Am I crazy to think this?

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Britney25 said:

he wanted to introduce me to his Mom, he sent me flowers, food, invited me to events,  we laughed together,  joked, took me to great places for dinner,  road trip.

Do you think he took someone else on his 'business trip' and wined and dined them this way? That's when he started pulling back, no?

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

No you didn't have an emotional connection.  What you are describing is a fling.  4 months is a fling Britney and it was more like 3 months before he started pulling away.  He could say he wanted to introduce you to his mother but she lives in Utah and.......you're in New York.   When you start looking at what you had with him in a realistic way you can move forward to healing.

No he started pulling away just a month now. He wanted to be exclusive boyfriend girlfriend, is that a fling as well? Help me understand for the future? Is it because I didnt invite him over? Did he care that much? Help me judge better for the future.

[Gaeta]

18 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Help me judge better for the future.

Every man is different, every relationship has its own unique dynamic. 

If you want help with dating then next time you meet someone you can create a thread specifically for that relationship and we can guide you along. 

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

No he started pulling away just a month now. He wanted to be exclusive boyfriend girlfriend, is that a fling as well? Help me understand for the future? Is it because I didnt invite him over? Did he care that much? Help me judge better for the future.

If he really wanted to be exclusive he wouldn't have been seeing another girl and pinning over his ex.  He would have spent the 4th holiday with you as well as his B-day.  You weren't the one preventing it, he was.  He would have stepped up his game when you had the Monday talk instead of pulling back further and gone missing leaving you to request another talk to which he finally told you the "somewhat" truth - he's not over his ex.   He used the "but, you haven't invited me to meet your parents" as a feeble excuse because that was the only excuse he had in his little bag to use.  Men who really want a woman will move heaven and earth to get her, they don't let flimsey excuses like not meeting the parents get in the way of their conquest. This was an experiened 40 year old man not a 21 year old boy, he knows what he's doing and what he wants.

[poppyfields]

Have you ordered any of the books that were recommended to you?   

Like I said read, read, read, not sure why you're not jumping on that, that is where you will learn the most.  It's where I learned most of what I know, from books and from experience.   Knowledge is power!

Reading some of your history on this forum you claim you are a lawyer, recently you posted you are now a pharmacist, both require LOTS of reading, especially law school and would imagine becoming a pharmacist also requires tons of reading.

So my last piece of advice is get off this forum, get on Amazon.com and order the books that were recommended to you, search for videos on line, I recommend anything with Esther Perel, and start reading and learning - about interpersonal relationships, romance, love, masculine/feminine polarity, human relations and LIFE!

And seek therapy.

As I said, most of us here are simply not equipped to help you in the way that you need to become whole and complete.

All the best.

 

Edited July 16, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

59 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

He wanted to be exclusive boyfriend girlfriend, is that a fling as well? Did he care that much?

He may have cared and may have felt a connection. Some people are just shallow.

Charging headlong into this whirlwind romance may indicate he easily allows all sorts of insincere remarks to happen and much of the wining and dining he does is just as shallow. As fast as he gets caught up in the moment is as fast as he loses steam and needs the next whirlwind fix.

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you think he took someone else on his 'business trip' and wined and dined them this way? That's when he started pulling back, no?

He started pulling back when he thought the reason I dont invite him over is because I have another Man in my life. If so he said he is willing to fight for me. I explained to him that's not the case. Then he spoke with my Mom and told me ok I feel much better. Next day we had dinner like nothing happened.  Week after he flew to NYC but during that time kept texting me twice a day...miss you and thinking of you. Afterwards texted on Sunday he is back and tired. I asked to meet on Monday but he wrote back maybe Monday but sometime soon. I was confused by that vague text. Then next day he apologized claiming thats not what he meant he was just tired and sent me that without checking what he wrote. So we agreed to meet Tuesday.  Anyway yes after that trip and fourth of July he was texting but wasn't making plans. We had the conversation on Monday and he told me everything is ok next day the passive aggressive text.

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

If he really wanted to be exclusive he wouldn't have been seeing another girl and pinning over his ex.  He would have spent the 4th holiday with you as well as his B-day.  You weren't the one preventing it, he was.  He would have stepped up his game when you had the Monday talk instead of pulling back further and gone missing leaving you to request another talk to which he finally told you the "somewhat" truth - he's not over his ex.   He used the "but, you haven't invited me to meet your parents" as a feeble excuse because that was the only excuse he had in his little bag to use.  Men who really want a woman will move heaven and earth to get her, they don't let flimsey excuses like not meeting the parents get in the way of their conquest. This was an experiened 40 year old man not a 21 year old boy, he knows what he's doing and what he wants.

Ok thank you so much. Now I understand much better. Thank you and sorry. 

[Britney25]

37 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He may have cared and may have felt a connection. Some people are just shallow.

Charging headlong into this whirlwind romance may indicate he easily allows all sorts of insincere remarks to happen and much of the wining and dining he does is just as shallow. As fast as he gets caught up in the moment is as fast as he loses steam and needs the next whirlwind fix.

Omg it was just a romance and I fell for it. Wow I feel so dumb. This is the closure I needed. I can't believe it. I cant believe I fell for it. He said at the beginning he wanted to get married then when we had the phone call and he said he doesnt see himself getting married. Wow now I understand. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you think he took someone else on his 'business trip' and wined and dined them this way? That's when he started pulling back, no?

Yes this is when he started pulling back was right after that trip quickly followed by "a friend is in town for the 4th" (btw, you didn't even ask him who it was, a gf would).  He didn't see you until that Monday after the 4th (when she probably traveled back home) at your request for a talk as to why he had not been in touch on holiday.  He promised to do better, said sorry, had sex and the next day sent you his full schedule and generic morning texts with no plans to see you.   You tried not texting him to see if he would reach out to show that he cared and wanted to see you but when he didn't you set up the call where he basically ended it.

[Britney25]

55 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He may have cared and may have felt a connection. Some people are just shallow.

Charging headlong into this whirlwind romance may indicate he easily allows all sorts of insincere remarks to happen and much of the wining and dining he does is just as shallow. As fast as he gets caught up in the moment is as fast as he loses steam and needs the next whirlwind fix.

Possibly he was falling in love with me and had to cut it , or he only was interested in a romance. 

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Yes this is when he started pulling back was right after that trip quickly followed by "a friend is in town for the 4th" (btw, you didn't even ask him who it was, a gf would).  He didn't see you until that Monday after the 4th (when she probably traveled back home) at your request for a talk as to why he had not been in touch on holiday.  He promised to do better, said sorry, had sex and the next day sent you his full schedule and generic morning texts with no plans to see you.   You tried not texting him to see if he would reach out to show that he cared and wanted to see you but when he didn't you set up the call where he basically ended it.

Sorry I did ask. He said it was a friend from college. 

Yep exactly 

[Wiseman2]

On 6/27/2021 at 4:03 PM, Britney25 said:

He told me he's flying to Chicago on the weekend.

36 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Week after he flew to NYC 

Are you in Chicago or NYC?  

All of a sudden he accused you of having a man at your mother's? 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Possibly he was falling in love with me and had to cut it , or he only was interested in a romance. 

Do you think a man who was falling in love with you would tell you he isn't over his wife?  Would a man who was falling in love not want to spend the 4th weekend and his B-day with YOU? Wouldn't a man who was falling in love with you ask for another chance and try to hold on to you?  Answer these questions and you decide if he was in love or just romance (as you put it).

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you in Chicago or NYC?  

All of a sudden he accused you of having a man at your mother's? 

Oh sorry I meant Chicago , I'm In NYC. I'm just not thinking right.

Yes he accuse me of having a man in my parents house. I was shocked he would even suggest that. I told him thst not true and my Mom spoke with him telling that's not true, and then he said ok I dont want to end it because I love our connection. 

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Week after he flew to NYC 

So he had to fly to NY anyway to go home?

[Avatine]

Im very realistic about relationships because of my occupation.  4 months is the beginning and  you really didnt know him. He didnt know you did he? Nothing you did mattered. It wasnt about meeting or not meeting your family. Many people enjoy the beginning stages of romance...it's not even about feelings for the other person; it's about what it makes them feel for themself. I don't think he is with his ex or a new woman. I think he was tired of the beginning. The fun wore out and he was manipulating you. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Do you think a man who was falling in love with you would tell you he isn't over his wife?  Would a man who was falling in love not want to spend the 4th weekend and his B-day with YOU? Wouldn't a man who was falling in love with you ask for another chance and try to hold on to you?  Answer these questions and you decide if he was in love or just romance (as you put it).

Yes sorry you are correct.  Thank you

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Oh sorry I meant Chicago , I'm In NYC. I'm just not thinking right.

Yes he accuse me of having a man in my parents house. I was shocked he would even suggest that. I told him thst not true and my Mom spoke with him telling that's not true, and then he said ok I dont want to end it because I love our connection. 

Ok that explains a lot. He was looking for an out, but on the other hand never inviting him over was quite unfriendly and it's not surprising he thought you were hiding something.

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So he had to fly to NY anyway to go home?

Yes 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yes he accuse me of having a man in my parents house. I was shocked he would even suggest that.

If a guy I wanted to date didn't let me come to his home I would think because he had a woman there.  That's common sense.  He wanted to make sure he wasn't dating a MW or someone's gf on the sly and end up getting beat up over it.  That was smart of him to verify that you live with your mother.

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok that explains a lot. He was looking for an out, but on the other hand never inviting him over was quite unfriendly and it's not surprising he thought you were hiding something.

I understand that part and I told him I dont mean to disrespect you but I wanted to be sure about us, plus now would be the time to introduce you to my parents the 4 -5 months. He told me ok I just have to let that go. Then I asked is there anything else you want to tell me he said no we are good. I feel much better now. 

I'm thinking if he really did love me that wouldn't stop him. 

[Britney25]

Just now, stillafool said:

If a guy I wanted to date didn't let me come to his home I would think because he had a woman there.  That's common sense.  He wanted to make sure he wasn't dating a MW or someone's gf on the sly and end up getting beat up over it.  That was smart of him to verify that you live with your mother.

Yes of course I understand that but after he said ok I feel much better and now look he broke it off anyway telling me a different reason why that he has feelings for the ex. So like you said if he was really in love with me that shouldn't have mattered . He didnt fight for me. He said he has feelings for his ex.

[Britney25]

6 minutes ago, Avatine said:

Im very realistic about relationships because of my occupation.  4 months is the beginning and  you really didnt know him. He didnt know you did he? Nothing you did mattered. It wasnt about meeting or not meeting your family. Many people enjoy the beginning stages of romance...it's not even about feelings for the other person; it's about what it makes them feel for themself. I don't think he is with his ex or a new woman. I think he was tired of the beginning. The fun wore out and he was manipulating you. 

So it was a romance? Manipulating me why?

I told him on that phone call you used me. He of course denied it.

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I told him on that phone call you used me. He of course denied it.

I don't think he used you because you said yourself you were having fun, loved the teddy bears, dinners and you also went on and on about how great the sex was.  As a matter of fact that was the only thing I remember reading that you said you were going to miss about him.  So again, it was a lovely fling.

Edited July 16, 2021 by stillafool