Am I crazy to think this?

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Today so far no good morning text, most likely because it's Friday or hes waiting for me. I'm not going to initiate. 

Question.

You are gf/bf so isn't it a given that you spend your Saturday evening together?

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Question.

You are gf/bf so isn't it a given that you spend your Saturday evening together?

Should be a given but hes silent today. Yesterday only texted me in the morning,  later nothing. 

I'm trying not to text him because I want to see if he comfortable or uncomfortable with the space. If he will reach out and say what's going on or something.  If he doesn't then I have my answer.

I mean I think this is what I should do. Give him space to invite me if he wants to see me.

Edited July 9, 2021 by Britney25

[Amanda92]

28 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Question.

You are gf/bf so isn't it a given that you spend your Saturday evening together?

They spent only Friday together last weekend.

[Gaeta]

17 minutes ago, Amanda92 said:

They spent only Friday together last weekend.

Yes I understand. At 4 months dating usually it's established that our Saturday evenings are for our gf/bf. At 4 months dating I didn't need to ask my ex when I'd see him, he came over Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. This way I could organize the rest of my life around this. 

[Daisydooks]

2 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Today so far no good morning text, most likely because it's Friday or hes waiting for me. I'm not going to initiate. 

He probably is. It sounds like he is getting comfortable with you always asking to do things and initiating/planning. Gauge where he is at by allowing him to initiate. He has never had to as you always do. So make other plans. Dont do so out of spite or anger but because you genuinely dont need to see him 5 to 7 days a week. You have to be neglecting friends and family while seeing him 5 days a week anyhow. Lol. So invest in family and friends and fit a guy youve been seeing for 4 months in when he initiates. Youre investing far more than he is and sounds like he is investing and you, while also living his life. He is becoming your life and its unhealthy. 

Id have killed to see my H more in the first 4 years of our relationship. Haha. We lived 7 cities apart so weekdays never happened. It was expected we had weekends at a certain point and not even discussed when we got comfy together. It was just the "unwritten plan."  At the beginning we always asked "what are you up to this weekend," but by a few months in it we got comfy and it was expected we would see each other and made plans around that. Could that be how this is going? I dont want to write this guy off entirely. 

If he feels you pulling back, good, but dont do this in anger or out of upset.  Do it because you shouldnt be sinking your entire life into a man who you have sincerely invested 4 months into at 36. Let him chase you a little. If he stops or doesnt initiate, you know youre not on his list of priorities. 

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Amanda92 said:

They spent only Friday together last weekend.

Yeah but also Monday of this week

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, Daisydooks said:

He probably is. It sounds like he is getting comfortable with you always asking to do things and initiating/planning. Gauge where he is at by allowing him to initiate. He has never had to as you always do. So make other plans. Dont do so out of spite or anger but because you genuinely dont need to see him 5 to 7 days a week. You have to be neglecting friends and family while seeing him 5 days a week anyhow. Lol. So invest in family and friends and fit a guy youve been seeing for 4 months in when he initiates. Youre investing far more than he is and sounds like he is investing and you, while also living his life. He is becoming your life and its unhealthy. 

Id have killed to see my H more in the first 4 years of our relationship. Haha. We lived 7 cities apart so weekdays never happened. It was expected we had weekends at a certain point and not even discussed when we got comfy together. It was just the "unwritten plan."  At the beginning we always asked "what are you up to this weekend," but by a few months in it we got comfy and it was expected we would see each other and made plans around that. Could that be how this is going? I dont want to write this guy off entirely. 

If he feels you pulling back, good, but dont do this in anger or out of upset.  Do it because you shouldnt be sinking your entire life into a man who you have sincerely invested 4 months into at 36. Let him chase you a little. If he stops or doesnt initiate, you know youre not on his list of priorities. 

Maybe he was starting to get comfortable. Who knows? Just I don't get when I spoke with him Monday that was his chance to tell me he's not feeling it anymore,but I guess he didn't have the balls? Instead on Tuesday of this week he sends me his schedule what he's doing after work up until Thursday with no plans for us. I took it as passive aggressive tbh. He's not that stupid is he? 

Yeah I'm not initiating not out of anger but because I need to know of this space will make him comfortable or not and like you said; am I a priority for him.

Thank you for your insight 

[Britney25]

2 hours ago, Amanda92 said:

They spent only Friday together last weekend.

Monday of this week as well where I had the talk with him.

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Maybe he was starting to get comfortable. Who knows? Just I don't get when I spoke with him Monday that was his chance to tell me he's not feeling it anymore,but I guess he didn't have the balls? Instead on Tuesday of this week he sends me his schedule what he's doing after work up until Thursday with no plans for us. I took it as passive aggressive tbh. He's not that stupid is he? 

Yeah I'm not initiating not out of anger but because I need to know of this space will make him comfortable or not and like you said; am I a priority for him.

Thank you for your insight 

In the second half of this post you say you need to know whether you're a priority to him, but in the first half you seem to be showing that you already know, AND that you know he doesn't have the balls to tell you, so why are you waiting for him to tell you?

Have some dignity. Stand up straight and tall and go out there and meet somebody who won't make you wonder for 34 pages whether he's going to text again this time.

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Yes I understand. At 4 months dating usually it's established that our Saturday evenings are for our gf/bf. At 4 months dating I didn't need to ask my ex when I'd see him, he came over Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. This way I could organize the rest of my life around this. 

Friday and Monday of this week. Saturday he just sent a good morning text and Friday same with no plans for us. He chose his friend.

I spoke with him Monday how much we should be seeing each other...he didn't really give me a clear answer to anything just he understood from my perspective that his actions seem casual even though he assure me it's not casual, we are together adding we are seeing where this goes. 

I'm not initiating any meetings this week. I want to see if he will step up or be silent. Worst part is it's his bday next week on Friday. I dont even know if I should break it up with him before his bday? Or after? But that would mean I need to get him a gift.

[Britney25]

Just now, CaliforniaGirl said:

In the second half of this post you say you need to know whether you're a priority to him, but in the first half you seem to be showing that you already know, AND that you know he doesn't have the balls to tell you, so why are you waiting for him to tell you?

Have some dignity. Stand up straight and tall and go out there and meet somebody who won't make you wonder for 34 pages whether he's going to text again this time.

I know I know you are probably bored of me lol but I guess I invested a lot in him so to me I'm feeling disappointed but hopeful and again disappointed because the worst is coming true. Especially after 10yrs to open myself up again and this happens. I may be 36 but inside I'm not a big girl. I'm very sensitive and want to believe in the good of people. Supposedly Men don't loose interest overnight so I'm wondering how long hes been feeling like this? Is it really because I didnt invite him home yet? That would be dumb to punish me like that.

[stillafool]

On the schedule he sent you does it looked filled up this week and that could be the reason he hasn't asked you out?

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Friday and Monday of this week.

Since you started dating, do you see him often on Saturday evenings? Or he spends his Saturdays with his friends/other people mostly?

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

On the schedule he sent you does it looked filled up this week and that could be the reason he hasn't asked you out?

He just texted me what he is doing after work till Thursday of this week. Today is Friday.  He didn't mention the weekend,  otherwise I wouldn't be saying anything. 

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Since you started dating, do you see him often on Saturday evenings? Or he spends his Saturdays with his friends/other people mostly?

We did meet on Saturday's before yes but we never had a definite we will see each other on that day every week. It is usually random. Btw he never tells me what he does on Saturday's. Sometimes it was last minute we met.

Edited July 9, 2021 by Britney25

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

We did meet on Saturday's before yes but we never had a definite we will see each other on that day every week. It is usually random.

But my question is if you count all your Saturdays together, is it a lot of Saturdays or just once in a while?

[CaliforniaGirl]

10 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I know I know you are probably bored of me lol but I guess I invested a lot in him so to me I'm feeling disappointed but hopeful and again disappointed because the worst is coming true. Especially after 10yrs to open myself up again and this happens. I may be 36 but inside I'm not a big girl. I'm very sensitive and want to believe in the good of people. Supposedly Men don't loose interest overnight so I'm wondering how long hes been feeling like this? Is it really because I didnt invite him home yet? That would be dumb to punish me like that.

First, drop "supposedly" because if all this had happened the way people say things are "supposed to" then you wouldn't be here, wondering. So obviously, there IS no "supposedly" or "supposed to" - people don't act in an exact way, every time.

Second, I know you're invested in him. I fully understand that this hurts. A lot. I know...I really do. And believing in the good in people is fine. He isn't necessarily a bad person if he lost interest. I'm sure you've lost interest in people before...were you a bad person? I doubt it, you sound like a very good person to me.

How long has he been feeling like this...you'll probably never know. He's not going to tell you. It could have been very sudden or it could have been a while. Don't torture yourself that way.

Is it because you didn't invite him home - I doubt it but you can't even hope to get any kind of an answer unless you ask HIM. He still might not tell you but a. you have a better shot of getting an answer that way than by asking total strangers who don't even know him and b. if he IS that upset and angry that he'd passive-aggressively "punish" you, my guess is he wouldn't be able to hold back from using that opportunity to tell you he IS mad about it. But...with all that said, I highly, highly doubt this is the issue. If it is and he's that passive-aggressive, expect only more of the same, probably escalating as time goes by. It sounds miserable.

ASK HIM these things. Ask HIM. Not us. We have literally no clue, we're throwing things out there based on our vibe or our experiences but you are you. He is him. Ask him.

And I've said this before, but: ask yourself...why are you this afraid of speaking directly TO him? Why does the thought of speaking TO him shoot such fear into you that you'll go 34 pages of asking total strangers in agony every single day about every single text, every single lack of text, every single get-together, and every single not-get-together?

Do you think that's healthy?

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

But my question is if you count all your Saturdays together, is it a lot of Saturdays or just once in a while?

Hmmm I would say 4-5 Saturdays in 4 months.

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Hmmm I would say 4-5 Saturdays in 4 months.

There are 16 Saturdays in 4 months.

He gave you 4-5 out of this. That represents 25% of his Saturdays go to you. What do you think of tthat?

Edited July 9, 2021 by Gaeta

[Britney25]

5 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

First, drop "supposedly" because if all this had happened the way people say things are "supposed to" then you wouldn't be here, wondering. So obviously, there IS no "supposedly" or "supposed to" - people don't act in an exact way, every time.

Second, I know you're invested in him. I fully understand that this hurts. A lot. I know...I really do. And believing in the good in people is fine. He isn't necessarily a bad person if he lost interest. I'm sure you've lost interest in people before...were you a bad person? I doubt it, you sound like a very good person to me.

How long has he been feeling like this...you'll probably never know. He's not going to tell you. It could have been very sudden or it could have been a while. Don't torture yourself that way.

Is it because you didn't invite him home - I doubt it but you can't even hope to get any kind of an answer unless you ask HIM. He still might not tell you but a. you have a better shot of getting an answer that way than by asking total strangers who don't even know him and b. if he IS that upset and angry that he'd passive-aggressively "punish" you, my guess is he wouldn't be able to hold back from using that opportunity to tell you he IS mad about it. But...with all that said, I highly, highly doubt this is the issue. If it is and he's that passive-aggressive, expect only more of the same, probably escalating as time goes by. It sounds miserable.

ASK HIM these things. Ask HIM. Not us. We have literally no clue, we're throwing things out there based on our vibe or our experiences but you are you. He is him. Ask him.

And I've said this before, but: ask yourself...why are you this afraid of speaking directly TO him? Why does the thought of speaking TO him shoot such fear into you that you'll go 34 pages of asking total strangers in agony every single day about every single text, every single lack of text, every single get-together, and every single not-get-together?

Do you think that's healthy?

But hun I DID ASK HIM. He told me everything is fine. He thought me not inviting him over was odd but didn't think more of it otherwise he would've of ended it earlier.  That's what he told me Monday of this week. We supposedly made up and forward to today, no plans, hes silent.....how many times am I supposed to ask him?

[Britney25]

Just now, Gaeta said:

There are 16 Saturdays in 4 months.

He gave you 4-5 out of this. That represents 25% of his Saturdays go to you. 

Well he was traveling this month on a Saturday. But Fridays and Sunday's we would see each other a lot on those days. So Saturday's are more important? Just want to be clear.

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

But hun I DID ASK HIM. He told me everything is fine. He thought me not inviting him over was odd but didn't think more of it otherwise he would've of ended it earlier.  That's what he told me Monday of this week. We supposedly made up and forward to today, no plans, hes silent.....how many times am I supposed to ask him?

I keep asking whether you asked him certain things and you keep saying "no." You said you want to see more of him. I asked whether you had said this to him. You said, "Nope." You're still asking us whether he's punishing you about your not inviting him to your house. You refuse to ask HIM whether this is the case. You tell us you're going to stay quiet and just wait for him to text again. You're not saying to HIM, "I don't want to keep waiting for you to text. Are we through? I've had enough of playing around, I need to go out and have a life, I need to be with people, so if you're out, I'm making other plans." You say right here, "no, plans, he's silent..." How many times are you supposed to ask him? Well, did you say even ONCE, "Last time I had to wait and wait for you to 'tell' me our plans, but I'm half of this. I'm free Friday. If you are too, we can get together. If not, and I don't hear from you, I'm going out with friends."

You say you're asking and asking. But really you're timidly hinting about days being open and then "waiting" or "observing."

Stop tiptoeing. Tell him how it is. "You said things are fine. But I'm half of this relationship and things are not fine FOR ME. Things have changed and it's silly and childish for us to pretend they haven't. Given this, I'm going to start making my own plans and going out. For instance, it's Friday, we didn't make plans, and I'm going out with Nicole tonight. Talk to you later, maybe some time next week."

Edited July 9, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[Gaeta]

Yes, to me Saturdays are important. This is our Prime time, the most valuable of all evenings in the week. We keep our Saturdays for important people. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I keep asking whether you asked him certain things and you keep saying "no." You said you want to see more of him. I asked whether you had said this to him. You said, "Nope." You're still asking us whether he's punishing you about your not inviting him to your house. You refuse to ask HIM whether this is the case. You tell us you're going to stay quiet and just wait for him to text again. You're not saying to HIM, "I don't want to keep waiting for you to text. Are we through? I've had enough of playing around, I need to go out and have a life, I need to be with people, so if you're out, I'm making other plans." You say right here, "no, plans, he's silent..." How many times are you supposed to ask him? Well, did you say even ONCE,

Ok that's what you mean. I will tell him that but I'm still observing till Sunday. Not waiting and dropping everything for him but observing what will happen. 

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yes, to me Saturdays are important. This is our Prime time, the most valuable of all evenings in the week. We keep our Saturdays for important people. 

This is how I feel about it too, unless someone's work schedule or school schedule happens over the weekend. (My cousin is studying to be a rabbi and he goes to school on Sundays, for example.)

But barring that, weekends are made for partying and getting together...everybody knows that.