Am I crazy to think this?

[Britney25]

37 minutes ago, AnnieB said:

That’s why he pulled away. He realized he couldn’t mislead you much longer before you caught on. 

He did state in the phone call " I realized I still have feelings for my ex even thou she is crazy and I dont see myself getting married in the future..I dont want to lead you on"

So yes he didn't want to mislead me like you said. 

 

[Britney25]

36 minutes ago, AnnieB said:

If a man ever calls an ex crazy, you know you have a crazy man on your hands. Hightail out of there. 

Now I know! I will be looking out for what they say about their ex.

[Britney25]

14 minutes ago, Amanda92 said:

You need to trust your intuition more. You were not naive. You saw red flags from the beginning. You just really wanted to be in a relationship, so you preferred to believe you are crazy. That's normal during first relationship. You need more experience and you will start to see more clear. Treat this situation as a lesson. 

Yes thank you. Now I know for the future. You know what? I forgive him. I had a lot of fun with him. It felt good to receive that love at that moment and for me to give him that love. I mean when we cuddled after sex he fell asleep and sometimes I would look at him and thinking is this the Man that will be the father of my children. Yes I know it was early but it was just my silent thoughts. I miss being intimate with him. The connection was amazing. How do people do it after the break up? Not have sex?! I only have sex if I feel an emotional connection with someone and they are exclusive with me. 

[Cookiesandough]

49 minutes ago, AnnieB said:

If a man ever calls an ex crazy, you know you have a crazy man on your hands. Hightail out of there. 

True as much as I hate to admit it having some crazy exes, f*k it, I’m a little bit crazy too lol. 

Edited July 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

True as much as I hate to admit it having some crazy exes, f*k it, I’m a little bit crazy too lol. 

I wonder if he is missing the sex 😅

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Btw what is with Men and pet names? Like calling you doll, dear, honey without even meeting you. Is that a red flag?

Not necessarily. My husband and I call eachother honey.

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, AnnieB said:

If a man ever calls an ex crazy, you know you have a crazy man on your hands. Hightail out of there. 

Truth. Having been on the receiving end of years of gaslighting and emotional abuse along with him having things to cover up, I am VERY leery of the "my ex was crazy" thing. Maybe she was, but I've heard and seen (and experienced) this throwaway comment enough for it to really put me off and make me wonder. "She's crazy" avoids everything, is a fallback for any accusations against him you may later discover, and is intended to make you think "the right woman" would have his full love and all that. Generally...nah.

In a few cases, sure. People can and do have mental health issues. But you wouldn't usually spit out "he's crazy" or "she's crazy."  

That can also be code for "I'm trying to get back at her for *not wanting me* by smearing her. But deep down, if she would come back, I'd drop YOU like a hot potato."

[CaliforniaGirl]

32 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I wonder if he is missing the sex 😅

No. I'm sure he called his "friend from out of town."

Please just stop, Britney. You don't want or need these mental images.

[ExpatInItaly]

38 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I wonder if he is missing the sex 😅

Don't reduce yourself to this, Britney. 

[Cookiesandough]

13 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Truth. Having been on the receiving end of years of gaslighting and emotional abuse along with him having things to cover up, I am VERY leery of the "my ex was crazy" thing. Maybe she was, but I've heard and seen (and experienced) this throwaway comment enough for it to really put me off and make me wonder. "She's crazy" avoids everything, is a fallback for any accusations against him you may later discover, and is intended to make you think "the right woman" would have his full love and all that. Generally...nah.

In a few cases, sure. People can and do have mental health issues. But you wouldn't usually spit out "he's crazy" or "she's crazy."  

That can also be code for "I'm trying to get back at her for *not wanting me* by smearing her. But deep down, if she would come back, I'd drop YOU like a hot potato."

I think it depends. Personally, I’ve stated it  to guys in the past but just in a matter of fact way when the topic came up.  I also didn’t use the word ‘crazy’, as I try to avoid pejoratives in relation to mentally ill people. I’d say “yeah, I think my ex is a mostly nice person,  but he had some ‘problems’…”

 

And also just as a flat out warning to the guys I was dating like, “yeah, my ex might Facebook message you some crazy stuff about me or try to fight you if he sees us together bc he got issues” because he had pulled stuff like that 

Edited July 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I wonder if he is missing the sex 😅

Are you? It will help you to move on if you know that he was thinking about ending it for a while and most likely had someone else lined up. Keep in mind it was final for you when you confronted him, but he was checking out for a month before that.

[Britney25]

50 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Not necessarily. My husband and I call eachother honey.

Even before you met but just started talking or after first date?

[Britney25]

48 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Truth. Having been on the receiving end of years of gaslighting and emotional abuse along with him having things to cover up, I am VERY leery of the "my ex was crazy" thing. Maybe she was, but I've heard and seen (and experienced) this throwaway comment enough for it to really put me off and make me wonder. "She's crazy" avoids everything, is a fallback for any accusations against him you may later discover, and is intended to make you think "the right woman" would have his full love and all that. Generally...nah.

In a few cases, sure. People can and do have mental health issues. But you wouldn't usually spit out "he's crazy" or "she's crazy."  

That can also be code for "I'm trying to get back at her for *not wanting me* by smearing her. But deep down, if she would come back, I'd drop YOU like a hot potato."

Which happened here.

Edited July 18, 2021 by Britney25

[Britney25]

48 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

No. I'm sure he called his "friend from out of town."

Please just stop, Britney. You don't want or need these mental images.

But sex is different with everyone. 

[Cookiesandough]

3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Even before you met but just started talking or after first date?

To me that’s a red flag. It’s weird to me to call a virtual stranger a pet name 

[Britney25]

36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you? It will help you to move on if you know that he was thinking about ending it for a while and most likely had someone else lined up. Keep in mind it was final for you when you confronted him, but he was checking out for a month before that.

Yes but during that time we still had sex! Of course I miss it. It was amazing. 

[Britney25]

I want to believe he is missing our sex at least. Hey at least it makes me smile lol

[Britney25]

Man how does one survive after the sex is gone with that person. I will have a long drought again 😅

[basil67]

I'm old enough to have dated before we had OLD and constantly available sex.   One just gets used to having no sex for a while.   It doesn't kill you.

[Cookiesandough]

My first time sx was anything but amazing haha… maybe that’s why you’re still stuck on him?
 

 Did he know it was your first time? Sure, you are an adult and you make your own decisions … but you waited 36 years for a reason, and it would have been easy to assume it had some value to you(?)Maybe not, but it’s an easy assumption to be made so I think he shouldn’t have done it like that. Just be a little more sure there’s more longevity there than 2 months and that he’s not still pining for an ex.  JMO. I get it’s pressure, though. My bf who took my V card thought that because he did I’d be ~in love~ with him forever or something and actually I left him to go explore the new realm shortly after lol. Maybe your guy thinks too he’s still got you, but who knows. Anyway, I think it will be easier for you going forward with that out of the way. 

[Britney25]

39 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

My first time sx was anything but amazing haha… maybe that’s why you’re still stuck on him?
 

 Did he know it was your first time? Sure, you are an adult and you make your own decisions … but you waited 36 years for a reason, and it would have been easy to assume it had some value to you(?)Maybe not, but it’s an easy assumption to be made so I think he shouldn’t have done it like that. Just be a little more sure there’s more longevity there than 2 months and that he’s not still pining for an ex.  JMO. I get it’s pressure, though. My bf who took my V card thought that because he did I’d be ~in love~ with him forever or something and actually I left him to go explore the new realm shortly after lol. Maybe your guy thinks too he’s still got you, but who knows. Anyway, I think it will be easier for you going forward with that out of the way. 

No he didn't know it was my first time. I was very tight which he loved. He kept on asking wow cant believe it , is it the kegels. I just didn't want to tell him but it was a great experience because I was so into him and felt comfortable with him. He made me feel great and caring after our first time. Then it was better and better each time. He never pressured me to sleep with me. Since it was my first time maybe that's why I'm so attached. Again he didnt know I was a Virgin.

Edited July 18, 2021 by Britney25

[Cookiesandough]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

No he didn't know it was my first time. I was very tight which he loved. He kept on asking wow cant believe it , is it the kegels. I just didn't want to tell him but it was a great experience because I was so into him and felt comfortable with him. He made me feel great and caring after our first time. Then it was better and better each time. He never pressured me. I agreed.

Oh okay, wow. That seems like it would have been nerve wrecking to it be your first time and the person didn’t know. I guess I get why you didn’t tell them though, 

 

Also you will get better with it with more experience(generally speaking) 

Edited July 18, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh okay, wow. That seems like it would have been nerve wrecking to it be your first time and the person didn’t know. I guess I get why you didn’t tell them though, 

You know I guess I didn't want him to judge me. But he was careful since he felt how tight I was. I wasn't nervous it just happened so fast.

[Britney25]

@Cookiesandough 

He couldn't get enough the whole time we were together. He was just mesmerized with the sex. For me at first it was too much of course but it didn't stop him. Anyway is that way I'm so attached to him?