Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Jonny80 said: Yes after the anal fiasco, but once she’s had couple of drinks it’s almost like anything goes.. Well some other poster claims getting drunk in pubs is normal socializing, but in your case your GF gets drunk, sloppy and inappropriate. So why do you keep doing that? I disagree that getting drunk in pubs and getting sloppy and raunchy is "normal socializing" Just stop. Maybe you two are too old to still be acting like a scene from the movie Animal House. Take up golf and some more dignified activity that doesn't involve getting wasted and sloppy Edited July 12, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Edited July 12, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonny80 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 43 minutes ago, elaine567 said: She has no respect for you whatsoever. Flirting is a personality trait strongly associated with cheating, ignore it at your peril.. There is nothing "innocent" about this, this is NOT innocent flirting with a bit of innuendo and some hair twirling... Don.t blame the drink, she is well aware of what she is doing. Social butterfly???? my ass. Stop being a fool. She’s told me she’s the most trust worthy person I could ever meet, she claims she’s never cheated on anyone.. this flirting must be feeding her ego or something, what does she get out of keep complimenting all these men, she told one guy working at the pub he has lovely shoes, she dislikes all my shoes and my taste is cloths and I can honestly say she’d never let me wear a pear of shoes like he was wearing.. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 6 minutes ago, Jonny80 said: She’s told me she’s the most trust worthy person I could ever meet, she claims she’s never cheated on anyone.. Why do you believe her, when she is acting so inappropriately around other men? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonny80 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 18 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Why do you believe her, when she is acting so inappropriately around other men? I personally have my doubts which is potentially why I feel like I do, I believe she loves me and I love her despite not agreeing with some of her actions.. maybe they’re harmless maybe not.. I keep asking people how do you walk away from a relationship - person that you love knowing you will be very upset just because sone of her actions upset me.. people joke and say that’s relationships and women for you and that having problems in relationships is normal and disagreements will always happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 3 hours ago, Jonny80 said: I’m not sure it’s about standards, I think she thinks she can do or say anything she wants towards other men but providing she isn’t actually jumping into bed it’s acceptable and if I don’t accept it as being normal I’m a jealous person.. when someone’s actions don’t back there words up it can lead to asking over thinking.. she chooses to tell me things from her past relationships, and she’s told me about her ex saying she flirts with everyone but she denies it, her take on it is she’s a social butterfly and no one will tell her what to do.. sitting there and practically being ignored most of the night whilst she’s all touchy feely with this other guy telling him how funny he is and saying things like I live you you’re so on my level etc not to mention showing him pictures in underwear…. Clearly there’s no thought of my feelings and how her actions may make me feel? Okay. So you are a jealous person by her dubious standards. Fine. Embrace it. As a "jealous" person, you cannot make a life with a so-called social butterfly. It's a fundamental incompatibility. Bid her goodbye and look for someone as "prudish" as you to share a life with or remain single. Both options sound much better than what you're putting up with right now. Her terrible treatment of you really isnt the 5% you describe it as. It's impact on you and your relationship is far-reaching. 95% would probably be more accurate. Here's why: y'all are not in an open relationship. And what she's doing is not a mutually agreed upon game that you both enjoy playing. It fundamentally violates the boundaries of your relationship where sexual intimacy is concerned. Sexual intimacy is fundamental to your romantic relationship. Its not just an extra that was tossed in to add a bit of spice to the package. In addition, she knows her behavior upsets you and she doesnt have to do it, but she chooses to do it. That means she has contempt for you. You get angry when treated that way, you feel disrespected, you feel humiliated. And she has done it more than once and will continue to do it. That makes you feel somewhat powerless (since you insist on staying) and eats into your self-esteem. Your "solution" is to change your behavior and jump through her hoops; and you are completely unwilling to consider ending the relationship. You know what that means? It means your self esteem is already being destroyed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Jonny80 said: I personally have my doubts which is potentially why I feel like I do, I believe she loves me and I love her despite not agreeing with some of her actions.. maybe they’re harmless maybe not.. I keep asking people how do you walk away from a relationship - person that you love knowing you will be very upset just because sone of her actions upset me.. people joke and say that’s relationships and women for you and that having problems in relationships is normal and disagreements will always happen. You have a skewed understanding of what love is, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonny80 Posted July 12, 2021 Author Share Posted July 12, 2021 8 hours ago, Acacia98 said: Okay. So you are a jealous person by her dubious standards. Fine. Embrace it. As a "jealous" person, you cannot make a life with a so-called social butterfly. It's a fundamental incompatibility. Bid her goodbye and look for someone as "prudish" as you to share a life with or remain single. Both options sound much better than what you're putting up with right now. Her terrible treatment of you really isnt the 5% you describe it as. It's impact on you and your relationship is far-reaching. 95% would probably be more accurate. Here's why: y'all are not in an open relationship. And what she's doing is not a mutually agreed upon game that you both enjoy playing. It fundamentally violates the boundaries of your relationship where sexual intimacy is concerned. Sexual intimacy is fundamental to your romantic relationship. Its not just an extra that was tossed in to add a bit of spice to the package. In addition, she knows her behavior upsets you and she doesnt have to do it, but she chooses to do it. That means she has contempt for you. You get angry when treated that way, you feel disrespected, you feel humiliated. And she has done it more than once and will continue to do it. That makes you feel somewhat powerless (since you insist on staying) and eats into your self-esteem. Your "solution" is to change your behavior and jump through her hoops; and you are completely unwilling to consider ending the relationship. You know what that means? It means your self esteem is already being destroyed. I’m just saddened at the thought the only solution is to walk away. She does have a good side too. 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Jonny80 said: I’m just saddened at the thought the only solution is to walk away. Ok. Then as unseemly as it is and how often you both need to go to pubs and she needs to get drunk and sloppy, you need to stop complaining. It's a package deal if and until you stop passively going along with it by hanging out in pubs drinking. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 On 7/11/2021 at 10:23 AM, Jonny80 said: The other couple are nice and seem very open, I’v not got a problem with it.. My gf now for the 2nd time when talking about sex with other men has asked me in front of people if I wanted a 3 sum, she knows the answer to this already so why keep asking in front of other people? Iv spoken to her and asked if she’s interested and she said she has no desire to share me or for me to share her but she keeps bringing it up in front of other people and as usual she’s always giving intimate information away about her self.. she had some raunchy pictures taken in underwear last year to boost her confidence but she told me they were private for us 2.. Iv barely even seen the pictures more than once but she was also quick to get her phone out and start showing her raunchy pictures to this other guy.. maybe it is me like you said, but I’m not convinced this is normal behaviour of a women who claims she loves me more than any other man.. she sees nothing wrong with this openness, I’m reserved at the best of times let alone talking about my sexual preferences in my relationship to strangers I don’t know, am I really bad for not feeling comfortable with this? She is not normal. She is attention seeking and behaves inappropriately. Whatever you do is not going to change her. Instead of hanging around wondering what is wrong with YOU, why don't you accept that she is a weird person and find yourself someone better? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 I 3 minutes ago, spiderowl said: She is not normal. She is attention seeking and behaves inappropriately. Whatever you do is not going to change her. Instead of hanging around wondering what is wrong with YOU, why don't you accept that she is a weird person and find yourself someone better? I agree OP, I don't know how you stand her. She's an attention seeker level 10. The next time she brings up a 3some you should call her bluff and say okay. Hopefully it will embarrass her to act better. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 12, 2021 Share Posted July 12, 2021 13 hours ago, Jonny80 said: She’s told me she’s the most trust worthy person I could ever meet, she claims she’s never cheated on anyone.. this flirting must be feeding her ego or something, what does she get out of keep complimenting all these men, she told one guy working at the pub he has lovely shoes, she dislikes all my shoes and my taste is cloths and I can honestly say she’d never let me wear a pear of shoes like he was wearing.. There are plenty of people in prison who claim to have never committed a crime. Do we believe them all? No. People lie. She is attention seeking and will do what she can to get attention, however embarassing and inappropriate it is. She might be 'nice' the rest of the time but her behaviour is obviously bothering you. You need to decide whether you can live with it or not. Whatever you do, do not assume you are doing anything wrong. She is entirely responsible for her own behaviour. You are only responsible for putting up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonny80 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 23 hours ago, elaine567 said: Why do you believe her, when she is acting so inappropriately around other men? I guess when I’m alone with her she has a different side to her, she can be very needy.. also if she has the option to be with so many men why choose me? She could be single and have any amount of attention from men etc? im not defending her, she’s just very good at making me think I’m creating over nothing and that everything is fine and normal. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 She thinks you are a soft touch. Other men would NOT put up with their woman talking dirty to other guys in pubs..., unless of course they got a kick out of it You are not getting a kick out of it, you are being hurt and humiliated and she is trying to minimise and blame YOU... She is one nasty piece of work... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 39 minutes ago, Jonny80 said: I guess when I’m alone with her she has a different side to her. That's because she's not drunk. Why are you this insecure about it? It's pretty clear. She's outgoing, you encourage and passively sit and watch her get drunk and stupid. Yet you refuse to find better ways to spend your time and money. Who's to say she's not normal? Is she acting like a floozy after you sit there on your thumbs buying her drinks? Yes. Either end it or stop going to pubs getting drunk and stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonny80 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: t's pretty clear. She's outgoing, you encourage and passively sit and watch her get drunk and stupid. Yet you refuse to find better ways to spend your time and money. We very rarely go to the pub or get drunk in general, this is only the 2nd time in 11 months we’ve been out to the pub to meet her friends… in her eyes she’s just an open person who is enjoying her self, she really doesn’t see anything wrong in what she’s done… Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Jonny80 said: this is only the 2nd time in 11 months we’ve been out to the pub to meet her friends…in her eyes she’s just an open person who is enjoying her self, she really doesn’t see anything wrong in what she’s done… Ok then get over it if it happens twice a year. Yes it's nuts to talk about anal sex and whatnot with random people, but that's how she is when she drinks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonny80 Posted July 13, 2021 Author Share Posted July 13, 2021 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok then get over it if it happens twice a year. Yes it's nuts to talk about anal sex and whatnot with random people, but that's how she is when she drinks. I need to do something, I’m having a bath and all I can hear is my gf and mother shouting at each other, by the time I’m finished I’m getting it in the ear for not stepping in and having ago at her daughter.. I get told don’t be nice to her or I’m going to lose it she said, I politely calmly told her daughter her attitude is out of order.. I then have a discussion and explain why I think her daughter is behaving like she is and all I get In return is sworn at saying I f***ing know this already so don’t f***ing tell me, my reply is don’t ask for my opinion if you’re gonna get angry because I say the wrong thing…. All this aggressive behaviour towards anyone and everyone that don’t comply with what she says when she says it.. why am I trying to give this person my support and love to get treated like that.. and now she’s making out she’s a victim because she can’t vent in her own house.. Iv told her I’m not her punch bag.. she’s scary 😧.. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2021 Share Posted July 13, 2021 32 minutes ago, Jonny80 said: I’m having a bath and all I can hear is my gf and mother shouting Get dressed and go home when she's in a mood like this. It sounds like you are staying too long. Even if you need to drive a couple hrs home, you need to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonny80 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Get dressed and go home when she's in a mood like this. It sounds like you are staying too long. Even if you need to drive a couple hrs home, you need to go. Iv done that before when she’s been sounding off at me, even Saturday night when she ripped the shirt of my back when we got home because I showed my Diss pleasure with her flirting with other men…. It’s not very often I lose my cool or want confrontation with people but after a thew beers I found my self in a situation I actually swore and told her to f*** off which is last resort for me.. even again this morning she’s grilling me about how she can’t be her self because I don’t accept her flirting with men or I’m not willling to accept her shouting and swearing at me when she’s having a bad moment, apparently I need to be stronger and stop being defensive.. I don’t know how I can win other than walk away 😳.. she either can’t or won’t accept anything about her behaviour being wrong. if my gf is flirting and being over friendly with another man even if it’s her females friends husband am I normal to feel dissapointed or as she says jealous? I think her actions show little to no thought to my feelings and then blames me because I don’t like something she’s done.. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 Make sure you don't drink that much so you are always ready to drive home if she's as drunk angry and crazy as you describe her to be. She is not going to change. You're in her house,so it's you who needs to leave if things get out of hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonny80 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Make sure you don't drink that much so you are always ready to drive home if she's as drunk angry and crazy as you describe her to be. She is not going to change. You're in her house,so it's you who needs to leave if things get out of hand. Well Iv told her if she thinks flirting with men and touch them whilst openly talking about sex is acceptable I’m not sticking around to condone her behaviour as I don’t think it’s acceptable. Haven't heard from her in over 4 hours.. now I sit at home alone feeling sad 😢 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 3 hours ago, Jonny80 said: I sit at home alone feeling sad This is why you're putting up with this nonsense. Your life is not appropriately established as far as friends, family, interests, sports, clubs, hobbies, a side hustle, volunteering etc. You seem bored. That's not a good reason to hang out with someone you can't get along with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonny80 Posted July 14, 2021 Author Share Posted July 14, 2021 37 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: This is why you're putting up with this nonsense. Your life is not appropriately established as far as friends, family, interests, sports, clubs, hobbies, a side hustle, volunteering etc. You seem bored. That's not a good reason to hang out with someone you can't get along with. Looks like I’ll have to get used to it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2021 Share Posted July 14, 2021 How about investigating the Men's Shed network?https://menssheds.org.uk/find-a-shed/ Link to post Share on other sites
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