Am I crazy to think this?

[Miss Spider]

12 hours ago, Britney25 said:

She doesnt understand my pain

She was a young woman once . She might have some wisdom to impart .

 

Regardless, I hope you feel better soon, Britney ❤️

Edited July 17, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[AnnieB]

5 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Is The Rules a good book?

No, read Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That”. 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Britney25 said:

 I was distant? 

Ok. Try keeping the next man away from your house, family and people for months and see how that goes.

As far as this man. He may have cared but didn't want to go further for any variety of reasons.

His personality, his ex and unless you are perfect, yes, some things about you specifically that made staying worse than leaving.

[Britney25]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Try keeping the next man away from your house, family and people for months and see how that goes.

As far as this man. He may have cared but didn't want to go further for any variety of reasons.

His personality, his ex and unless you are perfect, yes, some things about you specifically that made staying worse than leaving.

Oh please you and I both know that wasnt the reason. He would've dumped me earlier if not coming over bothered him that much.

[Britney25]

Fact is he used my emotions and my body for 4 months knowing he was still in love with his ex!

[Alpacalia]

Not having your boyfriend of four months over could be ONE factor.

If you think about it from the other person's perspective, if you're in a relationship with a man for four months and he won't let you over to his house, you might think something was up.

Even if those reasons are completely benign.

[AnnieB]

37 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Fact is he used my emotions and my body for 4 months knowing he was still in love with his ex!

It is a fact. At least he told you in the end (after you literally had to pester him). Leave this lying man behind! 

[Britney25]

18 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

Not having your boyfriend of four months over could be ONE factor.

If you think about it from the other person's perspective, if you're in a relationship with a man for four months and he won't let you over to his house, you might think something was up.

Even if those reasons are completely benign.

I respectfully disagree with you.  Can you help me on this @Pumpernickel please. I mean if he really loved me he wouldn't care. Why didnt he tell me that was the reason then? Why did he chose to say he has feelings for his ex? If that was the reason we would've worked it out. 😞

[clia]

13 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Is The Rules a good book?

Although I don't agree with everything in it (and some of it may be a bit outdated now), The Rules is a great book if you are insecure, get invested too soon, tend to allow yourself to be treated like a doormat, and/or have trouble establishing boundaries.  I would definitely recommend it.  I also like Why Men Love b****es, He's Just Not That Into You, and Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.

[jspice]

37 minutes ago, clia said:

Although I don't agree with everything in it (and some of it may be a bit outdated now), The Rules is a great book if you are insecure, get invested too soon, tend to allow yourself to be treated like a doormat, and/or have trouble establishing boundaries.  I would definitely recommend it.  I also like Why Men Love b****es, He's Just Not That Into You, and Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.

I agree. I don’t really care to delve too deep into “self help” because there are far more interesting books to invest my time in,  but in my twenties all these books were light reads that helped me snap out of my angst. 
They’re a quick kick in the butt.  And I was as dramatic as they come. I made break up CDs with the saddest songs I could find. I cyber stalked him. I scheduled a crying session after work every night. I thought I’d never love again 🤦🏽‍♀️
 

I used to be too available to dates/ boyfriends and The Rules helped me slow my roll. I was getting too invested. Asking “why?”

“He’s just not that into you” was the reality kick that I needed  when I was blindsided by my first love. The b****es book also helped with boundaries. 

[Britney25]

Plus he kept on saying my name with his last name a lot, would tell me leave your stuff here so you can mark your territory,  then would mention for me to move in twice, would tell me what kind of engagement ring I wanted,  would tell me I would look cute pregnant,  told me he would support me and maybe this year a baby would be nice, would tell me I want to have sex with you forever, whatever happens and you get pregnant I'm ok with that,  I want you to give me what I want.

I'm just dumbfounded 

[ExpatInItaly]

47 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I mean if he really loved me he wouldn't care.

I don't agree with this, in and of itself. 

After 4 months, it is going to seem strange if your partner never invites you over. It is unlikely that someone who loves is not going to care. In fact, it would probably hurt them evern more if they were really into you and felt shut out of your life. 

However, having said that, I don't think that is the reason this ended. Was it a contributing factor? Eh, maybe. I doubt it would have made much difference to the final outcome here though. His feelings and interest level changed.Maybe he met someone else, maybe his ex came back. Who knows. It doesn't mean he used you all along, as you want to believe for some reason.  

A lot of relationships fizzle out around this point, Britney. You're going to have to develop a thicker skin and healthier self-esteem if you ever hope to sustain something more serious and longer-term. You will never survive dating otherwise. 

[poppyfields]

Brit, my advice is read ALL of them even The Rules, even tho I said earlier to toss it.

Clia and jspice found them valuable, you may too.

Learn and absorb as much as you can, there are so many great books and resources, and apply it to your dating experience and see how it works for YOU.

The Mars/Venus series of books and articles are great resources as well, I learned a lot from John Gray when I first started dating.

And "Baggage Reclaim" by Natalie Lue, she also has a podcast and articles on the internet.

 

 

Edited July 17, 2021 by poppyfields

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Plus he kept on saying my name with his last name a lot, would tell me leave your stuff here so you can mark your territory,  then would mention for me to move in twice, would tell me what kind of engagement ring I wanted,  would tell me I would look cute pregnant,  told me he would support me and maybe this year a baby would be nice, would tell me I want to have sex with you forever, whatever happens and you get pregnant I'm ok with that,  I want you to give me what I want.

This is mental for such a short relationship. 

 

 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I don't agree with this, in and of itself. 

After 4 months, it is going to seem strange if your partner never invites you over. It is unlikely that someone who loves is not going to care. In fact, it would probably hurt them evern more if they were really into you and felt shut out of your life. 

However, having said that, I don't think that is the reason this ended. Was it a contributing factor? Eh, maybe. I doubt it would have made much difference to the final outcome here though. His feelings and interest level changed.Maybe he met someone else, maybe his ex came back. Who knows. It doesn't mean he used you all along, as you want to believe for some reason.  

A lot of relationships fizzle out around this point, Britney. You're going to have to develop a thicker skin and healthier self-esteem if you ever hope to sustain something more serious and longer-term. You will never survive dating otherwise. 

Yes that's what I believe too. His interest faded for some reason. 

[Britney25]

Just now, Olivia24 said:

At this  time  in my  life if a  man told  me  i would  look cute pregnant i would  tell him you  need to wait  a few  years for that  look, lol. He sounds a  bit  odd.

Yeah was this love bombing on his part? 

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is mental for such a short relationship. 

 

 

Is this considered love bombing? Could he really have felt all of it? Or told me that to keep me?

[ExpatInItaly]

Just now, Britney25 said:

Is this considered love bombing? Could he really have felt all of it? Or told me that to keep me?

Love boming, future-faking, rebounding, mental instability....whatever you want to call it, it's not a good sign. 

We can't tell if you if he felt all of it. We also can't tell you if he told you that to keep you. Only he could possibly answer those questions with any degree of accuracy. 

You are going to have to learn to live with the unknowns or you will drive yourself insane searcing for answers you will probably never get. 

[Britney25]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

Love boming, future-faking, rebounding, mental instability....whatever you want to call it, it's not a good sign. 

We can't tell if you if he felt all of it. We also can't tell you if he told you that to keep you. Only he could possibly answer those questions with any degree of accuracy. 

You are going to have to learn to live with the unknowns or you will drive yourself insane searcing for answers you will probably never get. 

Yes Ok

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is mental for such a short relationship. 

 

 

Agree.

Brit, go back to the post listing the 5 stages.

You both skipped 3 and 4, and went straight from from 2 (seduction) to 5 (negotiating committment and marriage) in less than four months!

Way too fast and recipe for disaster. 

It's OK to slow a man down, in fact it's necessary if you want something healthy and long lasting.

If he doesn't like or appreciate the slower pace, then chances are he just wanted fast and furious, and would dump you eventually anyway, just like what happened here, sadly. 

 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Agree.

Brit, go back to the post listing the 5 stages.

You both skipped 3 and 4, and went straight from from 2 (seduction) to 5 (negotiating committment and marriage) in less than four months!

Way too fast and recipe for disaster. 

It's OK to slow a man down, in fact it's necessary if you want something healthy and long lasting.

If he doesn't like or appreciate the slower pace, then chances are he just wanted fast and furious, and would dump you eventually anyway, just like what happened here, sadly. 

 

Wow yes I was very naive. I actually enjoyed it too because to me it was new, hormones and you know....

 

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, Olivia24 said:

At this  time  in my  life if a  man told  me  i would  look cute pregnant i would  tell him you  need to wait  a few  years for that  look, lol. He sounds a  bit  odd.

Olivia you are only 24 so marriage and kids are not in your view right now, nor should it be.  Britney is 36 (clock is speeding up) and his words seemed like a dream to her because that is what she wants.  I do agree with others that if I were dating someone even 2 months and they never invited me into their home I would not take them serious.  However I don't think that had anything to do with his lost of interest in her.

[stillafool]

7 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I actually enjoyed it too because to me it was new, hormones and you know....

Exactly you were gun ho for sex as much as him Brit, sorry so I don't see where he used you but you both used each other's body.  You just wanted more and he didn't.  Looking back at your history from 2016 on, you were doing sexual stuff with guys so it isn't like you have NO experience with this.

Edited July 17, 2021 by stillafool

[Britney25]

5 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Olivia you are only 24 so marriage and kids are not in your view right now, nor should it be.  Britney is 36 (clock is speeding up) and his words seemed like a dream to her because that is what she wants.  I do agree with others that if I were dating someone even 2 months and they never invited me into their home I would not take them serious.  However I don't think that had anything to do with his lost of interest in her.

Yes exactly I want babies already but I never made it know to him that I want them right now. I told him in the future let's see how it goes. 

And yes I understand how it looks not inviting him over even if I didn't have bad intentions,  I do also believe it wasn't the reason he lost interest. 

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Exactly you were gun ho for sex as much as him Brit, sorry so I don't see where he used you but you both used each other's body.  You just wanted more and he didn't.  Looking back at your history from 2016 on, you were doing sexual stuff with guys so it isn't like you have NO experience with this.

I never had intercourse, he was my first. He took my virginity. I only had oral sex with men before him but they werent my boyfriends. 

Anyway I wasnt in it for the sex. Yes we had strong chemistry but I wasn't in it for the sex. I'm not sure what he was thinking.  

Sorry I meant that he probably was in love with the ex while having sex with me and telling me these beautiful things. That's why I feel used to fill his void.