Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Sorry you are hurting but at least it wasn’tcompletely unexpected and red flags weren’t all over this. Also, at least he was respectful enough to end it officially./ give it closure. You don’t know how many people we just drag it out to get as much as they can out of it. My friend gets a text every week and half or so saying “miss you/ from this one guy. He will not officially end it so she holds on . But anyway, I am sorry. Well it kinda was unexpected to me. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 10 hours ago, elaine567 said: Even when it is the truth the dumpee may not want to believe them... preferring their own narrative... Dumping someone who loves you or is still heavily invested in you is not easy, there is never a good way as it hurts them big time no matter how it is done. Relationships need to progress, this guy pulled back about a month ago, that was when his thoughts turned into actions, he was not feeling it so he stopped making plans to see Britney.. Maybe he thought the relationship would just fizzle out and he wouldn't have to actively break up, maybe he thought it was a temporary glitch and he would shake it off, maybe he was actually "processing" as to what to do for the best... We date, not to grab the first person and stick with them no matter what, we date to find a person who gels with us.. Britney fell deeper and deeper in love, but he didn't. It is not a crime, it is not devious, nor deceptive, it is just how it works. One sided relationships are very common. The person who is not feeling it, finds themselves is in a hard place, it can be difficult to deal the death blow, so they prevaricate, they procrastinate, they vacillate and they often make things ten times worse for the dumpee, even when they don't mean to. Well in the month he was pulling back, he actually did invite me out twice and then left to NYC and still kept texting me Miss you and such. So if he was processing his feelings for a month he still chose to see me. Anyway I still got dumped because supposedly he doesnt see himself getting married in the future and has feelings for his GF but told me he wants a LTR. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 17 minutes ago, Britney25 said: So if he was processing his feelings for a month he still chose to see me. How do you know he was "processing" his feelings? He said that but he doesn't want to seem like a terrible person, and he managed to lie by omission to you for that month, so there's no reason he's 100% honest now, especially knowing he's hurting you. Nobody likes to hurt another person. Britney, you seem to be clinging to this idea that somehow your text that one Monday ruined everything. That perhaps somehow, things could have worked out differently. I don't believe they could have. Or that somehow you could have had more time...or something. Don't forget that you started this thread because you were *already* sensing something was up. Something was wrong well before any of us gave you any advice at all. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: How do you know he was "processing" his feelings? He said that but he doesn't want to seem like a terrible person, and he managed to lie by omission to you for that month, so there's no reason he's 100% honest now, especially knowing he's hurting you. Nobody likes to hurt another person. Britney, you seem to be clinging to this idea that somehow your text that one Monday ruined everything. That perhaps somehow, things could have worked out differently. I don't believe they could have. Or that somehow you could have had more time...or something. Don't forget that you started this thread because you were *already* sensing something was up. Something was wrong well before any of us gave you any advice at all. I just can't comprehend why he lost interest in me. I can't. I can't. I cant phantom what I did for him to loose interest in me. I thought we will have children together in the future. I really loved him. I'm sorry I know I keep obsessing but it's my first heartbreak. And I keep obsessing about the fact that he didnt really love or care for me maybe. I'm not sure anymore. Even with all the gifts he gave me I'm not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 28 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Well in the month he was pulling back, he actually did invite me out twice and then left to NYC and still kept texting me Miss you and such. So if he was processing his feelings for a month he still chose to see me. Anyway I still got dumped because supposedly he doesnt see himself getting married in the future and has feelings for his GF but told me he wants a LTR. I know you are hurting but please make an effort to think about something else. Anything other than why this loser didn't "pick you". Work on yourself, work out, go for a walk, read, anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: I cant phantom what I did for him to loose interest in me. You should really see about talking to a therapist to explore why a man not wanting you is such a weight on your shoulders. This isn't about you.....if someone doesn't want to be with you it is not something to take personal. It just means you aren't right for each other. Someone is out there who will want you and make it known. Save your energy for those ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 1 minute ago, JRabbit said: I know you are hurting but please make an effort to think about something else. Anything other than why this loser didn't "pick you". Work on yourself, work out, go for a walk, read, anything. I can't. I'm in bed the second day. I have no appetite. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I just can't comprehend why he lost interest in me. I can't. I can't. I cant phantom what I did for him to loose interest in me. I thought we will have children together in the future. I really loved him. I'm sorry I know I keep obsessing but it's my first heartbreak. And I keep obsessing about the fact that he didnt really love or care for me maybe. I'm not sure anymore. Even with all the gifts he gave me I'm not sure. Haven't you ever lost interest in someone? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 1 minute ago, JRabbit said: You should really see about talking to a therapist to explore why a man not wanting you is such a weight on your shoulders. This isn't about you.....if someone doesn't want to be with you it is not something to take personal. It just means you aren't right for each other. Someone is out there who will want you and make it known. Save your energy for those ones. How is it not about me when he chose not to be with me? How are not compatible all of a sudden. Why even tell me he loves me if he didnt see a future with me. I'm so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Haven't you ever lost interest in someone? Not in 4 months no. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 2 minutes ago, JRabbit said: You should really see about talking to a therapist to explore why a man not wanting you is such a weight on your shoulders. This isn't about you.....if someone doesn't want to be with you it is not something to take personal. It just means you aren't right for each other. Someone is out there who will want you and make it known. Save your energy for those ones. Bolded - this!!!! Britney, I know this is so, so, so hard to understand. But it is absolutely, 100% true. Please trust me, it's true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: Not in 4 months no. Why does the exact time frame matter? Have you ever lost interest in someone? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: How is it not about me when he chose not to be with me? How are not compatible all of a sudden. Why even tell me he loves me if he didnt see a future with me. I'm so confused. Because it's not all of a sudden. It wasn't right from the beginning. Everyone's on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship and you tend to see one another as "amazing!" but it takes time to know whether you're actually right for one another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 Just now, CaliforniaGirl said: Bolded - this!!!! Britney, I know this is so, so, so hard to understand. But it is absolutely, 100% true. Please trust me, it's true. Yes but I dont understand why we werent right for each other. Especially when he said he loves me more than once in the last month. I grieving for what could've been. I wanted this to work , to explore with him. And boom. He's done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Why does the exact time frame matter? Have you ever lost interest in someone? I never had a relationship , this was my first 4 month relationship, so if I loose interest it's mostly first or second date. Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Why even tell me he loves me if he didnt see a future with me. Because he's a liar. See why you shouldn't care what he thinks? He doesn't care that you're in bed sad and not eating. He's not a good person, he doesn't deserve the tears. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: Yes but I dont understand why we werent right for each other. Especially when he said he loves me more than once in the last month. I grieving for what could've been. I wanted this to work , to explore with him. And boom. He's done. Why don't you understand? Many people aren't right for one another. That's why most of us don't hook up with someone at 17 and live with that person for a lifetime. It takes most people years to find a really great match. Yes, you are grieving for *what could have been*. Except it couldn't. It was never going to last. You think he would have love-bombed you for all eternity. No friggin' way. Nobody can keep that pace up. Period. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Because it's not all of a sudden. It wasn't right from the beginning. Everyone's on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship and you tend to see one another as "amazing!" but it takes time to know whether you're actually right for one another. He said he loved me the month he was pulling away as well. I dont get his thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I never had a relationship , this was my first 4 month relationship, so if I loose interest it's mostly first or second date. So then just because you never had something ongoing and then figured out you weren't as interested as you originally thought, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It does happen. It happens all the time. Four months is very early in a relationship. You keep thinking he should do what you do, or be like you are, or think like you do. But why? He's not you. ETA: You said: "He said he loved me the month he was pulling away as well. I dont get his thinking." No, and you don't have to. He's him. You're you. His thinking on this doesn't matter. What matters is that he isn't right for you. Edited July 15, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 1 minute ago, JRabbit said: Because he's a liar. See why you shouldn't care what he thinks? He doesn't care that you're in bed sad and not eating. He's not a good person, he doesn't deserve the tears. He lied this whole relationship? You cant say that. I'm not trying to make him a villain. Of course he doesnt care I'm not eating he dumped me. But I had true feelings for him. Maybe I was too available for him...maybe my sense of humor he didnt like. Maybe i cared too much....idk Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: I dont get his thinking. You will never get it, accept it. It's the nature of breakups, we don't understand, we're caught by surprise, but it passes. Stop asking yourself why, there are no answers, just accept it's over, the why aren't important. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Why don't you understand? Many people aren't right for one another. That's why most of us don't hook up with someone at 17 and live with that person for a lifetime. It takes most people years to find a really great match. Yes, you are grieving for *what could have been*. Except it couldn't. It was never going to last. You think he would have love-bombed you for all eternity. No friggin' way. Nobody can keep that pace up. Period. I dont know how to differentiate love bombing. I though at the beginning every man does this and it doesnt make him bad. Everyone does it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Why don't you understand? Many people aren't right for one another. That's why most of us don't hook up with someone at 17 and live with that person for a lifetime. It takes most people years to find a really great match. Yes, you are grieving for *what could have been*. Except it couldn't. It was never going to last. You think he would have love-bombed you for all eternity. No friggin' way. Nobody can keep that pace up. Period. So it's my fault I allowed this future talk and love bombing. I thought he really cared for me, was serious. All he wanted to do was love bomb me and on to the next? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You will never get it, accept it. It's the nature of breakups, we don't understand, we're caught by surprise, but it passes. Stop asking yourself why, there are no answers, just accept it's over, the why aren't important. Yes I understand I will never know why. It hurts me so much because if I am really this amazing woman he still chose to leave me. 😞 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Britney25 said: So it's my fault I allowed this future talk and love bombing. I thought he really cared for me, was serious. All he wanted to do was love bomb me and on to the next? Xxx Edited July 15, 2021 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
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