Any older parents here? Has anyone managed to conceive in theirs 40's

[SSM3]

Hi Guys

My partner and I are TTC, but we would be slightly older parents I guess. She is 43 and I'm 46 so time is very much against us.

I wanted to know if there are any success stories from couples close to our age and if so, any advice on TTC please? 

Thanks

Edited July 1, 2021 by SSM3

[d0nnivain]

There are message boards devoted to this subject.  

I can't offer any success stories.  It didn't work for us & the roller coaster made me nuts.  I cried every month when I got my period. 

I wish you the best.  

[SSM3]

8 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

There are message boards devoted to this subject.  

I can't offer any success stories.  It didn't work for us & the roller coaster made me nuts.  I cried every month when I got my period. 

I wish you the best.  

Thanks..I will look.

It sucks and seems like an impossible mission TBH. She was 8 days late just before her last period arrived 😥

[Happy Lemming]

A close friend of mine had success.  His wife was 48 when she gave birth to twins.  He was 52-53.  This was a little while ago, and the twins (boy and girl) are now 15 year old.  They are wonderful bright children, the boy has taken up golf with his father and is quite good.  The girl enjoys cooking, baking & shopping with her mom.  Both are happy kids with no health issues, whatsoever.

I need to add some additional information:

(1) They went through in vitro fertilization (twice)...  The first time did not take.

(2) His brother is a successful doctor and paid for both attempts.  It was not cheap.

[SSM3]

9 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

A close friend of mine had success.  His wife was 48 when she gave birth to twins.  He was 52-53.  This was a little while ago, and the twins (boy and girl) are now 15 year old.  They are wonderful bright children, the boy has taken up golf with his father and is quite good.  The girl enjoys cooking, baking & shopping with her mom.  Both are happy kids with no health issues, whatsoever.

I need to add some additional information:

(1) They went through in vitro fertilization (twice)...  The first time did not take.

(2) His brother is a successful doctor and paid for both attempts.  It was not cheap.

IVF isn't cheap and I know many couples who tried and failed. 

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, SSM3 said:

IVF isn't cheap and I know many couples who tried and failed. 

Yes... this couple would not have their children if it were not for the generous gift from his brother.

In the end, they are a very happy family!!

[SSM3]

1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said:

Yes... this couple would not have their children if it were not for the generous gift from his brother.

In the end, they are a very happy family!!

Its' about £10k a through in the UK I think

[mark clemson]

FWIW my wife was in her early 40's when she had our youngest.

[d0nnivain]

On 7/1/2021 at 9:24 AM, SSM3 said:

Its' about £10k a through in the UK I think

That's not too bad . It was closer to $60k for 4 tries at the place we went & none of it was covered by insurance.  

[Cookiesandough]

My mom had me at 40

[Pumpernickel]

I know several women who conceived late, naturally. I’m talking late 30s/40+. One of the 2 40+ moms I know had her first pregnancy, the other one had kids already. Both had decided to stop birth control, because they thought they were in Peri-menopause. Irregular periods and such…. Both didn’t want to get pregnant at that time. Ha! 

[basil67]

A number of the school mums I know had babies in their 40's. 

Edited July 2, 2021 by basil67

[Sioned]

You might want to consider your wife having an Anti-Mullerian Hormone test done. It's one of the tests (many) that you can take when looking at IVF, but basically it tells a woman what her "Ovarian Reserve" is. I.E. whether she has any eggs left. It gives you a picture of the chance of success of conceiving - either naturally or via IVF. I'm not in the UK so I really don't know if you can get it via yor GP - but depending on where you live you may have to pay for the test anyway - but may need to be referred by your GP. I would phone a fertility clinic and ask them if you need a referal as it may be hard to get a GP appointment.

I had the test when I was 35. It was bad news, and I had the ovarian reserve of a 45 year old. My chance of success was almost nothing, even with IVF. So really my only advice - find out where YOU both stand, and then decide what YOU want to do. I had no end of people telling me stories about people who got pregnant at whatever age - but the fact remained - I had no eggs and so could not pregnant. No amount of trying, or other peoples successes was going to get an egg into my ovaries. They were gone. Hopefully for you and your wife you end up on the other side of the scale to me

In the end I did have a child - but I did it via a Donor Embryo service in the US (I had to travel there), and gave birth just before I turned 45. There is no genetic link between me and my son - but he is my son, and I am his mummy, and we have a wonderful family together. No one would know he did not come from my genes if I did not tell them, and I really could not possibly love him any more if he had. It was worth every bit of pain and heartache I went through to have him in my life.

Whatever you choose to do - I wish you all the luck in the world!



 

[Lotsgoingon]

Plenty of success stories. Why wouldn't there be?

Having older parents isn't a trauma. My mom was 43 when she had me, and she was a fantastic mom. Older parents typically have more money than younger ones, have more of a sense of who they are, are more comfortable in themselves. No, they don't have the same energy as younger parents. But I didn't need my mom to play baseball with me or my father to play basketball with me. He drove me to where I needed to go.

I'm almost puzzled by the question: as if there is something inherently defective about being a parent in your 40s. It's standard these days among a lot of professionals to have kids in their mid 30s and even later 30s. That's highly typical of a lot of professional couples, who went to grad school or professional school. 

Again though, I'm puzzled by the question. I had tons of friends who had younger parents and there was nothing impressive about those parents. Lots of those parents were idiots. 

OK, the only downside I would say is that my parents got elderly and ailing earlier than other people's parents. So take care of yourself!!! I was 47 when my mom died and 52 when my dad died. I was well into my life and didn't feel like I was missing anything. But I did drive them a lot in their last 20 years, especially on trips. After 70 or so, my dad didn't want to drive on highways. So I would come to down (three hours away) and drive them to family reunions and so on. Actually that was a pleasure and I got quite close with them during these trips.  And it's a great boost to a child, yes an adult-child, when the parents express that they need your help and they are appreciative of receiving it. 

Actually there's another benefit: since my parents were always "old," or older than other people's parents, I really heard a lot of talk about aging. Strange as it sounds, that talk to my amazement prepared me for hitting my 40s and 50s. I also had an advantage in caretaking them, because when they got older, I didn't just assume their problem was because they were "old." They were always old to me! So age wasn't an acceptable explanation for their health problems. And I was aggressive in pushing doctors to treat them. To great success!