mary Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 (edited) My boyfriend and I have lived in his mother's house for 3 years now. She passed away suddenly a few years before I met him, and he was still very affected by her loss when we met, hence he loves living in the family home. After 3 years, covid, and us trying to redecorate to make me feel comfortable... I still find it impossible to nest in her home. He is adamant he wants to stay there. He is reasonably relaxed with us redecorating as he works in construction, but I financially don't want to "put in" to a home I do not like, and would not choose. I worry redecorating is just sweeping issues under the rug that always resurface. I would 100 % financially contribute to a new house we might buy together, but he would still hold most of the chips as he has more assets than me (at the moment). He won't budge, and I am slowly getting more depressed living here, especially as i now "Work From Home" after covid, and he is out of the house working on site, which leaves me to my own thoughts and wondering around a house that is certainly not home to me. It's impacting me in many ways, but I thought he was "the one". I hate feeling like my mental health and happiness, which he can see is detiorating, is less important to him than this home. It feels like I am always in competition with his grief, and even cleaning the house or doing normal chores makes me resentful and upset. As I am 31, I have to consider having children in the picture, but I hate the thought of raising them here, and I could see myself becoming very unwell. Am I being difficult and disrespectful to his grief? Am I being impatient and should I change my mindset? Or should I leave him and start fresh with someone who values my mental health as well as his own? Edited July 9, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Thread title Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 5 minutes ago, mary said: I financially don't want to "put in" to a home I do not like, and would not choose. You're smart. Never invest a dime or an once of energy into a house that is not in your name. Of course contribute as you would as far as rent, shared expenses. Stop discussing it. He can dump whatever money, energy, etc. into it but you don't have to. Instead save money for your own future. You're not married and even if you were, if he inherited the house it still may not be co-owned/joint property. Consider this nothing more than being his tenant, because that's what you are by law. Link to post Share on other sites
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