Awfully specific dating criteria

[Daisydooks]

On 6/29/2021 at 5:58 AM, QuietRiot said:

I was reading through this woman's profile, and I see at the bottom. "If you don't know who Dave Ramsey is nor interested in knowing more about him, please pass me by".

I mean, I know who he is, and what he's about, but wouldn't you say this is an awfully unusual and specific piece of criteria and would you say using it as a deal breaker is kind of strange? lol

I think I know why now how people remind up remaining perpetually single...it's this kind of criteria, right?

 And here I thought I was being super picky when I found my husband. Maybe she has had a string of guys who were terrible with money? Hahaha

I was so picky only 2 men came up on my search. 2!

I picked him down to his brown hair, brown eyes, husky build, height, age and astrological sign. I wanted someone who wanted kids and marriage. I wanted someone who was 33 to 35. I wanted someone with brown hair, brown eyes, 5'9"-5'11", husky build, who was a fire sign and someone who could form a sentence, spell properly and wasnt a complete toolbox.  I was being ridiculous after another failed attempt at OLD. Lol! I truly put in all the things I wanted both physically and mentally/emotionally in a partner but was definitely being a bit silly and narrowed my search a LOT. 

We met in 2013 on POF and been together since. 

Being a single woman who was 29, no kids, self sufficient, blonde, blue eyed, 5'4" and 120lbs, I had my choice of men. The problem with that is weeding through 4000 messages daily saying "heyyy cutieee!'' It wasnt the worst problem to have but being really picky and specific got me exactly who I wanted. So maybe there is something to being overly and irrationally picky! Hahahaha

I will add that none of this was in MY profile. It was just in my super duper picky searches! Hahaha

Edited July 4, 2021 by Daisydooks

[ZA Dater]

On 6/29/2021 at 3:48 PM, elaine567 said:

It''s just a filter like any other.
Some women get inundated with messages from totally unsuitable men,  and will use anything to try to filter out the no hopers.
She probably has figured that by using "Dave Ramsey" as a test, she will find a man who may tick her boxes.
Dave Ramsey probably appeals to a specific demographic, one which she wants to tap into...
What's actually wrong with that?
 

 

I agree with you however, if a guy had to do this I suspect the response would be rather different. 

But yes I think at the end of the day it boils down to the fact people can look for anything does not mean they are going to ever find it. I think after x amount of time with no success people tend to accept they are not going to find it at all.

[basil67]

Why would the response to the OP be different if it were a guy?   His dating profile/his choice.

 

[ZA Dater]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

Why would the response to the OP be different if it were a guy?   His dating profile/his choice.

 

Because my perception seems to be that ladies can be as specific as they like yet men well men must simply take whoever is interested irrespective whether they meet any criteria at all.

 

[chillii]

16 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Because my perception seems to be that ladies can be as specific as they like yet men well men must simply take whoever is interested irrespective whether they meet any criteria at all.

 

Man , you got so really messed up ideas , especially considering your in a forum where women are blurting their hearts out all over the place telling you right there how it "really" is.

Don't you struggling guys read anything round here ? Your biggest road blocks usually seem to be your unbridgeable black and white thinking and perceptions , see it right through all their threads.

Edited July 5, 2021 by chillii

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Because my perception seems to be that ladies can be as specific as they like yet men well men must simply take whoever is interested irrespective whether they meet any criteria at all.

I suspect you're confusing the topic here with topics where people who have tight criteria complain about being single.  

 

 

 

Edited July 5, 2021 by basil67

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I suspect you're confusing the topic here with topics where people who have tight criteria complain about being single.  

 

 

 

I think that the more specific the criteria the less chance one has of finding that sort of person, the result being the person seeking will remain single. My point is its much easier for ladies to have specific criteria because they get more attention to begin with. The guy sitting reading a book in the corner who wants a athletic lady is unlikely to find one but the lady sitting at the counter in the coffee shop looking for a fit athletic guy is more likely to find one simply by virtue of the fact she is likely to garner a greater degree of attention.

 

[Cookiesandough]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Because my perception seems to be that ladies can be as specific as they like yet men well men must simply take whoever is interested irrespective whether they meet any criteria at all.

 

Misconception. Women get chewed out for having standards here too.

Edited July 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[ZA Dater]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Misconception. Women get chewed out for having standards here too

I just think OLD is pretty messed up to be honest which is why people resort to being so specific in the hope that a unicorn arrives and well its good to have hope I guess!

Suppose the other thought would be if people were attractive enough they might not need OLD to begin with but that is not likely to be a popular thought

[Cookiesandough]

My thought is that people can be as specific as they want to be until they start complaining ad nauseum about how they can’t find anyone. Because then it’s like , well, what are you going to do, you’ve only got a couple options here… 

Edited July 5, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[ZA Dater]

7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

My thought is that people can be as specific as they want to be until they start complaining ad nauseum about how they can’t find anyone. Because then it’s like , well, what are you going to do, you’ve only got a couple options here… 

Again true. Maybe I guess why some subscribe to "something is better than nothing".

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Again true. Maybe I guess why some subscribe to "something is better than nothing".

I don't think many subscribe to that at all.  I think that most in relationships know that perfection doesn't exist, so they look for someone who's pretty good.   

[basil67]

40 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I think that the more specific the criteria the less chance one has of finding that sort of person, the result being the person seeking will remain single. My point is its much easier for ladies to have specific criteria because they get more attention to begin with. The guy sitting reading a book in the corner who wants a athletic lady is unlikely to find one but the lady sitting at the counter in the coffee shop looking for a fit athletic guy is more likely to find one simply by virtue of the fact she is likely to garner a greater degree of attention.

 

If the woman was sitting in a corner reading, she's unlikely to get attention.  Most people know better than to interrupt someone who's reading or enjoying listening to something.  However, if a guy was at the counter and willing to engage with others, his chances of meeting someone are greater than hers. 

I'm always amused at the idea of looking for someone who's athletic simply by judging their physique alone.   When I was young, people would look at my physique and assume I was athletic, but I was the least athletic person one could ever meet. 

[ZA Dater]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I don't think many subscribe to that at all.  I think that most in relationships know that perfection doesn't exist, so they look for someone who's pretty good.   

"pretty good" being so open to interpretation. Another thought maybe people who are super specific have met someone like that before so they are hoping to meet someone similar, which I guess is not unreasonable albeit somewhat difficult to accomplish.

 

[ZA Dater]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If the woman was sitting in a corner reading, she's unlikely to get attention.  Most people know better than to interrupt someone who's reading or enjoying listening to something.  However, if a guy was at the counter and willing to engage with others, his chances of meeting someone are greater than hers. 

I'm always amused at the idea of looking for someone who's athletic simply by judging their physique alone.   When I was young, people would look at my physique and assume I was athletic, but I was the least athletic person one could ever meet. 

I still think its the same as being specific with criteria. For the purposes of this, lets take a medium height skinny guy put him at the coffee bar, then lets put his equivalent lady at the coffee bar, which one you think will garner more attention? One will have plenty of attention from guys and the guy will get no attention from women.

[basil67]

Ok, I have to backtrack on what I said earlier about who gets what attention.  I don't know what coffee bars you go to, but where I am, most patrons either get coffee to go, sit with friends or have a book or device.  Just like book stores, cafes are seriously overrated places for finding dates, so I can't say that either men or women would win that.

However, if you were to change the venue to a pub, then either gender, provided they are halfway decent looking and having fun with friends could get easily get attention because pubs are inherently social.   Of both sexes, if they have a ready smile and good style, they are half way there.  

 

[ZA Dater]

23 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ok, I have to backtrack on what I said earlier about who gets what attention.  I don't know what coffee bars you go to, but where I am, most patrons either get coffee to go, sit with friends or have a book or device.  Just like book stores, cafes are seriously overrated places for finding dates, so I can't say that either men or women would win that.

However, if you were to change the venue to a pub, then either gender, provided they are halfway decent looking and having fun with friends could get easily get attention because pubs are inherently social.   Of both sexes, if they have a ready smile and good style, they are half way there.  

 

Ok, I went for coffee shop because it would account for people who do not like pubs but I guess yes point taken you are not wrong though I would hazard the numbers would still favor the lady over the guy as inherently ladies expect to be approached rather than do any approaching.

In terms of specific criteria, they are too specific when nobody meets that criteria!

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

My thought is that people can be as specific as they want to be until they start complaining ad nauseum about how they can’t find anyone. Because then it’s like , well, what are you going to do, you’ve only got a couple options here… 

...and when the person has specific criteria but then seems to fish in the wrong pond or maintains traits that would turn off who they are interested in; like if the woman in the original thread posted her profile on  site for gamblers, and had reams of credit card dept....I'm just guessing those are no-no's for this guy. 

Then of course there is the question are one's preferences really filtering for what you say you want, like is being a follower of this guy really a good filter for a raft of positive personality traits or just filtering for a dittohead?  The "advice" is not so much change what one is looking for, just don't fool yourself about what you are letting in and excluding with your filter.