Awfully specific dating criteria

[Shining One]

Ladies, can you share some examples of men's profiles with awfully specific criteria? I don't look at male profiles, so I'm curious.

Years ago, I had a coworker who said he wanted a thin Asian woman with blonde hair and a British accent. I don't know if he actually put that in his OLD profile, but it seemed oddly specific to me at the time.

[Wiseman2]

People who engage in wish lists, like they are on Amazon, are sure to get passed over rather quickly.

[Els]

17 hours ago, basil67 said:

I too, had to Google Ramsey and under the heading of of "learn more about him" I found that he's an evangelical Christian, which to me, likely speaks more to what she'd be referencing on a dating site.  With this background known, I would interpret it as another way of saying she wants a conservative Christian partner.   All things considered, this is perfectly reasonable thing to ask for.

@QuietRiot you've got quite a history of complaining about women's dating criteria.  What's going on?   In this case, are you sad that you missed out on her?

Yeah, with that new information I agree it makes sense.

It's super common to want a partner with similar religious/political leaning, not sure why it's a contentious topic at all.

[Cookiesandough]

Sounds like tired dating profile banter to me, not meant to be taken too seriously. 
 

But to me people’s pickiness is their own problem ( or not) Not my biz 

Edited June 30, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[LauraXX]

3 hours ago, Shining One said:

Ladies, can you share some examples of men's profiles with awfully specific criteria? I don't look at male profiles, so I'm curious.

Years ago, I had a coworker who said he wanted a thin Asian woman with blonde hair and a British accent. I don't know if he actually put that in his OLD profile, but it seemed oddly specific to me at the time.

No example of specific criteria, but today I saw a profile that made me laugh/cry: 

„Getting married soon and want to have one last date before the big day“.

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

23 hours ago, Mrin said:

I've been on and off of OLD for like 8 years. Every time I go back to this one OLD site there is a woman's profile that has been paid and is always showing up as active in the last 24 hours. It isn't a fishing profile as she's pretty but not the usual fishing pics - you know what I mean. And the pics and bio changed over the 8 years so she's definitely updating it. She is non-white, living in the middle of the US and belonging to a religion that is not at all common to her ethnicity and is not terribly prevalent in this part of the country. Her profile specifically says something like, "I don't date out of my ethnicity. I don't date out of my religion. I don't date men with facial hair of any sort. I only date men who are within 10 miles - LOCALS ONLY. Looking for a serious relationship with a man who wants to start a family."

Given her curious mix of must haves, I imagine you can count the number of men that qualify on one hand in the 8 years I've seen her profile. If that. 

It kind of reminds me of those impossible job postings companies use to make prior to being able to hire on a H1-B work visa. See, we couldn't find a domestic Java developer who is also a chess master, fluent in Tagalog and Sanskrit, and has 5 years experience operating a jet turbine engine. 

I don't want to be a jerk about this and I have valued your input on here (and still do) but you're accusing her of being undateable (I guess? you didn't actually say that) partially based on being on this app for 8 years. But...aren't you on it for 8 years as well? Otherwise, how would you know?

Also, why are you checking back on her profile for 8 years to see when she's been active? All throughout that time? Dude, EIGHT years?

I'm not saying you're wrong about her having specific criteria that only certain men can fill. I'm just saying she could as easily accuse you of things just based on this post (were she to see it). "I see the same guy for eight years now. He stalks my profile. He knows when I've been on in the past 24 hours and when I haven't. He knows when I've updated my profile. 8 years of stalking the profile of somebody who won't even talk to him! Anybody else wondering why he's still single? Not me."

Doesn't that sound cruel?

Well, so does this thread, LOL. The judgment...I mean...let this woman go...what she does and why isn't your problem. I have seen these "people shouldn't say X on their profiles, they should only say stuff that I am or can be or do, otherwise they're wrong and they're going to be alone forever" quite a few times on LS. We all know what the bottom line is - people wish the opposite sex would accommodate THEM, not set criteria they don't meet. But that's not real life.

Again, not trying to attack. Just putting things in perspective. I hope!

If this isn't working for her, if she isn't getting dates, she'll make her own decisions. Either she'll suddenly decide she wants to date outside her religion, etc. (unlikely) or maybe this does work for her. Maybe she's had relationships in that time but broke up...it happens...you can't know. Know what else you (well, any of us) can't do? Make everybody want what we personally can fulfill. 

Someone has criteria that doesn't apply to you (not you personally, but the general 'you')? Instead of trying to find ways to rip that person apart for the crime of not wanting you, personally, rise above that, and just move on. JMO.

Edited June 30, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

16 minutes ago, LauraXX said:

No example of specific criteria, but today I saw a profile that made me laugh/cry: 

„Getting married soon and want to have one last date before the big day“.

 

Uh...oh my God. Just...yeah.

[Mrin]

1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I don't want to be a jerk about this and I have valued your input on here (and still do) but you're accusing her of being undateable (I guess? you didn't actually say that) partially based on being on this app for 8 years. But...aren't you on it for 8 years as well? Otherwise, how would you know?

 

Hey there. Thanks for the feedback. A few things:

1. I get how you might take umbrage at what I wrote. I want to assure you it wasn't written with any malevolence

2. The OP was talking about awfully specific dating criteria and I was sharing an example of one such profile that I ran across who has such awfully specific criteria that it is doubtful anyone would be a match

3. LOL I don't stalk her. She just always shows up in my search results when I check back into the site every couple of years. Truth be told, I'd totally messenger her if she ever relaxed her very specific criteria. But out of respect to her wishes, I don't since I don't meet any of her "I only date" criteria.

4. I'm certainly not attacking her or even judging her. In fact I went to great pains to try to obscure anything that would be at all identifiable. We all have our criteria. What I do find odd is paying to a mass marketed OLD platform to "fish" with such a very, very narrow net for so many years. 

5. Is she undateable? Your words - not mine. Heck no. She's probably a great person. But given what she's looking for and where she's looking, she'd be hard pressed to find anyone on that site who is eligible. 

Now that we have that taken care of, let me spin a question back around for you @CaliforniaGirl and other women - given the almost Biblical "easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle" aspect of her dating profile requirements... might there be an alternative explanation that's staring us in the face? Attractive women often have their OLD inboxes blown up by guys who are well outside of their stated parameters (e.g. age, appearance, distance, etc). Could this be a clever ruse to allow her to minimize the amount of inbox blow up (or at least alleviate any implied duty to respond to such blow ups) and still allow her to maintain an active profile? Sort of like wearing the easily removable fake wedding ring to a bar? Then if she does find someone who she fancies, she just reaches out herself first? If so, that's probably not a bad idea. 

Anyhow, food for thought.

Mrin

 

[QuietRiot]

5 hours ago, Elswyth said:

Yeah, with that new information I agree it makes sense.

It's super common to want a partner with similar religious/political leaning, not sure why it's a contentious topic at all.

If you say you have religious leanings, why not just say so? In fact, she said nothing about being religious or Christian. Just mentioned the man by name.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Mrin said:

Hey there. Thanks for the feedback. A few things:

1. I get how you might take umbrage at what I wrote. I want to assure you it wasn't written with any malevolence

2. The OP was talking about awfully specific dating criteria and I was sharing an example of one such profile that I ran across who has such awfully specific criteria that it is doubtful anyone would be a match

3. LOL I don't stalk her. She just always shows up in my search results when I check back into the site every couple of years. Truth be told, I'd totally messenger her if she ever relaxed her very specific criteria. But out of respect to her wishes, I don't since I don't meet any of her "I only date" criteria.

4. I'm certainly not attacking her or even judging her. In fact I went to great pains to try to obscure anything that would be at all identifiable. We all have our criteria. What I do find odd is paying to a mass marketed OLD platform to "fish" with such a very, very narrow net for so many years. 

5. Is she undateable? Your words - not mine. Heck no. She's probably a great person. But given what she's looking for and where she's looking, she'd be hard pressed to find anyone on that site who is eligible. 

Now that we have that taken care of, let me spin a question back around for you @CaliforniaGirl and other women - given the almost Biblical "easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle" aspect of her dating profile requirements... might there be an alternative explanation that's staring us in the face? Attractive women often have their OLD inboxes blown up by guys who are well outside of their stated parameters (e.g. age, appearance, distance, etc). Could this be a clever ruse to allow her to minimize the amount of inbox blow up (or at least alleviate any implied duty to respond to such blow ups) and still allow her to maintain an active profile? Sort of like wearing the easily removable fake wedding ring to a bar? Then if she does find someone who she fancies, she just reaches out herself first? If so, that's probably not a bad idea. 

Anyhow, food for thought.

Mrin

 

I fully understand, and as I said, it's about how we choose to see "why" people do what they do on dating sites. I was showing what she could easily say about you if she knew or suspected you registered this much information about her habits for eight years. 

Are the women using a ruse? I doubt it. Yes, she wants to minimize the amount of non-appropriate matches in her inbox. But not as a ruse. It's only common sense to filter out people who just won't fit from the get-go. Why would she want to get email from someone who's automatically not going to work out? So...ruse? No. Common sense? Yes - IMO.

 

[basil67]

18 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

If you say you have religious leanings, why not just say so? In fact, she said nothing about being religious or Christian. Just mentioned the man by name.

Because she wanted to connect with someone who knew the guy and respected his teachings.   Her profile, her choice.   

 

[Wiseman2]

51 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

In fact, she said nothing about being religious or Christian. Just mentioned the man by name.

Think of it as an IQ test.  Google : "dittohead" 

[basil67]

@Wiseman2  I had to Google 'dittohead' myself.  

an unquestioning supporter of an idea or opinion as expressed by a particular person, organization, etc.

So yes, her profile was indeed perfect for what she wants.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, QuietRiot said:

If you say you have religious leanings, why not just say so? In fact, she said nothing about being religious or Christian. Just mentioned the man by name.

Because maybe that isn't the case. (shrug) Somebody was just guessing at that.

[jspice]

12 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

I don't read it that way at all.  If someone makes a comment like that... it says to me..... "If you aren't willing to follow my cult, then I'm not interested."

Just because you may listen to someone about money... doesn't mean you have any, or actually know how to earn it. 

So what? 
 

Isn’t that her prerogative? She follows him and wants someone who does too. It is a lifestyle. 
my brother-in-law follows Dave Ramsey’s advice to the letter and it won’t work if your partner isn’t on board. My sister goes with the flow. 
 

I for one, would appreciate a heads up because I do NOT want to live that kind of life. 

so again, what’s wrong with her stating her preference? Whichever way YOU read, you’re not compatible with her. 

[Blind-Sided]

1 hour ago, jspice said:

Whichever way YOU read, you’re not compatible with her. 

That's fine... I'm not the person who started this thread... so I wasn't looking for someone in a cult.  LOL

Edited July 1, 2021 by Blind-Sided

[jspice]

1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said:

That's fine... I'm not the person who started this thread... so I wasn't looking for someone in a cult.  LOL

🙄

[Angelle]

18 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

You hit the nail on the head!  In fact, I knew this woman that moved from the big city that I used to commute to for a social life to MY area. She retired early, and she hated the city she worked in,and thusly chose a smaller town to livein (my area)

Kind of similar to this woman you spoke of. "LOCAL ONLY" and MUST BE 5'10", (she was only like 5'4" or maybe even shorter). She's also Christian. She was cute, but wasn't that much to look at. She claimed she had good family genes where you age gracefully. Prided herself on her father's genes. Claimed he could still pull women in his 70s. lol

 

There are people who would rather be with someone they're compatible with, or nobody at all. I'm one of those people. It's better than settling for just anyone, just to be able to say that you have a partner. Are you attracted to every woman in the world, that you've come into contact with? 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Angelle

[QuietRiot]

My point is, I can't see how NOT listening to this guy would be a dealbreaker for her.

Like say if your prospect was Christian and financially be responsiblebut NOT listen to Dave Ramsey....I mean, how could that be a deal breaker for her?

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

That's fine... I'm not the person who started this thread... so I wasn't looking for someone in a cult.  LOL

No  Kool-Aid for you? 🥤

 

[Blind-Sided]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

No  Kool-Aid for you? 🥤

 

Only if I made it myself.  LOL

[glows]

On 6/30/2021 at 12:05 PM, LauraXX said:

No example of specific criteria, but today I saw a profile that made me laugh/cry: 

„Getting married soon and want to have one last date before the big day“.

 

lol. So wrong.

[Angelle]

11 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

My point is, I can't see how NOT listening to this guy would be a dealbreaker for her.

Like say if your prospect was Christian and financially be responsiblebut NOT listen to Dave Ramsey....I mean, how could that be a deal breaker for her?

Why do you care? 

[basil67]

16 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

My point is, I can't see how NOT listening to this guy would be a dealbreaker for her.

Like say if your prospect was Christian and financially be responsiblebut NOT listen to Dave Ramsey....I mean, how could that be a deal breaker for her?

I don't think she cares if you don't understand.  It's her profile, her life, her choice.

[Cookiesandough]

On 7/1/2021 at 7:29 AM, QuietRiot said:

My point is, I can't see how NOT listening to this guy would be a dealbreaker for her.

Like say if your prospect was Christian and financially be responsiblebut NOT listen to Dave Ramsey....I mean, how could that be a deal breaker for her?

 

On 7/1/2021 at 7:29 AM, QuietRiot said:

My point is, I can't see how NOT listening to this guy would be a dealbreaker for her.

Like say if your prospect was Christian and financially be responsiblebut NOT listen to Dave Ramsey....I mean, how could that be a deal breaker for her?

Because she prefers men who like/listen to Dave Ramsey … dealwithitsunglasses.gif

Edited July 2, 2021 by Cookiesandough