Am I crazy to think this?

[Gaeta]

Stop the torture and call him. Do not text. You need to hear his tone of voice. Texting him will only bring more anxiety if he doesn't reply right away. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Just speak from your heart using your own words.  When you confronted him the last time did you do it in a feisty way?  Did you show him that you were angry and hurt?

No it was a calm conversation.  I asked what he thought as well. Afterwards he told me to snuggle with him and he kept kissing me, like nothing happened.  He agreed we need better communication.  

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Stop the torture and call him. Do not text. You need to hear his tone of voice. Texting him will only bring more anxiety if he doesn't reply right away. 

I would have to do that later tonight when hes not working. 

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

But it's basically the same thing.  He said he would do better but then he didn't make any plans, just acted worse.

Was she angry though?  Again, sometimes men associate a woman's anger with caring it goes back to how mom treated them (see my previous post).

When we feel angry, it shows we care, when we don't care we passively let it fade.... that is how THEY view it.

Or we question him, but act too "nice" about it.

I can tell you from talking with my brothers, this behavior from a woman is annoying AF!

In fact, with one of my ex's, when we first began dating, he stood me up!

And I sort of let it slide because back then I had ZERO backbone(around 10 years ago in my 20s).

And he actually said to me, kind of yelling - "Aren't you angry???  You should be FURIOUS, I just stood you up"!

So he KNEW he behaved badly, he didn't need me calmly talking to him about it, he needed me to get ANGRY!!! LOL

Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Afterwards he told me to snuggle with him and he kept kissing me, like nothing happened. 

Meh, to keep you from talking some more. I've seen it all. 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Last time she called him out on not spending time together.

Now it's about him going MIA since last Friday. 

Agree. Last time she was urged to "call him out" and demanded a meeting based on  bad advice, is when he decided to dump her.

So in fact they are related. She can "call him out" again and it will confirm that he did the right thing tiptoeing out.

Demanding meetings and answers sound good for people having fun stirring pots, but in reality, it's bad advice because it accomplishes nothing..

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

Be honest pls. In my shoes wouldnt you text him to say what he did is wrong? Or would you not give a f***?

You see I do give a f*** otherwise I wouldnt care anymore. 

I'm the wrong one to ask because I would have axed his ass long ago,  I think for you, you aren't going to be able to put this to rest until you get something from him that is final.  Therefore go ahead and text him before his b-day to get it settled.  I do doubt that you are going to get any truth from him though or the outcome you want.

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

No it was a calm conversation. 

This time show him your "feisty" side.  As you can see being nice is not working.

Edited July 12, 2021 by stillafool

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Last time she was urged to "call him out" and demanded a meeting based on  bad advice, is when he decided to dump her.

I feel she  needs a full blown rejection from this man otherwise she'll keep hanging on. 

It's obvious for many of us he's checked out of this relationship but she needs that confirmation. 

[Britney25]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Meh, to keep you from talking some more. I've seen it all. 

That was after we finished the discussion not in the middle.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, Gaeta said:

I feel she  needs a full blown rejection from this man otherwise she'll keep hanging on. 

It's obvious for many of us he's checked out of this relationship but she needs that confirmation. 

This is my thought too. She’s going to still be wondering a year from now “is he ever going to text?” and going through torture.

I would normally just say, hey, don’t contact him, walk away and never look back but this specific poster is never, ever going to survive that way. She can’t take it.

For Britney it had to actually end.

[Britney25]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Last time she was urged to "call him out" and demanded a meeting based on  bad advice, is when he decided to dump her.

So in fact they are related. She can "call him out" again and it will confirm that he did the right thing tiptoeing out.

Demanding meetings and answers sound good for people having fun stirring pots, but in reality, it's bad advice because it accomplishes nothing..

And so being passive what does that accomplish? Nothing!

After we had the talk he kept on texting me everyday. Why then???

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, Britney25 said:

And so being passive what does that accomplish? Nothing!

After we had the talk he kept on texting me everyday. Why then???

So what DO you want to accomplish?

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I feel she  needs a full blown rejection from this man otherwise she'll keep hanging on. 

It's obvious for many of us he's checked out of this relationship but she needs that confirmation. 

So why cant I call him out?? Because he is silent. Boyfriend of 4 months and I cant even call him out not in a crazy way of course. It's like we are supposed to always be passive women. If your husband did that would you be passive as well?? 

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Last time she was urged to "call him out" and demanded a meeting based on  bad advice, is when he decided to dump her.

So in fact they are related. She can "call him out" again and it will confirm that he did the right thing tiptoeing out.

Demanding meetings and answers sound good for people having fun stirring pots, but in reality, it's bad advice because it accomplishes nothing..

Not demanding meetings or intentionally causing drama, but damn when a man you are seriously involved with begins ignoring you, behaving badly, assuming you care, it's important to SPEAK UP, and if that means expressing some anger, that is okay too!!

Like I said, women have been taught to suppress anger, it's not feminine and will turn guys off, well in my experience it's the EXACT opposite.

It reflects self-love and self-respect, and men respect that, admire that, it can actually serve to turn a disinterested man interested again, in some cases, lights a fire under his butt so to speak, creates some passion!

Have a damn argument!  Have you ever had an argument with him Brit?

I dunno, this doesn't sound like you though Brit, and it may be too late here, but for next time, moving forward, work on developing a backbone, and learning how to express anger in a healthy way.

 

 

 

Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

This is my thought too. She’s going to still be wondering a year from now “is he ever going to text?” and going through torture.

I would normally just say, hey, don’t contact him, walk away and never look back but this specific poster is never, ever going to survive that way. She can’t take it.

For Britney it had to actually end.

And theres nothing wrong with that. Every woman is different.  I'm proud of myself that I'm strong to stay silent, but now im getting angry AF at him. Maybe that's the problem. No woman had the guts to call him out.

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

So what DO you want to accomplish?

Tell him how he is an a**h***. Not the Man I though he is. 

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, Britney25 said:

So why cant I call him out?? Because he is silent. Boyfriend of 4 months and I cant even call him out not in a crazy way of course. It's like we are supposed to always be passive women. If your husband did that would you be passive as well?? 

What do you mean, “can”? You’re a grown woman. You can do what you want.

Why are you this terrified to move forward without the agreement is strangers? Why are you unable to move in any direction? Bottom line: what is your goal?

[stillafool]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Tell him how he is an a**h***. Not the Man I though he is. 

You Go Girl!

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Not demanding meetings or intentionally causing drama, but damn when a man you are seriously involved with begins ignoring you, behaving badly, assuming you care, it's important to SPEAK UP, and if that means expressing some anger, that is okay too!!

Like I said, women have been taught to suppress anger, it's not feminine and will turn guys off, well in my experience it's the EXACT opposite.

 

 

Yes! Thank you!!!

I stayed silent long enough. Now I'm angry AF .

[Britney25]

Just now, CaliforniaGirl said:

What do you mean, “can”? You’re a grown woman. You can do what you want.

Why are you this terrified to move forward without the agreement is strangers? Why are you unable to move in any direction? Bottom line: what is your goal?

Goal is he needs to know it's not right the way he is acting for a serious realtionship . He needs to know its disrespectful.  At this point what do I have to loose? 

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

Tell him how he is an a**h***. Not the Man I though he is. 

There you go. Now as a grown woman it is up to you to decide if you want to go ahead and do that. If so, do it. This is YOUR relationship. You need to make the ultimate decisions.

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Not demanding meetings or intentionally causing drama, but damn when a man you are seriously involved with begins ignoring you, behaving badly, assuming you care, it's important to SPEAK UP, and if that means expressing some anger, that is okay too!!

Like I said, women have been taught to suppress anger, it's not feminine and will turn guys off, well in my experience it's the EXACT opposite.

It reflects self-love and self-respect, and men respect that, admire that, it can actually serve to turn a disinterested man interested again, in some cases, lights a fire under his butt so to speak, creates some passion!

Have a damn argument!  Have you ever had an argument with him Brit?

 

 

 

Never. Maybe that's why he got bored lol

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So why cant I call him out?? Because he is silent. Boyfriend of 4 months and I cant even call him out not in a crazy way of course. It's like we are supposed to always be passive women. If your husband did that would you be passive as well?? 

Because again women have been taught expressing anger is wrong, it's not feminine, it's masculine and god forbid a women acts "masculine."

Screw that, it's absolutely NOT true and I speak from experience when saying that.

Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Never. Maybe that's why he got bored lol

Boredom is the KISS OF DEATH in relationships.

I think this goes for both men and women, but for me would much rather have a man get angry with me than bored.

Anger means something is happening. 

There's fire, passion.  It stirs emotions!  And creates sexual tension.  For both men and women.

Once boredom sets it, it's over, imo.

Edited July 12, 2021 by poppyfields