glows Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: At this point I'm not sure if this is low interest from him. Just I sense he slowed down with plans for us. Understandable. If he's been divorced he may be playing the field so take it easy with this guy. He may not be for you in the end. From what I'm reading he's respecting your space and no longer asking you to keep things at his place because there's no sense in it if you keep declining. Don't play mind games. If you mean something just do it and don't look for him to keep asking you to affirm whether he likes you or not. Since you aren't sure whether he's lost interest completely just chill and do other things and give him space to come to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 7 minutes ago, earlgreymuffin said: Sometimes, my partner and I don't see each other because we want to hang out with friends or we just want to be left alone, and we both understand that. You need to realize that he has a life, and his life doesn't revolve around you. Yes, you can still make him happy and he can let you know that but generally you need to just chill out and let it cool. I honestly can't really if this is a troll post :// No please it's not a troll post. I havent had a boyfriend in a long time because I had anorexia. So yes I dont know how to behave and what to expect as this is very new to me. Please respect that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 It's unclear why you don't invite him over, why he can't stay at your place or why you don't invite him out? Do you live with parents? Is your place/home life unpleasant/unhappy? Are you unable to invite him out/treat him once in a while? Are you a student/unemployed? Why do you need to keep stuff at his place if you live 10 min apart? Link to post Share on other sites
earlgreymuffin Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Britney25 said: No please it's not a troll post. I havent had a boyfriend in a long time because I had anorexia. So yes I dont know how to behave and what to expect as this is very new to me. Please respect that. I'm sorry you had to go through that. As I've said before,similar to others in the previous post, you need to just relax and understand this is just how relationships work. Sometimes, things loosen up and become more comfortable, that doesn't mean he likes you any less. Especially only four months in. I get that you are anxious about this relationship, and maybe this is something you need to work out with a therapist. Edited July 3, 2021 by earlgreymuffin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: It's unclear why you don't invite him over, why he can't stay at your place or why you don't invite him out? Do you live with parents? Is your place/home life unpleasant/unhappy? Are you unable to invite him out/treat him once in a while? Are you a student/unemployed? Why do you need to keep stuff at his place if you live 10 min apart? Yes I live with my parents so I cant really invite him over and he gets that I meant to leave my toothbrush and a change of clothes NOT my whole wardrobe. He makes a lot of money and doesn't want me to treat him, I bake for him or cook. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, earlgreymuffin said: I'm sorry you had to go through that. As I've said before,similar to others in the previous post, you need to just relax and understand this is just how relationships work. Sometimes, things loosen up and become more comfortable, that doesn't mean he likes you any less. Especially only four months in. I get that you are anxious about this relationship, and maybe this is something you need to work out with a therapist. Yes I'm beginning to think I do need to see a therapist. Thank you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 If you are having sex, you can talk about this issue and be upfront about it. Stop assuming/guessing. No one is a mind reader. Only healthy successful relationships start with good honest communication. Just get to it, and talk about it. How to start? "Hey we need to talk...." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, smackie9 said: If you are having sex, you can talk about this issue and be upfront about it. Stop assuming/guessing. No one is a mind reader. Only healthy successful relationships start with good honest communication. Just get to it, and talk about it. How to start? "Hey we need to talk...." Yes we are having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 (edited) I think like major movement “backwards” that person makes in a rship isn’t that good. It’s true that relationships do “cool off”, but this is a slightly more drastic shift than that. Who knows why. I don’t think there’s much you can do in these cases , but I lean towards bringing up you noticed it to him Edited July 3, 2021 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: How do I start this conversation with him? He asked you...you said no he asked you...you said no he stopped asking ....balls in your court 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 2 hours ago, Britney25 said: Now he rarely asks me to stay over. The other night we spent almost the whole day together and he suggested to take me home. I don't understand. He never even asks me to stay over on the weekends. We live really close to each other and we meet 2-3 times a week sometimes 4. Is this a red flag. There is no set answer here. But, seeing each other 4 times a week at 4 months is more than enough. Maybe he is not asking you to spend the night any longer because it essentially sounds like you've already moved yourself in. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: How do I start this conversation with him? “Hey, babe. I noticed you rarely ask me to stay over anymore. What’s up with that?” Seriously struggle with why so many people have so much difficulty honestly communicating with their partners about their feelings. It’s important Edited July 3, 2021 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 6 minutes ago, Alpaca said: There is no set answer here. But, seeing each other 4 times a week at 4 months is more than enough. Maybe he is not asking you to spend the night any longer because it essentially sounds like you've already moved yourself in. Oh no I didn't. I dont have my cosmetics at his place...nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 20 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I think like major movement “backwards” that person makes in a rship isn’t that good. It’s true that relationships do “cool off”, but this is a slightly more drastic shift than that. Who knows why. I don’t think there’s much you can do in these cases , but I lean towards bringing up you noticed it to him Btw he calls me baby mama all the time and we dont have kids. What does that mean? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 (edited) Pet name like snickerdoodles or sugart*ts Edited July 3, 2021 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 48 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Yes I live with my parents so I cant really invite him over. That explains a lot. Particularly the moving in thoughts at 16 weeks as well as all the other angst. Agree that seeing a doctor for the anorexia, related and underlying conditions as well and a therapist for ongoing support could help you relax. As well as not feel so desperate that he needs to be your ticket out of your parents house. You'll feel better when you get your own life together more with regard to your health, living situation, employment, finances, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Pet name like snickerdoodles or sugart*ts Should I be offended by that pet name? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Should I be offended by that pet name? I would be...how about you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, smackie9 said: I would be...how about you? Well I asked him why he calls me that and he said it's a compliment. That he would have kids with me, and if it happens even now he would be ok with it adding not that he wants kids right now. So I don't know what to think. Is it really offensive? I'm new to this lingo. Edited July 3, 2021 by Britney25 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 Personally, I don’t think so, but if it bothers you, you should tell him that too. I can see how it would be weird, but I’m assuming it’s meant to be cute to someone you like/are dating, just like ‘baby’. They’re not literally your baby. I called one of my bf’s’ brisket ‘ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 Well there you go. One of my friend’s and her ex used to call each other babydaddy/momma as a joke. Tbh not my cuppa, but I’ve seen people use it. 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Well I asked him why he calls me that and he said it's a compliment. That he would have kids with me, and if it happens even now he would be ok with it adding not that he wants kids right now. So I don't know what to think. Is it really offensive? I'm new to this lingo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 There are something that are not fitting or appropriate. I would find this inappropriate, and myself would tell him to never call me that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Britney25 Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Personally, I don’t think so, but if it bothers you, you should tell him that too. I can see how it would be weird, but I’m assuming it’s meant to be cute to someone you like/are dating, just like ‘baby’. They’re not literally your baby. I called one of my bf’s’ brisket ‘ No it doesn't bother me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 33 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Oh no I didn't. I dont have my cosmetics at his place...nothing. Okay. So, what then would you like to see more of from your boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: Or am I just paranoid that he doesnt ask me to stay over? What are you paranoid about, exactly? That he's got someone else coming over, or? Link to post Share on other sites
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