kasop Posted July 2, 2021 Share Posted July 2, 2021 Its been a few years since ive posted here. As is again im here to vent, receive some feedback, and possibly ask some questions. So ive known her for awhile because we are in the same sport. She is very young 20/f me 30/m. She came to me about 5 1/2 months ago and wanted to hook up. Being her situation she wanted to keep things under the radar. But sense then we talked nonstop everyday through msg. She was sweet and started telling me she loved me. We would hang out all the time at sports venue's and stay the night together about once or twice a week. So the thing is she didnt want to be in a serious relationship and still mingle and i was okay with that. Over time i believe i started getting attached. Last weekend she brought up that she was gonna hang out with someone else, i over reacted with jelousy and said some stuff i really shouldnt have. She got pissed but didnt really say anything. Day later i asked if she wanted to hang out and she said no you made me feel bad i need some space. I asked her if it was because of the other guy and she got more pissed and said no. My emotional butt pleaded with her til the point she told me to f off im not her boyfriend. Basically i just ran her away even more. So now ive been NC since that talk and its been 6 days and not a peep out of her. Honestly im mad at myself for over reacting because ive studied this stuff for so long but whenever someone rejects me i turn into a weak mess. I really just wanted to hook up at first but the constent communication and affection from her got me. I havemt seen her yet but I cant perform true NC because i will see her at venues and idk what to say to her or if she will say something to me. People will be asking why we arent friends anymore too. I mean this girl has told me everything under the sun and then some and boom now silence. Ive read so much lit on relationship and what not but yet i feel very emotionally immature. Idc if she mingles around i just want the affection back. If i had just said ok when she asked for space we would have talked by now. I feel like ive ran this one into the ground but still have some hope she will come around. Idk what im really asking. But thanks for listening LS Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 2, 2021 Share Posted July 2, 2021 (edited) Sorry. She’s young, playing the field, probably focused on another guy she likes. You done goofed and got attached. Sorry for the brutal honesty, but what happens when a fwb/someone you’re casually seeing seeing starts getting up in their feels and problematic is you begin to question if it’s even worth it, is this going to stay fun. I would say back off. Way off. Right now, no offense, to her you’re a jumpoff that showed his crazy. So best move is to go pull back, give her that space, and hope that she forgets about it and comes back if/when she feels ready. But don’t get it twisted that she will change her mind . Do what’s best for you Edited July 2, 2021 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 14 hours ago, kasop said: Idc if she mingles around i just want the affection back OP, the affection was going to stop sooner or later. She was clear that she didn't want a relationship with you, and she is in fact dating other guys. Whether you ran it into the ground now or not is rather irrelevant to the outcome: she doesn't see you as a boyfriend material for her. That hurts, I realize, but the end was coming at some point. Just be civil when you see her. But don't wait around for her. She is keeping her options open and she likes someone else. It is best that you two end this casual arrangement here, because it will only lead to more heartache for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 (edited) Just curious why she wants this on the down low? Is it her parents? Her recent BF? Her embarrassment about the age difference? You claim you hang out at the sports venue. If you are a coach or in any type of supervisory position, you need to run like hell from this.👟👟 She seems too immature for you. Almost like a goofy teen dating a mature man. You may do better with women who are more suitable in terms of maturity. Edited July 3, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 38 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Just curious why she wants this on the down low? Yep... I think there is something with that. Sorry this happened... but it sounds like she was specific on her requirements... and you went into it knowing that it was a FWB kind of thing. Anyway... her saying "She needs space" in this case means... she's done because you lost the ability to just be a hook-up. It's best to stay NC, and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 3, 2021 Share Posted July 3, 2021 You developed feelings but to her it was only about sex & she is happy playing the field. When you got jealous, she pulled away. Let her go. You want different things. You will never be happy knowing she's hanging out with other guys & she won't be happy hanging out with only you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kasop Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Just curious why she wants this on the down low? Is it her parents? Her recent BF? Her embarrassment about the age difference? You claim you hang out at the sports venue. If you are a coach or in any type of supervisory position, you need to run like hell from this.👟👟 She seems too immature for you. Almost like a goofy teen dating a mature man. You may do better with women who are more suitable in terms of maturity. Her parents are very involved in the sport we play and are very strict. They would not agree. But no im not a coach or anything just a fellow player lol. Tbh i think shes more mature then me when i was the one who emotional freaked out and drove her away. Oh well 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kasop Posted July 3, 2021 Author Share Posted July 3, 2021 Broke NC yesterday and sent her a quick "hey i know i messed up we can talk if u wanna if not its cool" msg. She replied ok and how are you. With the sport we play we travel alot and shes also been very busy. When telling about it she threw in that she had been to other guys house. Im sure she was expecting a reaction but i shrugged it off. I know its fwb but dang i was the exclusive fwb. Not any more. Even if they didnt hook up or he turned her down. Im sure she talks to him like she talked to me. The convo continued all night and at one point she said "i just want to be happy" I asked "what does" and she said "idk what makes me happy". She used to tell me i made her happy all the time. That time is over now obviously lol. Today i havent herd a peep from her and dont plan on msging her anymore. I feel like i have enough closure. I wont run into her for at least another week but when i do ill be over it. I feel ten times better now talking this out on LS. Shes got a new guy now and im gonna go spend the next two days on a boat with lots of ladys. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 11 hours ago, kasop said: Today i havent herd a peep from her and dont plan on msging her anymore. This is the best plan. She's letting you know she is interested in someone else. You didn't drive her away - she was already backing out down the driveway. You had some fun times together but it's coming to an end now. It will sting less in time, but let it be a lesson: don't agree to casual, secret flings when what you really want is to date someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 12 hours ago, kasop said: Her parents are very involved in the sport we play and are very strict. They would not agree. Does she live with her parents? You need to step back. She may get in trouble with her parents. Are you friends with her parents? They could perceive you as a dirty old man if they are this strict with her. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 On 7/2/2021 at 4:49 PM, kasop said: i over reacted with jelousy and said some stuff i really shouldnt have. I read your update, so she is not holding this against you, as she now has a bf, and as you play sports together she needs to keep things civil, but realise that "saying stuff you shouldn't have", can kill relationships stone dead - deal breaker. You can't unsay it, she may never forget, never forgive you, and you won't get a second chance... This episode didn't hurt you too much, next time it may be the "love of your life" - learn to bite your tongue. Link to post Share on other sites
Ithurts17 Posted July 6, 2021 Share Posted July 6, 2021 She’s playing the field, some things was said and I bet you have such regret etc but I would take the positive, least she has been honest since the get go, Link to post Share on other sites
Author kasop Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 On 7/4/2021 at 6:10 AM, Wiseman2 said: Does she live with her parents? You need to step back. She may get in trouble with her parents. Are you friends with her parents? They could perceive you as a dirty old man if they are this strict with her. I am. Shes about to have her own place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kasop Posted July 16, 2021 Author Share Posted July 16, 2021 Update. So after a few days i broke NC and apologised for acting a fool. She responded fast with its ok and began talking. So now its been a few weeks and she has been messages me 24/7 sense. The thing is she doesnt talk like she used to. Its very platonic. If i ignore her she will still try to get my attention. If i give her short messages she will respond with "are you okay?"Bit still no making plans to hang out, no lovey talk, no pics like she used to send all the time. Just talking. So now im at the point where idk what to tell her. I want things to go back the way they were. If i tell her that i run into the chance of sounding like im chasing her and just pushing her further away. Also of we are just gonna be platonic id rather go NC so i can just move on. But if i bring that up i run the chance of sounding like a complete D. So idk what to really do. Thanks LS i appreciate your input. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 She enjoys your company and attention. She likes knowing you have a crush on her and will respond when it suits her. You're stroking her ego. That's all there is to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 1 hour ago, kasop said: no making plans to hang out, no lovey talk, no pics like Her parents are keeping an eye on her. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 2 hours ago, kasop said: Update. So after a few days i broke NC and apologised for acting a fool. She responded fast with its ok and began talking. So now its been a few weeks and she has been messages me 24/7 sense. The thing is she doesnt talk like she used to. Its very platonic. If i ignore her she will still try to get my attention. If i give her short messages she will respond with "are you okay?"Bit still no making plans to hang out, no lovey talk, no pics like she used to send all the time. Just talking. So now im at the point where idk what to tell her. I want things to go back the way they were. If i tell her that i run into the chance of sounding like im chasing her and just pushing her further away. Also of we are just gonna be platonic id rather go NC so i can just move on. But if i bring that up i run the chance of sounding like a complete D. So idk what to really do. Thanks LS i appreciate your input. I don't know why you have to bring anything up. Just don't respond to her texts. Or delay the response, respond two days later so you are not ignoring her. If you see her and you haven't managed to text her back, just say life got busy. It's not too big of a deal and I doubt she'll notice. Deep breaths. This will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 On 7/3/2021 at 5:57 PM, kasop said: Her parents are very involved in the sport we play and are very strict. They would not agree. But no im not a coach or anything just a fellow player lol. Tbh i think shes more mature then me when i was the one who emotional freaked out and drove her away. Oh well The truth is the one who cares more will always be the emotional one. She is just a young girl who has her dating life in front of her. Why are they strict with a 20 year old? She probably still lives with them which means her real dating life hasn't even started yet. She has a lot to experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, kasop said: The thing is she doesnt talk like she used to. Its very platonic. If i ignore her she will still try to get my attention. If i give her short messages she will respond with "are you okay?"Bit still no making plans to hang out, no lovey talk, no pics like she used to send all the time. Just talking. So now im at the point where idk what to tell her. I want things to go back the way they were. She's trying to be your friend. She's so young and inexperienced that she believes it's possible to be friends with someone who she broke up with...you'll probably be the experience that teaches her that it's next to impossible to be friends with someone who you've had sex with. Edited July 17, 2021 by Yosemite Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 17, 2021 Share Posted July 17, 2021 On 7/2/2021 at 11:49 AM, kasop said: She is very young 20/f me 30/m. She's acting like a college kid because she is a college aged kid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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