Am I crazy to think this?

[clia]

15 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I just can't comprehend why he lost interest in me. I can't. I can't. I cant phantom what I did for him to loose interest in me. I thought we will have children together in the future.  I really loved him. I'm sorry I know I keep obsessing but it's my first heartbreak. And I keep obsessing about the fact that he didnt really love or care for me maybe. I'm not sure anymore. Even with all the gifts he gave me I'm not sure.

It's incredibly common for new relationships to fizzle out around the 3-4 month mark.  At first, everyone is on their best behavior, starry eyed, in a love fog, honeymoon stage, and everything is perfect!  Then reality starts to set in, you look at things more critically, start thinking about what you want out of a relationship, get to know the person better, start to see their flaws or other incompatibilities, and ....poof.  It's very normal and probably every single person posting in this thread has been through it.     

It's also incredibly uncommon for a person to marry and have children with the very first person they have a relationship with.

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s not your fault…  but people lie. They just do and for as long as the earth turns there are people who ar going to. You have to look not only at words, actions, but also consistency. There are ways that people that are genuinely interested in act vs people who are just trying to play you and it helps to be cognizant of these things.  You were aware something was up because you made this thread. However, you chose to turned a blind eye to it which people often do. This is your first serious dating experience though? Would not be too hard on yourself. 

I think it’s easy to let little things like these slide when you don’t feel you deserve better. When your self-esteem is low. As said before, I think  you’d really benefit from talking to a professional about things. Not just for this guy. But for the betterment of your entire life. Just my opinion. Want you to be happy. 

Yes the last month he started pulling away but would still text everyday and meet with me like nothing was wrong. He was very consistent the first 3 months.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Just now, Britney25 said:

It hurts me so much because if I am really this amazing woman he still chose to leave me.

You and millions of other women, around the world, daily. (Men too) 

Britney, this is what break-ups are about. Not every relationship is going to last forever. People aren't perfect. Feelings can change, we sometimes make mistakes, we somtimes hurt people without malicious intent. Yes, it sucks. It's painful. But we usually move on, in time. Most of us have been where you are, and some of us a few times. We're still standing. You will too.

This may your first break-up rodeo, but take it from those of us who have experienced a few such rodeos - you don't have to let this define you. And you certainly don't have to assume your life is just terrible because this one guy chose to part ways after a few months. Most of us don't spend forever with the first serious boyfriend/girlfriend of our lives. There will be others. 

 

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yes I understand I will never know why.  It hurts me so much because if I am really this amazing woman he still chose to leave me. 😞

Matters of the heart are rarely a choice Britney. He did not chose to still be in love with his ex. We don't chose to love someone over someone else. The feelings are their on their own. 

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, clia said:

It's incredibly common for new relationships to fizzle out around the 3-4 month mark.  At first, everyone is on their best behavior, starry eyed, in a love fog, honeymoon stage, and everything is perfect!  Then reality starts to set in, you look at things more critically, start thinking about what you want out of a relationship, get to know the person better, start to see their flaws or other incompatibilities, and ....poof.  It's very normal and probably every single person posting in this thread has been through it.     

It's also incredibly uncommon for a person to marry and have children with the very first person they have a relationship with.

I just felt so comfortable with him. I wanted to marry him and have babies. I really did. He even at the beginning joked about my engagement ring. Ugh 

[poppyfields]

Brit, at this point I truly believe the help you need cannot be provided on this forum.   Whatever is going on inside of you that compels you to ask all these same questions over and over again should be addressed with a qualified professional/therapist.

Try as we might after 66 pages and counting, we are simply not equipped to handle what it appears you are unable to grasp or deal with in any sort of healthy way, I am sorry.

People DO lose interest, especially in these VERY early stages which 3-4 months certainly was, by anyone's standards.  I mean it's not even a blip.

People fall in and out of love all the time, it's human, it's life.

People lose interest and it's not always because of what the rejected person did or did not do, sometimes, maybe even most times, it's something going on with or inside the person who lost interest, like commitment issues or fear of intimacy OR something else that has literally nothing to do with their partner (in this case you).   

This has been mentioned several times by several people previously, may I ask why you're not listening and taking steps to help yourself instead of obsessing and asking the same questions over and over again?  To which there are literally NO answers.

We have ALL been dumped. Again, it's LIFE.  We hurt, we accept, we heal, we move on.  Read this forum, there are literally hundreds of threads and posts discussing/lamenting this.

This RL started off WAY too fast.  Lesson learned for next time, SLOW DOWN.   Marriage, babies after 4 months?  It's too soon and although he initiated those discussions, at less than 4 months in, it was a FANTASY.  Not reality.

Once reality hit, it all changed.  There are many people (men) like this, it's important to be aware of this going forward.  

I realize this was your first RL but the level of suffering you are experiencing over this very short term relationship is out of whack.  It doesn't match.

Even when I was 17 and my high school boyfriend of one YEAR dumped me, I didn't suffer like this, something is off Brit, again I am sorry, and I don't say this to be cruel, I am actually quite concerned for you.

Kindly, I urge you to seek professional help.  Please.

 

 

Edited July 15, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Yes the last month he started pulling away but would still text everyday and meet with me like nothing was wrong. He was very consistent the first 3 months.

 

It sounds to me like he was losing interest, but he wasn’t sure. I’m not saying it’s right that he told you that he loved you and stuff near the end, but people lose interest at the beginning all the time and it’s no one‘s fault. People start to realize that they are not compatible with the other person. I get you still like him and it hurts. but when your self worth is high enough, you don’t even want someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You’ll only be interested in those who are interested back because why would you want someone who for whatever reason doesn’t see your value? 

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Brit, at this point I truly believe the help you need cannot be provided on this forum.   Whatever is going on inside of you that compels you to ask all these same questions over and over again should be addressed with a qualified professional/therapist.

Try as we might after 66 pages and counting, we are simply not equipped to handle what it appears you are unable to grasp or deal with in any sort of healthy way, I am sorry.

People DO lose interest, especially in these VERY early stages which 3-4 months certainly was, by anyone's standards.  I mean it's not even a blip.

People fall in and out of love all the time, it's human, it's life.

People lose interest and it's not always because what the rejected person did or did not do, sometimes, maybe even most times, it's something going on with or inside the person who lost interest, like commitment issues or fear of intimacy OR something else that has literally nothing to do with their partner (in this case you).   This has been mentioned several times by several people previously, may I ask why you're not listening and taking steps to help yourself instead of obsessing and asking the same questions over and over again?  To which there are literally NO answers.

We have ALL been dumped. Again, it's LIFE.  We hurt, we accept, we heal, we move on.  Read this forum, there are literally hundreds of threads and posts discussing/lamenting this.

I realize this was your first RL but the level of suffering you are experiencing over this very short term relationship is out of whack.  It doesn't match.

Even when I was 17 and my high school boyfriend of one YEAR dumped me, I didn't suffer like this, something is off Brit, again I am sorry, and I don't say this to be cruel, I am actually quite concerned for you.

Kindly, I urge you to seek professional help.  Please.

 

 

I do need help.  I hate myself so much. I hate my life. I hate this is happening to me. I hate that most likely I will not meet someone that quick. I hate having to be close and open up to someone having sex and have to do it again with someone new . I hate it ....

Edited July 15, 2021 by Britney25

[Miss Spider]

Sorry you’re hurting, Britney25. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

21 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So it's my fault I allowed this future talk and love bombing.  I thought he really cared for me, was serious. All he wanted to do was love bomb me and on to the next?

Britney, seriously. You are going to work yourself up until you wind up in the hospital. Make a call. Right now. Find somebody to talk to. You can't go on this way.

[Britney25]

12 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Brit, at this point I truly believe the help you need cannot be provided on this forum.   Whatever is going on inside of you that compels you to ask all these same questions over and over again should be addressed with a qualified professional/therapist.

Try as we might after 66 pages and counting, we are simply not equipped to handle what it appears you are unable to grasp or deal with in any sort of healthy way, I am sorry.

People DO lose interest, especially in these VERY early stages which 3-4 months certainly was, by anyone's standards.  I mean it's not even a blip.

People fall in and out of love all the time, it's human, it's life.

People lose interest and it's not always because of what the rejected person did or did not do, sometimes, maybe even most times, it's something going on with or inside the person who lost interest, like commitment issues or fear of intimacy OR something else that has literally nothing to do with their partner (in this case you).   

This has been mentioned several times by several people previously, may I ask why you're not listening and taking steps to help yourself instead of obsessing and asking the same questions over and over again?  To which there are literally NO answers.

We have ALL been dumped. Again, it's LIFE.  We hurt, we accept, we heal, we move on.  Read this forum, there are literally hundreds of threads and posts discussing/lamenting this.

This RL started off WAY too fast.  Lesson learned for next time, SLOW DOWN.   Marriage, babies after 4 months?  It's too soon and although he initiated those discussions, at less than 4 months in, it was a FANTASY.  Not reality.

Once reality hit, it all changed.  There are many people (men) like this, it's important to be aware of this going forward.  

I realize this was your first RL but the level of suffering you are experiencing over this very short term relationship is out of whack.  It doesn't match.

Even when I was 17 and my high school boyfriend of one YEAR dumped me, I didn't suffer like this, something is off Brit, again I am sorry, and I don't say this to be cruel, I am actually quite concerned for you.

Kindly, I urge you to seek professional help.  Please.

 

 

P.S

I guess I believe in this disney fantasy because I desperately want what he was selling.

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I hate having to be close and open up to someone having sex and have to do it again with someone new . I hate it ....

This is not something you can even start to imating right now, of course the idea repulses you. I was the same, we're all the same, we think our life is over, we will never love again, no one will compare to him, these are all normal feelings Britney. It will all pass. In 30 days you will be in a much much better place than today. You just need to take one day at a time. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

24 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I dont know how to differentiate love bombing. I though at the beginning every man does this and it doesnt make him bad. Everyone does it. 

But now you know. No, not every man immediately brings his dates on trips/vacations or loads them with birthday presents. I mean, sure, some people are more generous than others. You don't have to mistrust a person just for doing nice things for you. But the very quick talk about marriage and children, etc. combined with this are signs that this guy makes these snap decisions, which naturally means he could find out later that he didn't actually want all these things with someone he barely knew.

So yes, he's stupid to do it but isn't that another reason you just don't need him? Nobody needs an inconsistent, insincere cheater.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

This is not something you can even start to imating right now, of course the idea repulses you. I was the same, we're all the same, we think our life is over, we will never love again, no one will compare to him, these are all normal feelings Britney. It will all pass. In 30 days you will be in a much much better place than today. You just need to take one day at a time. 

Thank you for understanding me.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

 I hate myself so much. I hate my life. 

This at the core of your current pain. 

No doubt a break-up hurts. But your reaction is disproportionately intense because you've got a lot underlying pain, which seems to have existed inside you for a long time. While nobody enjoys being dumped, people with a healthier sense of self and a better emotional relationship with life are able to manage these situations without spinning out too much. 

You should give yourself the gift of seeking some compassionate help in dealing with all the pre-existing hurt inside you. This break-up has triggered you in a serious way and you have got to be your own best friend here. Please do consider a good therapist to help you unpack and cope with whatever inner issues this break-up has unearthed.  

[JRabbit]

42 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He lied this whole relationship? You cant say that. I'm not trying to make him a villain.  Of course he doesnt care I'm not eating he dumped me. But I had true feelings for him. Maybe I was too available for him...maybe my sense of humor he didnt like. Maybe i cared too much....id

Yes, he told you you had a future together, which he knew was a lie.

 

Yes maybe you were all those things, that's the point. Shouldn't have to change who you are so someone likes you. They either do or they don't, take it personally that their own preferences or wants and needs dont match yours.

[JRabbit]

41 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So it's my fault I allowed this future talk and love bombing.  I thought he really cared for me, was serious. All he wanted to do was love bomb me and on to the next?

There were other issues you ignored that you expressed earlier in the thread. These are all red flags. One or two is not a big deal, three or more is time to re asses.

[JRabbit]

32 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He even at the beginning joked about my engagement ring. Ugh 

Red flag

[Britney25]

Does this mean he was emotionally unavailable?

[Britney25]

Was I the rebound girl?

[CaliforniaGirl]

10 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Was I the rebound girl?

Nobody knows and it doesn't matter. He wasn't the right one for you.

[Gaeta]

33 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I do need help. 

There are 24 hour available crisis lines you can call and speak to people trained to guide you through your feelings. You could call right now or later tonight. Meanwhile you find yourself a psychologist to meet. They are also available for zoom meetings. Even after the first talk you'll understand better what is happening with you. I know you don't care for it but you need to eat. Don't add health issues on top of that. You need to feed your brain (with food & water) so it can process this breakup and feel better. 

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Was I the rebound girl? Does this mean he was emotionally unavailable?

Where are these buzz words coming from? Love-bombing, rebound girl, emotionally unavailable?

Your opening post states that something was up on his trip and he started pulling back.

 

[Britney25]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Where are these buzz words coming from? Love-bombing, rebound girl, emotionally unavailable?

Your opening post states that something was up on his trip and he started pulling back.

 

Everyone on here commented that he was love bombing me at the beginning,he told me he has feelings for his ex so someone said that makes me the rebound girl, since he broke it off 4 months maybe he is emotionally unavailable. 

[stillafool]

Britney is your mom home right now?