Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 33 minutes ago, stillafool said: Britney is your mom home right now? Yes Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 15, 2021 Share Posted July 15, 2021 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Yes Good, Have you talked to her about this? Why not ask her to make you something to eat? You'll feel 100% better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 15, 2021 Author Share Posted July 15, 2021 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: Good, Have you talked to her about this? Why not ask her to make you something to eat? You'll feel 100% better. I don't want to eat. Shes worried but I'm shutting her out. Link to post Share on other sites
Jen_tully Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 This thread is filled with exceptionally good advice and tips. I’ve been reading and absorbing everything that has been written by posters who have taken time to respond in a caring and respectful manner. I’ve been able to apply so much to my own thoughts on my past experiences! I had really hoped Brit25 could see the free therapy being given to her by the shared experiences of so many posters. Its a comfort in a sense to realize you are not alone in red flags we missed because we so wanted to feel loved and be in love! Not that I want others to experience the pain of a connection that was never real but the shared experiences does let one know it happens and it’s not about “us” or being done against us. It’s about unhealthy behaviours and recognizing when it’s happening to us. I really think all of this falling on deaf ears for Brit25 and that most likely intensive therapy is needed for her. I myself recognize the hamster wheel questions being asked over and over😓 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Avatine Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 I know a guy who did the exact same thing to a woman and bragged about it. He said he had her wrapped around his finger, and she would do anything for him. The minute she made demands, he told her what she wanted to hear and then ignored her. This kind of person would love it to know that you stopped eating because of him. It would make him feel very powerful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 10 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: So then just because you never had something ongoing and then figured out you weren't as interested as you originally thought, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It does happen. It happens all the time. Four months is very early in a relationship. You keep thinking he should do what you do, or be like you are, or think like you do. But why? He's not you. ETA: You said: "He said he loved me the month he was pulling away as well. I dont get his thinking." No, and you don't have to. He's him. You're you. His thinking on this doesn't matter. What matters is that he isn't right for you. It’s very reverse narcissistic or actually narcissistic for the OP to be thinking that other people think like her. That’s a habit that needs to be broken. I really hope that Brit will take everyone’s advice and start counseling ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 8 hours ago, Britney25 said: I don't want to eat. Shes worried but I'm shutting her out. Birtney, I am getting a rather "I'll show her!"-tone in the way you write about this. If you won't look after yourself, nobody can help you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 Why shutting your mom out ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Why shutting your mom out ? She doesnt understand my pain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Britney25 said: She doesnt understand Agree. A 30-something woman doesn't need to sit on mommy's lap and cry. Also if your stomach is is knots, don't eat for now, that's ok. Have you heard from him? Edited July 16, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 I feel like we had emotional attachment. I supported him in his ups and downs, he loved being with me just to cuddle, he picked me up and dropped me off, he had plans that he made happen at the beginning, he wanted to introduce me to his Mom, he sent me flowers, food, invited me to events, we laughed together, joked, took me to great places for dinner, road trip...I really thought emotionally attached men to a woman dont just leave like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Agree. A 30-something woman doesn't need to sit on mommy's lap and cry. Also if your stomach is is knots, don't eat for now, that's ok. Have you heard from him? Thank you. He didn't block me but I haven't heard from him. Why? Do you think he will be back? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: He didn't block me but I haven't heard from him. No, he won't be back for a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Thank you. He didn't block me but I haven't heard from him. Why? Do you think he will be back? No he won’t be back. You’re reasoning in a really childish manner and you’re being really selfish. All these things you’re doing, not eating, shutting your mother out, etc, these things are just going to make your family worry about you more. Because a man you knew for four months broke up with you. Speak to a professional. A four month relationship is not supposed to make a 36 year old woman fall apart like this, regardless of your issues. This is not the place to get help. Call your therapist If you have mental health issues ( anorexia, whatever) you’re not the only one affected. Self destructive behaviour takes a toll on the people who love you. If you can’t pull yourself together for yourself, then at least do the minimum so your mother doesn’t need to pull her hair out over this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: No, he won't be back for a relationship. Just back for sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, jspice said: No he won’t be back. You’re reasoning in a really childish manner and you’re being really selfish. All these things you’re doing, not eating, shutting your mother out, etc, these things are just going to make your family worry about you more. Because a man you knew for four months broke up with you. Speak to a professional. A four month relationship is not supposed to make a 36 year old woman fall apart like this, regardless of your issues. This is not the place to get help. Call your therapist If you have mental health issues ( anorexia, whatever) you’re not the only one affected. Self destructive behaviour takes a toll on the people who love you. If you can’t pull yourself together for yourself, then at least do the minimum so your mother doesn’t need to pull her hair out over this. So why is @Wiseman2 asking if he wrote to me? You don't understand how hard it is for someone that's been through anorexia. It's like a sober alcoholic. One trigger and boom. Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: So why is @Wiseman2 asking if he wrote to me? You don't understand how hard it is for someone that's been through anorexia. It's like a sober alcoholic. One trigger and boom. Which is why you should see you therapist. It doesn’t matter why wiseman asked that. It doesn’t matter why the guy lied. Why he broke up with you. Why he talked about engagement. Why he had sex with you on Monday. It doesn’t matter. It’s over. Start working on getting past it. 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: So why is @Wiseman2 asking if he wrote to me? Wondering if you deleted and blocked him. Nothing to do with coming back or not. You inserted that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Wondering if you deleted and blocked him. Nothing to do with coming back or not. You inserted that. I didn't block him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Britney25 said: I feel like we had emotional attachment. I supported him in his ups and downs, he loved being with me just to cuddle, he picked me up and dropped me off, he had plans that he made happen at the beginning, he wanted to introduce me to his Mom, he sent me flowers, food, invited me to events, we laughed together, joked, took me to great places for dinner, road trip...I really thought emotionally attached men to a woman dont just leave like that. Believe it or not men have done this and more for me and for a whole lot longer and still left. It was fun while it lasted but when it's over it's over. You need to accept this. As far as your mom not understanding you at this point nor do we but you aren't punishing your mom by not eating and blocking her out, only yourself. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: Believe it or not men have done this and more for me and for a whole lot longer and still left. It was fun while it lasted but when it's over it's over. You need to accept this. As far as your mom not understanding you at this point nor do we but you aren't punishing your mom by not eating and blocking her out, only yourself. Exactly the point I'm punishing myself because he didnt fall in love with me. He left me. It's my fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Exactly the point I'm punishing myself because he didnt fall in love with me. He left me. It's my fault. Warning I am taking my white gloves off for a moment: And you're dreaming of a husband and children? This is not the behavior of a woman that has enough emotional maturity to accomplish that. I am truly sorry, you can get mad at me for saying this. Having children will be the biggest, toughest, most challenging job you'll have to do in your entire life. To get that job done you need to be solid, tough, you need to be resiliant, resourcesful, you need to bite the dust when it gets touch and roll with the punches. Have you made a phone call to a professional? 10 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Exactly the point I'm punishing myself because he didnt fall in love with me. He left me. It's my fault. People fall out of love. I know he was your first relationship, but haven't you had that one friend in the past that somehow you just stopped hanging out with, and you always wonder what happened, when at one time you couldn't imagine going two days without talking to her? I can't think of a closer analogy at the moment so I'm using that one. Haven't you ever had a sincere crush, someone you truly wanted for the whole person he was, and then one day you looked back and remembered that you wanted him then, but you don't think about him now? Was it that person's "fault"? Or was it just not a match? And/or things changed, life changed, YOU changed, what you wanted changed...OR you discovered things about the person that made it obvious you weren't as on the same page as you thought you were, or...whatever? Edited July 16, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: Exactly the point I'm punishing myself because he didnt fall in love with me. He left me. It's my fault. With due respect, this is very immature thinking. WIth underlying emotional issues like this, it's best to put dating on hold and work on it. You will continue to struggle in relationships until you do. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 4 hours ago, Britney25 said: I feel like we had emotional attachment. I supported him in his ups and downs, he loved being with me just to cuddle, he picked me up and dropped me off, he had plans that he made happen at the beginning, he wanted to introduce me to his Mom, he sent me flowers, food, invited me to events, we laughed together, joked, took me to great places for dinner, road trip...I really thought emotionally attached men to a woman dont just leave like that. No you didn't have an emotional connection. What you are describing is a fling. 4 months is a fling Britney and it was more like 3 months before he started pulling away. He could say he wanted to introduce you to his mother but she lives in Utah and.......you're in New York. When you start looking at what you had with him in a realistic way you can move forward to healing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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