Lets be honest in 2021 Dating Online is Hopeless!

[Agent00Love]

The trouble is. its not about the user anymore! Its about big business trying to squeeze every dime out of the dater! And they could care less if you ever come back.

Said because Online dating used to be fun! 

[CaliforniaGirl]

22 minutes ago, Agent00Love said:

The trouble is. its not about the user anymore! Its about big business trying to squeeze every dime out of the dater! And they could care less if you ever come back.

Said because Online dating used to be fun! 

It's a business. They want to make money. Even the free sites make money via ads, etc.

[Agent00Love]

47 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

It's a business. They want to make money. Even the free sites make money via ads, etc.

So what do single people do? How can we Decentralize Dating? How do we kick out big tech?

[Happy Lemming]

Simple solution... go meet people in "real life". 

I briefly tried "on-line" dating and found it all to be worthless, so I went back to meeting women in "real life".

I've met women at parties, pubs, co-ed sports, book stores, all manner of places.  You name it, I've probably dated someone I met there. 

I met my present girlfriend in a pool at an apartment complex.

Edited June 28, 2021 by Happy Lemming

[CaliforniaGirl]

13 minutes ago, Agent00Love said:

So what do single people do? How can we Decentralize Dating? How do we kick out big tech?

Ask women out in person. You won't kick out big tech. We live our entire lives inside big tech. You're taking advantage of that availability right now.

[Dis]

Start approaching women IRL

 

It will get easier and will yield more results the more you do it 

[Agent00Love]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

 

I'll try, its tough since I don't drink or really go to bars! But i gotta do something.  

[chillii]

l dunno how any dating as in what you see around LS could be fun anyway. Sounds like a nightmare l really don't know how people just keep putting themselves through it tbh. But yeah the sites my brother's just joined recently certainly find plenty of ways to grab your money.

[QuietRiot]

On 6/27/2021 at 9:22 PM, Dis said:

Start approaching women IRL

 

It will get easier and will yield more results the more you do it 

The thing is, a lot of women don't like to be approached in real life, unless you have good reason to. Gyms are pretty much off limits, because a lot of women like to be left alone while working out.

I recall women  in message boards saying that don't like being approached while out shopping because "I'm there to shop, not to pick up men...I'm there to get in and get out"...stuff like that.

I mean, over all "stranger danger" comes into play as women are very leary of strange men approaching them in public.

[Agent00Love]

On 6/27/2021 at 7:58 PM, CaliforniaGirl said:

 

 

13 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

The thing is, a lot of women don't like to be approached in real life, unless you have good reason to. Gyms are pretty much off limits, because a lot of women like to be left alone while working out.

I recall women  in message boards saying that don't like being approached while out shopping because "I'm there to shop, not to pick up men...I'm there to get in and get out"...stuff like that.

I mean, over all "stranger danger" comes into play as women are very leary of strange men approaching them in public.

Totally agree with this! Nobody wants to talk to people they don't know in public!

[Happy Lemming]

12 minutes ago, Agent00Love said:

 

 Nobody wants to talk to people they don't know in public!

Not true... I talk to strangers all the time while I'm out and about.

I've been dating and talking to women in "real life" for 40 years, never had a problem and I've been quite successful at it.

I can count on one hand the number of women who were rude in their rejection, 99.9% were polite when they rejected me.

If you are afraid to approach women in public, that can be fixed by taking small steps to beat that fear.

[QuietRiot]

2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Not true... I talk to strangers all the time while I'm out and about.

I've been dating and talking to women in "real life" for 40 years, never had a problem and I've been quite successful at it.

I can count on one hand the number of women who were rude in their rejection, 99.9% were polite when they rejected me.

If you are afraid to approach women in public, that can be fixed by taking small steps to beat that fear.

That's great...for you. I recall years ago, in my 30s, trying to strike up a conversation with a woman with both of us waiting on our coffees at a bookstore coffee shop.  It was around the Christmas holidays, and while we were waiting for our orders, I asked her what brew she'd gotten. ( I didn't hear her order). She was short with me gave me a short answer without making much eye contact.

Then I asked her if she was far along in her Christmas shopping, and she didn't even look at me and said, "No". She grabbed her Joe and scurried away.

Most of my conversations with women, whilst waiting in line somewhere or in an instance where I'm waiting on something, they had this, "Why is this stranger trying to strike upa a conversation with me?' look on their faces...like they had one foot pointed towards the door. Eager to leave.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

56 minutes ago, Agent00Love said:

 

Totally agree with this! Nobody wants to talk to people they don't know in public!

So then why don't you ask people you know IRL how the found their partner? 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

 I asked her what brew she'd gotten. ( I didn't hear her order). She was short with me gave me a short answer without making much eye contact.

Then I asked her if she was far along in her Christmas shopping, and she didn't even look at me and said, "No". She grabbed her Joe and scurried away.

I'm chatty when out and about, but not everyone wants to talk.  If they give a short answer, take the hint!  Don't ask another question.  

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Agent00Love said:

Totally agree with this! Nobody wants to talk to people they don't know in public!

I think it's more that a lot of women don't want to get hit on frequently by strangers. My daughter who has a friend who gets hit on at least once each time she goes out - she finds it very tiresome.

But if you're just wanting a random chat without ulterior motive, lots of people are chatty.  One can certainly get a lot of conversation out of old people!

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Agent00Love said:

 

Totally agree with this! Nobody wants to talk to people they don't know in public!

That's why you need to get involved. That means classes, courses, groups, clubs, sports, volunteering, etc.

When you see people on a regular basis and for common reasons it's much easier to build rapport.

Research your area for all this and regular events you can get involved in.

[Fletch Lives]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

I think it's more that a lot of women don't want to get hit on frequently by strangers. My daughter who has a friend who gets hit on at least once each time she goes out - she finds it very tiresome.

Some pretty women do get hit on a lot. But they only complain about the ones they don't like! If the guy is super smooth and she likes him - bingo!

 

Online dating can still work, but it's no silver bullet, and no better or worse than meeting organically.

 

Meeting in public has it's problems - you don't know anything about them, even if they are single or not. And it depends how comfortable the venue is.... for example, a party is better than a grocery store... in a store, you better have serious game.

 

Classes or any kind of group which meets regularly is the best - if they keep seeing you, they can develop a crush. Then it's on. Think about all the crushes going around at school.

 

Online dating has it's pros and cons - you know more about them and many are single .....but online is riddled with undesirables, scammers, idiots, and other pitfalls. 

 

If you are going to hit up women on the street (stores, eateries, whateva), make a joke/quip if you can, it will take you farther. Also, you can use props - a bright or funny shirt can get responses from random people. Also, pets, like a dog, can be chick magnets and conversation starters. 

 

Bars can be dicey - if she's drunk, will she still love you in the morning?!

 

The best thing to do is to try to get them to hit on you! Workout, dress nice, sit back and see who notices you, and if you won't see them again, get their number. If it's a group, see which one hits on you!

 

Even online, get a great profile and get them to hit on you, and hit on the ones who view your profile.

Edited July 2, 2021 by Fletch Lives

[QuietRiot]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's why you need to get involved. That means classes, courses, groups, clubs, sports, volunteering, etc.

When you see people on a regular basis and for common reasons it's much easier to build rapport.

Research your area for all this and regular events you can get involved in.

Good point. I mean, there was a time in my parents' generation where you could approach a woman cold-turkey in public, and actually be okay with it. My dad met my mom that way on the beach...they just so happened to be parked next to each other.

[QuietRiot]

1 minute ago, Fletch Lives said:

Some pretty women do get hit on a lot. But they only complain about the ones they don't like! If the guy is super smooth and she likes him - bingo!

 

Online dating can still work, but it's no silver bullet, and no better or worse than meeting organically.

 

Meeting in public has it's problems - you don't know anything about them, even if they are single or not. And it depends how comfortable the venue is.... for example, a party is better than a grocery store... in a store, you better have serious game.

 

Classes or any kind of group which meets regularly is the best - if they keep seeing you, they can develop a crush. Then it's on. Think about all the crushes going around at school.

 

Online dating has it's pros and cons - you know more about them and many are single .....but online is riddled with undesirables, scammers, idiots, and other pitfalls. 

 

If you are going to hit up women on the street (stores, eateries, whateva), make a joke/quip if you can, it will take you farther. Also, you can use props - a bright or funny shirt can get responses from random people. Also, pets, like a dog, can be chick magnets and conversation starters. 

 

Bars can be dicey - if she's drunk, will she still love you in the morning?!

 

The best thing to do is to try to get them to hit on you! Workout, dress nice, sit back and see who notices you, and if you won't see them again, get their number. If it's a group, see which one hits on you!

 

Even online, get a great profile and get them to hit on you, and hit on the ones who view your profile.

 

Wow, just saw this post pop-up while I was typing the other. lol

Yeah, if she thinks he's cute, she won't have a problem with it...if she does, well, then you're considered creepy.

I think the topic of Meetup came up on here, where you can meet people organically, and it's KINDA good...unfortunately, the people you meet have to be regular attendees, as some filter in and out of these events like a revolving door.

Basically, if you've met someone, but you don't want to be forward by asking their number before you part ways, you gotta hope they show up next week at the Meetup...and so on.

I don't think there's any "getting them" to hit on you. Either they hit on you, or they don't. 

[Cookiesandough]

Imo you shouldn’t be spending money to online date. There are plenty of free apps and if you’re not successful there, you’re probably not going to be much more successful spending $. I mean I guess if you want to join a paid app, but that should be it. Don’t buy the extra boosts and stuff like that and instead work on making your profile more attractive to potential mates  . 

Edited July 2, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Allupinnit]

The "cold approach" in public feels very inorganic.  I feel like asking someone out IRL should  be the natural progression of two people striking up a conversation, a bit of obvious flirting, paying attention to cues, body language, etc. and then going for it.

If an unattractive single man approaches me while I'm busy doing something else I'm going to feel annoyed, because it puts me on the spot unprovoked to reject the guy, my space is invaded, and nobody likes feeling like the a-hole when I just want grapes.

So basically cold approaches only work if you're incredibly hot, in which case you probably don't even need to.

[Happy Lemming]

5 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

I mean, there was a time in my parents' generation where you could approach a woman cold-turkey in public, and actually be okay with it.

I met my current girlfriend in an apartment complex pool, swam up to her, chit chatted a bit and asked her our for drinks later that night. 

Yes... confident men still meet women in public.  It is not artifact related to your "parents' generation".

I think there is a recent thread or two on Loveshack where some women posters recently met guys in public.

 

[QuietRiot]

31 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I met my current girlfriend in an apartment complex pool, swam up to her, chit chatted a bit and asked her our for drinks later that night. 

Yes... confident men still meet women in public.  It is not artifact related to your "parents' generation".

I think there is a recent thread or two on Loveshack where some women posters recently met guys in public.

 

I think confidence part is irrelevant. If she thinks you're cute, she'll be okay, if not, then she won't.

Also, I  recall a couple women posters some time back that mentioned if the woman doesn't give you permission to approach or any indicator to approach, to leave her be. Women are more aware of their safety than ever.

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

 

Wow, just saw this post pop-up while I was typing the other. lol

Yeah, if she thinks he's cute, she won't have a problem with it...if she does, well, then you're considered creepy.

I think the topic of Meetup came up on here, where you can meet people organically, and it's KINDA good...unfortunately, the people you meet have to be regular attendees, as some filter in and out of these events like a revolving door.

Basically, if you've met someone, but you don't want to be forward by asking their number before you part ways, you gotta hope they show up next week at the Meetup...and so on.

I don't think there's any "getting them" to hit on you. Either they hit on you, or they don't. 

So…ask people you know. Cousins or friends. Brothers if you have them. Women too: “How did you guys meet?”

[Happy Lemming]

I’m trying to think of where I met some of the women I dated where the relationship was "somewhat" successful.

(1) College

(2) Co-ed Sports

(3) Friend’s Parties

(4) Long Bank Line

(5) Used Computer Parts Show

(6) Food Festival / Pub Crawl

(7) Through mutual friends

(8) Worked in same office building – different company

(9) Used book store

(10) Apartment Complex Pool – current girlfriend

The vast majority of the women I dated (over the years) I met at pubs/bars, though.