5 years

[mark clemson]

9 hours ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

 She says “It’s not a good idea for now. It’s too fresh. I need time by myself and I don’t believe you when you say you want to see me without any ulterior motive of getting me back. We’re not ready”

And... she's absolutely correct apparently.

If she doesn't want to continue the relationship, you need to accept this and move on. This is easier said than done perhaps, but it will be better in the long run (I suspect) for you. Right now you have essentially become an orbiter. Speaking generally women (and actually men too) tend not to respect this overmuch and often the orbiter is last in line for any actual relationship. Only when it's clear other prospects have run out are they "turned to" as a last resort (and sometimes not even then if the person is happy on their own).

Overall I think you are better off finding someone else than wasting a year or two of your life pining for this woman who doesn't appear to want you, at least not romantically.

[stillafool]

41 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

Lol I’m a guy that tells me she wants one.

I'm sorry I don't understand this statement, can you explain?  Are you saying she chose the ring and asked you when was she going to get it in February?

[DeanWinchester45]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'm sorry I don't understand this statement, can you explain?  Are you saying she chose the ring and asked you when was she going to get it in February?

She chose the ring, and then asked me about the ring this last February 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

then asked me about the ring this last February 

You mean asked if you bought it for her yet?  Did she express she wanted you to buy the ring for her?

[DeanWinchester45]

33 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Nope. 

I am not salty. I am realistic and experienced. We can see where this is heading, even if you don't want to. 

 

Got her back last time after a year, we still saw each other a lot that year as well. That was 2018

[DeanWinchester45]

Just now, stillafool said:

You mean asked if you bought it for her yet?  Did she express she wanted you to buy the ring for her?

No her question was more like wanting the ring, not asking if I got it. Women are like emotional roller coasters.

[stillafool]

Just now, DeanWinchester45 said:

No her question was more like wanting the ring, not asking if I got it. Women are like emotional roller coasters.

I'm sorry you still aren't clear.  What exactly did she ask about the ring in February?

[DeanWinchester45]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I'm sorry you still aren't clear.  What exactly did she ask about the ring in February?

She was all flirty asking when I was going to ask her and when I was ready to ask her

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

Got her back last time after a year, we still saw each other a lot that year as well. That was 2018

And how well has that worked out?

[DeanWinchester45]

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And how well has that worked out?

It was working great before this ring s***

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

Women are like emotional roller coasters.

Obviously with all the on/off, ring nonsense and other drama, you are picking the wrong ones.

[ExpatInItaly]

10 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

It was working great before this ring s***

But that's the very crux of it: it was apparently all dandy until the prospect of real, lifelong commitment to you was presented to her. 

And she opted out. 

A woman who is in love with you and sees you as her future husband is generally not going to panic and bolt the way she did. There's just no other feasible way of looking at that. As a woman, I would never risk my man being snapped up by someone else by essentially rejecting his proposal and refusing his efforts to make things right. If I genuinely saw him as my life partner, no way in hell would I cry about not being ready after 5 years together. 

But since you aren't ready yet to entertain the notion that this might be over for real this time, how do you explain her breaking up with you? 

Edited June 28, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[DeanWinchester45]

16 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

But that's the very crux of it: it was apparently all dandy until the prospect of real, lifelong commitment to you was presented to her. 

And she opted out. 

A woman who is in love with you and sees you as her future husband is generally not going to panic and bolt the way she did. There's just no other feasible way of looking at that. As a woman, I would never risk my man being snapped up by someone else by essentially rejecting his proposal and refusing his efforts to make things right. If I genuinely saw him as my life partner, no way in hell would I cry about not being ready after 5 years together. 

But since you aren't ready yet to entertain the notion that this might be over for real this time, how do you explain her breaking up with you? 

She told me she didn’t want to get married till after her masters was done 2 years to go. I just had the cash at the time to buy it, and with my own anxiety and then the ring and her worrying what was wrong with me it all came together.

 

she got all the anxiety broke own and couldn’t deal with me or a ring and broke up with me

[DeanWinchester45]

21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Obviously with all the on/off, ring nonsense and other drama, you are picking the wrong ones.

I know how it do any relationship now even if it’s this one again or another.

don’t place women on pedestal, be the man make the decisions and if she ain’t about it. Leave.

[ExpatInItaly]

12 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

she got all the anxiety broke own and couldn’t deal with me or a ring and broke up with me

What does this mean?

 

[stillafool]

14 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

I just had the cash at the time to buy it, and with my own anxiety

So the ring was an impulse buy.  She never actually said "When are we getting married or when are you going to propose" but told you she wanted to wait until she has her master's in 2 years.  YOU wanted to lock her down with a ring.

[stillafool]

Did you keep the receipt for the ring?  If so, it's time to take it back and get your money.

[DeanWinchester45]

18 minutes ago, stillafool said:

So the ring was an impulse buy.  She never actually said "When are we getting married or when are you going to propose" but told you she wanted to wait until she has her master's in 2 years.  YOU wanted to lock her down with a ring.

I wouldn’t call it an impulse buy. I’m a dude, most of the time we buy the ring because the way we feel. I know you don’t get how that works.

 

but yea I wanted to her to be my wife

[DeanWinchester45]

22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What does this mean?

 

Basically she had anxiety from worrying about me, my possessiveness during those 2-3 weeks, and then the anxiety from the ring. All at one time sent her over the edge

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

I wouldn’t call it an impulse buy. I’m a dude, most of the time we buy the ring because the way we feel. I know you don’t get how that works.

 

but yea I wanted to her to be my wife

I do get how that works because I've been married twice before.  However neither of my husbands bought a ring until they were sure I would accept their proposal and then they took me shopping to get the ring I wanted.  So you buying the ring was your decision and you were willing to wait 2 year to give it to her?

[stillafool]

Why was she worrying about you?

[DeanWinchester45]

Just now, stillafool said:

I do get how that works because I've been married twice before.  However neither of my husbands bought a ring until they were sure I would accept their proposal and then they took me shopping to get the ring I wanted.  So you buying the ring was your decision and you were willing to wait 2 year to give it to her?

I thought she would accept it, everything in my opinion seemed good until i started tripping out.

 

[DeanWinchester45]

Just now, stillafool said:

Why was she worrying about you?

Because I was acting real emotional, and it was around Memorial Day. I’ve lost some buddies of mine overseas. Basically it was compounded issues the ring, and my emotions and her not knowing what was wrong with me Becuase I couldn’t tell her

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

Because I was acting real emotional, and it was around Memorial Day.

What were you doing? 

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

I thought she would accept it, everything in my opinion seemed good until i started tripping out.

 

Not really?  She didn't accept your proposal or the ring.  She gave you a 2 year delay and probably was expecting the relationship to fizzle out before that date or she would have jumped to get that ring and you.

 

2 minutes ago, DeanWinchester45 said:

Because I was acting real emotional, and it was around Memorial Day. I’ve lost some buddies of mine overseas. Basically it was compounded issues the ring, and my emotions and her not knowing what was wrong with me Becuase I couldn’t tell her

So you wanted to marry a girl that you didn't even feel comfortable with enough to tell her that you lost some buddies overseas and was feeling a bit emotional about it?