Lets be honest in 2021 Dating Online is Hopeless!

[mark clemson]

I do think it's easier for some folks than others to meet IRL even if they are at good spots for it such as bars or meetups.

In accordance with what some folks are saying above, I think it's important as a guy to be as attractive as possible (including social skills and a confident air) simply from a number of opportunities perspective, and also to "read" the woman's body language and/or signals of potential interest well. IF she shows some sign of interest (what some posters have termed a "window"), approaching for some talk and perhaps flirting makes sense. If not and you just jump to it before she's even noticed you, you're probably just going to be one pinned as one of those annoying guys she has to fend off.

Don't come across as overly interested either but if the conversation has to end relatively early DO look for a hint near the end that she'd be ok with further contact. That's one cue to e.g. get her number, etc.  If she seems interested overall you don't HAVE to wait for that or anything, but if you need to leave/end the conversation and she drops a hint, don't waste the opportunity.

I suspect plenty of women (and men in some cases) will give their number but not necessarily have high expectations or intentions of follow up (after all you just met). So definitely call/text them, etc but keep your expectations tempered.

[chillii]

l'm not single but in my work l still meet quite a few women but in 12yrs there'd only be one or two l might have been interested in if things were different at the time. and one of those was married anyway.

l get heaps encounters though all over the place just in every day life even around shops.Same again though really only one or two l'd even be interested in anyway in yrs , and then they were probably married or something anyway. Women still play out and about alone even when they are and l learnt young you were wasting your time with 99% of them. Use to meet a lot back in partying days , that was ideal. Plenty of time to talk and find out whats happening before, and anyone interested can show it in party situations come up and talk, dance, hang around much easier and naturally at parties. Parties were unreal by far the pick for me beyond bars or clubs or out and about.                      Yaknow, eyeing each other off or a little bit of chit chat or nice smiles means nothing 9.9 times out of 10 l found out and about. Yeah you obviously liked ea other but as l say, women do this shyt married or not and most of the time they were anyway l'd find out. Parties though , whole nother animal.

But back in the day after divorceing later on l joined my first ever date site. Took awhile to get this strange new world and women were 25yrs older ,kids and ex's, mental issues. many 20kg heavier than their photos or all kinds of hang ups. Date sites were one helluva an art form again all to it's own for sure.  But in time l actually found them pretty good really eventually , figuring out how to pick someone worthwhile on them , how to spot her and l met some really nice women no way l would've come across RL. They have their place imo for sure especially as we get older or were married and don't have a social life anymore everything's different these days especially older no one parties or gets out much apart from every day stuff. Internets really changed things too but we have kids and stuff too.

Older women tend to have their one or two friends or classes or something they do and that's about it so imo date sites were pretty good really amongst all the mess that was also on them. Even my brother he's just met a gorgeous lady on his. When l say gorgeous l mean as in the person she is she seems a real sweetheart and they get along really really well but she also very cute too. He was in hiking clubs and stuff before that but although he did meet some people no one worthwhile came of it so he tried a date site. He's 53. Met a few nice women, one nut, and just recently this one he's with now and so far it looks great , really hope it works out for him.

 

Edited July 3, 2021 by chillii

[QuietRiot]

5 hours ago, chillii said:

 

Older women tend to have their one or two friends or classes or something they do and that's about it so imo date sites were pretty good really amongst all the mess that was also on them. Even my brother he's just met a gorgeous lady on his. When l say gorgeous l mean as in the person she is she seems a real sweetheart and they get along really really well but she also very cute too. He was in hiking clubs and stuff before that but although he did meet some people no one worthwhile came of it so he tried a date site. He's 53. Met a few nice women, one nut, and just recently this one he's with now and so far it looks great , really hope it works out for him.

 

I've been meeting quite a lot of older, single women in real life that have no interest in dating, and only hanging out with a small group of female friends and pretty much doing stuff with them. Either that, or its spending time with other family members. That's it. Men try to ask them out, but theyare having to keep telling them that they have no interest in dating.

[Katkats7777]

On 7/1/2021 at 5:36 AM, QuietRiot said:

The thing is, a lot of women don't like to be approached in real life, unless you have good reason to. Gyms are pretty much off limits, because a lot of women like to be left alone while working out.

I recall women  in message boards saying that don't like being approached while out shopping because "I'm there to shop, not to pick up men...I'm there to get in and get out"...stuff like that.

I mean, over all "stranger danger" comes into play as women are very leary of strange men approaching them in public.

Yup if im out alone like at a store or in a parking lot, aint no way in hell im talking to some strange guy. Im thinking is he gonna rob me or abduct me? Even creepy if hes asking for directions. Ive heard too many true life stories where women were alone and they held captive

[Happy Lemming]

On 7/2/2021 at 9:26 AM, QuietRiot said:

I think confidence part is irrelevant.

Confidence is very important... Most women (not all) are attracted to a confident man.

Do you consider yourself a confident male??

On 7/2/2021 at 9:26 AM, QuietRiot said:

Also, I  recall a couple women posters some time back that mentioned if the woman doesn't give you permission to approach or any indicator to approach, to leave her be. Women are more aware of their safety than ever.

This sounds like you are afraid to approach women in public venues??  If a woman is in a bar/pub, she knows that she will be approached, talked to, etc.  If you (as a male) receive one word answers or feel she wants you to go away, then leave her alone. (it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know when a woman is not into you)

Do you have a fear of approaching women/introducing yourself??  Do you know how to start a conversation??  Chit-Chat??

[chillii]

On 7/3/2021 at 8:59 PM, QuietRiot said:

I've been meeting quite a lot of older, single women in real life that have no interest in dating, and only hanging out with a small group of female friends and pretty much doing stuff with them. Either that, or its spending time with other family members. That's it. Men try to ask them out, but theyare having to keep telling them that they have no interest in dating.

 

In older l only mean in my kinda age group at the time 40s and up. l wasn't really going out anywhere like clubs or bars , just life, but l'd come across people and def' many would've been interested in a relationship if they could find one l could see that, but only something real yaknow , lasting.  Just talking everyday life situations.

On the date site l was on lots of women were looking but you know , ya get older your not interested in bs or wasting your time though, only something real , big difference. Myself l thought date sites were good like that bc lf you found a nice lady on there you know she's serious and you see things about each other right there in what they say you say and you know it either is or isn't your thing or you theirs. l thought date sites were good in that way. Then you could talk a bit , call a bit , meet if it's still worthwhile even bothering.

 

 

[ZA Dater]

My view is the only real concrete ways to meet people are via some sort of mutual interest or via friends. If you cannot work either of those your chances of meeting people in my opinion are very slim unless of course you enjoy drinking and bars and well then your chances are yet better still.

Reality is cold approaching in my opinion will only work if you have a good idea of matching like with like and most of us do not. Or if you are truly exceptional in some superficial way.

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Reality is cold approaching in my opinion will only work if you have a good idea of matching like with like and most of us do not. Or if you are truly exceptional in some superficial way.

It actually only works for people who can handle rejection. Most random women aren’t going to be single, so your likelihood of getting a “no” is high. 

[ZA Dater]

2 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

It actually only works for people who can handle rejection. Most random women aren’t going to be single, so your likelihood of getting a “no” is high. 

Correct that is very true so in my view it has a very,  very low rate of success to the point where a person might as well explore other ideas. I still maintain that friends and a social circle is the best way to date effectively.

[Happy Lemming]

Yesterday, "V" and I attended a neighborhood cookout.  At some point, each couple was telling how they met. 

One couple said they had been married since 2008 and had met on-line.  They did not disclose which on-line dating site/app.

The rest of the couples had met in "real life" situations. (parties, through friends, etc.)

So there is one on-line dating success story that I have now (personally) heard about.

I still think you will yield better results meeting people in "real life", but I wanted to acknowledge that I did hear of one success story with on-line dating.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

One couple said they had been married since 2008 and had met on-line.  They did not disclose which on-line dating site/app.

The rest of the couples had met in "real life" situations. (parties, through friends, etc.)

Even now people hate to admit they met on a dating app. 

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Even now people hate to admit they met on a dating app. 

Yes... the couple that met on-line seemed to be hesitant to disclose that fact and she quickly changed the subject to the restaurant he took her for their first date.

[SumGuy]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Even now people hate to admit they met on a dating app. 

Not where I live.  It's pretty common 4 out of 5 couples I know did (all the others met before 1993, pre-internet for all intents and purposes).   And the 5th couple not on a dating app but if not for the internet never would have met.

[QuietRiot]

On 7/4/2021 at 10:36 AM, Happy Lemming said:

Confidence is very important... Most women (not all) are attracted to a confident man.

Do you consider yourself a confident male??

This sounds like you are afraid to approach women in public venues??  If a woman is in a bar/pub, she knows that she will be approached, talked to, etc.  If you (as a male) receive one word answers or feel she wants you to go away, then leave her alone. (it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know when a woman is not into you)

Do you have a fear of approaching women/introducing yourself??  Do you know how to start a conversation??  Chit-Chat??

Of course I do. I dont' fear approaching women whatsoever. 

[Happy Lemming]

6 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Of course I do. I dont' fear approaching women whatsoever. 

That's great...

Next thing you want to do is prioritize this as an important goal.  Push yourself to meet new people everyday (unless there are Covid-19 restrictions where you are).

Dating is work, you have to always be "hitting the bricks" looking for the next woman to date.

You are like a salesman... Always Be Closing.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 7/3/2021 at 3:59 AM, QuietRiot said:

I've been meeting quite a lot of older, single women in real life that have no interest in dating, and only hanging out with a small group of female friends and pretty much doing stuff with them. Either that, or its spending time with other family members. That's it. Men try to ask them out, but theyare having to keep telling them that they have no interest in dating.

I find it weird that a group of older women want to all hang around this one single young dude and repeatedly tell him how they don't want to date.

 

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I find it weird that a group of older women want to all hang around this one single young dude and repeatedly tell him how they don't want to date. 

I'm in that cohort and don't find it weird.  That he's meeting them doesn't mean that they are necessarily hanging around.  And if he's asking the question of them, then he's just getting honest answers.

I know a number of peers who don't want to date.  Or who switch teams and simply don't want to date men.

Edited July 7, 2021 by basil67

[chillii]

If I was single again now ,50s .and l might well be soon too bc my woman's got some v serious stuff going on , my biggest worry would b actually finding someone l'd even wanna be with rest of my life at this stage now.

I've got very unusual taste hard to even find at best of times but finding her again now if it came to that, think l'd rather just forget it n not even bother. My brothers 53 n was single and l was looking through his date site with him a few times awhile ago and out of 1000s of the women on it, if it was me l didn't even see one, not one, l could've even been bothered with even emailing.

Of course I see what's around out and about every day too in just life, same, it's as scary as hell. Tbh l doubt l'd even come across a new lady anywhere these days l could even be bothered with outside either, l'd probably call it a day l think they're so disappointing .

My brother has met a new Lady from the date site he was on and she's a very very special girl too the kinda of woman l'd need to spark any interest from me at at all. But even he said it's taken so long to find her there's been so many toads that if she doesn't work out he's had enough of them.

Not exactly an encouraging post to u single guys sorry fellas, luckily though most round here don't seem too fussy anyway and happy to just date so it won't be the same for you.

 

 

 

Edited July 7, 2021 by chillii

[Cookiesandough]

It’s my impression that quiet riot frequents “meet ups“ on meetup.com so that would explain it too . They generally welcome all gender/ages. Many people  go to those looking for friends only but just as many are looking for romance. 

Edited July 7, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[QuietRiot]

11 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I find it weird that a group of older women want to all hang around this one single young dude and repeatedly tell him how they don't want to date.

 

Um, they aren't hanging out with me. These are just encounters I've had with certain women.

[CaliforniaGirl]

59 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s my impression that quiet riot frequents “meet ups“ on meetup.com so that would explain it too . They generally welcome all gender/ages. Many people  go to those looking for friends only but just as many are looking for romance. 

I see.

[chillii]

6 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Um, they aren't hanging out with me. These are just encounters I've had with certain women.

They're just some , who cares forget em. There's plenty out there that are looking for a partner, h or whatever.

[SumGuy]

16 hours ago, chillii said:

...My brother has met a new Lady from the date site he was on and she's a very very special girl too the kinda of woman l'd need to spark any interest from me at at all. But even he said it's taken so long to find her there's been so many toads that if she doesn't work out he's had enough of them.

Took me over 3 years to find someone that met my picky tastes, after a false start and some fun dating before hand.    Anything worth doing is worth taking some time at. 

Also can say if had listened to internet advice and "tea leave" reading would never have got together or stayed with her.  I do thank such fear though, she had but one OLD photo, which we are supposed to take as a red flag.  Her words, her profile made me realize screw that I want to meet this person, they seem so cool no matter their looks...so glad I did.  Unicorns do exist.

[Trail Blazer]

On 6/28/2021 at 10:52 AM, Dis said:

Start approaching women IRL

 

It will get easier and will yield more results the more you do it 

Isn't it creepy to be approached by randoms hitting on you?

[Trail Blazer]

On 7/6/2021 at 6:05 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Even now people hate to admit they met on a dating app. 

I disagree.  I met on-line and so did many of mine/my girlfriend's friends.  Perhaps others feel shame, but that's strange because it's 2021 not 2001.