DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 Been dating this girl for 5 years she’s 26 I’m 33. she’s long distance, I met her when she did her senior year in the states. we see each other 6 months out of the year. We have broke up 2 years ago for a year and got back together. I stayed with her for a couple of months, then thought about buying a ring which is what I did. I basically became like bilbo baggins and the ring started to make me act very needy and clingy. I was calling her every hour on the hour for a month straight. she found about the ring after asking after she cried and was worried about how I was acting (she basically asked me if I cheat or got a girl pregnant or bought her a ring). she then had a major panic attack and told me she wasn’t ready yet (I watched it all go down) I told her I loved her and I just bought the ring Because I had the cash. Side note she chose this ring 1 year prior….. she calmed down a little. We a trip planned the next weekend, and she ended up canceling due to how she felt. I tried to blow her up and it didn’t work. The very next day she breaks up with me and sends me a long list of stuff that she never told me about. The list was pretty much all the same items (jealous, manipulative, etc). she told me to give her 2 weeks before I contact her again. So I did. When I contacted her after the 2 weeks no answer, so I tried 2 more times the next day. finally this last Thursday, she reaches out and I Ask her about meeting up (since we are supposed to meet each other in July). She says “It’s not a good idea for now. It’s too fresh. I need time by myself and I don’t believe you when you say you want to see me without any ulterior motive of getting me back. We’re not ready” lastly she said Change does not happen overnight. You won’t see a difference or feel any better before in a couple of months. A meet up or a lunch is too early. I am not ready for that now. I’m still trying to find myself after this breakup and I need you to respect that. I care about you as well and you need to heal too. Being in contact and meeting up would stop the healing in progress and feed the toxicity . I responded with ok i understand and so you see that i am changing i will give you some space. how do I get her back? her bday is coming up as well? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 hour ago, DeanWinchester45 said: how do I get her back? I am sorry but it doesn't look likely.. For her this is a "filler" relationship. She has grown up and now she does not see a future with you. You are 33, you want to settle down, she doesn't. You are at different life stages. AND she has a long list of things she doesn't like about you. This is over. Best to just move on and look for a better match. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 4 hours ago, DeanWinchester45 said: I was calling her every hour on the hour for a month straight. Why the heck were you doing this? 4 hours ago, DeanWinchester45 said: she basically asked me if I cheat or got a girl pregnant or bought her a ring What the fudge? Why did she assume you were cheating and got a girl pregnant? These are the total opposite of buying a ring, so I am confused as to why she presented them as three viable explanations for your excessive contact. 5 hours ago, DeanWinchester45 said: how do I get her back? I think it's over for good this time. This relationship sounds so chaotic and dysfunctional and it appears she is done, man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why the heck were you doing this? What the fudge? Why did she assume you were cheating and got a girl pregnant? These are the total opposite of buying a ring, so I am confused as to why she presented them as three viable explanations for your excessive contact. I think it's over for good this time. This relationship sounds so chaotic and dysfunctional and it appears she is done, man. So let me clarify, I was only calling her when she went out excessively and it wasn’t every hour on the hour that was more of an analogy of how many times I did it. She was just rattling off questions, she said other ones like a death in the family or cancer etc and so on. She wanted to know why I was acting so weird. We’ve broke up before and she’s acted the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: I am sorry but it doesn't look likely.. For her this is a "filler" relationship. She has grown up and now she does not see a future with you. You are 33, you want to settle down, she doesn't. You are at different life stages. AND she has a long list of things she doesn't like about you. This is over. Best to just move on and look for a better match. Her “friend” is the one that suggested writing a list. If she had “grown up” why did she run from commitment? another one of her girlfriends told me she broke up with me because of the ring and the pressure it put on her Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 10 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said: I was only calling her when she went out excessively and it wasn’t every hour on the hour that was more of an analogy of how many times I did it. This doesn't make sense. You said you were doing this for a month. So she was going for a month execessively? You speak in hyperbole so it's difficult to understand the facts, OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This doesn't make sense. You said you were doing this for a month. So she was going for a month execessively? You speak in hyperbole so it's difficult to understand the facts, OP. She went on vacation to visit his grandparents in Sweden. When she was there she would go out every night and hang out with her friends. I would call her maybe 3-4 times a night when she went out. the list was a subset to break up with me because of the ring. Her friend confirmed it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 13 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said: he list was a subset to break up with me because of the ring. Her friend confirmed it. Then you have to understand that this woman does not see a future with you, and does not want to marry you. I would work on healing so you can move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: Then you have to understand that this woman does not see a future with you, and does not want to marry you. I would work on healing so you can move on. She chose the ring… and she also said she would be ready after her schooling is done. I don’t think she would introduce me to all her family and I’m the first person to meet her father and get photos with me during christmas Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 minute ago, DeanWinchester45 said: She chose the ring… and she also said she would be ready after her schooling is done. I don’t think she would introduce me to all her family and I’m the first person to meet her father and get photos with me during christmas But now she has ended your relationship. She doesn't feel the way she once did when all the above happened. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: But now she has ended your relationship. She doesn't feel the way she once did when all the above happened. This is the 2nd time she broke up with me in 3 years. I got her back last time. just because someone breaks up with you doesn’t mean you can’t get them back lol Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 She's long gone man. And is trying to give you clear signals that she's not interested in getting back together anymore. And want you to give up. I m sorry you are going through this. But it's time to give up chasing on her. She wants you to move on too!. It happens often and she is not seeking any future with you. I don't think you are to be blamed for anything besides you becoming clingy and annoying her which drove her away further. As she said things changes, over the years the way she has changed the things with you have changed too. No matter she has introduced you to her father family or whatever you need to clearly focus on her actions and her thinking right now. If she was thinking to be with you or even had any doubts to get back together she would arrange a meeting with you but she doesn't. Your best bet will be to leave things quit talking to her and move on in life as it goes. She is not the one. Take care pal Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 2 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said: This is the 2nd time she broke up with me in 3 years. I got her back last time. just because someone breaks up with you doesn’t mean you can’t get them back lol If you are too firm to get back together the keep trying, you know we all here have been through this situation and want to help someone out who is now in the same boat by our experience and mistake we made at that time. Couples do get back together all the time but in your situation is very unlikely. Actually you know all people who are dumped do behave like you, considering the past events to much what happened in the past and how we got back together. But fail to see that our ex have changed and isn't the person in the past anymore. I don't get how do you expect to get her back when she's not ready to even see you. ? Anyways ultimately it's upto you what you wanna do. Keep us updated what happens. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 17 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said: just because someone breaks up with you doesn’t mean you can’t get them back lol How many couples do you know have been successful the third time around? You're not being very realistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 14 minutes ago, TeddyBundy1993 said: If you are too firm to get back together the keep trying, you know we all here have been through this situation and want to help someone out who is now in the same boat by our experience and mistake we made at that time. Couples do get back together all the time but in your situation is very unlikely. Actually you know all people who are dumped do behave like you, considering the past events to much what happened in the past and how we got back together. But fail to see that our ex have changed and isn't the person in the past anymore. I don't get how do you expect to get her back when she's not ready to even see you. ? Anyways ultimately it's upto you what you wanna do. Keep us updated what happens. Good luck She said she wants time before I can see her per what she told me. same s*** happened last time, except last time she didn’t even communicate with me for 3 months. I finally got her to meet and fixed the issue there. I do have small things to change which I’m working on. But she got scared because of the ring. to give you an example she is a scared person, her and I went to Costa Rica, and got our car stuck in the jungle at night. When we did that she got out of the car crying and wanting to go home because she was so anxious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: How many couples do you know have been successful the third time around? You're not being very realistic. Are you kidding I know tons of couple that break up and make up and break up again lol Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 It sounds like she wants you to leave her alone. 7 hours ago, DeanWinchester45 said: She says “It’s not a good idea for now. It’s too fresh. I need time by myself and I don’t believe you when you say you want to see me without any ulterior motive of getting me back. We’re not ready” This is all you need to know. She doesn't even want to talk about getting back together with you. Take the ring back and get your money back. If she was in love with you and you bought her dream ring she would be estatic to get back together and engaged. She is pushing you away. Why would you call her 3-4 times when she was in Sweden going out? That is uncalled for and a complete turn off. I wouldn't be suprised if she's already seeing another guy; but trying to handle you with kit gloves because she doesn't know what you might do if you found out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 1 hour ago, stillafool said: It sounds like she wants you to leave her alone. This is all you need to know. She doesn't even want to talk about getting back together with you. Take the ring back and get your money back. If she was in love with you and you bought her dream ring she would be estatic to get back together and engaged. She is pushing you away. Why would you call her 3-4 times when she was in Sweden going out? That is uncalled for and a complete turn off. I wouldn't be suprised if she's already seeing another guy; but trying to handle you with kit gloves because she doesn't know what you might do if you found out. She’s moving to another city next week (where she has to fly to) in France so I doubt she’s dating someone else. obviously she broke up with me i called her 3-4 times because the ring messed up my head and she has lots of guy friends up there Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, DeanWinchester45 said: Are you kidding I know tons of couple that break up and make up and break up again lol No, I am not kidding. I don't know any couples who broke up twice and then stayed back together on the third attempt. 2 break-ups mean you don't work as a couple. It would only be a matter of time before a 3rd break-up happened. This is over, Dean. You need to stat accepting it. Edited June 28, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 4 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said: She’s moving to another city next week (where she has to fly to) Oh dude, your relaitonship is so done. She's leaving you and her old life behind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 9 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said: She’s moving to another city next week (where she has to fly to) in France so I doubt she’s dating someone else. Maybe not now but you don't know who all she's talking to or interested in. She's a young woman with the whole world in front of her that she wants to experience. She doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship or have a fiance at this point in her life. The bottom is she wants to move on from you and you need to accept that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 15 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said: i called her 3-4 times because the ring messed up my head and she has lots of guy friends up there Why did you even buy the ring before you asked her to marry you and got a firm "yes"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 22 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why did you even buy the ring before you asked her to marry you and got a firm "yes"? She chose the ring a year prior, even asked about a ring in February. Lol I’m a guy that tells me she wants one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeanWinchester45 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Oh dude, your relaitonship is so done. She's leaving you and her old life behind. We are long distance and she’s only going there for 6 months haha. Edited June 28, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator argumentative Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 3 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said: We are long distance and she’s only going there for 6 months haha. you are pretty salty? Did you boyfriend break up with you recently Nope. I am not salty. I am realistic and experienced. We can see where this is heading, even if you don't want to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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