Break up of a perfect relationship. because of a sad and unimaginable reason

[Hermes]

Hi guys!
I just want to share my story with you online, because i am not really the kind of guy to discuss such things with family or friends.

I hope i dont bore you, but i just want to express myself so that i can cope with it.

My girlfriend and me have been a couple for 7 months. i am 37 but i never met a girl like her. She is the most beautiful girl i ever kissed, we felt directly attracted to each other, and with every week the feelings became more and more intense. we missed each other, i slept perfectly holding her hand, i loved to take care of her, the more intimate part of the relationship was so intense and lovely. And what surprised me was that she liked everything of me: my nerdy knowledge about series, my unusual job at construction sites, my belly really everything. And me too, honestly, she was everything i ever wanted and dreamt of in 37 years of live. She lives 20km from me, but her family is in the neighbor country. She lived here for work since 1 year. we went to holidays and i thought you know what, now we have our first fight....but...nothing.....it was completly honeymoon. And....she was pregnant in the 5th-6th week. Everything was too perfect. i felt so good with her, she was my new half, we were funny friends and loved couple at once, we could never stop cuddle and touch each other.

So....now you ask....then....what happened?

We returned home after holiday and she lost the baby in the 6-7th week. This was tough, bc first we said maybe it is to early, but day after day we were more comfortable and i was really looking forward. It was really hard, but ok, we move on. 

1 week later she visited her home country (1 hour flight away) bc her mother became 70 and wanted to stay for 3 weeks.

I brought her to the airport to have some funny 2 hours and holding her hand before she leaves, after she passes the gate, she texted me "i already miss you"....and hell yeah....i missed her too!

5 days after she was home the unthinkable happened: Her ex boyfriend, they broke up after 9yrs relationship 1,5 years before we met, got a heart attack, fell into coma and now is in a vegetative state. She was totally shocked, confused and emotionally destroyed. i read some books, article that loosing an important part of your life can really hit you hard and i accepted it after a few days and i tried to be fully supportive that she knows i am always there for her, i even wanted her to share her pain and grief with me whenever she wants. after a few days she cried on the phone and said:" i fell so bad this is not fair for you that i am emotionally involved and that confused. i have to take care bc he was a good person. i cant be with you now". His parents also talk to her a lot. She said that of course she loves me, randomly she wrote it or said it on the phone, but we barely talk, some days of silence...like now.....2 days.....she doesnt even know if she comes back to my country, extended her time at home for 3 further weeks.....i called her once after she said that she needs time, but thats it. i dont want to be needy. i again told her " i am here, i am your rock! dont feel sorry for me, i will listen to you even if you talk about him"......

But nevertheless the contact cooled down....and i am expecting a break up message/call everyday.

When we met,in the first month,  he wanted her back, but she rejected him. But now she feels guilty and confused.

Well, so do i. i feel like a burden, she talks with her family, friends and mourns him.....but i am.....well....not really important anymore...

I understand that she feels horrible, loosing our baby, death of the first love.....i dont want to disturb her more or act like an jealous idiot. But i f***in hurts, i feel like being dumped. And now i question all the "i love you"....."i miss you".....yes she said that i am/was the perfect guy i did nothing wrong......we were/are in love....she feels sorry and i tell her "don´t! you dont have to nobody is responsible for their feeling, i will be here, love means good times and bad times. i promised to be alwaxs there for you and i will"

Well but now..... i am sitting in my appartment.....and wait for the final break up.......crying......screaming.....missing her.....the girl who was perfect and just fit together.

i am curious what you think....THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME .....

[glows]

Well, no one is perfect so try to avoid the putting on the pedestal phenomenon. She wasn't perfect. She has flaws like everyone else. From the sounds of things she wasn't quite finished tying up loose ends before meeting you. Her ex was trying to get back with her and that door wasn't firmly closed. That's not her fault that her ex wanted to reach out to her but it also speaks volumes about a person who hasn't been able to keep doors shut or communicate well with exes that over means completely over. You're seeing her in a very rosy light. I'm sorry about the loss of your unborn child and the pregnancy. 

When someone is truly invested in a future with you, that person wouldn't put you on hold for anything else that's ongoing in their life or break up the relationship. Treat this as a sobering thought. If she comes back and communicates with you I'd be very wary and cautious because she could do the same thing again. Once that trust is broken, it's difficult to restore. 

Give yourself time to grieve but I'd forget her and move on with your life. 

 

[Miss Spider]

I agree it wasn’t a perfect relationship and if it were even possible, she would not have broken up with you. My guess is that it was perfect from your side but a different story from hers.