stillafool Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 8 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Anyway I wasnt in it for the sex. Yes we had strong chemistry but I wasn't in it for the sex. I'm not sure what he was thinking. Maybe not but your past posts didn't really reflect this attitude. You continued to have sex with him even after you saw that he was pulling back stating the chemistry was just too strong to resist. Sorry Brit, but you were a bit dick whipped. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, stillafool said: Maybe not but your past posts didn't really reflect this attitude. You continued to have sex with him even after you saw that he was pulling back stating the chemistry was just too strong to resist. Sorry Brit, but you were a bit dick whipped. Yes true I was still having sex when he was pulling back but I was in love. Is that so bad? We did do other things as well. I'm being very vulnerable here. Like I said this was my first relationship that most likely was just a fling but I fell deep for him. If I knew everything you kind souls are telling me then I know this wouldn't have happened and I wouldnt be suffering like this. Sorry for being naive. I have to live with this feeling while he doesnt care most likely. I think he sensed I am naive,sweet ect. Edited July 17, 2021 by Britney25 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Sorry for being naive. Stop apologizing, you've said nothing wrong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 Go ahead and read any/all of the books recommended. Even if some of the advice in them is questionable, what it will do for you is get you familiar with the various ways guys approach women. You'll see that someone talking love, marriage and babies within the first few months usually has no solid base. You can enjoy the fantasy, but don't trust what you hear until it's been proven over time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: I respectfully disagree with you. Can you help me on this @Pumpernickel please. I mean if he really loved me he wouldn't care. Why didnt he tell me that was the reason then? Why did he chose to say he has feelings for his ex? If that was the reason we would've worked it out. 😞 Fair enough. Nonetheless, his interest faded for whatever reason. I think it was just a case of too much, too soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 3 hours ago, Britney25 said: would tell me I would look cute pregnant, told me he would support me and maybe this year a baby would be nice I'm just dumbfounded That's just cruel. What was this guy doing? I already didn't like him but I like him even less now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 30 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: That's just cruel. What was this guy doing? I already didn't like him but I like him even less now. I have no idea what this guys was doing. No idea. Was this love bombing? Was he projecting his needs on to me? I even asked him on the phone why did you talk about children with me. He said because I dont have babies. So I told him is that why you kept calling me baby mama? You wanted children but no marriage. He was silent. I dont know.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 Omg I just remembered. He even said for now we will have fun practicing in reference to babies. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) None of my bf’s had ever been to my home.. bc I wasn’t taking them serious, but they didn’t care really so I don’t think that’s it Edited July 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 12 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: None of my bf’s had ever been to my home.. bc I wasn’t taking them serious Exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Omg I just remembered. He even said for now we will have fun practicing in reference to babies. Brit, when a new man you're dating (and first 3 months is very new) begins talking about marriage and babies, he is idealizing you and fantasizing. Do not take him seriously, please, he's infatuated and his head is in the clouds. When reality finally hits there will be a HUGE crash. Like what happened here. Not sure what's up with him, but@CaliforniaGirlwas right, it IS cruel although I dont think he intended it. He simply wasn't thinking clearly. If you want it to last, YOU must stay grounded and shut down (nicely) such nonsensical talk at this extremely early stage (seduction stage). The book by Dr. Sills I recommended will explain all that. Live and LEARN as my mom used to say, her famous last words. He did not "use" you imo, it seemed real to him at the time but again it was infatuation and hormones driving him, and once REALITY hit, it all fell apart. Edited July 17, 2021 by poppyfields 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: None of my bf’s had ever been to my home.. bc I wasn’t taking them serious, but they didn’t care really so I don’t think that’s it Weren't you engaged to your last ex though last year? I read that in one of your threads. You said he also talked about marriage and babies within the first couple of months, how did you handle that? Maybe your story might help Brit. Edited July 17, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 16 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: None of my bf’s had ever been to my home.. bc I wasn’t taking them serious, but they didn’t care really so I don’t think that’s it Ok I understand why he might of thought that but I also don't think that is the reason he dumped me because he even said himself he has feelings for his ex wife again and he doesnt see himself getting married in the future. Didnt mention anything I've done wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: Weren't you engaged to your last ex though last year? I read that in one of your threads. You said he also talked about marriage and babies within the first couple of months, how did you handle that? Maybe your story might help Brit. Yes please share. At least you got a ring. He only talked about a ring lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Brit, when a new man you're dating (and first 3 months is very new) begins talking about marriage and babies, he is idealizing you and fantasizing. Do not take him seriously, please, he's infatuated and his head is in the clouds. When reality finally hits there will be a HUGE crash. Like what happened here. Not sure what's up with him, but@CaliforniaGirlwas right, it IS cruel although I dont think he intended it. He simply wasn't thinking clearly. If you want it to last, YOU must stay grounded and shut down (nicely) such nonsensical talk at this extreme early stage (seduction stage). The book by Dr. Sills I recommended will explain all that. Live and LEARN as my mom used to say, her famous last words. He did not "use" you imo, it seemed real to him at the time but again it was infatuation and hormones driving him, and once REALITY hit, it all fell apart. Yes agree. He wasn't trying to be cruel. Wow Can't believe it was just a infatuation. Do all men get infatuated at first? Maybe a dumb question forgive me. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Yes agree. He wasn't trying to be cruel. Wow Can't believe it was just a infatuation. Do all men get infatuated at first? Maybe a dumb question forgive me. Yes, weren't you infatuated as well? Infatuation can be intense, but it's not love, love takes time to develop, build and grow. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 Just now, poppyfields said: Yes, weren't you infatuated as well? Infatuation can be intense, but it's not love, love takes time to develop, build and grow. I must say I was attracted to him but started to develop feelings for him 4th date. So infatuation is that short? Or it depends on the guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Infatuation can be intense, but it's not love, love takes time to develop, build and grow. Yes, this 👆🏼….. And I can actually understand how somebody can be interested only in the infatuation aspect, and not in what comes next (reality, building a R, etc.) …. And I am not defending Brit’s ex, but I can somewhat relate, especially because he’s a 1st time divorcé & got married young. Not an excuse. At all. Just trying to figure out what might’ve happened. Infatuation is usually an intense stage, like poppy said above, and you can easily get caught up in it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 2 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: Yes, this 👆🏼….. And I can actually understand how somebody can be interested only in the infatuation aspect, and not in what comes next (reality, building a R, etc.) …. And I am not defending Brit’s ex, but I can somewhat relate, especially because he’s a 1st time divorcé & got married young. Not an excuse. At all. Just trying to figure out what might’ve happened. Infatuation is usually an intense stage, like poppy said above, and you can easily get caught up in it. So can you explain to me what you mean? What might've happened? Because he was divorced ? His infatuation lasted 3 months. That's pretty long right? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I must say I was attracted to him but started to develop feelings for him 4th date. So infatuation is that short? Or it depends on the guy? First few months, sometimes longer, is called "the honeymoon period" for a reason. It not "real" yet, it's the newness, the novelty, infatuation. You can still have "feelings" and strong emotions, but they can be fleeting because the foundation hasn't been built yet, and again that takes TIME. Many relationships fall apart once the honeymoon period ends, which is sad, because what's happening is you're just entering into a different stage. But people believe the "love" they felt has died which isn't necessarily true, it's simply a different type of love, without the HIGH and adrenaline rush of infatuation. You said you ordered the book by Dr. Sills,, when will you receive it? I think you will find it extremely helpful, it's a good starter book. Edited July 17, 2021 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: First few months, sometimes longer, is called "the honeymoon period" for a reason. It not "real" yet, it's the newness, the novelty, infatuation. You can still have "feelings" and strong emotions, but they can be fleeting because the foundation hasn't been built yet, and again that takes TIME. Many relationships fall apart once the honeymoon period ends, which is sad, because what's happening is you're just entering into a different stage. But people believe the "love" they felt has died which isn't necessarily true, it's simply a different type of love, without the HIGH and adrenaline rush of infatuation. You said you ordered the book, when will you receive it? I understand. Monday. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 7 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I must say I was attracted to him but started to develop feelings for him 4th date. So infatuation is that short? Or it depends on the guy? Totally depends on the guy. And how often you see one another. And in what way he decides to ignite the flames (sex, gifts, fancy restaurants, trips, or something else altogether)…… I personally could live in the infatuation stage forever. Don’t need the rest (and I’m a woman!!). Now imagine a recent divorcé who’s “free” for the first time in his life. He probably likes this stage more than anything. It’s addictive. Makes him want to explore more. And more and more….. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 19 minutes ago, Britney25 said: he even said himself he has feelings for his ex wife again and he doesnt see himself getting married in the future. That's ok. Very often people use the "it's me not you" reason to back out. He did not want a confrontation obviously, or any sort of combat or arguing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 3 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: Totally depends on the guy. And how often you see one another. And in what way he decides to ignite the flames (sex, gifts, fancy restaurants, trips, or something else altogether)…… I personally could live in the infatuation stage forever. Don’t need the rest (and I’m a woman!!). Now imagine a recent divorcé who’s “free” for the first time in his life. He probably likes this stage more than anything. It’s addictive. Makes him want to explore more. And more and more….. Yes I loved it!!! I really did! Ah ok now I understand. He didn't want to stop this just with me. You know at our first date he told me its refreshing to converse with an intelligent woman because I kept meeting airhead kind of women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: That's ok. Very often people use the "it's me not you" reason to back out. He did not want a confrontation obviously, or any sort of combat or arguing. I was frustrated anyway with his answer so there was confrontation. I still disagree with you that is the reason he broke it off thou. Link to post Share on other sites
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