Toxic positivity

[Timshel]

7 hours ago, Prudence V said:

If social media is your best means of communicating with those who are closest to you, it’s not over-sharing. And people always have the option to glance and move on if they don’t want to interact, or don’t have the resources to respond appropriately at that time. (Even just clicking the “care” react on FB would be preferable to asking Nomonde if she’s sure the racist interaction she experienced really was racist, and not just Nomonde being oversensitive…) 

In the wrong place, I don’t agree. With the wrong people - I think that’s what we’re all discovering, that some people who have been “friends” since whenever actually don’t really belong in that category, even if they’ve been masquerading as such for decades

I get keeping contact with far away close friends and family, kind of. Close family and friends call or text. I do not keep in touch with loved people on social media.

Interactions that people don't 'get.' Hi, social media or not, ism's are. Foot in mouth which have moved to and now include social media is not new. Good intentions and positive words (even when intentionally vapid) are not a new phenomenon. Grace is choosing to let it go.

5 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

 -- you are going to get varied reactions.  People need to learn to keep their own counsel better.  

Yes. All the internet could fall away tomorrow. People, power grids, your bank...etc have become far too reliant/complacent on it. Problem solving, relationships...common sense have been collateral damage to social media. I'm not a fan.

Positivity posting in response to other person's angst is only a reflection of the shallow source of communication. People don't get other people from social media; it is better than nothing, but true understanding is hands on.

Edited July 1, 2021 by Timshel

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, Prudence V said:

You’re assuming that they’re not? If social media are your best means of communicating *with those who are closest to you*, it’s not oversharing. 

I don't have a problem using the platform.  My issue is more with people who routinely post everything on their basic page / wall for the whole world to see.  

I send people PMs on messenger etc. all the time about subjects I would never post on the main part for all to see. 

[basil67]

My thoughts on FB and sharing is that I view my public page in much the same way as I do a social event.  While there are event guests who share all their issues with acquaintances, most people put on their best foot forward (and tend to avoid those who grumble).   Of course, they all talk more in depth with a couple of friends in a corner....or catch up for a 1:1 conversation later on. 

When I wrote my first response, I was thinking of toxic positivity in real life.  But if it really is just about FB, then I really can understand that some will tell a frequent flyer of grumbles to look on the bright side.   Though I do think a better response is to simply unfollow or unfriend. 

[Wiseman2]

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what kind of platitudes you'll get.🍫🍬

[Uruktopi]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what kind of platitudes you'll get.🍫🍬

So right that sometimes you need to look again to be sure that it really was a chocolate box and not..... 😝

 

[Prudence V]

21 hours ago, Timshel said:

far away close friends and family, kind of.

Yes - I was referring to friends who are socially close, but geographically dispersed. Thanks for getting it. 

[Prudence V]

16 hours ago, basil67 said:

When I wrote my first response, I was thinking of toxic positivity in real life.  But if it really is just about FB

It was about both. 
 

I’ve not experienced it personally - partly because I don’t experience much of the kind of stuff some of my friends get (racism, homophobia, etc) but also because I’m not much of a “sharer” about that kind of stuff. (I’m far more likely to rail against structural injustice than I am to disclose something horrid that happened to me…) - but it’s something I'm seeing a fair bit of among close friends, both online and IRL. 

[Prudence V]

21 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

My issue is more with people who routinely post everything on their basic page / wall for the whole world to see

Sure, I can see that. Though to me, even worse is the the “teaser” - the grumpy emoji and “Aaaaargh!” without any details, or some cryptically worded rant which just invites people to say, “oh no, poor you - what happened?”. If you’re going to bleed all over the internet, at least show your wounds to the curious. 

[Prudence V]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

you never know what kind of platitudes you'll get

If only. A little variety and originality would be good, too…

[d0nnivain]

19 minutes ago, Prudence V said:

Sure, I can see that. Though to me, even worse is the the “teaser” - the grumpy emoji and “Aaaaargh!” without any details, or some cryptically worded rant which just invites people to say, “oh no, poor you - what happened?”. If you’re going to bleed all over the internet, at least show your wounds to the curious. 

That is just attention seeking.  I only play along when my one SIL does it & then I text her -- are you venting or is there a genuine problem?  Sometimes she's just mad at a co-worker but sometimes she's have a true medical crisis.  She doesn't differentiate on social media when she posts the "teasers".   

[Pumpernickel]

9 hours ago, Prudence V said:

Sure, I can see that. Though to me, even worse is the the “teaser” - the grumpy emoji and “Aaaaargh!” without any details, or some cryptically worded rant which just invites people to say, “oh no, poor you - what happened?”. If you’re going to bleed all over the internet, at least show your wounds to the curious. 

Yes, that’s the absolute worst. And when you ask bc you care ——> nothing/silence …… it is attention-seeking garbage - I mean what do these ppl want? Why post in the first place?

[Wiseman2]

On 7/2/2021 at 11:18 AM, Prudence V said:

 Though to me, even worse is the the “teaser” - the grumpy emoji and “Aaaaargh!” without any details, or some cryptically worded rant which just invites people to say, “oh no, poor you - what happened?”.

OMG, you  wont believe it, you'll never guess what happened!!! It was the worst!!! I mean the absolute worst!! It was like my brain was being sucked out through my heart!!!

[Timshel]

On 7/2/2021 at 11:10 AM, Prudence V said:

Yes - I was referring to friends who are socially close, but geographically dispersed. Thanks for getting it. 

Do I, haha. I am thinking that I haven't.

On 7/2/2021 at 11:15 AM, Prudence V said:

It was about both. 
 

I’ve not experienced it personally - partly because I don’t experience much of the kind of stuff some of my friends get (racism, homophobia, etc) but also because I’m not much of a “sharer” about that kind of stuff. (I’m far more likely to rail against structural injustice than I am to disclose something horrid that happened to me…) - but it’s something I'm seeing a fair bit of among close friends, both online and IRL. 

This reply is to Basil, forgive the intrusion.

I had face book some years ago. I made a decision to deactivate my account; personally feel super smart making that decision and have never regretted it. I do not have snapchat, instagram, tiktok, etc...the only social media presence I have is on this forum, which is social media.  That is all to say there is almost no hypocrisy here : )

If your friends are stressed regarding 'racism, homophobia, etc,' are you posting regarding legitimacy? Do you think that are full of it? Are you bothered by the format they chose to share?

I'm not sure what is bothering you Prudence.

[pepperbird2]

not really toxic positivity, but I am so bloody sick and tired of people who don't know anything about an illness offering the same advice.

I've seen it so many times. I know the advice is coming from a good place, but going gluten free/ taking certain vitamins or supplements/ meditating/ becoming vegan etc. etc. etc. are not the be all and end all answers for everything- and if I hear one more person suggests yoga, I am going to ask them to demonstrate one of more complex poses and then crazy glue them so they will be stuck that way, lol. ( just joking- I know they mean while-it just gets frustrating sometimes)

[FMW]

3 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

going gluten free/ taking certain vitamins or supplements/ meditating/ becoming vegan

Those suggestions actually are helpful for some issues.

If someone wants to post about their issues and are just venting or only want comments that offer sympathy or commiseration, they should state that clearly.  Otherwise it's  a natural instinct to offer suggestions that might possibly help.

 

 

[Alpacalia]

9 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

and if I hear one more person suggests yoga, I am going to ask them to demonstrate one of more complex poses and then crazy glue them so they will be stuck that way, lol.

That's fantastic.

☺️

 

[Uruktopi]

4 hours ago, pepperbird2 said:

not really toxic positivity, but I am so bloody sick and tired of people who don't know anything about an illness offering the same advice.

I've seen it so many times. I know the advice is coming from a good place, but going gluten free/ taking certain vitamins or supplements/ meditating/ becoming vegan etc. etc. etc. are not the be all and end all answers for everything- and if I hear one more person suggests yoga, I am going to ask them to demonstrate one of more complex poses and then crazy glue them so they will be stuck that way, lol. ( just joking- I know they mean while-it just gets frustrating sometimes)

I agree with you about most of the alternative-a la mode-mistical-whatever.

Even so, I would be cautious to put all in the same bag.

Some practices (like tai chi chuan), whithout being cure-all ones, promote circulation, better breathing habits and peristaltism. Nothing magical and neither a substitute for medicine.

Not a few of (now) proved traditional practices are in use after scientific test and explanation.

Again, I would not follow the postmodern revival of both, magic and "common sense" that is behind some guru style advice.

By the way, checking the gluten intolerance as one potential causal factor of some disseases is, not without medical verification, a cautious advice (from another user) fully supported by serious scientific research.

Edited July 4, 2021 by Uruktopi

[Angelle]

On 7/3/2021 at 5:22 PM, Timshel said:

Do I, haha. I am thinking that I haven't.

This reply is to Basil, forgive the intrusion.

I had face book some years ago. I made a decision to deactivate my account; personally feel super smart making that decision and have never regretted it. I do not have snapchat, instagram, tiktok, etc...the only social media presence I have is on this forum, which is social media.  That is all to say there is almost no hypocrisy here : )

If your friends are stressed regarding 'racism, homophobia, etc,' are you posting regarding legitimacy? Do you think that are full of it? Are you bothered by the format they chose to share?

I'm not sure what is bothering you Prudence.

I got to know cousins, and other family members, that I've never met in person, through facebook. They knew my parents, but being moved back-and-forth between countries, I didn't get to meet them. When one cousin, who was like a brother to me, growing up, filmed his daughter's first footsteps, he uploaded the video to Flickr, and sent it to me, my mum, and sister. I was so happy, being able to see that baby girl walk. 

5 hours ago, pepperbird2 said:

not really toxic positivity, but I am so bloody sick and tired of people who don't know anything about an illness offering the same advice.

I've seen it so many times. I know the advice is coming from a good place, but going gluten free/ taking certain vitamins or supplements/ meditating/ becoming vegan etc. etc. etc. are not the be all and end all answers for everything- and if I hear one more person suggests yoga, I am going to ask them to demonstrate one of more complex poses and then crazy glue them so they will be stuck that way, lol. ( just joking- I know they mean while-it just gets frustrating sometimes)

I have been guilty of that at times, and I've also been on the receiving end of it. I have a bad stomach condition, that has me getting sick a lot of the time. I have it somewhat under control, but when going out with family, when they visit, I don't want to be running to the bathroom to get sick. A few years ago, I was at IHOP with an aunt, an uncle, and my dad. I said that I wasn't sure if I would eat something, or just get hot chocolate. My uncle convinced me to eat something, and I kept getting sick afterwards. I don't blame him - I give in to cravings, too often - but it's embarrassing, and it's horrible to deal with, even more so in public settings. I once got really sick in a bathroom in Wendy's, on the way home, after taking my sister back to Canada. A woman was in there with her baby, and she knocked on the door, asking if I was okay. People don't really get it, until they see me having to run to a bathroom (or walk really fast). Or hours later, fries are wanting to come back up, and they haven't digested much at all.