Author Britney25 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Share Posted July 5, 2021 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: I thought you were going to TELL him you want to meet and talk tomorrow. What did you say in your text to him? He could very well put you off again tomorrow if you didn't make it clear. Yeah I wanted to say that but now I'm thinking I should give him distance and wait until he asks me out. Plus @Poppy fields thinks I shouldnt even bring it up because it will be pointless. He will be turned off. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Yeah I wanted to say that but now I'm thinking I should give him distance and wait until he asks me out. Plus @Poppy fields thinks I shouldnt even bring it up because it will be pointless. He will be turned off. Forget what I say, I'm me, you are you. I'm giving advice based on what has worked for ME, I'm not the be-all-end-all... I've also read tons of books and watched videos, about male/female dynamics, interpersonal relationships and applied to my own life and relationships based on my personality and nature. Again, you have to do YOU, if it's a mistake, you learn from it. It's pointless doing what has worked for others, everyone is different, every relationship is different. Take the advice but in the end you have to do what works for YOU. Edited July 5, 2021 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 5 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I shouldnt even bring it up because it will be pointless. He will be turned off. A guy who's into you won't be turned off by you expressing that you want to see him. And if you reaching out does push him away, then he's not properly interested in you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) Brit, didn't you just talk to him, like last week? About why he was pulling back after his trip? And what changed? Nothing. Now you want to talk to him again? How many talks can you have before acknowledging this just isn't working? I still believe you should start becoming more independent and work on anxiety. Hopefully it will benefit you in your next relationship. xo Edited July 5, 2021 by poppyfields 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 16 minutes ago, poppyfields said: It's pointless doing what has worked for others, everyone is different, every relationship is different. Take the advice but in the end you have to do what works for YOU. I agree Britney throughout this thread you continue to ask others what should you do, to give you the words to say to him, over and over again. I would have been gone all day enjoying my friends if this had happened to me but you have been online all day discussing him while he's out having fun. I told you to tell him tomorrow you want to talk because you are anxious about an answer. Now you're saying your going to give him space and wait because you're afraid of turning him off. You don't want to talk about your rights as a gf because you are afraid to lose this guy. That is the kiss of death. You should have sent him that text this morning and now it is after 8 and you're telling him you're going to a BBQ when everyone else has eaten and is getting ready to watch fireworks. He may think you lied to make him jealous. You need to figure out what you want from him by yourself, write those things down, remember them and tell him. He will probably give you more bs tomorrow with no plans to get together. I hope if that happens you will finally realize he really isn't your bf but a time waister. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 12 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Brit, didn't you just talk to him, like last week? About why he was pulling back after his trip? What reasons did he give you for doing this Brit and what did he say he would change? Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 1 minute ago, Gentelboy said: I have a girl that I have been dating for a year plus now, she's older than me by 3 months... I respect her a lot but she doesn't respect me at all, I don't know if it's because she is older than me by 3 months... I have quarreled with her many times because of this but she doesn't want to change, she doesn't text back on time again because of tik.**k and Facebook group chats, she's always treating me like i don't mean anything... she's just treating me like an option.. we have quarreled many times because of this but she doesn't want to change and now i don't know what to do?.. I think you need to start your own thread Gentelboy as this one is trying to respond to someone else. You are more likely to get responses for your questions if you start a thread rather than join in with someone else's. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Share Posted July 5, 2021 13 minutes ago, stillafool said: What reasons did he give you for doing this Brit and what did he say he would change? I did he said sorry a million times and told me he should of have communicated better. I believed him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Share Posted July 5, 2021 (edited) 22 minutes ago, stillafool said: I agree Britney throughout this thread you continue to ask others what should you do, to give you the words to say to him, over and over again. I would have been gone all day enjoying my friends if this had happened to me but you have been online all day discussing him while he's out having fun. I told you to tell him tomorrow you want to talk because you are anxious about an answer. Now you're saying your going to give him space and wait because you're afraid of turning him off. You don't want to talk about your rights as a gf because you are afraid to lose this guy. That is the kiss of death. You should have sent him that text this morning and now it is after 8 and you're telling him you're going to a BBQ when everyone else has eaten and is getting ready to watch fireworks. He may think you lied to make him jealous. You need to figure out what you want from him by yourself, write those things down, remember them and tell him. He will probably give you more bs tomorrow with no plans to get together. I hope if that happens you will finally realize he really isn't your bf but a time waister. Hey bbqs dont finish at 8pm. Maybe I was busy earlier who cares what he thinks about that. I am going to text him to meet and see what happens tomorrow. At this point what do I have to loose. He's not asking to meet either only sending me thinking of you texts. Am I afraid to loose him. I am just sad this happened to me. I am a great Woman and deserve respect. So if I will loose him then be it. I dont want a time waster like you said Edited July 5, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator combined two posts 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 9 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I did he said sorry a million times and told me he should of have communicated better. I believed him. Oh okay so you already talked to him about it and he did exactly that, gave excuses, so what will it accomplish to do it again? Have to accept this is what he will do and deal or dump him.😫 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 9 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I am a great Woman and deserve respect. So if I will loose him then be it. I dont want a time wast Preach 🙌 so time to dump the chump 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 5, 2021 Author Share Posted July 5, 2021 4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Yes, but not only a casual approach the relationship, but that he’s talking out of both sides of his mouth. Which is arguably more concerning. “Oh I love you so much, can’t wait to take trips with you, can’t wait to have babies, oh baby girl I miss you so much “…while being minutes away and preferring to spend time with someone else. “Oh but hey I bought you some snaks” I just saw this post. Yep exactly! You are right! Makes me very sad. Anyway happy 4th. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 OK, how about a bit of perspective: - Britney's bf, in his actions, seems to be a little cool about the relationship and is being a bit casual. This is causing her enormous anxiety. All the conflicting advice on here is causing further anxiety. Added to that is Britney's previous health problems, which make her prone to anxiety. May be a step back and relationship evaluation is required. Britney, what do you want out of this relationship? Do you see it being long-term? Can you see yourself married to this guy in the future? When do you want to introduce him to your family? How soon would you realistically see you both moving in? These are all questions you need to ask yourself? The answers may change as the relationship develops, but you need to know where you are and what your want because, if you don't know, how is your bf supposed to know. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
IslandSanctuary Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 He texts you everyday. The constant expectation for messages is a buzzkill for me. Imagine dating in the 80's. must have been so much better 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 13 minutes ago, IslandSanctuary said: He texts you everyday. The constant expectation for messages is a buzzkill for me. Imagine dating in the 80's. must have been so much better In the 80s you would have had to call every day instead. 😀 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 6 hours ago, Britney25 said: I texted him thanks babe, im going out with friends for a BBQ, hope you're having a good one. Talk to you later. Your communication seems like chitchat and that's fine. But why go in circles over all this? Because he had other plans? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 Britney, with due respect, it might be time to step back from this thread for a few hours. It's winding you up tremendously and you don't seem to have any confidence in what you want to do here. It's "poster X say this" but "poster Y thinks that." We cannot tell you how to conduct yourself. We cannot tell you with any certainty what your guy is thinking or doing. Your best approach would be to hear the different perspectives presented here, and do what you think is best. Every time another poster chimes in with a different take, you're back to spinning your wheels because you're waiting for a bunch of other people (and we are just strangers online!) to tell you what do to. It's causing you even more anxiety. You need to identify Britney's needs in this, and find Britney's voice. At 36, you don't seem to have a well-developed sense of who you are and what you want and need in a relaitonship. You're relying on other people to tell you. Until you have a clearer sense of your own identity, relationships are going to be extremely challenging because you'll be vulnerable to whatever anyone else thinks "should" happen without actually what works for you. Take several deep breaths before you do anything else. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 6 hours ago, Britney25 said: what happens tomorrow. Please update us about tomorrow - curious cats want to know. You both seem to enjoy your time in person but it's the time on your own that's keeping you anxious. I hope the meeting goes well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 l think it's pretty simple op and no need for all the bs. Of course you were hoping for a serious relationship with him that's pretty obvious and for most that obviously means a future together and marriage or whatever later on. He sounds like he's doing a bit of the dance but that seems pretty common from guys in a lot of the women's threads but like a lot of them too it doesn't seem to amount to much and he is in reality looking pretty half hearted too about you two tbh. You can either talk it out with him and try to find out for sure or dump the whole thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 51 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: . It's "poster X say this" but "poster Y thinks that." Agree. Decide what you want out of this relationship and if it's still satisfactory for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 Just remember, at 36 year old, you need to be in charge of your own destiny. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 28 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: Just remember, at 36 year old, you need to be in charge of your own destiny. Oh! I thought she was much younger. How old is the boyfriend, anyone know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Oh! I thought she was much younger. How old is the boyfriend, anyone know? He’s 40 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 @Britney25: Why exactly you 2 don't have a fix dating schedule? Is it because of his work? Does he have irregular work hours? Usually at 4 months dating we have a established a fixed dating schedule and we organize our week around that. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 5, 2021 Share Posted July 5, 2021 @Britney25I agree with those saying you should decide for yourself how you want to handle this. Relationships all differ. While there may be a more usual way of how things progress, that doesn't always hold true. My relationship certainly hasn't always followed what many posters on this forum hold as THE way things have to go in a serious relationship. The important thing is that what is happening is making you anxious and unhappy. In your own words, discuss this with him, face to face, at your first opportunity. No one but him knows why he's been staying in touch but not actually seeing you. I think most if not all agree that's not cool. But any reason any of us might give for what he's doing is just a guess. And as has been pointed out, all those guesses are making it worse for you. Try to be calm when you talk to him, stay on point, and be honest and clear about what you need. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts