John

[anythinguwant]

I have been with this guy for a year and a half. I love him but I'm not in love with him. When I first met him I really didn't want to get together with him for a relationship but he would not leave me alone no matter how many times I had told him to. He was always getting mad at me because I didn't want to be at his house or with him all the time, and I was always going out with my friends when my daughter was gone. After about 8 months ago he eventually started doing it to me. At this point I had already realized that I loved him. He told me never again would he not have any friends. He always used to want to be with me. Now it's when it is convenient for him. We argue all the time, we have both been with one other person, and we hardly agree on anything. I keep asking him why he is holding on to me when he doesn't even accept my lifestyle. I hold on to him for what he used to be. I feel really guilty when I think about moving on or when I think of how I used to abuse him. He is a really wonderful guy, but he says that I created what he is. When I met him he didn't drink at all. Now he drinks every chance he gets. He is 17 years older than and I am. I know that has a lot to do with it. I have still tried breaking up with him, but he won't leave. I told him he was spending to much time with his friends about 2 months ago and now he wants to be with me all the time again. The problem is I am feeling suffocated all over again. I'm almost scared to leave him because I don't want to hurt anymore at the same time I know it is the best thing for us.

[anythinguwant/TONY, PLEASE HELP!]

I have been with this guy for a year and a half. I love him but I'm not in love with him. When I first met him I really didn't want to get together with him for a relationship but he would not leave me alone no matter how many times I had told him to. He was always getting mad at me because I didn't want to be at his house or with him all the time, and I was always going out with my friends when my daughter was gone. After about 8 months ago he eventually started doing it to me. At this point I had already realized that I loved him. He told me never again would he not have any friends. He always used to want to be with me. Now it's when it is convenient for him. We argue all the time, we have both been with one other person, and we hardly agree on anything. I keep asking him why he is holding on to me when he doesn't even accept my lifestyle. I hold on to him for what he used to be. I feel really guilty when I think about moving on or when I think of how I used to abuse him. He is a really wonderful guy, but he says that I created what he is. When I met him he didn't drink at all. Now he drinks every chance he gets. He is 17 years older than and I am. I know that has a lot to do with it. I have still tried breaking up with him, but he won't leave. I told him he was spending to much time with his friends about 2 months ago and now he wants to be with me all the time again. The problem is I am feeling suffocated all over again. I'm almost scared to leave him because I don't want to hurt anymore at the same time I know it is the best thing for us.

[Tony T]

I really don't understand what you are wanting here. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and he certainly wasn't somebody you wanted to have much to do with in the beginning.

 

The timing has been seriously off and timing is extremely important in a relationship. First he loved you, then he backed off and you began to love him.

 

The only thing you can do is sit down with him and see if there is a middle ground to somehow get this to work out to the fulfillment of both of you. But it sounds like he's not into that now...maybe because of so much rejection. But give it a try.

 

If that doesn't work, just move on and clear your mind. Heal from it and learn from it. This was just an unfortunate situation because the two of you were ready for each other but at different times and, again, I am telling you that timing is absolutely CRITICAL in all relationships.

 

If you meet the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time...they are still the WRONG PERSON.