Dealing with angry outbursts

[Jonny80]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

This is why you're putting up with this nonsense.

Your life is not appropriately established as far as friends, family, interests, sports, clubs, hobbies, a side hustle, volunteering etc.

You seem bored. That's not a good reason to hang out with someone you can't get along with.

As usual she’s ripping into me again today claiming she’s done nothing wrong and that everything has been caused by me because apparently I’m a jealous person for not allowing her to flirt, talk about sex and show pictures of her in underwear to men,  which she claims she wasn’t flirting and she doesn’t fancy this other guy etc… she’s saying I’m ruining our future by being jealous and that she’s disappointed that I’m not stronger..

 

how can her behaviour be appropriate? Iv told her of my disappointment in her actions and that she has offended me and now I’m having all this abuse and blame being thrown at me..???

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

 apparently I’m a jealous person for.

Well your behavior is not appropriate either. Stop playing victim and trying to control her.

Are you retired or unemployed? Why are you camping out at her house this much?

If you need her to babysit you this much then you need to stop ripping into her about a couple of drunken stupid nights a year at some pub.

Stop hounding her. Pack your bags and get your own life. Stop making abusing her your occupation. Your guilt trips, put downs etc are nonsense.

[Jonny80]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Well your behavior is not appropriate either. Stop playing victim and trying to control her.

Are you retired or unemployed? Why are you camping out at her house this much?

If you need her to babysit you this much then you need to stop ripping into her about a couple of drunken stupid nights a year at some pub.

Stop hounding her. Pack your bags and get your own life. Stop making abusing her your occupation. Your guilt trips, put downs etc are nonsense.

I’m working and have been doing the same job for 30 years, I’m not camped out at hers, I spend 3 maybe 4 nights a week at hers at most, she can’t come to mine due to animals and children..

i’m also not hounding her, everyone else on here has said her behaviour is out of order, I’m the one trying to accept it..  walking away is the easiest thing to do and in her eyes if I walk away I’m a coward. She wants me to fight for her but she also wants me to accept she can do or say anything offensive and I’m not allowed react in any way..  she’s controlling me with all the do’s and dont’s

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Jonny80 said:

 she’s controlling me with all the do’s and dont’s

Actually you're controlling her with dos and don'ts.

Stop staying at her home this much. Stop nagging her about your insecurities and a couple of stupid drunken nights.

 

[Jonny80]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Actually you're controlling her with dos and don'ts.

Stop staying at her home this much. Stop nagging her about your insecurities and a couple of stupid drunken nights.

 

She wants me to move in, I’m working over an hour from my house which is 5 minutes from her house, work is slow due to Covid…

Iv only told her talking about sex and flirting with men in front of me is not acceptable..   I support her in every other way she needs.  It’s not all doom and gloom.. 

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Jonny80 said:

 I’m working over an hour from my house which is 5 minutes from her house.

Stop using her as a convenient bed and breakfast. 

You're beating a dead horse 🐴.

You're beaten her up about this sexualized TMI enough now. She doesn't agree. That's it.

[Jonny80]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stop using her as a convenient bed and breakfast. 

You're beating a dead horse 🐴.

You're beaten her up about this sexualized TMI enough now. She doesn't agree. That's it.

Her house is not bed and breakfast mate, I take food over for the whole family to eat, I’m currently building cat shelters in her garden along with plumbing and changing the kitchen, we spend time together because we’ve been in a relationship for nearly a year..

I go round when I’m invited round even tho I have my own door key.. she wants me to rent my house out and move in with her I’m the one stalling and putting it off. We are engaged to be married next year..

 Iv already explained put  our problems to one side we get on fine, having said that I’m no ones door mat to be walked over.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Jonny80 said:

I’m no ones door mat to be walked over.

That's fine. But why keep rehashing and arguing about this pub TMI issue?

[Jonny80]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's fine. But why keep rehashing and arguing about this pub TMI issue?

Because it’s her bringing it up, I had said sorry for having a pop at her Friday night over the week end, we had other issues to deal with, it wasn’t spoke about.

going back to Tuesday night because my gf had shown her typical short temper to her daughter her daughter then started mouthing off at her mum….  I’m still not comfortable having to shout at her kids about there behaviour etc, I politely wanted to explain to her daughter why it’s unacceptable to speak to her mum in this way..   it all started off with my gf having a moan about her daughter’s behaviour and how I let it happen and don’t step in. I do I just explain it politely without raising my voice, it’s taken 10 months for her daughter to accept me in her mother’s life the last thing I want to do is get angry and shout at her like her mother does.  Everyone in that house including the dog is s*** scared of her because how she flips out.  In all my life Iv never known a make or female that is as short tempered as her..

she then started bringing up Friday evening and I politely told her I was annoyed about her conduct and taking about sex and showing another man her pictures in underwear etc..

Wednesday  morning she started again, she just keeps repeating her self over and over, I’m not sure if she’s expecting me to bow down and kiss her feet as I’m not aloud to explain or defend my self as to why I feel as I do..  I just get shot down dictated to and then told of all the things I’m no good at and how I make her angry etc..   it’s like she’s having ago for the sake of it..    

I drew my line in the sand yesterday and said if we are to be together she would have to stop flirting and taking about sex in the way she does because I don’t condone it, rather than say she accepts how it could be misunderstood but she understands why I got upset she just point blank refuse to accept any of her behaviour is wrong, but in turn she keeps attacking me with out downs.  All I try to do is explain my feelings but she’s not interested,  she has ago at me but if I say it’s all my fault she calls my childish, if I try to defend myself she shoots me down and tell me how I’m ruining the relationship..    I said about 5 times Iv heard you there’s no need to keep repeating your self etc…

i said sorry days ago, I’m not sure what she’s expecting by keep having ago at me..

she’s got an answer for everything,  it’s ok for her to leave the bedroom to sleep next door because my snoring kept her awake, but when I got up and went next door to allow her to sleep she had ago at me for leaving.  Everything is on her terms, I’m being dictated to..

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Jonny80 said:

I drew my line in the sand yesterday and said if we are to be together she would have to stop flirting and taking about sex in the way she does because I don’t condone it

 So you are controlling her. Perhaps you need to stop staying there and find someone else.