Am I crazy to think this?

[stillafool]

50 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He still feels unloved? Maybe he felt he didnt deserve my love. Maybe I was too good to him, he wasnt used to it.

Britney don't make excuses for him.  He told you the reason why.

[poppyfields]

38 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He's a broken person, despite the flashy façade. People like this storm through others lives like a tornado. Little warning, just leaving damage in their wake.

Broken people attract broken people.

Hurt people attract hurt people.

It comes a point where it's NOT about the other person anymore.

It's about US, ourselves. 

All this bashing of him, villainizing him, he's a d-bag, look what HE did to me, HE lied to me,  HE hurt me, HE is a horrible person. 

None of that matters, and it won't heal.  It only results in feelings of distrust, bitterness, even hate.  That will fester and ultimately destroy.

What matters is how do you manage your pain in a healthy way that doesn't spiral you down even further into a well of destruction. 

Not eating is NOT the answer. It's not even a temporary fix.

It's an unhealthy (and immature) coping mechanism that has the potential to destroy, like alcohol and drugs. 

Brit, you know I care about you and say this with love.

Seek help. Look within.  Read, learn, grow, evolve.

Make better choices next time.

This WILL get better I promise.

Time heals, time is your friend. xo

 

Edited July 14, 2021 by poppyfields

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Britney25 said:

I don't know..seems pointless. At least when I dont eat it numbs my pain. Now I'm feeling a lot. Too much. Anyway I'm going to go take a nap because my head is going to explode.

Thank you

Pain is part of the healing process.  Any of us who've experienced it knows how terribly it hurts.  However, if you numb the pain, you won't process the pain.  

Please seek help to process the pain in a more healthy and productive manner.  I'm far from a doctor and I'm not prescribing.  But from my amateur position, I'd think that even if you have to take medication to cope, it would be better than not eating.  

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

It's not about him leaving. It's aout you choosing. You keep bringing it back to him - what did he want, were you enough for him, what should you have done differently to make him stay, waiting for him to text or text back, waiting for him to call or call back, him him him him.

You chose no relationships, or distant men (I think? Can't remember), or...someone so over-the-top in the beginning that you just said today that there were already red flags. Therapy can help *you choose* better next time, once you have more love for yourself.

My father abandoned me too. Literally. When I finally caught up with him because he was very sick and his wife thought he was dying, I asked why he hadn't answered my letters or phone calls. I asked gently and lovingly, because I was sure he'd say he had missed me so much that it would hurt him to talk to me...or some fantasy like that. He literally looked at me and said, "Because I didn't feel like it." I had just spent the past seven years sobbing regularly for my Daddy, missing him EVERY day...every day, without exception. And that was the response to my loyalty no matter what he did or didn't do, and even in the face of abandonment. My God, I remember writing those long letters with an eight-year-old's hand, begging him to answer me. I feel your pain, Britney, I do.

I figured out in my mid-20s or so that I only chose men I deep down knew were going to treat me terribly AND NEVER give me all of what I wanted emotionally...because I was certain that was what I deserved. Someone who saw me as not quite enough must be the perfect man, because to my former childhood self, my Daddy had been perfect literally matter what he did (because, well, he was my father and I loved him THAT much). So no man that did pay attention to me could possibly be a worthy person. As convoluted as that may sound, I want you to think about it for just a minute, if you're willing to.

I am so sorry so sorry. I know and understand what that feels like. With him I wasnt even that interested at first in him but I gave him a chance. I was cautious with everything he was telling me at first but then his actions matched his words so I started believing him and fell for him.

[Britney25]

I know that our conversation on Monday just fast forwarded everything for him to end it.

[Allupinnit]

Just now, Britney25 said:

I know that our conversation on Monday just fast forwarded everything for him to end it.

I just want you to know that you're not alone.  This nearly exact same thing happened to me and it was really painful.  At least he gave you somewhat of an answer, my ex never did, just kept disappearing til I never heard from him again.  I spent FAR too long pining and wondering when he was going to crop up again.  I chased him at times.  

I wish I had told him to go eff himself the way you did.  Good for you.  Now block his number, because messed up men have a way of coming back around to mess you up again when their "ex" didn't work out.  Mine tried to friend me on FB long after he got married. LOL

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

It's not about him leaving. It's about you choosing. You keep bringing it back to him - what did he want, were you enough for him, what should you have done differently to make him stay, waiting for him to text or text back, waiting for him to call or call back, him him him him.

You chose no relationships, or distant men (I think? Can't remember), or...someone so over-the-top in the beginning that you just said today that there were already red flags. Therapy can help *you choose* better next time, once you have more love for yourself.

My father abandoned me too. Literally. When I finally caught up with him because he was very sick and his wife thought he was dying, I asked why he hadn't answered my letters or phone calls. I asked gently and lovingly, because I was sure he'd say he had missed me so much that it would hurt him to talk to me...or some fantasy like that. He literally looked at me and said, "Because I didn't feel like it." I had just spent the past seven years sobbing regularly for my Daddy, missing him EVERY day...every day, without exception. And that was the response to my loyalty no matter what he did or didn't do, and even in the face of abandonment. My God, I remember writing those long letters with an eight-year-old's hand, begging him to answer me. I feel your pain, Britney, I do.

I figured out in my mid-20s or so that I only chose men I deep down knew were going to treat me terribly AND NEVER give me all of what I wanted emotionally...because I was certain that was what I deserved. Someone who saw me as not quite enough must be the perfect man, because to my former childhood self, my Daddy had been perfect literally matter what he did (because, well, he was my father and I loved him THAT much). So no man that did pay attention to me could possibly be a worthy person. As convoluted as that may sound, I want you to think about it for just a minute, if you're willing to.

Sorry wanted to add should I replied to his text after our phone call when he told me you're amazing I will cherish the time we spent together.  Im here if you need anything you have a friend in me. Wish you the best

I didn't reply. I'm so hurt. I dont want an ex to be a friend. 

Edited July 15, 2021 by Britney25

[Allupinnit]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Sorry wanted to add should I replied to his text after our phone call when he told me you're amazing I will cherish the time we spent together.  I here if you need anything you have a friend in me. Wish you the best

I didn't reply. I'm so hurt. I dont want an ex to be a friend. 

Men say that because they hate feeling like the a-hole.

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

I just want you to know that you're not alone.  This nearly exact same thing happened to me and it was really painful.  At least he gave you somewhat of an answer, my ex never did, just kept disappearing til I never heard from him again.  I spent FAR too long pining and wondering when he was going to crop up again.  I chased him at times.  

I wish I had told him to go eff himself the way you did.  Good for you.  Now block his number, because messed up men have a way of coming back around to mess you up again when their "ex" didn't work out.  Mine tried to friend me on FB long after he got married. LOL

I'm sorry to hear that.  Yeah I basically told him did he think I will stay silent on him that he went mia? Did he wanted to ghost me? I told him I'm not that kind of person and would never do that to you , that's disrespectful. 

Anyway thank you. It's my first real heartbreak. I will miss the sex lol

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Allupinnit said:

Men say that because they hate feeling like the a-hole.

So I made a good decision not to reply. 

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So I made a good decision not to reply. 

Yes, like Allupiunnit said they all say the "let's be friends", "Call me if you need me", "I'll still be here for you" bs just to ease their guilt.  They don't mean a word of it.

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yes, like Allupiunnit said they all say the "let's be friends", "Call me if you need me", "I'll still be here for you" bs just to ease their guilt.  They don't mean a word of it.

Wow...no comment 

I really wanted to reply go eff yourself .

 

Edited July 15, 2021 by Britney25

[Britney25]

@stillafool

You know I told him I forgive you , I dont burn bridges but you hurt me I want you to know that. 

Truth be we had fun together, I loved the way he touched me. He even told me I loved our connection...so what happened? How can you say that but still leave. Ugh

[Allupinnit]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

Wow...no comment 

I really wanted to reply go eff yourself .

 

Silence says more than words ever can.  

[Crazelnut]

Not replying is the right thing to do. Retain the upper hand and your dignity. You've already said everything you needed to say to him. He's pathetic and doesn't deserve any further response. 

[stillafool]

18 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

@stillafool

You know I told him I forgive you , I dont burn bridges but you hurt me I want you to know that. 

Truth be we had fun together, I loved the way he touched me. He even told me I loved our connection...so what happened? How can you say that but still leave. Ugh

A man can love a connection with you (fun and sex) but that doesn't mean he fell in love.  One's emotions have to captured to fall in love.  Sex would be the icing on the cake.  He captured your emotions through the lies that he told you and then him giving you good sex was that icing for you.  Good sex alone doesn't normally do it for men.

Edited July 15, 2021 by stillafool

[Alvi]

20 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yes, like Allupiunnit said they all say the "let's be friends", "Call me if you need me", "I'll still be here for you" bs just to ease their guilt.  They don't mean a word of it.

Perhaps it's  not much about easing their guilt as is about them wanting to keep the door slightly open. Staying friends or friendly would  make it a lot easier for him to weasel back into Britney's life if he ever finds himself lonely.  He doesn't want to be completely out from her life. I see that as is him saying that he doesn't want to date Britney but wants to keep her around for sometimes sex.

But seriously, it would do you a lot of good to just block him everywhere. You never know, he might resurface some time down the road trying to BS you some more.

[stillafool]

11 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Perhaps it's  not much about easing their guilt as is about them wanting to keep the door slightly open.

Perhaps; but when you look back over this board in the break up forum and you will see women complaining that they are still reaching out to their ex because he said they could still be friends but not getting a response from them.  They don't understand that they cannot be his friend because being that would mean they would then have to be in the presence of his new gf. They've move on.  I think in longer relationships the ex may think back over old times and miss them, want to see them and end up having sex if she will allow.  But still they hope and that is why they won't block him.

[Britney25]

2 hours ago, Olivia24 said:

That first  heartbreak is the worst. Is that all you  will miss?

No..I will miss a lot about him. We had a really nice time together.  I'm just confused why even today he told me he loves our connection and yet he still chose to leave me. 😞 All I have left are the gifts, including 2 teddy bears. 

[Britney25]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

A man can love a connection with you (fun and sex) but that doesn't mean he fell in love.  One's emotions have to captured to fall in love.  Sex would be the icing on the cake.  He captured your emotions through the lies that he told you and then him giving you good sex was that icing for you.  Good sex alone doesn't normally do it for men.

I wonder why he didnt fall in love with me. I asked why did he say he loves me. He said because I did.... maybe he was forcing himself to love me. Idk

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Olivia24 said:

I dont think you can force yourself to love  someone. It didnt work out this time, but with the  next guy it  just  might.

So he felt love for me but wasn't in love? 

[Britney25]

2 hours ago, Alvi said:

Perhaps it's  not much about easing their guilt as is about them wanting to keep the door slightly open. Staying friends or friendly would  make it a lot easier for him to weasel back into Britney's life if he ever finds himself lonely.  He doesn't want to be completely out from her life. I see that as is him saying that he doesn't want to date Britney but wants to keep her around for sometimes sex.

But seriously, it would do you a lot of good to just block him everywhere. You never know, he might resurface some time down the road trying to BS you some more.

Maybe who knows...maybe he does want to keep the door open in case his ex dumps him again.

[Britney25]

Just now, Olivia24 said:

He  may have  loved you.

Thanks Olivia for answering. So sad he chose to let me go.

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I wonder why he didnt fall in love with me. I asked why did he say he loves me. He said because I did.... maybe he was forcing himself to love me. Idk

 

A lot of people can't make the difference between being really in love and infatuation/rebound.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

 

A lot of people can't make the difference between being really in love and infatuation/rebound.

Thing is I wonder how long he would've kept me in the dark knowing if he felt something for his ex a month while meeting and having sex with me. He was processing what thoughts? Waiting to see if she will take him back? Ugh