Amanda141 Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 Hi all ! I am 24F Italian he is 25M French, we met on tinder exactly a week ago. We started chatting and we soon realised we live in the same street, literally 1 minute walking distance😅 and since we live in a big city it was quite surprising. I found him interesting, loads of things in common, so last Saturday we met. It was a very nice day, since he just moved here for work I showed him our area, then he invited me to dinner and finally shared a super romantic first kiss on the riverfront, on an isolated bench. It was magical ! He asked me out for the following day, we went to another part of the city, had dinner and then went home. We briefly texted and I asked him to meet yesterday. He proposed to go out for dinner again, so we did that, and afterwards he came over to my place and we had sex and I enjoyed it. I am a very sweet girl, but also he seems to be: during these three dates he whispered french compliments to me (I found it super romantic), he kissed me randomly (like when we were waiting for the traffic light to become green), he held my held... at the end of our third date (yesterday) It was around 11pm, we were in bed, and he told me he was going home soon as he had to work the following day and wanted to rest. I wanted him to stay more, I told him, and he suggested sleeping together in the weekend, if he feels good after the vaccine he has on friday. I said okay and then I added "Nice, I'd like to keep seeing you" - I don't know if it was exaggerated, maybe it just slipped from my mouth, but I felt like saying that. Now - here comes the issue. He has a super strong french accent and sometimes I need to ask him to repeat what he said because I cannot understand properly. Also, his english is far from perfect and so I don't know if he understood it correctly, but this was the convo: Me: "Nice, I'd like to keep seeing you" Him: "Yeah, you mean this weekend or in general?" Me: "Both" Him: " I can't guarantee you that I will engage in a serious relationship" Me: "Yeah of course, we've only been on three dates and we are just getting to know each other, what I meant is that I like you and I would like to see you again in order to see how things go" Him "Yes" -- Now, probably I am overthinking, but I am afraid he misunderstood my words and thinks that I'm head over heels in love with him and maybe this scares you and he won't see me anymore 😕 I am a very confident girl in everything apart from the dating life, where I just think too much. Also, before that he asked me if I had long relationships and I said the truth, that since I moved countries a lot and then there was the pandemic, unfortunately I only had short term flings and never been in love: infatuated yes, in love no. He replied saying that he has been in love in all of his relationships, even in a platonic one when he was 7 (yes, seven) with one of his classmates. I am not sure we share the same idea of love 🤣 so I don't know, I am afraid he misinterpreted my words. What do you think I should do? I was thinking of texting him tomorrow, ask him how he feels about the vaccine and then if he is all right we could watch the euro2020 together on sunday (italy is playing) and then stay at my place thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 If he’s French, you italian….how did you communicate? English? Italian? French? why is he there? This might be a short 6-12 month job assignment so he might not want something serious because he might be going to another city or country 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 12 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: Him: " I can't guarantee you that I will engage in a serious relationship" Seems fine and crystal clear that he's interested in casual or hookups. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted July 8, 2021 Author Share Posted July 8, 2021 @Ami1uwant we speak in english, he moved here for work: it’s 6 months probation and then if he passes it and if he likes it, he will stay longer @Wiseman2 mm why do you think so? After all it was only the 3rd date and we barely know each other. It’s not that he said this after months of dating... 😕 I would just like to see him again and see how the dates develop. On my hand I am also dating other guys (he’s my favourite tho). My end goal is a serious relationship but I still don’t know if I want it with him, as I am still getting to know him. Do you think I should directly ask him what he wants ? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 22 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: Him: " I can't guarantee you that I will engage in a serious relationship" There is no miscommunication or language barrier here. As for him being in love even when he was 7, keep in mind you are from different culture and French men know how to play with words. He meant he was in love with this little girl the way a 7 year old think another friend is special. If by continuing to see him you didn't mean being in a relationship just clarify it with him. You're sleeping with him, you can certainly bring up the subject again to just make sure you're on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 1 minute ago, Amanda141 said: My end goal is a serious relationship but I still don’t know if I want it with him Ok, he's saying the same thing, so why worry? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 You seem too worried about what he thinks. Who cares. His comments are a complete turn off, personally. You like him so keep it that way but he's not interested in dating you seriously so dial back the texts and start meeting other men who are more serious about dating if that's what you're looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted July 8, 2021 Author Share Posted July 8, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: There is no miscommunication or language barrier here. As for him being in love even when he was 7, keep in mind you are from different culture and French men know how to play with words. He meant he was in love with this little girl the way a 7 year old think another friend is special. If by continuing to see him you didn't mean being in a relationship just clarify it with him. You're sleeping with him, you can certainly bring up the subject again to just make sure you're on the same page. Thanks for the comment ! My end goal is a serious relationship (as finally after years of living around I am stable here in Germany). If he is the guy for me, I still have to figure it out. I told him I am not into ONS and he said he agrees... he only had long relationships. My only concern is that he thinks I’m too far and already in love with him. The honest truth is: I like him, I wanna know him more and potentially in the future we could be a couple Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted July 8, 2021 Author Share Posted July 8, 2021 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok, he's saying the same thing, so why worry? I Just didn’t like that he said it that way, I would have just preferred him to say “Yes I’d love keep seeing you too” idk probably I am overthinking. Thanks for your comments tho! I’ll see how things go 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 4 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: After all it was only the 3rd date and we barely know each other. It’s not that he said this after months of dating... 😕 You are from different cultures, remember. What you said to him may have meant something different to him. You need to clarify with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted July 8, 2021 Author Share Posted July 8, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: You are from different cultures, remember. What you said to him may have meant something different to him. You need to clarify with him. I will next time I see him. The problem is that usually there is no filter between what I think and what I say 😅 let’s see Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: My end goal is a serious relationship But you can't garantee it either right? Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 But what do you want to explain? He wants something casual. There is no miscommunication. You told him that you want to meet him, he told you that he doesn't know if he will be able to meet you, so just wait for his text. Why do you want to text first? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted July 8, 2021 Author Share Posted July 8, 2021 10 minutes ago, Gaeta said: But you can't garantee it either right? Right, as we have just met and I think that before engaging in Serious relationship you have to know the person and see if it’s a match. My concern was that he understood wrongly and thinks I’m super invested in him @amanda92 he actually invited me to his place this weekend, he said he cannot guarantee a serious relationship which is fair enough (we met only a week ago) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted July 8, 2021 Author Share Posted July 8, 2021 @Amanda92 but yeah I think it’s better if I wait him to text first 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 6 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: Right, as we have just met and I think that before engaging in Serious relationship you have to know the person and see if it’s a match. My concern was that he understood wrongly and thinks I’m super invested in him @amanda92 he actually invited me to his place this weekend, he said he cannot guarantee a serious relationship which is fair enough (we met only a week ago) Nobody can guarantee a serious relationship. Nobody. But if we want one, we don't say that because we want to try. He wants casual. Yes, sometimes casual turns sometimes serious. Explaining that have no sense. I date international too and for me it would be clear for everyone. I wouldn't come back to this topic. See in one month if he will engage more and want to be exclusive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: yeah I think it’s better if I wait him to text first Agree, Relax. He's into you and dating is to get to know each other and enjoy. What happens in person is far more important than a few words on a screen. Enjoy, go with the flow and take the stance of "is he right for me?" rather than "does he like me?". Edited July 8, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted July 8, 2021 Author Share Posted July 8, 2021 @Amanda92 thank you! But what exactly makes you think he wants casual? That he said that he cannot guarantee a serious thing? @Wiseman2 very good advice, this is the kind of question I should ask myself. Thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 So will it be celebratory or consolation sex on sunday night?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted July 8, 2021 Author Share Posted July 8, 2021 7 minutes ago, Foxhall said: So will it be celebratory or consolation sex on sunday night?? Ahha first of all I hope to have sex and of course celebratory 🇮🇹🇮🇹🇮🇹 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: Ahha first of all I hope to have sex and of course celebratory 🇮🇹🇮🇹🇮🇹 Thats my girl!! 🥰 Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 8, 2021 Share Posted July 8, 2021 38 minutes ago, Amanda141 said: @Amanda92 thank you! But what exactly makes you think he wants casual? That he said that he cannot guarantee a serious thing? Yes, he said that. This is clear no matter where are you from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 5 hours ago, Amanda141 said: @Ami1uwant we speak in english, he moved here for work: it’s 6 months probation and then if he passes it and if he likes it, he will stay longer @Wiseman2 mm why do you think so? After all it was only the 3rd date and we barely know each other. It’s not that he said this after months of dating... 😕 I would just like to see him again and see how the dates develop. On my hand I am also dating other guys (he’s my favourite tho). My end goal is a serious relationship but I still don’t know if I want it with him, as I am still getting to know him. Do you think I should directly ask him what he wants ? I would let thus be casual for these 6 months and just have fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amanda92 Posted July 9, 2021 Share Posted July 9, 2021 56 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: I would let thus be casual for these 6 months and just have fun. What is she will fall in love? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda141 Posted July 9, 2021 Author Share Posted July 9, 2021 @Amanda92 i’ll try to live it day by bay and see.. in the meantime I’m also seeing other guys, even if he’s my favourite atm. let’s pray🙏🏻😅 Link to post Share on other sites
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