elaine567 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 Too much speculation on this thread. None of us KNOW what this guy was thinking. At 3 months he pulled back, at 4 months he ghosted her... Hardly egregious behaviour. People get dumped every day, some for major transgressions some for very trivial reasons. Neither, WE nor Britney will EVER find out the real truth here Most dump people because they want to be able to date other people, end of. NEXT. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 2 hours ago, AnnieB said: Still I think it’s harmful to keep telling Brit it’s her not him. He picked her because he was never serious about her or anybody else. Not being over the ex is a very specific excuse in that case. “Busy”, “friend is visiting”, are the usual excuses. Not being over an ex is a rather incriminating excuse and I’m happy Brit was able to get this info out of him, or she would blame herself for all eternity. I didn't say it was necessarily her. I mean, it could have been straight up incompatibility and nobody was doing anything particularly wrong. It's just that if one is honest about the reasons, breakups get so much harder because people promise to change, or want to work through it or beg. So it's easier to make up an excuse. And yes, talking about the previous ex os perfect because it incriminates yourself and one can't argue against it. Part of dating is also to learn to accept that we may never understand the what and why for someone else's decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 2 hours ago, AnnieB said: He picked her because he was never serius about her or anybody else. You don't know that. Nobody does, apart from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 12 hours ago, Britney25 said: But that never happened. The saddest part about this situation is that 90% of the posts are about what never happened. There were nice dinners a trip lots of dates, etc. But other than that all this: Moving in, meeting family, having babies, engagement rings, marriage, etc. Never happened. "Let's be friends" is also a standard exit strategy along with "it's me not you". Was he separated or legally divorced? Don't you think it's odd he's telling you he's got feelings for his ex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, AnnieB said: He picked her because he was never serious about her or anybody else. Assuming you are not him, you have no idea if this is accurate. We are all speculating. But I think at this point, Britney would be better served by concentrating on how to heal. @Britney25, you are going in circles at this point trying to assign blame, picking apart all his words and behaviour, asking the same questions over and over. I understand that you are trying to make sense of this, but you also need to work on your own resilience and coping skills. That is more important than clinging on to any passing speculation a bunch of people (ie, all of us) who don't know him are tossing at you. What are you going to do now, Britney to work on healing? Edited July 18, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 4 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 (edited) cancel Edited July 18, 2021 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 (edited) Britney, the bottom line is that you two were totally infatuated with each other, but 3 months in, he realized he's still hung up on his ex. This is common. Once the infatuation starts to wear off, it's perfectly normal for the relationship to fade out or end. Common and normal. MOST relationships end. It's not your fault or his fault. You two simply weren't destined to be together forever. You will go through multiple relationships before you find the one that will last. Common and normal. Therefore, you need to learn to cope better with a breakup, because there WILL be more. Edited July 18, 2021 by Crazelnut 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 5 hours ago, elaine567 said: Too much speculation on this thread. None of us KNOW what this guy was thinking. At 3 months he pulled back, at 4 months he ghosted her... Hardly egregious behaviour. People get dumped every day, some for major transgressions some for very trivial reasons. Neither, WE nor Britney will EVER find out the real truth here Most dump people because they want to be able to date other people, end of. NEXT. No not at 3 months. The last month he pulled back sorry. At 3 months he was on. True that we didnt spend a lot of Saturdays from the beginning thou. Even after sex he was still on point with the talks and gifts and trips. I mean this man three me a bday party plus a bday getaway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: The saddest part about this situation is that 90% of the posts are about what never happened. There were nice dinners a trip lots of dates, etc. But other than that all this: Moving in, meeting family, having babies, engagement rings, marriage, etc. Never happened. "Let's be friends" is also a standard exit strategy along with "it's me not you". Was he separated or legally divorced? Don't you think it's odd he's telling you he's got feelings for his ex? Heck yes I think it's odd. He even called her crazy on date 1! I should have took that as a big red flag but again I was naive. I never asked about his divorce status which again was dumb of me and now I know not to ignore a Mans past like that. It is odd . Your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Assuming you are not him, you have no idea if this is accurate. We are all speculating. But I think at this point, Britney would be better served by concentrating on how to heal. @Britney25, you are going in circles at this point trying to assign blame, picking apart all his words and behaviour, asking the same questions over and over. I understand that you are trying to make sense of this, but you also need to work on your own resilience and coping skills. That is more important than clinging on to any passing speculation a bunch of people (ie, all of us) who don't know him are tossing at you. What are you going to do now, Britney to work on healing? I prayed a lot and that helped me. I stopped crying and am still kinda sad but I forgive him, no remorse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 56 minutes ago, Crazelnut said: Britney, the bottom line is that you two were totally infatuated with each other, but 3 months in, he realized he's still hung up on his ex. This is common. Once the infatuation starts to wear off, it's perfectly normal for the relationship to fade out or end. Common and normal. MOST relationships end. It's not your fault or his fault. You two simply weren't destined to be together forever. You will go through multiple relationships before you find the one that will last. Common and normal. Therefore, you need to learn to cope better with a breakup, because there WILL be more. Yes you are totally right. Thank you. Hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: I never asked about his divorce status which again was dumb of me Did he state when he separated and if he was actually divorced? Because who goes through the cost and hassle of divorce (especially an attorney) only to go back? Doesn't matter in the long run, but sometimes being able to identify some red flags earlier on could prevent some heartaches in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Did he state when he separated and if he was actually divorced? Because who goes through the cost and hassle of divorce (especially an attorney) only to go back? Doesn't matter in the long run, but sometimes being able to identify some red flags earlier on could prevent some heartaches in the future. Nope he didn't. For all I know maybe they were just taking a break. Separated and not divorced? I recall the time he took me (I think it was date 6 or 7) to his friend bday at a restaurant. Before we walked in he told me just don't say anything that we are dating because I don't want them to ask a lot of questions. Inside he did touch and kiss me in front of them anyway so that was odd. Plus the talks about moving in together leave some stuff at my place didnt mske sense if the ex was coming back unless he would have thrown me out lol Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Britney25 said: For all I know maybe they were just taking a break. Before we walked in he told me just don't say anything that we are dating because I don't want them to ask a lot of questions. Exactly. Some basics such as marital status are things you need to ask about before jumping in next time. For all you know he is married. Is this why you refused to introduce him to anyone? Edited July 18, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 Btw what is with Men and pet names? Like calling you doll, dear, honey without even meeting you. Is that a red flag? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Exactly. Some basics such as marital status are things you need to ask about before jumping in next time. For all you know he is married. Is this why you refused to introduce him to anyone? No again I dont introduce men until the 4th or 5 month not earlier. That's just me. I wanted to this month but he started pulling away I sensed something is wrong and decided to wait until we were clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Like calling you doll, dear, honey without even meeting you. Is that a red flag? You started a thread on that topic, then wanted it closed: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You started a thread on that topic, then wanted it closed: Omg I forgot! Lol Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 45 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I recall the time he took me (I think it was date 6 or 7) to his friend bday at a restaurant. Before we walked in he told me just don't say anything that we are dating because I don't want them to ask a lot of questions. Inside he did touch and kiss me in front of them anyway so that was odd. This guy was a gigantic pile of red flags. You were so swept up in the fantasy that you ignored all of them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: No again I dont introduce men until the 4th or 5 month not earlier. That's just me. I wanted to this month but he started pulling away I sensed something is wrong and decided to wait until we were clear. Just curious, I thought I read somewhere that this was your first relationship? 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: Before we walked in he told me just don't say anything that we are dating because I don't want them to ask a lot of questions. Inside he did touch and kiss me in front of them anyway so that was odd. Didn't that set off an alarm for you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 1 hour ago, clia said: This guy was a gigantic pile of red flags. You were so swept up in the fantasy that you ignored all of them. Yeah NOW I see that 😓 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 18, 2021 Author Share Posted July 18, 2021 48 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Just curious, I thought I read somewhere that this was your first relationship? Didn't that set off an alarm for you? Yes this is my first relationship and yes I thought that was weird but again naive me brushed it off because he was touching me and kissing me on the cheek in front of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 2 hours ago, Britney25 said: No again I dont introduce men until the 4th or 5 month not earlier. That's just me. I wanted to this month but he started pulling away I sensed something is wrong and decided to wait until we were clear. That’s why he pulled away. He realized he couldn’t mislead you much longer before you caught on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnieB Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 2 hours ago, Britney25 said: Heck yes I think it's odd. He even called her crazy on date 1! I should have took that as a big red flag but again I was naive. I never asked about his divorce status which again was dumb of me and now I know not to ignore a Mans past like that. It is odd . Your thoughts? If a man ever calls an ex crazy, you know you have a crazy man on your hands. Hightail out of there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 You need to trust your intuition more. You were not naive. You saw red flags from the beginning. You just really wanted to be in a relationship, so you preferred to believe you are crazy. That's normal during first relationship. You need more experience and you will start to see more clear. Treat this situation as a lesson. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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