introverted1 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Britney25 said: That's not silly if it's the truth. He lied to me when we had that conversation face to face. Some people are just avoidant. They find it easier to fade away than to speak their truth and have to deal with a potentially messy outcome - crying, begging, anger, etc. This is not a justification, just an explanation. Not everyone has the ethics and/or fortitude to say what they are feeling. Apparently, this guy falls into that camp. Ignoring his birthday is not about being a b****. It's simple recognition that this man is no longer in your life and he won't care about receiving a text message from an ex wishing him a happy BD. You want to send the message under the guise of being a caring person but more likely you are hoping it will provoke him into some sort of declaration for you. It's not going to do that. At best, you'll be met with silence or a "thank you"; at worst, he will make a brief reappearance in your life and then fade away again, merely prolonging the very angst you are in the midst of now. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I am a very caring person too (too much sometimes), but I have learned in recent years to direct that caring to people who deserve it, NOT men who discard me after 4 months dating with no explanation like I am "a piece of garbage." It's calling loving yourself and having self-respect, and Brit this has been said a zillion times, but no man, no person, will ever truly love you OR respect you if you first don't love and respect yourself. I mean I am actually flabbergasted that he ghosted after the type of RL you described having, that's got to be the coldest most heartless thing one could ever do to another person. I truly wonder how these people sleep at night. Anyway, I vote for no sending the birthday greetings, and I have no idea if he will ever reach out to you, but I hope he does, that would at least show some semblancy of being somewhat of a decent human... I wouldn't count on it though. Brit, I am REALLY sorry this happened, gotta say I never expected this, again I am absolutely flabbergasted, in shock. BIG HUGS.... Time heals... Yes that's why I am so hurt and confused by him, hence this thread 😉 I just can't believe how heartless he is. Is he really waiting for me to say something? I know the answer is most likely no. Thank you Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I just can't believe how heartless he is. Is he really waiting for me to say something? What would he be expecting you to say? You haven't done anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: What would he be expecting you to say? You haven't done anything wrong. Sorry I mean is he waiting for me to contact him to say what's up Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: Sorry I mean is he waiting for me to contact him to say what's up I imagine he is breathing a sigh of relief that he has not heard from you. 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: What would he be expecting you to say? You haven't done anything wrong. It's the silence that is the hardest thing to deal with. You end up thinking the worst with all your insecurities coming to the surface. I dealt with it by telling my ex that I didn't need her after all and I was going to be alright without her. Admitting it hurt like hell but it was the threshold for me to move on emotionally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: Sorry I mean is he waiting for me to contact him to say what's up If he is that means he is purposely not contacting you for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, introverted1 said: I imagine he is breathing a sigh of relief that he has not heard from you. He didn't block me on social media or WhatsApp thou Edited July 12, 2021 by Britney25 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: If he is that means he is purposely not contacting you for a reason. Or not. He may be a guy that likes his space and be horrendously selfish with his personal time. You don't get to 40 and child free by having a strong nesting instinct. Or is he standoffish because he is a divorcee Edited July 12, 2021 by Tinyjaguar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: It's the silence that is the hardest thing to deal with. You end up thinking the worst with all your insecurities coming to the surface. I dealt with it by telling my ex that I didn't need her after all and I was going to be alright without her. Admitting it hurt like hell but it was the threshold for me to move on emotionally. You're a Man. From your point of you why do you think happened for him to ghost after that last text on Friday of hope you had a beautiful day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Tinyjaguar said: Or not. He may be a guy that likes his space and be horrendously selfish with his personal time. You don't get to 40 and child free by having a strong nesting instinct. Or is he standoffish because he is a divorcee So how do you go about a Man like him. He told me once his Mom is pressuring him to settle down and have babies already. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: You're a Man. From your point of you why do you think happened for him to ghost after that last text on Friday of hope you had a beautiful day. I can't think of any reason. To this day, I've never had an honest explanation why my first big relationship ended. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: He didn't block me on social media or WhatsApp thou My take is that he is too passive to block you. He's going to do as little as possible in the hopes that you'll stay quiet and he can fade out. If he blocked you, it might provoke you into demanding why and I think he wants to avoid any possible confrontation. I could be wrong but, based on what you've said about this guy, that's my take. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: So how do you go about a Man like him. He told me once his Mom is pressuring him to settle down and have babies already. Well, I'm not surprised when he is 40. If he has a child now, he could be 60 by the time the child grows up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, introverted1 said: My take is that he is too passive to block you. He's going to do as little as possible in the hopes that you'll stay quiet and he can fade out. If he blocked you, it might provoke you into demanding why and I think he wants to avoid any possible confrontation. I could be wrong but, based on what you've said about this guy, that's my take. He is still following me on Instagram as well and he is active on there. It's just weird. Plus if he did block me I would have no way to even contact him anyway so that cant be why he hasn't yet blocked. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, introverted1 said: I imagine he is breathing a sigh of relief that he has not heard from you. Very likely. @Britney25 When I was in a very similar situation, after a long-term R, mind you, my friends were split in two camps: Those who said “if you don’t say anything/don’t confront him/don’t demand an explanation, you let him get away too easily. Don’t let him get away with it.”, and those who said “never talk to him again”. I did the latter. Didn’t even reply to the breakup message, as he didn’t even have the balls to speak with me directly. And if I can do it after 5 years, you can do it after 4 months. Oh and he didn’t block me either. He just didn’t want to rock the boat. AT ALL Edited July 12, 2021 by Pumpernickel 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 I'm thinking something happened on the trip he took. Either he took his ex with him and they're trying to get back together or he took someone else he's interested in and that is why he's never available anymore unless you're putting his feet to the fire. That could be his friend from out of town during the 4th too. He seemed to have changed after he got back. You even felt he was out of character because he wasn't trying to see you which started this whole thread I believe. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: Oh and he didn’t block me either. He just didn’t want to rock the boat. AT ALL This is why most don't block after ghosting is to avoid drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 48 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Because I'm a very caring person. I don't disagree that you're a caring person. However, I don't at all think that's the reason you want to send him a Happy Birthday text. You want to send that text because you are desperate for any communication from him, and his birthday gives you the perfect "excuse" to contact him and hope he talks to you. So we lie to ourselves and say that we do such things just because we "care", when really, we just want someone who doesn't care to, well,...care. Edited July 12, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Britney, I assume you know where he lives. If he was looking to avoid you completely, he would let you know where he lives. I don't see any of the speculation serving any purpose other than to aggravate you. When it come down to it, it's like this, you are unhappy with the relationship as it is now, he doesn't seem willing to change. He may well be letting it fizzle out. That is why you need to end it, then it is on your terms. You can move on and find someone who will give you what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: So we lie to ourselves and say we do things because we "care", when really, we just want someone who doesn't care to, well,...care. 100% agree.... Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: So we lie to ourselves and say that we do such things just because we "care", when really, we just want someone who doesn't care to, well,...care. I couldn't have put it better Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, Tinyjaguar said: Britney, I assume you know where he lives. If he was looking to avoid you completely, he would let you know where he lives. I don't see any of the speculation serving any purpose other than to aggravate you. When it come down to it, it's like this, you are unhappy with the relationship as it is now, he doesn't seem willing to change. He may well be letting it fizzle out. That is why you need to end it, then it is on your terms. You can move on and find someone who will give you what you want. Yes I do know where he lives. I've been there numerous times. Slept over as well. He knows where I live as well. I just dont get it. People are telling me his silence is the end of our relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
Tinyjaguar Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: Yes I do know where he lives. I've been there numerous times. Slept over as well. He knows where I live as well. I just dont get it. People are telling me his silence is the end of our relationship... Well, his silence is making you unhappy, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 15 minutes ago, Pumpernickel said: Very likely. @Britney25 When I was in a very similar situation, after a long-term R, mind you, my friends were split in two camps: Those who said “if you don’t say anything/don’t confront him/don’t demand an explanation, you let him get away too easily. Don’t let him get away with it.”, and those who said “never talk to him again”. I did the latter. Didn’t even reply to the breakup message, as he didn’t even have the balls to speak with me directly. And if I can do it after 5 years, you can do it after 4 months. Oh and he didn’t block me either. He just didn’t want to rock the boat. AT ALL He wrote a break up message to you? At least you got something. My is silent. Link to post Share on other sites
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