*Met a Cute Guy. Next Step?*

[Johnjohnson2017]

That's too bad.

From what you were describing, he was a decent kisser the first few dates, then he decided to introduce his tongue on the last date that's when it went downhill fast. 

I don't understand the tongue in kissing... the tongue is rough and hard. I myself prefer just lips.

[Miss Spider]

10 hours ago, Dis said:

We went to the casino for the 4th date

 

My outfit was amazing and it turned out to be such a fun time...but, I couldn't help thinking I didn't really feel close to him or connected with him. He was all over me. Had his hands on my legs when we sat down, on my back when we walked. But I still felt like there was some kind of barrier there. 

 

He paid for everything. Our fancy dinner. He won a good deal of money at blackjack and then gave me that money to gamble while he sat next to me. It was so fun. He kept hinting that he would go back to my place after and I said, okay but did tell him I wasn't ready to have sex or anything like that. 

 

So we get to my place and he starts kissing me and omg, he was such a bad kisser!!! Omg it was allll tongue and it was so gross. We hooked up a little. He has kiss hands down my pants but that was it. And the whole time I was trying to dodge his tongue. Yuck. I didn't enjoy it at all. He left and the first thing I did was rinse out my mouth with Listerine. 

 

From then on I kept getting more and more turned off and besides the dreaded tongue I couldn't figure out why. I planned on calling things off. Then I remembered....when he has days off his location changes from him house which is 5 miles away to 15 miles....like clockwork. I always thought it was strange. I know tinder doesn't always give an accurate location but still...

 

So I did some asking around and yeap, seems very sketchy not just to me but to my friends who have also used tinder....which I'm not sad about  because I've been turned off for awhile. But point is, my gut doesn't lie to me. When I start to get turned off or get anxious...in this case, turned off.... my gut is trying to tell me something as evidenced by my past threads. I'm not saying he's definitely seeing someone else but...from the way I'm getting turned off like this...I wouldn't be surprised if he was 

 

Next time we talk I'll call it off. Honestly feels nice to catch this so early....wasn't feeling to red beard and bald head all along 🤣 Miss me some dark haired men 

Oh. Was this not the guy that was the younger dude that you met in person? But yea anyway good to listen to your gut feelings!! 

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Dis said:

He left and the first thing I did was rinse out my mouth with Listerine. 

Sorry this happened. Yeah, slobbering like a St. Bernard is a turn off.🐕

What are you going to tell him?

[Dis]

Yeah it was sooo bad I immediately got turned off and then I got 'the ick' as my friend said. I wasn't even attracted to him psychically after that. But tbh I was never super attracted to his face but I thought that could build...but ended up going the other way. 

 

Literally never want to be around him again I'm so grossed out

 

And when I started questioning if I really liked him or not even before the 4th date...I was wondering why I wasn't all in with him and felt meh about him...well as @Gaeta said I think it was my gut telling me something was off...I mean the tinder location thing is weird. That is changes from his house which is 5 miles away to some unknown location which is always 15 miles away from the entire night on a few different occasions. Smells fishy to me and I think that's why I initially started getting disinterested...my gut was protecting me. 

 

 

The slobber thoughhhhh 😭😭😭😭

[glows]

You can tell when someone only has eyes for you and you’re connected. I’d have sensed it too in an instant if something was different in person. Trust your instincts. I think you’re right something is amiss.

[poppyfields]

On 7/2/2021 at 6:54 AM, Dis said:

And let's be honest, attention from the opposite sex really helps that even if you feel great as you are...

Hi Dis!  What a disappointment, I'm sorry.  Ick is right!😳

So you're wondering now what your initial attraction was based on since you now admit, you never found his face that attractive from the get-go but hoped it would build.  

Please read the above quote from earlier in the thread. I think it's telling and may explain your initial attraction.  Possibly.

After the experience with the man at the bar waving you over but no follow through, here comes a man paying a lot of attention, complimenting you etc.

And that felt great!  You needed it, were craving it!  I've been there too at times, so I understand it.

And that need tricked your mind into believing you were attracted, you wanted to be so badly so you downplayed his face and focused on his strong shoulders and muscles.  

You imagined him wrapping those strong arms around you, enveloping you and feeling wanted!  

That is perfectly normal, again I understand!

But then when reality hit on your last date, the fantasy died and you saw the true him.  And YUCK, you were repulsed!

If the fantasy of him hadn't been so intense, you may have felt turned off, slightly disappointed.  Next.  Versus feeling literally repulsed as you are now.

Trust me I get it!  

I am speculating of course having been there myself at certain points in my life when feeling down and craving affection and attention, but I think it's important to be aware of the possibility so you dont find yourself in situations like this again. 

Look for an "energy" between you, a "vibrational pull." 

For me, when happening and genuine, not based on strong shoulders or great bod, handsome face OR the amount of attention he's giving me, it has always been mutual. 

And as such, he will NOT be sexually groping you in this way; he feels the connection too, the energy, the vibrational pull, and will behave respectfully and prudently until such time you give him a window, a green light and then he will escalate physically. 

This guy was a bonafide noob!  Lol

@Calmandfocusedjust experienced something similar.

Apologies if I'm way off about this, just my take.

Good luck moving forward!  xo

 

 

 

 

Edited July 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

10 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

 and will behave respectfully and prudently until such time you give him a window, a green light and then he will escalate physically. 

I beleive in that 150%

[Gaeta]

@Dis: I've notice that sometimes I'll go out with a man because he's the definition of what society finds attractive example my date with bodyguard. What woman wouldn't want to go out with a big beautiful mean looking bodyguard eh! so I talked myself into 'he's attractive to me'. When we kissed at the end of the date I felt nothing and I just wanted to leave. 

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What woman wouldn't want to go out with a big beautiful mean looking bodyguard...

Based on appearance only, you can count me OUT of that one G,  Would do nothing for me but then again I'm a weirdo 'round here. 😳

Edited July 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Based on appearance only, you can count me OUT of that one G,  Would do nothing for me but then again I'm a weirdo 'round here. 😳

You know what, when I wrote this I almost put in brackets (except poppy) haha. 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You know what, when I wrote this I almost put in brackets (except poppy) haha. 

Lol, you know me so well.  It's a nice feeling. 😂

[chillii]

 

This is all very natural simple stuff in matters of the heart guys . All you gotta do is listen to it.

[introverted1]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

You know what, when I wrote this I almost put in brackets (except poppy) haha. 

And me. 😳

[Gaeta]

26 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

And me. 😳

Apparently me neither because his kiss left me cold haha. But my point was it's often the look portrayed in the media as being irresistable.

[Dis]

14 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Hi Dis!  What a disappointment, I'm sorry.  Ick is right!😳

So you're wondering now what your initial attraction was based on since you now admit, you never found his face that attractive from the get-go but hoped it would build.  

Please read the above quote from earlier in the thread. I think it's telling and may explain your initial attraction.  Possibly.

After the experience with the man at the bar waving you over but no follow through, here comes a man paying a lot of attention, complimenting you etc.

And that felt great!  You needed it, were craving it!  I've been there too at times, so I understand it.

And that need tricked your mind into believing you were attracted, you wanted to be so badly so you downplayed his face and focused on his strong shoulders and muscles.  

You imagined him wrapping those strong arms around you, enveloping you and feeling wanted!  

That is perfectly normal, again I understand!

But then when reality hit on your last date, the fantasy died and you saw the true him.  And YUCK, you were repulsed!

If the fantasy of him hadn't been so intense, you may have felt turned off, slightly disappointed.  Next.  Versus feeling literally repulsed as you are now.

Trust me I get it!  

I am speculating of course having been there myself at certain points in my life when feeling down and craving affection and attention, but I think it's important to be aware of the possibility so you dont find yourself in situations like this again. 

Look for an "energy" between you, a "vibrational pull." 

For me, when happening and genuine, not based on strong shoulders or great bod, handsome face OR the amount of attention he's giving me, it has always been mutual. 

And as such, he will NOT be sexually groping you in this way; he feels the connection too, the energy, the vibrational pull, and will behave respectfully and prudently until such time you give him a window, a green light and then he will escalate physically. 

This guy was a bonafide noob!  Lol

@Calmandfocusedjust experienced something similar.

Apologies if I'm way off about this, just my take.

Good luck moving forward!  xo

 

 

 

 

Thanks for this poppy!!!  

 

The only thing is is we did actually click really well conversation wise via text and phone so that's really what drew me in. I thought based on that connection maybe attraction could build, but it didn't...it went the opposite way. 

 

I wasn't really looking to fall into the arms of a man because he was giving me attention, I honestly thought we clicked. But yeah, after a few dates I started to feel that maybe we didn't and maybe I didn't really like him. That's when I started losing interest and also losing attraction...at that point all it took was one sloppy kiss for me to be disguisted. 

 

He talked about himself too much, seemed nice enough but wasn't sweet and after my last ex, I want someone who is sweet to me. I gave it 4 dates thought because I wanted to see if our chemistry/connection would build because sometimes it's not always there from day one. I know there's some debate on that though. Some people think if it's not there it never will be but I've actually had it happen a few dates in and not on the first date so I wanted to give it a chance. 

 

And yes he was allll over me. I had to push him off several times. It was terrible. I was literally dodging his tongue. Yuckkkkkk! @Gaeta you're right! How can a 37 year old man be such a bad kisser! At that age! Just crazy. 

 

I'm talking to few new guys now who are more my type physically. I think as you said poppy I shouldn't try to be attracted to a type that really just doesn't do it for me. 

[Alvi]

9 hours ago, Dis said:

How can a 37 year old man be such a bad kisser! At that age! Just crazy. 

Easy! Nobody ever told him he is a bad kisser. His exes tolerated it (cringed inside but never said anything because they didn't want to upset him). He probably doesn't even realize that it is a problem.

Edited July 30, 2021 by Alvi

[Calmandfocused]

Oh No Dis ….. i got the ick for you reading that. How on earth did you manage not to dry heave? …. 🤢.

So have you told him it’s a no go? How’s he take it? And did you tell him the reason why? 
 

You know I would never advocate being unkind when giving a guy I’ve been regularly dating the boot. However I’m in the camp of being honest about the reasons why, especially if the guy is a nice guy. Why? Because if there is something he can improve on in order to get a girl he wants, it can help him. Saves him scratching his head about why the girl didn’t like him. 
 

Years ago (I’m talking many many years) I dated this guy who was in a rock band and who was super fit. He had this longish jet black hair which I assumed he styled and gelled. The thing was that he always smelled funny, a stale sort of smell. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was at the time. 
 

Anyway on about the 6th date he invited me to his house to cook a meal for me (and presumably to consummate me 😁). When I walked into his house this awful smell just hit me. It was really really bad. 
 

It turns out he hadn’t washed his hair for 9 years (yes you read that correctly). So basically what I was smelling was 9 years of hair filth. Gross! Immediate ick. 

After that that I didn’t see him again but I thought he was a really nice guy. I felt he had the right to know and I respected him enough to be honest so I was. I told him; very kindly but I did.

He started washing his hair and got himself a girlfriend. I knew he would. 

[Dis]

On 7/30/2021 at 12:54 PM, Calmandfocused said:

Oh No Dis ….. i got the ick for you reading that. How on earth did you manage not to dry heave? …. 🤢.

So have you told him it’s a no go? How’s he take it? And did you tell him the reason why? 
 

You know I would never advocate being unkind when giving a guy I’ve been regularly dating the boot. However I’m in the camp of being honest about the reasons why, especially if the guy is a nice guy. Why? Because if there is something he can improve on in order to get a girl he wants, it can help him. Saves him scratching his head about why the girl didn’t like him. 
 

Years ago (I’m talking many many years) I dated this guy who was in a rock band and who was super fit. He had this longish jet black hair which I assumed he styled and gelled. The thing was that he always smelled funny, a stale sort of smell. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was at the time. 
 

Anyway on about the 6th date he invited me to his house to cook a meal for me (and presumably to consummate me 😁). When I walked into his house this awful smell just hit me. It was really really bad. 
 

It turns out he hadn’t washed his hair for 9 years (yes you read that correctly). So basically what I was smelling was 9 years of hair filth. Gross! Immediate ick. 

After that that I didn’t see him again but I thought he was a really nice guy. I felt he had the right to know and I respected him enough to be honest so I was. I told him; very kindly but I did.

He started washing his hair and got himself a girlfriend. I knew he would. 

Uhhhhhh 🤮

 

Omg 9 years??? How does that even happen?! Lol!!!

 

He texted me last a few days ago and I was at work so I didn't have time to reply. If he texts me again I will kindly let him know then but I actually don't think I'll be hearing from him which will make things easier. I wasn't going to ghost. He spent a lot of money on me and even though I have this sneaking feelings that he's really not that nice of a guy and does have someone else in the loop, I would tell him and wouldn't leave him wondering. 

[Miss Spider]

9 years.. WTF. I believe I can speak for all life with olfactory senses when I say we are entitled to an explanation?

[Happy Lemming]

On 7/30/2021 at 9:54 AM, Calmandfocused said:

It turns out he hadn’t washed his hair for 9 years (yes you read that correctly). So basically what I was smelling was 9 years of hair filth. Gross! Immediate ick. 

Didn't his head itch??  And how do he get a haircut??

[Calmandfocused]

21 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Didn't his head itch??  And how do he get a haircut??

No idea how he got his hair cut. His hair was long but not that long. He must have got it cut at some point during the 9 years. 
 

@Cookiesandough he was into all this “Green living” stuff. He reckoned that biologically humans did not need to wash their hair- that hair is self cleaning. 
 

When I researched this apparently he’s right, hair does clean itself. However his hair definitely was not clean. What I thought was “gel” was actually dirty natural hair oil/ grease… I hope no one is eating whilst reading this 🤢
 

According to him he ran some water over it in the shower from time to time but that was it. 
 

Do you know I’ve never forgotten that smell. I also haven’t been able to abide a dirty hair smell ever since. However, luckily the chances of me smelling 9 years worth of dirty hair again is slim to none. Thank goodness! 

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

He reckoned that biologically humans did not need to wash their hair- that hair is self cleaning. 

When I researched this apparently he’s right, hair does clean itself.

How does hair clean itself?  I just googled this, and this is what I discovered:

Hair unfortunately doesn’t “self-clean” in a conventional sense; just produces oils over a slower period of time. You’re still going to end up with oily hair eventually, because there’s no getting around the natural oil-producing process, and actually, you wouldn’t want to as bacteria can grow giving your scalp an unhealthy appearance and scent.

Serious ICK factor happening with your ex Calm, bless your heart for lasting 6 dates!  

Edited August 2, 2021 by poppyfields

[chillii]

On 7/31/2021 at 1:01 AM, Alvi said:

Easy! Nobody ever told him he is a bad kisser. His exes tolerated it (cringed inside but never said anything because they didn't want to upset him). He probably doesn't even realize that it is a problem.

Talk about assuming , they may've kissed beautifully, a lot of people can't kiss certain people. You even see it in movies where they've paired up a couple of actors , along comes the romantic part or supposedly hot scene and boom, they just can't kiss ea other, see that all the time. They literally have to fake their way through the scene.

Mind you in this case he does sound bad for sure but l'll tell you something , many women do all the same stuff, 30,40,50s, and are revolting slobbering ,tongue rammed down your throat , remember one nearly ate my damn face.

[Dis]

Okay so talking to this new guy now. Our schedules aren't lining up well so the date is over a week out unless we can do Sunday. 

 

He calls me and sounds great. We have a good amount in common in terms of similar view points and he's funny, a good conversationalist, and is very communicative. We just talked on the phone for an hour and it felt like 5 minutes! 

 

My question is.... 

 

Why do guys always say things like this..."Would be nice to find a women who wasn't overly emotional and doesn't flip out over burning pasta sauce" or "I don't get why women have to be so over the top with emotions" or "If I have to date another crazy chick"

 

I get there's truly crazy women out there but why do men have to view women that way? Women are women...emotions and all. Don't know why men expect women to men in that sense. They want the a$$ and boobs just not the emotions that go along with what makes us women. 

 

My exs said similar things but then ended up tolerating me just fine and I'm a little crazy...I was the one who ended up leaving. 

 

Is this just guy talk or something bigger? 

[Pumpernickel]

5 minutes ago, Dis said:

Is this just guy talk or something bigger?

Sounds like something they say to make you feel good. As in: If he thought you were crazy and emo like “all the other chicks” he wouldn’t even talk to you right now. Is my guess.