women? Why? Why am I not having any luck in the love department. It seems unavailable men always find me. He didnt show the signs he was unavailable emotionally. Was that why he was love bombing me hard I recommend checking out the book "Attached". I think you will find it very helpful. Also, think about this man and how upset you are, but he is not a good man. He is not worth the tears. He showed you who he really is, so remember that, and not what he had made himself out to be. That was a fake version of him, that version of him doesn't exist anywhere but in your head. You should spend some time looking into why you go for men of this type if it is a pattern as you say it is. Sometimes we need to reflect on our own choices instead of blaming the other parties. The red flags were there but you either didn't see them or you ignored them. I would try and spend some time figuring out which it was and or why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: think it's another woman. I think you are right that he was seeing another woman at the same time he was seeing you. But, he was probably telling the truth about not being over his wife. He didn't spend his B-day alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I dont believe it's his ex Me neither. But glad you talked and that it's now behind you. You did great! Proud of you ..... 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 1 minute ago, Pumpernickel said: Me neither. But glad you talked and that it's now behind you. You did great! Proud of you ..... I think you did a great job also. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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