Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 Just now, CaliforniaGirl said: Enough is enough, you saw red flags literally everywhere, next time listen to those. This was your first big relationship but you know these things for next time. Yes now I know better 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 I don’t think I’m like this person. I just see a lot of parallels but who knows maybe he didn’t mean to. I think true he probably didn’t intentionally mean to hurt I just think people act selfishly for their own benefit sometimes, even if they don’t mean to hurt anyone 5 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I don’t think I’m like this person. I just see a lot of parallels but who knows maybe he didn’t mean to. I think true he probably didn’t intentionally mean to hurt I just think people act selfishly for their own benefit sometimes, even if they don’t mean to hurt anyone That's what I meant cookies, that there were parallels, not that you were actually him or even behaved liked him all the way. Just some similarities, I meant no offense, I actually appreciate and admire your candor. Edited July 17, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 31 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Ok understood. Why did he sent me that I will cherish our time together, you are amazing, if you need anything I'm here as a friend. Because it's a standard line people use when breaking up. It's not meant to be taken seriously. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 13 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Even while having sex he told me one time let me cum in you multiple times so you can give me what I want (baby) I'd be putting on the brakes very fast if a guy said that to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 Just now, basil67 said: I'd be putting on the brakes very fast if a guy said that to me. Hell yeah!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 17, 2021 Author Share Posted July 17, 2021 8 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'd be putting on the brakes very fast if a guy said that to me. Ha! And I didn't. Hence here we are . Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 Rookie error. But you were a rookie and that means it's a perfectly understandable mistake. Live and learn 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: Even while having sex he told me one time let me cum in you multiple times so you can give me what I want (baby) Eeeeewww …… that reminds me of my ex. Such a turnoff ……. Gross Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 Do you guys think I was the first girl he did this to? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 Probably not. The guy sounds shady. Best that you're no longer with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 Forgot to add: He just doesn’t want to wear a condom. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 2 hours ago, Britney25 said: Do you guys think I was the first girl he did this to? Did what to? If you're referring to him being really into you then changing his mind later on, but taking his time to end it, this is all relatively normal in dating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 47 minutes ago, basil67 said: Did what to? If you're referring to him being really into you then changing his mind later on, but taking his time to end it, this is all relatively normal in dating. Love bombing I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 2 hours ago, Britney25 said: Do you guys think I was the first girl he did this to? Britney, I know you're down on yourself right now, and I don't want to hurt you. But I feel it needs to be said for some perspective. Do you think this kind of reaction is why he didn't just outright break up with you? Do you think he suspected it and dreaded it? So he just sort of started shying away, putting it off? Can't you drop the him, him, him thing now, stop torturing yourself with "what ifs" and start moving toward acceptance and moving forward? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Love bombing I mean? Who cares? He's not your problem anymore. Time to move forward. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 18 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Britney, I know you're down on yourself right now, and I don't want to hurt you. But I feel it needs to be said for some perspective. Do you think this kind of reaction is why he didn't just outright break up with you? Do you think he suspected it and dreaded it? So he just sort of started shying away, putting it off? Can't you drop the him, him, him thing now, stop torturing yourself with "what ifs" and start moving toward acceptance and moving forward? Sorry I don't understand the second part. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 37 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Love bombing I mean? I had to Google Love Bombing and the term has so many different definitions that it's essentially a useless phrase. All in all though, it really doesn't matter, because we never do get a definitive answer as to what was going on with an ex. Sure, we can guess and assume....but guesswork and assumptions have no value whatsoever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 23 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Sorry I don't understand the second part. You mean this bit? Do you think this kind of reaction is why he didn't just outright break up with you? Do you think he suspected it and dreaded it? So he just sort of started shying away, putting it off? It's really hard to end a relationship with someone who we know or suspect lacks the resilience to cope with the breakup. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 7 hours ago, Britney25 said: Even while having sex he told me one time let me cum in you multiple times so you can give me what I want (baby) That’s just creepy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 48 minutes ago, basil67 said: I had to Google Love Bombing and the term has so many different definitions that it's essentially a useless phrase. All in all though, it really doesn't matter, because we never do get a definitive answer as to what was going on with an ex. Sure, we can guess and assume....but guesswork and assumptions have no value whatsoever. I think the fact that he said it had to do with the ex is a pretty good indicator he is not over that relationship. It may not mean he was going to get back together with her, but him spending all the Saturday nights not with Brit (the love of his life and future child’s mother!), is very telling that he was not in it for the right reasons, and to say it’s guesswork and early dating is just making Brit further doubt herself. It is not early dating. He was never serious about anybody and he picked Brit because she was vulnerable and she did fall for his lies. Brit will continuously go in circles (if you keep telling her that it was just dating and things happen) of why this and why that and why not her until she understands there was absolutely nothing she could have done to turn this man into a husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 The reason I’m asking you to read Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That” and not the “Rules” is because the focus needs to be off how you caused something, when you really couldn’t have caused anything. I think it will also help you understand your father. Probably let you understand your mother, hopefully will mend your relationship with your mother and hopefully end your self destructive patterns. You will view this whole thing differently. That book literally changed my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, AnnieB said: I think the fact that he said it had to do with the ex is a pretty good indicator he is not over that relationship. Yeah, but the reason he gave is just a fancy version of "it's not you, it's me" Call me cynical, but I give breakup reasons very little credence. Probably due to the fact that I have rarely been honest myself when breaking up. If you're honest about why you're leaving, then the ex gets all defensive and upset. It's so much easier to make up an excuse which puts me as the one who's at fault. That said, I totally agree with you on the Saturday night thing. If I was looking for a relationship and if after one month in I wasn't getting Saturday nights with him, I'd move on. Edited July 18, 2021 by basil67 4 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 17 minutes ago, basil67 said: Yeah, but the reason he gave is just a fancy version of "it's not you, it's me" Call me cynical, but I give breakup reasons very little credence. Probably due to the fact that I have rarely been honest myself when breaking up. If you're honest about why you're leaving, then the ex gets all defensive and upset. It's so much easier to make up an excuse which puts me as the one who's at fault. That said, I totally agree with you on the Saturday night thing. If I was looking for a relationship and if after one month in I wasn't getting Saturday nights with him, I'd move on. Still I think it’s harmful to keep telling Brit it’s her not him. He picked her because he was never serious about her or anybody else. Not being over the ex is a very specific excuse in that case. “Busy”, “friend is visiting”, are the usual excuses. Not being over an ex is a rather incriminating excuse and I’m happy Brit was able to get this info out of him, or she would blame herself for all eternity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 3 hours ago, AnnieB said: That’s just creepy Bareback sex is usually more pleasurable. "Making babies" is also a huge turn on for some guys. Getting rid of the condom and being able to come naturally isn't creepy it is kind of normal. He also managed to tap into Britney's desire for babies so win win. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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