Am I crazy to think this?

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, Alvi said:

Britney, you said that you are from Russia. I was wondering if that guy is also Russian or was born in the Russia? See, I am from the Russia too originally. Not going to stereotype people but that might explain some of his behavior. I've been living here in Canada for many years but dated quite a few guys from my home country. I've noticed that they all have this pattern in common. Probably not a good idea to write on here on this forum what that is, if you will say that he is from the Russia originally, that would explain some things. I've dated lots of Canadian men as well and let's just say they have a different mentality when it comes to dating. Or I could be completely wrong in your case.

No he is American.

[Amanda92]

You analyze too much. You won't understand him. He just doesn't want to spend time with you. That's sad, but that's true. You deserve more.

[glows]

He probably will text you at some point. 

Does it even matter? Hopefully by then you’ve moved on and aren’t interested in hearing from him. 

Give yourself time and wean off those texts. 

[Amanda92]

I'm afraid she will be waiting all this time for his message. So maybe it would be better just to end this instead of waiting.

[AnnieB]

44 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yes but love bombers I read dont just leave you. Hes supposed to make me not let him go, manipulate me to control me. I read that they love bomb in order for you to be dependent on them. He didnt even rush me to move in with you. I read once that happens they control your life and abuse you. 

So that didnt happen. He never forced me to have sex with him either. I dont know.

Would you have slept with him if you knew he would ghost you? Would you have gotten involved had he not said I love you and asked you to be his girlfriend? That was all a manipulation. 

[Britney25]

43 minutes ago, AnnieB said:

Would you have slept with him if you knew he would ghost you? Would you have gotten involved had he not said I love you and asked you to be his girlfriend? That was all a manipulation. 

So hes narcistict as well.

[chillii]

No , that doesn't make him a narc you kidding. He's just doing what most men on here we hear about seem to do to get women in the sack if that is what he did. Or maybe he wasn't , maybe as time went on things were just fizzling a bit and he started losing interest so when the out came he grabbed it.           Or maybe he's just disappeared acting like a baby , l'll show her, so to speak , who knows. Maybe when he finishes acting like an idiot you get a message from him. Haven't read the whole thing of course .

Anyway , you could always ask him , to hell with the childish bs , just ask him. l did that , so what and she explained too.

Edited July 12, 2021 by chillii

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Amanda92 said:

I'm afraid she will be waiting all this time for his message. So maybe it would be better just to end this instead of waiting.

That's what I am thinking, too. With due respect to OP, I don't think she will be able to just let it go here with no conversation whatsoever with him. Personally, for her own peace of mind, I would end it with him cleanly so she is not waiting around and hoping to hear from him. 

Britney, he is not necessarily a narcissist. That terms gets tossed around so easily and so lightly that it's undermined its true meaning. Something changed for him, that much is clear. And he's handling it very poorly. But that does not mean he is personality disordered. Some people are just insensitive chumps. 

 

Edited July 12, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Britney25 said:

. I dont think it was love bombing.  

Agree. You were dating and it's normal to be caught up in things.

Sometimes it doesn't work out. The interest fades or some other reason.

He's not suddenly some calculating sociopath who set out to destroy you. Many bitter people think this way. 

But in your case, you're correct. He is a heel for tiptoeing out like this but that doesn't make someone a dangerous narcissist.

[AnnieB]

4 hours ago, Britney25 said:

So hes narcistict as well.

I don’t know if he is a narcissist, but honest and straightforward he is not and that he manipulates you to get what he wants is obvious by your confusion. I do not think it’s a case of he was in love and then his feelings suddenly died. If anything he made you something else in his mind that you were not, and maybe lied to himself in the process as well. He may not have been self aware necessarily. But if you ever encounter a narcissist self awareness is not anything they wear on their sleeve necessarily 😂. And as in relationships of these sorts maybe YOU filled in the necessary blanks and made HIM up something he wasn’t. I know I do that on a regular basis and it’s something I’ve been desperately trying to correct. 

In fact if you say you don’t have relationships often, you probably have very little experience with your own self as well particularly in a dating and relationship context and how you behave in a dating scenario and if you fill in the blanks and fantasize et al. And lovebomb in essence.

 

[clia]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. You were dating and it's normal to be caught up in things.

Sometimes it doesn't work out. The interest fades or some other reason.

He's not suddenly some calculating sociopath who set out to destroy you. Many bitter people think this way. 

But in your case, you're correct. He is a heel for tiptoeing out like this but that doesn't make someone a dangerous narcissist.

I agree with this.

Britney, I'm really sorry this happened to you.  I've been through it, too, and probably others commenting on this thread have as well.  I know it hurts.  This kind of thing happens when you are dating.  I actually found the 3-4 month mark to be pretty crucial because you are coming out of that initial honeymoon stage and into what will either be a more solid relationship or the realization that the relationship may not be quite right.  Many people will just do the fade at that point rather than having a confrontation if they decide that they don't want the relationship anymore.  It's terrible that he couldn't just be honest with you on Monday when you talked, but please don't let that taint your dating life.  Just move along -- you will find the right guy for you.

If he texts you with any of this "good morning" or "hope you had a good weekend" nonsense, just ignore it and do not respond.  

Edited July 12, 2021 by clia

[Britney25]

4 hours ago, clia said:

I agree with this.

Britney, I'm really sorry this happened to you.  I've been through it, too, and probably others commenting on this thread have as well.  I know it hurts.  This kind of thing happens when you are dating.  I actually found the 3-4 month mark to be pretty crucial because you are coming out of that initial honeymoon stage and into what will either be a more solid relationship or the realization that the relationship may not be quite right.  Many people will just do the fade at that point rather than having a confrontation if they decide that they don't want the relationship anymore.  It's terrible that he couldn't just be honest with you on Monday when you talked, but please don't let that taint your dating life.  Just move along -- you will find the right guy for you.

If he texts you with any of this "good morning" or "hope you had a good weekend" nonsense, just ignore it and do not respond.  

His bday is this week. I think I owe him a happy birthday text at least. He made my bday very special so I dont think sending a plain happy birthday text is harmful.

 

[Britney25]

6 hours ago, AnnieB said:

I don’t know if he is a narcissist, but honest and straightforward he is not and that he manipulates you to get what he wants is obvious by your confusion. I do not think it’s a case of he was in love and then his feelings suddenly died. If anything he made you something else in his mind that you were not, and maybe lied to himself in the process as well. He may not have been self aware necessarily. But if you ever encounter a narcissist self awareness is not anything they wear on their sleeve necessarily 😂. And as in relationships of these sorts maybe YOU filled in the necessary blanks and made HIM up something he wasn’t. I know I do that on a regular basis and it’s something I’ve been desperately trying to correct. 

In fact if you say you don’t have relationships often, you probably have very little experience with your own self as well particularly in a dating and relationship context and how you behave in a dating scenario and if you fill in the blanks and fantasize et al. And lovebomb in essence.

 

His bday is this week. I think I should text him a simple happy birthday since he did make my birthday special. 

[Britney25]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. You were dating and it's normal to be caught up in things.

Sometimes it doesn't work out. The interest fades or some other reason.

He's not suddenly some calculating sociopath who set out to destroy you. Many bitter people think this way. 

But in your case, you're correct. He is a heel for tiptoeing out like this but that doesn't make someone a dangerous narcissist.

I think I owe him a happy bday text. His bday is this week. He did make my birthday special. I dont see any harm to do that. What do you think?

[clia]

34 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

His bday is this week. I think I owe him a happy birthday text at least. He made my bday very special so I dont think sending a plain happy birthday text is harmful.

Please do not do this.  You don't owe him anything.  

I know what you are trying to do, because I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.  You are hoping that by sending the happy birthday text he will come to his senses and come running back to you and things will go back to how they were.  I'm sorry, but that won't happen. 

Instead of sending the text, remind yourself of the following:

• His birthday is this week and he's made no plans to spend it with you.  
• He did not try to see you for the entire weekend.  Have you even heard from him all weekend?  Who did he spend his weekend with? 

This is not the way a man treats a woman who he is interested in.  A man who wants to be with you won't have you all tied up in knots and questions and nerves like this.  

Again, I'm very sorry, but this is over.  You have to let him go.  Texting someone who is treating you like this only makes you look foolish. 

Edited July 12, 2021 by clia

[Tinyjaguar]

Is it me or are these tit-bits of information making him sound OK.

Someone who doesn't care doesn't push the boat out on birthdays. He obviously had strong feelings for you at some point.

I'm not saying you owe him anything or that the relationship is salvageable but at least be straight with him. If it is not to be, just tell him that he is dumped instead of playing silly games and "ghosting"

Edited July 12, 2021 by Tinyjaguar

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I think I owe him a happy bday text.

I don't think you "owe him" anything, but it won't harm anything to send a bday text.

[introverted1]

 

36 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

His bday is this week. I think I owe him a happy birthday text at least. He made my bday very special so I dont think sending a plain happy birthday text is harmful.

 

 

35 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

His bday is this week. I think I should text him a simple happy birthday since he did make my birthday special. 

 

34 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I think I owe him a happy bday text. His bday is this week. He did make my birthday special. I dont see any harm to do that. What do you think?

Why do you repeat the same exact thing in multiple posts?  You only need to say it once and everyone reading will see your response.

Anyway, no, don't send him a birthday message.  You are just looking for ways to open the door again and all that will do is lead to another 43 pages of angst and confusion. He has made his feelings, or lack thereof, clear.  It doesn't matter what he did in the past; he is showing you what he feels now.

Britney, gently, do you think that any of the anxiety demonstrated in this thread is part of why this guy lost interest?  It seems clear that you struggle with knowing your own worth and with how to respond to your bf.  I am wondering if the behaviors evidenced in this thread are part of what caused your bf to lose feelings.  If you are still seeing a therapist as part of your recovery from anorexia, this might be something worth exploring.

 

 

[glows]

The whole premise of not responding is because he's unattractive and unappealing as a partner. Sending a text regardless of the occasion is acknowledging his presence. Is that really worth it? 

Whether you send that text depends on how emotionally dependent you are on him and whether you're interested in talking to him at all. No, I don't think it's necessary. I don't think it's a fuss either if you do but at the same time.. who cares? Or do you really care that he does have a happy birthday? 

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said:

Is it me or are these tit-bits of information making him sound OK.

Someone who doesn't care doesn't push the boat out on birthdays. He obviously had strong feelings for you at some point.

I'm not saying you owe him anything or that the relationship is salvageable but at least be straight with him. If it is not to be, just tell him that he is dumped instead of playing silly games and "ghosting"

Yes he really made my bday special. I just cant believe he ghosted me. I didnt hear from him since Friday. I replied how are you to his text Friday and he didnt reply. First time ever for him not to reply. He is still silent today. I didnt text obviously either. 

Yes sorry I know I dont owe him anything. I just want to do it because I still have feelings for him. I mean we had a great 4 months. We did a lot of fun activities together. 

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

 

 

 

Why do you repeat the same exact thing in multiple posts?  You only need to say it once and everyone reading will see your response.

Anyway, no, don't send him a birthday message.  You are just looking for ways to open the door again and all that will do is lead to another 43 pages of angst and confusion. He has made his feelings, or lack thereof, clear.  It doesn't matter what he did in the past; he is showing you what he feels now.

Britney, gently, do you think that any of the anxiety demonstrated in this thread is part of why this guy lost interest?  It seems clear that you struggle with knowing your own worth and with how to respond to your bf.  I am wondering if the behaviors evidenced in this thread are part of what caused your bf to lose feelings.  If you are still seeing a therapist as part of your recovery from anorexia, this might be something worth exploring.

 

 

No I don't act like this when I'm around him. People told me I was probably too available for him.

Plus he ghosted after our conversation of me telling him how he never initiates any plans and if our relationship is casual.

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, glows said:

The whole premise of not responding is because he's unattractive and unappealing as a partner. Sending a text regardless of the occasion is acknowledging his presence. Is that really worth it? 

Whether you send that text depends on how emotionally dependent you are on him and whether you're interested in talking to him at all. No, I don't think it's necessary. I don't think it's a fuss either if you do but at the same time.. who cares? Or do you really care that he does have a happy birthday? 

I care. I still care for him. He threw me a special party. It was so sweet. Presents galore. He went over the top. We had a really great time in the 3 months. Last month he started acting distant. Now after our chat he ghosted me. He didnt block me on WhatsApp yet or on Facebook. 

He left me confused. Honestly if he would've just told me I dont see this going forward I would be OK. I really would. Not this silence.

[CaliforniaGirl]

13 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yes he really made my bday special. I just cant believe he ghosted me. I didnt hear from him since Friday. I replied how are you to his text Friday and he didnt reply. First time ever for him not to reply. He is still silent today. I didnt text obviously either. 

Yes sorry I know I dont owe him anything. I just want to do it because I still have feelings for him. I mean we had a great 4 months. We did a lot of fun activities together. 

When was your birthday?

[Britney25]

Just now, CaliforniaGirl said:

When was your birthday?

April

[introverted1]

8 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

No I don't act like this when I'm around him.

I don't think it's so easy to turn off parts of your personality this way.  The anxiety you are feeling over this situation is very apparent.  It's hard to believe that it hasn't bled into your interactions with your bf.

Regardless, the best thing for you to do now is to move forward.  Sending him a birthday message just sets back your healing process.  If it helps, block him, so you'll stop expecting him to text you.  Get busy with your girlfriends/hobbies/interests.  When the time is right, date others.